Some of this situation is a bit of natural tension between the triangle of mom, dad and son; dad tries to toughen kid up, give his version of real feedback....mom protecting her boy with the soft spot she is supposed to have....and son trying to spread his wings.
I really like this description of the family dynamic. As I mentioned previously, I was "that dad" often, when Ryno was younger, but I have worked hard to back off and let him become a man. He is a great kid, but as a father, you still see areas where you feel you can add input and help him get better. Unfortunately, they do need to learn some things the hard way.
In her last post, I believe the OP was trying to say that she thinks her husband needs to back off, and let the coaches do their job. Earlier I mentioned the "good cop/bad cop". Sometime ago, I realized that letting the coaches be the "bad cop" was much more productive for my relationship with my son. It is not always easy, but in order for us to move forward and have a productive adult relationship, I have to hold back my critiques sometimes.