Did my son's coach cross a line?

This makes no sense. Your kid is getting blamed for losses in games that he doesn't even play? Your post is confusing. I can't understand why any coach would behave this way, or put a player in the game they have no confidence in. There must be more to this story.

Your son was the only one not in the lineup. Do they only have ten players?

How does he play great in the next game without getting in the lineup?

Has anyone other than your son told you the coach told him he needed to hit better to play in front of the team? 

He doesn't get invited to a camp then he gets in the lineup and plays poorly?

Your son's skills gets blamed for the team losing by ten runs in a game he didn't play?

Does your son have trouble receiving pitches? 

I was a starting pitcher from LL through high school. I never asked who is my starting catcher. I only asked who will warm me up.

No one else had to earn their starting spot?

These are my questions. I have to admit your post is a little beyond comprehension. It's also a little beyond believable. I had some real in your face coaches back in the day when it was acceptable. I never saw anything like this. This kind of behavior would get a coach fired today. Are you sure your son isn't underperforming and making up stories?

If these things are actually occurring document them. Then go past to the coach to the AD and principal. Accuse the coach of emotional abuse and humiliation.

I believe somehow truth and reality aren't meeting at the same intersection.

Did you hear the coach saying these things or is this coming from your son? 

So much doesn't add up. Honest question: are you here to get real advice, or just to have people listen to you complain and affirm the course of action you've already chosen? 

Thank you for the replies.  For some reason, if I click on reply, it Likes the post, so I'll give additional details here:

1.  It does sound unbelievable, which is why I am reaching out here to make sure I make the right call on how to move forward.  There is always more to the story - especially the coaches side, but I can only go off what I know from my son and other players on the team.

2.  I have not personally heard the coach interact with my son.  Other players have corroborated his story, so I don't believe my son is lying. 

3.  I have been to every game he has caught and keep track of passed balls/wild pitches/catching errors to make sure he is accountable for his own play.  He needs improvement like all players his age.  I would agree that the coach believes he is under-performing, but the verbal abuse/humiliation is my issue.  

I think there is some confusing verbage in the opening post but I think I get it...  for example... "plays great but doesn't get in the lineup".  I believe OP is saying they put him in defensively but not in the hitting lineup (sometimes, summer ball is run loosely to where this is not uncommon).

BJE, first, welcome to the site.  I think I can relate to much of what you and son (and coach) are going through.  I do have some of the same questions as others, particularly regarding how much of this you are relying on your son telling you and how much you have actually heard/observed first hand.

I am a HS coach and we just finished our summer program.  It is much as you described (games, no practices, developmental).  Also, many of our key players are off playing more competitive travel ball somewhere.  And, being summer, having a steady roster is non-existent.  Sometimes, we have to pull up guys who are not ready to play against V competition yet.  Sometimes the opponent is full of V players and sometimes not.  We had a very similar situation with our catching position, where there is a significant drop in talent level between the usual V catcher(s) and who we often had with us for summer.  They had a very difficult time keeping runners from taking bases at will and sometimes had difficulty handling better pitchers than they were used to.  It can be a glaring weak spot and really effect the quality of the games.  That said, it is no fault of the young player being put in that position.   Still, frustrating for all involved.  Sounds like this coach may not have handled it well at all but take into consideration that some of this may be interpretation/ what your son is hearing vs not hearing.  Without being there, I have no idea what the coach' motivation is for handling it this way but he may just be very frustrated.   This, too, is common... just finished regular season with varsity players and now coaching games against some of the same teams with several players who are definitely not varsity players.

I don't know that he is crossing the line or doing anything that would be worthy of talking to the HC.  I suppose it depends somewhat on what, if anything, was promised with regards to the summer program.  Most of the freshmen (even a few incoming freshmen) consider it an honor and great opportunity, even if they get minimal PT.  We make a strong effort to get every kid some defensive innings and some AB's in each game.  Some programs still bring 15 - 20 kids and many don't see the field.  I suspect that your son is very aware of where his shortcomings are.  I would just turn all focus toward getting better and coming back and proving himself to all the coaches that he can be a player that will help them going forward.

 It is not uncommon for players to get called out by their coaches.  On the surface, it sure seems like poor tactics or poor character by this particular coach in this particular scenario but a player must be able to handle being called out directly and turn it into fuel instead of letting it stand in the way of his goals.

Does the HS head coach have any interaction with the summer team at all?  Does your son communicate with him?   Your summer ball sounds exactly like ours did, which is why my son never played.  Coach unqualified to coach, or at least unqualified to deal with kids on his own, lack of instruction, etc, etc, etc.   I can name 3 teams where my son would have at least considered playing summer ball if he attended that school....only 3.  The others are just glorified rec ball in most cases.  My suggestion, maybe have your son communicate with the HS coach and then look for a different team for next summer as tryouts for 2018 are happening now. 

My take on reading through the original post was similar to CabbageDad's. I think "not getting in the lineup" means catching, but not hitting. Please correct us if we are wrong. 

Has your son tried to talk to the summer ball coach about these issues? Not in a confrontational manner, but approaching it as a way to learn where his specific weaknesses are and where he needs to improve. If it were my son, I would encourage him (not me) to have that initial conversation with the summer ball coach. 

My son has a high school coach that doesn't like him as a player much. He grew up around this coach and our families have always been friendly, so there is some history there. Sometimes, as a parent, it can seem that his treatment is a little unfair. However, it's a great lesson that life isn't always fair and you have to keep working hard and doing the things you can to improve. It can be a great motivator when looked at correctly. It's our job as parents to help our kids learn how to overcome these types of situations and continue to work toward what they want. He will earn way more respect from that coach by having the difficult conversation and making the improvement suggested than going above the coach's head. 

Welcome to the site and good luck to you and your son!

If the story is what it is.....I'd like to believe he sees a lot of potential in your son and somehow thinks all of this berating will drive him to improve. Not a strategy that impresses me btw. Otherwise, it sounds like this guy is a d*$# with ears. 

I'm sure many will find offense to this but one approach is to ask the coach if he does lessons on the side.  It's a good way to begin a conversation with him and develop a relationship.  I never asked my son's coaches a single question other than what time should I be there to cook at the concession stand.  It's a totally different relationship though when it comes to the coaches we hire for lessons.

Whether or not he offers private lessons, it will demonstrate your son's desire to improve and changes the dynamic between he and his coach.  

Jim T. posted:

I'm sure many will find offense to this but one approach is to ask the coach if he does lessons on the side.  It's a good way to begin a conversation with him and develop a relationship.  I never asked my son's coaches a single question other than what time should I be there to cook at the concession stand.  It's a totally different relationship though when it comes to the coaches we hire for lessons.

Whether or not he offers private lessons, it will demonstrate your son's desire to improve and changes the dynamic between he and his coach.  

Huh.  I really don't like the ki$$ a$$ element but that's actually not a bad idea.  That coach is a catching coach and the best resource for skill improvement may be staring him in the face (yelling at him ).

If he (the coach) takes any true pride in his ability to coach, he should accept the player's request with pleasure.  If the player is willing to commit and put in the work, he could benefit a ton, and probably for little or no $$.

Shoveit4Ks posted:

If the story is what it is.....I'd like to believe he sees a lot of potential in your son and somehow thinks all of this berating will drive him to improve. Not a strategy that impresses me btw. Otherwise, it sounds like this guy is a d*$# with ears. 

Shove may be onto something here. My son's HS baseball coach was a football guy, and he brought a football mentality to the diamond. I didn't know about most of what went on until after son graduated, but this guy rode him hard. I think that the coach started out with the idea that my son had talent, but that he was soft, and he was really going to push the kid to find out for sure. My son accepted the challenge and never lost his cool or complained about the "unfair" treatment. But, he definitely played with a chip on his shoulder, and in many ways that brought out his best. It probably took 2 years to earn the coach's respect. During senior year, son finally felt he had earned the right to stand up for himself (without being disrespectful).

Many coaches are toughest on the kids who they think have the most potential. I'm not a big fan of this particular strategy either, but I will say that son's opinion of the HS coach has really improved now that some time has passed.

MidAtlanticDad posted:

Shoveit4Ks posted:

If the story is what it is.....I'd like to believe he sees a lot of potential in your son and somehow thinks all of this berating will drive him to improve. Not a strategy that impresses me btw. Otherwise, it sounds like this guy is a d*$# with ears. 

Shove may be onto something here. My son's HS baseball coach was a football guy, and he brought a football mentality to the diamond. I didn't know about most of what went on until after son graduated, but this guy road him hard. I think that the coach started out with the idea that my son had talent, but that he was soft, and he was really going to push the kid to find out for sure. My son accepted the challenge and never lost his cool or complained about the "unfair" treatment. But, he definitely played with a chip on his shoulder, and in many ways that brought out his best. It probably took 2 years to earn the coach's respect. During senior year, son finally felt he had earned the right to stand up for himself (without being disrespectful).

Many coaches are toughest on the kids who they think have the most potential. I'm not a big fan of this particular strategy either, but I will say that son's opinion of the HS coach has really improved now that some time has passed.

Yeah, we had a guy step in as JV coach a few years ago... long time old-school FB coach but also used to be a baseball guy.  Totally brought the FB coaching environment, yelled at the kids individually and as a group pretty much the entire practice every day.  From the V field, we could here it clear as day.  There was no hiding anything from the parents (or the neighbors three blocks down, for that matter).  The guy knew his stuff.  Lot's of parents weren't used to this approach and didn't like it.  The players were split.  Half absolutely loved him and half absolutely did not.   He reached some kids that hadn't responded to other approaches prior.

Our HS coaches do this regularly - they think that is going to motivate  a HS player.  Clip board in hand, making the players run, while screaming at them about how horrible they are.  The last scream fest was when we had four failed bunts in a game.  Each lap the player was called out by name about how they sucked at bunting and how that cost the team a run. Each lap is a new insult.  Instead of motivating and working on bunting they ran while being humiliated and demoralized.

Jim T. posted:

I'm sure many will find offense to this but one approach is to ask the coach if he does lessons on the side.  It's a good way to begin a conversation with him and develop a relationship.  I never asked my son's coaches a single question other than what time should I be there to cook at the concession stand.  It's a totally different relationship though when it comes to the coaches we hire for lessons.

Whether or not he offers private lessons, it will demonstrate your son's desire to improve and changes the dynamic between he and his coach.  

Yeah, nothing helps getting game time like the $100 handshake

BJE ... Would you prefer my son's high school coach?  Other than when players were placed on teams after tryouts they were never told where they stood in the process. The coach did glare at players a lot. The only way a player knew where he stood was to be in the varsity lineup. Players need to learn how to read coaches and roll with the BS.

SanDiegoRealist posted:

Jim T. posted:

I'm sure many will find offense to this but one approach is to ask the coach if he does lessons on the side.  It's a good way to begin a conversation with him and develop a relationship.  I never asked my son's coaches a single question other than what time should I be there to cook at the concession stand.  It's a totally different relationship though when it comes to the coaches we hire for lessons.

Whether or not he offers private lessons, it will demonstrate your son's desire to improve and changes the dynamic between he and his coach.  

Yeah, nothing helps getting game time like the $100 handshake

For $100 it better be a table with a view!

"I'm sure many will find offense to this but one approach is to ask the coach if he does lessons on the side.  It's a good way to begin a conversation with him and develop a relationship.  I never asked my son's coaches a single question other than what time should I be there to cook at the concession stand.  It's a totally different relationship though when it comes to the coaches we hire for lessons.

Whether or not he offers private lessons, it will demonstrate your son's desire to improve and changes the dynamic between he and his coach.  "

Yeah, I would not agree with that action plan for several reasons.  1. Nothing worse then other parents thinking you are buying your son playing time. 2.  Lets the coach think he's getting through to your son in a not so acceptable manner.  3. Its likely the coach doesn't know squat about catching and will damage your son's development.  Note, there are few college coaches, let alone HS JV coaches that really know how to coach "up" catchers. 4. He shouldn't waste his time with a guy who apparently isn't coaching him to begin with, he should find someone that knows what they are doing and has an interest in helping your son....whether paid or not. 

To OP you will need to bite the bullet and find a way for your son to get better in spite of the coach.  The truly great players don't get down over stuff like this, instead they use it to get better.  

You should approach the coach to try to get more to this story.  I had a player who was struggling all season.  He made some mistakes in the field and hit very poorly, striking out almost every at bat.  But he had a strong arm, speed, and was one of the hardest hitters on the team.  One game I told him to bunt his next AB and he didn't do it.  Didn't even try.  Of course he ended up striking out again and I didn't even want to look at him the rest of the season.