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The Fire Forges The Steel

Coach_MayCoach_May10,000+ posts

I have read countless posts over the years on this site that always have me coming back to these thoughts. I have seen so many instances as a coach over the years that mirror many of the posts I have read on this site. As a parent of two son's who both played baseball in HS. And the parent of a son who played and now coaches college baseball I want to offer up these thoughts. Maybe some of you will get something from this post that will help you along this journey. I suspect many will echo much of what I post in their own experiences.

 

We love our son's. For some reason our kids love the game of baseball. It really doesn't matter why they just do. As parents we want our kids to do well at what they love. We want them to have success and be happy. They have dreams in this game. We want them to achieve those dreams. It's very important to them so its very important to us. When things are not going well for them and they are hurting we hurt right along with them. When they are in a slump we slump. When they make an error we cringe. When the struggles of the game come we struggle right along with them. When they stress we stress. And when they have those great moments and that big ole smile is on their face we are smiling right along with them. It's their ride but make no mistake we are on it with them.

 

There is this desire when things are not going as they think it should or we think it should to step in and make it right. To fix it. To manipulate the situation. To make it right for them. Of course this is normal. We love our kids and we are going to do what ever we have to do to help them. We fail in many instances to understand that when we take them out of the fire the steel can not be forged. When we see challenges and adversity as the enemy instead of the fire forging the steel we miss out of watching the most wonderful part of this journey.

 

Those tough times can either be the gut wrenching dark days of this journey. Or they can be the most rewarding of the entire ride. When you watch your son rise from the ashes, refuse to give up, refuse to give in, fight for what he wants, overcome obstacles nothing will rival it. Nothing. Allow the fire in your son's life. In fact embrace it. Teach him to embrace it. When you remove the fire, quench the fire, excuse away the fire, curse the fire you are not helping him. Your taking away the most important lesson that this journey will teach him. Good luck to all your young players. Its a beautiful thing to see when its allowed to happen.

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jp24jp245,000+ posts

Coach May:

 

Rather than send kudos, which would be legit, I want to ask you a WAY OUT THERE question. Prepare yourself. It may cause you or others to doubt my sanity. But your perfect description of how parents live the ups and downs their baseball sons experience compels me:

 

Have you ever felt, with absolute certainty when watching one of your sons at the plate, that on this next pitch, he's going to hit a bomb? Or drive one into the gap? Or whatever?

 

Similarly, have you sat in the stands and felt with equal certainty that he was going to whiff, or pop out, or whatever?

 

I said it was a crazy question, but it's one that me and JP's mom have discussed more than once, because in our case, it seems real.

 

And that of course begs the question: do we somehow transfer our own stress or confidence to our sons?

 

OK ... I'm sure I'll regret this post, but I've wanted to ask it for a long time, and you opened the door, so I'm blaming you

 

M Matt1310,000+ posts
Originally Posted by jp24:

Coach May:

 

Rather than send kudos, which would be legit, I want to ask you a WAY OUT THERE question. Prepare yourself. It may cause you or others to doubt my sanity. But your perfect description of how parents live the ups and downs their baseball sons experience compels me:

 

Have you ever felt, with absolute certainty when watching one of your sons at the plate, that on this next pitch, he's going to hit a bomb? Or drive one into the gap? Or whatever?

 

Similarly, have you sat in the stands and felt with equal certainty that he was going to whiff, or pop out, or whatever?

 

I said it was a crazy question, but it's one that me and JP's mom have discussed more than once, because in our case, it seems real.

 

And that of course begs the question: do we somehow transfer our own stress or confidence to our sons?

 

OK ... I'm sure I'll regret this post, but I've wanted to ask it for a long time, and you opened the door, so I'm blaming you

 

It's okay, because I was going to mention the same thing...I'll share my thoughts when I get them together.

CoachB25CoachB25Honorary "Old TImer"

Coach May, another great thread!  Last college season, my daughter asked me a question that I caught me off guard.  She asked why it was that every time she stepped up to the plate, that I got out of my chair and walked around.  I had no idea that she noticed that.  She told me to sit down and that she was going to get a hit.  The "vibe" given off by some parents does matter to some players. 

 

My daughter has been in a slump that has been unreal.  It would be a long story detailing everything that has happened but to give one example from this past weekend, she was hitting off of an All American pitcher. Bases were loaded and she crushed a low line drive to the 4 hole.  The 2B dove for the ball and caught it going away toward the OF on one hop.  2B came to her knees and had no play on my daughter at 1st.  However, her team was screaming home.  The runner on 3rd thought that the ball was caught in the air and despite another runner standing on 3rd didn't take off for home.  So, there was a force out at home, no hit and no rbi.  After the game, the wife and I were as exhausted as our child.  We have agonized all the way through this.  She came up to me, gave me a hug and cried.  She wanted to know what to do.  I told her that she is an adult now.  She has to "change the things that she can change, accept the things that she can't and have the wisdom to know the difference."  Keep hitting the ball hard.  As her dad, I can't coach her anymore.  I can't fix this or that.  I have to be her biggest fan and be there for her.  Again, nice thread. 

Last edited by CoachB25
TB throw'n bb's1,000+ posts

Maybe the best post I have read.  I have a live example living in my house.  long story short, my son plays for what I consider the worst baseball coach I have ever seen and a verbally abusive individual.  My son is now the most mentally tough person I have ever meet.  He still hates his coach but has learned over 4 years to use the abuse to fuel the fire to perform at the highest level.  He has been a starting pitcher for 2 seasons and has never lost a game, he gets out of many tough situations that most would fail in due to his mental toughness.  While I wish my son had played for a great coach that he would always have great memories of in the end the fire forged the steel.  

KauaiDadKauaiDad500+ posts
Originally Posted by jp24:

Coach May:

 

Rather than send kudos, which would be legit, I want to ask you a WAY OUT THERE question. Prepare yourself. It may cause you or others to doubt my sanity. But your perfect description of how parents live the ups and downs their baseball sons experience compels me:

 

Have you ever felt, with absolute certainty when watching one of your sons at the plate, that on this next pitch, he's going to hit a bomb? Or drive one into the gap? Or whatever?

 

Similarly, have you sat in the stands and felt with equal certainty that he was going to whiff, or pop out, or whatever?

 

I said it was a crazy question, but it's one that me and JP's mom have discussed more than once, because in our case, it seems real.

 

And that of course begs the question: do we somehow transfer our own stress or confidence to our sons?

 

OK ... I'm sure I'll regret this post, but I've wanted to ask it for a long time, and you opened the door, so I'm blaming you

 

i have experienced this a few times, last week i noticed and i know he noticed a huge gap in right center. just knew that's where he was going and sure enough first pitch hits a triple right in that gap. Kind of creepy

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