Questions for Parent Meeting with Coach

Parent-teacher conferences for high school students?  Do schools have these (mine don't)?  

 

I can't think of any reason a coach would want to bring the parents into any private discussion unless there's a particular situation involving a player.  Subjects that involve parents (team rules, driving/transportation requirements, time commitment, health/safety, etc) should be covered an open group meeting, if only to make sure everyone gets all the information.  I too am curious and hopes the OP gives us a full report after the meeting.

Meeting is tomorrow morning. Will let you know how it turns out.

Our HS coaches have a pre-season parents meeting (all parents at once) every year.  It's really simple, maybe 20-30 mins.  They just go over team rules and expectations they have set for all players and the like.  They also touch on the possibility that kids are going to make the team that may see very little playing time.  They may play "out of position."  It's an opportunity for everyone to get the same message all at once.  Like in many of life's situations, communication and expectation setting early in the process often alleviates problems and difficult situations later. 

Coach here has several meetings with parents. All about fundraising & to let us know not to ask about playing time.

Meeting Update:

We had the meeting this morning, and it was helpful but a bit of a non-event. The three coaches went over what they saw as Son's role on the team this year. They said that he is the 4-5th outfielder and that all of the guys in front of him were starters last year on varsity. He will also be a relief pitcher and have penciled him in for an appearance in the few game this week. They also went over things they thought he should work on (finding his spots and hitting for average). They mentioned that given the short time they have with the guys, evaluations can be difficult, and things inevitably change over the course of the season.  By the end, I really did not feel the need for to ask further questions, and Son did not end of saying much. I told him that the parent group of the new juniors was very supportive and willing to help  (know them from summer team) and asked if there was anything we could help them or the program out with.  They thanked us...and that was about it. Took 15 minutes.

 

I posted the question because I had not been to or heard of this kind of meeting before in two years of Son playing football and baseball at the high school.  I have not approached Son's baseball or football coaches in the past to discuss playing time etc. I normally deal with it by having Son ask directly himself. But my perception (based on my own eyes, but also history) has been that in this program, parents who have lobbied the coach or made some noise have gotten results, so I wanted to be prepared. I am not feeling the need at the moment to do anything but let Son keep doing his thing and have Son ask the coaches where he stands from time to time if needed.

 

I appreciated all of the suggestions and thoughts. I normally would not consider getting more involved, and if there was a problem vote with my feet.  But I do think there can be situations where it is needed from a Parent.  I would love for my Son to have Mike Trout talent so that he is always a starter, but that is not in the cards here and never will be. I would love if Son, at 17, was always fully confident to approach coaches/teachers etc. and be able to ask them questions and advocate for himself with no help from me, but he is probably not all the way there yet. Again, my default is to let things play out, and have Son manage his own participation on the team. But sometimes, where the decked is stacked in another way and the coaching staff has demonstrated that it can and is influenced by Parents financial contribution/lobbying etc., I think that it can be appropriate/necessary to go further.  One of my jobs is to teach my Son how to advocate/stick up for himself in the right way, and how to disagree with someone without being disagreeable in the process. There are situations where the best way to do that is to Show him how, not just tell him.  This is not one of those, but I think they do exist.   Thanks again.

 

 

Are you feeling that son is 4-5 OF due to his skill level or the others are ahead of him due to parent lobbying/financial  contribution? Asking because you mentioned "parental involvement" twice in your update? You yourself said your son is not that fast, and throws 82 from outfield. 

too bad your school doesn't allow Jr on JV. 

 

Mudad, So after attending the meeting, what do you think of the coach's idea to have the parent/player meetings?  

Do I think Son is 4-5th outfielder because of parent lobbying etc?  No.  The guys in front of him were all starters on varsity last year and did fairly well. Son was on JV as a sophomore. I get why he is slotted where he is for the time being.

 

Do I think Son should be the 3-4th outfielder?  Yes.  He is not fast, but fast enough. His 82 from the outfield may not be much in other places, but the best here was 85. He needs to show he can hit consistently, and that will be for Son to prove. He can do that if he gets the opportunity.

 

Do I think parent lobbying/contributions etc. may affect his future opportunity and playing time? I hope not, but it has been shown to be a factor in the past. Not just going on rumors or an isolated case, but what I have seen over a few years. But its not a problem until its actually a problem, and if it becomes one we will figure out how to deal with it then.  I am thinking that a few doubles will make it all a moot point.

 

 

 

 

 Yes I do.  Thought it was a bit different at first, but they did a good job with it. From a coaches perspective, I think the downsides would be the hassle and time of scheduling the meetings and the potential of having a confrontation with "that guy" or having something that is said be taken too literally or permanent as in "you told me yourself that that ......."

That said, even though I said next to nothing and didn't learn much, it can be a good way to communicate and manage expectations of parents. Having the 17 yr. old player mature enough to remember everything, interpret it correctly, and communicate it to parents should always be the goal, but I don't think it should be the only line of defense for a high school coach.  I know from my own experiences with being a parent and coaching a competitive youth football team that parents are capable constructing a mountain of misunderstanding based only what they heard from listening to a loudmouth dad and gossiping moms. Given that people will probably never stop believing what they hear, or misinterpreting things they don't understand, I think these meetings could be a good way to nip some of that in the bud. 

I applaud the coach's expenditure of time and effort in scheduling these meetings for the benefit of the program and its players and families. Apparently he is opening lines of communication that far too many coaches leave closed out of fear of confrontations.

 

In my high school basketball coaching past I met with each of my players and his parent(s) at the beginning of each season to go over the school's academic requirements, the team's study hall, practice, game and travel schedules, the team rules, particularly those relating to being on-time, and applicable NCAA regs.Of particular importance to me was to outline what steps we were taking to promote our program's players to the colleges and to determine how the parent(s) wanted us to handle the contacts with recruiters of their sons.

 

This was not my idea. I copied what an extremely successful competitor was doing. It worked and we implemented it on a less expansive basis for the lower teams (JV and Frosh) in my program.

 

If I were to hold one of those meetings today, the first thing I would advise a parent is to follow his/her child's social media accounts and to feel free to ask any questions they may have of me on any day but a game day.

 

Good communication can avoid an awful lot of problems for all involved. As I sit here and type this, I'm still waiting for notification from school that NTGson's game today has been cancelled and rescheduled because of the rain/field conditions. It's a home game and concession stand, field crew, scoreboard volunteers have yet to be notified. That's an example of poor communication.