Golly dern! I sure was hoping that incident wouldn't make the news. These are the unfortunate consequences of a design flaw in the Flat-D. At least that's what my lawyer is telling me.
I had just come from Campers World as I needed a shirt and some pants. I particularly like these new shorts with the zippered, screened flap. Anyway, I had just got to the Bell for my 1:30 or 2:30 feeding..... I forget as they all run together. Well I got there and squeezed through the stanchions and up to the register. I ordered up the usual, one of everything but changed it up with extra beefy on the beefy cheesy burrito. I handed Lupe my card and went over to get some hot sauce and a few Mountain Dews when Lupe yelled across the room "your card no work". Well, that was a little humiliating but the panic set in as the thought of missing out on one of my feedings just terrified me. I hurry back over to find out I had handed him "A Quick Guide to Set Up" from my new shorts. I quickly dug through my shorts and found my USGS issued Visa card (no need for coupons) and my transaction was complete.
Here is where things get a little fuzzy. I was somewhat embarrassed and a little excited to get the Yugo loaded up, I was running toward the exit.....well, moving as quickly as a man of my stature should, I felt a little bit of a heat build up at my inner thigh and then it happen.
A huge explosion gently started me in the direction of the car but whatever was happening behind me sounded like terrorists had it in for the Bell. It was a horrible site. Refried beans littered the drive thru and I could smell my favorite cheesy sauce burning.
Sure, there were a couple of bodies strewn about, and I can't say I didn't step on a few as I tried to save a kettle of taco meat but we are talking my livelihood here people.
As my lawyer debriefed me we spent a few hours watching security video. It seems fire investigators are right. The nylon material my new shorts were made of just weren't designed to handle the friction generated by the simple action of what I'll call scurrying. Now we don't know for sure if it was a static or heat generated spark but that, in combination with the incredible capacity of the Flat-D to store methane is what caused this tragedy.
The lawsuit boils down to this. Flat-D contends that their product was never designed to handle the amount of methane I produce. As if I am some sort of freak. Our argument is simple. There should have been warnings on the package.
Wish me luck.
P.S. Woody, thanks for sending over the Body Sock but it didn't do much for my figure. I look like....well, I look like a *** turtle sausage.