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Originally Posted by Will:

trophy definition a cup or other decorative object awarded as a prize for a victory or success.

 

As with other things in our society we just have to change it to a cup ..........as a prize for showing up.

I'm 46 years old. Giving trophies to kids hasn't "changed" in 40+ years. If anything, more people seem to be whining about it now than then, which suggests to me it's not the trophies that are the problem.

Originally Posted by jacjacatk:
Originally Posted by Will:

trophy definition a cup or other decorative object awarded as a prize for a victory or success.

 

As with other things in our society we just have to change it to a cup ..........as a prize for showing up.

I'm 46 years old. Giving trophies to kids hasn't "changed" in 40+ years. If anything, more people seem to be whining about it now than then, which suggests to me it's not the trophies that are the problem.

Best post yet on identifying root cause of the issue.  It's another "back in my day" issue that is more about self validating "how tough it was back then" and "how easy kids have it now a days".

 

Now send that Harrison guy over so I can explain it to him.

 

 

Actually I refused to NOT teach my boy's what the Golden Rules in the May house were. Regardless of how it was done in other people's homes.

 

If you want something you better be prepared to work for it.

If you are getting something someone worked for it. So you will show your appreciation for it by taking care of it and show your appreciation to the person who gave it to you.

If it's not worth working for it's not worth having.

If your not prepared to work for it you don't deserve it.

There is a difference in a gift and a reward.

I will give you some things. You will be rewarded for some things. You will work for everything.

 

If I was outside working they were outside working with me. When it was time to get up the dishes, they were helping get up the dishes. When it was time to clean house, they cleaned house.

 

When my oldest turned 12 I handed him the keys to the lawnmower- the pushmower as well and the weed eater. I did not cut the grass, trim or blow the yard again until my youngest left for college. I did not stack fire wood again until my youngest left for college.  I was woke up on many Saturday mornings to the sound of my boys working in the yard.

 

Why? Because I was lazy? No I wanted them to understand what taking ownership was. I wanted them to understand what it meant to work. I wanted them to have pride in a hard days work. I wanted to teach them valuable lessons. So when they started to play sports the same rules applied to sports that applied to life. So when they got a trophy I didn't have to explain to them anything. They already knew the deal. They knew if they earned it or if it was just given to them. And they could place their own value on it. Why not? It was theirs it wasn't mine.

 

We live in a society that rewards for the sake of making sure everyone feels good about themselves. We don't want to leave anyone out. We don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. We don't want to give to one without giving to another. So everyone gets a prize. So what happens when these kids are no longer kids? Where is my trophy? And at what age do we decide to start teaching those lessons? And who is resonsible for teaching those lessons? Does it even matter if those lessons are taught?

 

Like I said I really don't care what other people do. It's not my job to raise someone else's kids. And it certainly is not my place to tell someone else how to raise their kid. If my grown men have advantages now over their peers because I have taught them these lesson's great. One thing I know is they certainly were not held back by teaching these things to them.

 

Participation Trophies? I don't care if kids get them. I never cared if mine got them or not. I was too busy teaching them things that were much more important than a trophy. I never had a problem hurting my kids feelings. It was bound to happen sooner or later I figured I might as well be the one to teach them how to handle it.

 

 

Go44 and jac I could not agree with you more.  I am 52 and I got participation trophies in the lower levels.  We got camp certificates every camp I ever went to.  And of course in high school you get letters.  All along the way there was some sort of participation award.  Again I don't care one way or another about them.  But I do agree it has become a chest thumping "we are too old school for the room" type of thing.  And I really DON'T tell people how to parent.  Live and let live has always been my motto on here.  And I have found myself on numerous occasions here defending views I don't even agree with because they have a right to their opinion or a right to raise their kids as they see fit.  As Billy Joel sings "the good ole days weren't always good and tomorrow ain't as bad as it seems.  Some old timers here would do well to listen to Billy Joel a little more!

I respect everyone's point of view. What is the value of this site if we simply agree on everything out of fear we might disagree? I can disagree with people and not feel like I have to change their mind. In fact my mind has been changed from time to time simply because I took the time to look at something from another point of view. But that's another story in itself. When I post my opinion its not an attempt to say I am right and you are wrong and this is the way you should raise your kids, etc etc. I am just saying this is what I did and what I believe in and maybe someone will gain something from it or give a differing opinion. And I can gain something as well. Even us Old Timers.

Lots of opinions, good ones.

 

Bottom line for me... The title of this thread is Participation Trophies make Kids soft.

 

I 100% disagree that anything that insignificant could ever make anyone soft. It takes much more than a participation award to make someone soft.  I'm sure there are some extra tough people that received participation awards when they were young. Also sure that many soft people didn't receive any awards.

 

To me this is just another popular topic these days to stir people up.  Much to do about nothing!

Billy Joel? Mellencamp, Bon Jovi, Paris Hilton, the Kardashians no thank you, I will form my values away from the glamour.
There is probably a business angle to most of this anyway. People want something to show for their money. Rather its a T-shirt at a $395 camp, or a cheap plastic trophie at the end of a dismal season.   Just have a damm BBQ an invite Grandma and Grandpa and the blind umpire and lets all be happy! Geterdone!

My kids have been in sports that give participation trophies (i.e. baseball, soccer, etc.) and sports that only give trophies if you earn a position (i.e. gymnastics and motocross). In very rare instances, my daughter would get an achievement ribbon at a State meet even if she didn't place, but that was definitely not the norm. In reality, the only three trophies she really cares about any more are her three state championships. And, its not really the trophy, but the memory that counts. A couple times since she quit gymnastics, she has counted her numerous ribbons, medals and trophies just for kicks. She can look at some and remember the trips we went on as a family to a particular meet, but not really anything about the competition. My bet is it's the same for most kids, whether the trophy is for placement or participation. It's a memento to remember a season or a specific game or maybe a family trip. They eventually all turn into memories and it really has no effect on how soft or manly or competitive they end up being. All of those things come from home and the people who help raise and shape them.

Yes I think those particular words from a billy joel song carry a lot of wisdom.  In many ways kids are nicer and better adjusted than ever today.  In some ways I would like to revert to the old days.  But it is a mix.  Some things better some things worse.   And might I add I respect everyone's opinion on here but I too will take a pass on advice from others and form my own values as well.  That's as it should be for everyone.  I simply gave PG a like and did not reply because I thought his post nailed it and seemed a fitting way to end this thread.  So with a plus one to what he said I am outta this one.

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