When should a Parent talk to a College Coach?

My 2018 is attending a couple of D3 Fall Prospect camps this month.  Up to this point, my son has exclusively done all of the communication with coaches.  I'm not sure how the D3 visits will go (2018 was seen by the coaches at HF, who showed interest).  If the magical Early Decision suggestion is given out, would that be the time for a parent to talk with the coach (to get the low down on all the details parents are typically concerned about...egg. risk of getting cut in Fall, no. of players on the team, summer ball etc.)?

Original Post

I'm not sure what others will say, but the list of questions at the end of your post are questions I'd still have my son ask.

My rule of thumb as a parent is to only talk to a coach if they begin the conversation.  In other words, they've asked your son to introduce them to you.  Just my .02.

Enjoying the Ride posted:

When it's time to talk money. 

I've tried to let my 2019 do as much of the talking as possible but I stepped in when it came to an unofficial visit to a far away school. We've had D1 visits in state that resulted in "you're on our radar, we're interested" which is no big deal. To do that for a school 1,000+ miles and a $2K trip away is a different story. I need to know there is a little gold (if not a pot) at the end of the rainbow.  Had a fantastic discussion with the coach and he completely understood  - got back to me with their offer so we knew where they stood prior to the trip. Son is excited about the upcoming trip and we know it's viable if we all think it's a fit. 

There are only a few things that I believe parents need to talk to a coach about. Your son's welfare (health and grades), the economics of having your son attend the school (what you need to pay and how it effects your family is beyond baseball)and the weather. Beyond that your son needs to handle communications with the coach.

ILVBB posted:

There are only a few things that I believe parents need to talk to a coach about. Your son's welfare (health and grades), the economics of having your son attend the school (what you need to pay and how it effects your family is beyond baseball)and the weather. Beyond that your son needs to handle communications with the coach.

Nailed it ILVBB.  +1

AD2018 posted:

My 2018 is attending a couple of D3 Fall Prospect camps this month.  Up to this point, my son has exclusively done all of the communication with coaches.  I'm not sure how the D3 visits will go (2018 was seen by the coaches at HF, who showed interest).  If the magical Early Decision suggestion is given out, would that be the time for a parent to talk with the coach (to get the low down on all the details parents are typically concerned about...egg. risk of getting cut in Fall, no. of players on the team, summer ball etc.)?

IMHO....these types of questions would be more appropriately asked in the 'office meeting' on a UV vs. a prospect camp scenario.

DesertDuck posted:
AD2018 posted:

My 2018 is attending a couple of D3 Fall Prospect camps this month.  Up to this point, my son has exclusively done all of the communication with coaches.  I'm not sure how the D3 visits will go (2018 was seen by the coaches at HF, who showed interest).  If the magical Early Decision suggestion is given out, would that be the time for a parent to talk with the coach (to get the low down on all the details parents are typically concerned about...egg. risk of getting cut in Fall, no. of players on the team, summer ball etc.)?

IMHO....these types of questions would be more appropriately asked in the 'office meeting' on a UV vs. a prospect camp scenario.

More than likely if he's a 2018, the coaches will let him know at the camp if there is interest.  Things could happen pretty quickly.  If they like him, they'll likely pull him aside after the camp and start a discussion.  If that happens, it's pretty likely they'll ask to meet you also.  At that point, you'll know where things are headed and the conversation can go from there.

Once an offer is given, parents should contact the coaching staff to ask appropriate business questions. They probably would refer you to admissions.

Your son has one thing on his mind, baseball, they have no clue the costs involved.  

Before son committed to the programs who offered, we got costs involved. It's just not about meals and tuition.

JMO

 

Concur with all comments.  When a coach thinks there's a possible fit with your son, the coach will want to meet the parent.  The coaches want to be able to sign off on the fact that the parent is not "one of those" parents.  Keep it simple... more detailed questions can be asked at the visit.  At the visit, after the the coach has "first" met with your son, then you're invited in.  Make sure your son is prepared with all the questions, and totally ok if he has them written down, it's a sign he is prepared and serious about the opportunity.

You can ask about additional costs which you may be asked to pay during the school year and during summer baseball.  Some high academic D3's have the player (parent) pay costs to go on spring break trips, or any other away trips.  I was surprised by this, especially when it was a top academic D3 costing $60+ per year...  Contrast that with other D3's which have their own baseball endowment to cover annual costs for uniforms, trips, new equipment and the construction of new fields.

Lots of fair questions that a parent can ask but IMO cutting a player isn't one of them.  You can ask about roster size, does he run a JV team, how many PO's, plans for new facilities, how many away trips are planned, for off season training - is there a dedicated guy or do the coaches run it, is he a heavy ball or band guy???...  (We just returned from a visit with 2 schools and one of them didn't have their 2018 schedule posted)  You'll gain insight on the HC's priorities and philosophies, and you'll get a feel for the type of role your son could play.  If it's high academic the offers are an "offer of support through admissions". The  coach will tell you he gets X slots ( 7 slots maybe: 3 B-Band and 4 A-band) and that bands are based based on one std deviations from the avg test scores of all students admitted.   The B band players need stronger support from the HC; they're normally stronger players the coach really wants.    

More details that you were asking for, but I literally went through this last week.... Cheers.

ILVBB's advice is spot on after an offer is accepted however we met coaches often during visits were part of the itinerary  put together by the program. I let my son take the lead on most of the questions and then I would ask a few questions that I felt appropriate that my son may have missed. 

Have done three serious visits lately for my 2018--in each case, the coaches turned to me and asked if I had questions. And I asked. Mostly details of money, transferring AP and dual credit courses and similar. But honestly, in most cases we have spent hours with these coaches at dinners, tours, etc. we need something to talk about and there are only a couple of topics we all care about--my son and how he fits into the program.

ILVBB posted:

There are only a few things that I believe parents need to talk to a coach about. Your son's welfare (health and grades), the economics of having your son attend the school (what you need to pay and how it effects your family is beyond baseball)and the weather. Beyond that your son needs to handle communications with the coach.

+1

Son's job: Can I play here?

Parent's job: Can I afford it? 

Parents can advise their son. But it's his job to establish the facts.

The title reminds me of a kind of funny story during our first son's recruitment.  He was a pretty big recruit and so he had lots of interest, coaches coming to the house, phone calls, UVs, OVs, etc...

My wife enjoyed 'testing' coaches and so she would ask each one if she could be the team mom.  I was thinking 'you have to be kidding,' but my wife has a mind of her own.  It was kind of cute(?) to watch each coach do verbal somersaults trying to answer that question politely without blowing the deal.

Then there was Coach Marquess from Stanford.  His answer was perfect!  "Oh no Mrs. JBB, we don't do that.  In fact, the only time I will ever talk to you is now as I'm recruiting your son and after he is finished.  I will say 'hi' when we come face-to-face on the sidewalk, but no, no, no - we don't need a team mom and I won't talk to you."

He somewhat lived up to that, which I appreciated, but my wife continued to test throughout our son's time at Stanford.  Often sending our youngest daughter over with a box of candy bars or snacks after a game, from which nearly everyone took one.  She even sent her over there after some losses, which made me cringe.  Then there were Easter baskets for each player, which the other moms got into helping prepare as well.  And at some point late in our son's freshman year, the coaches started getting into the end of the line for their own 'snack' before the bus ride home.

Ultimately, in large part because our son suffered a bad injury in summer ball requiring lots of surgeries, my wife and Coach Marquess became 'friends.'  He called her every so often, his wife would talk to her at length before games - and my wife would hire graduated players for an internship at her company...he would send her flowers thanking her.  Even after our younger son was playing at UW 3-4 years later, he would call asking if she could take another post-grad intern.

I dunno, I probably shouldn't have told that story on a public site, but I actually think it is quite endearing towards the coaches.

JB,

"My wife enjoyed 'testing' coaches and so she would ask each one if she could be the team mom. " 

That is one of the better lines I have read here. Nicely done!

My wife wanted to ask if they sold used cars on the weekend, but she kept that to herself. 

 

BOF posted:

JB,

"My wife enjoyed 'testing' coaches and so she would ask each one if she could be the team mom. " 

That is one of the better lines I have read here. Nicely done!

My wife wanted to ask if they sold used cars on the weekend, but she kept that to herself. 

 

Uh, my wife did end up being the Team Mom!   I don't remember her "asking" though.

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