We're still new at all this...but, when my son got his first offer(from a coach he was very comfortable with-had been in contact with for a couple of years)he -and mom and dad- felt very comfortable asking his advice as to what to do now as this was all so confusing. He knew who else was talking to my son and that they were making the first offer. He did not give my son a deadline but the offer was in writing-he told him to take his time and make sure he made what he felt like was the right choice for him, but to understand that they would not be standing still waiting. He was very upfront and honest about the whole thing-have always felt (and heard) he was a great guy. He told my son to call the other coaches and just ask "Where do I stand with you? Do you think you'll be making an offer at some point?, etc."
My son did that (not his parents)and the other coaches were very honest with him and told him it was still very early. If this was not his dream school making the offer, to wait - if it was, go for it. He felt good about what they said in regards to the possiblity of an offer from their schools-but knew they weren't, at that point, going to rush an offer just because he had gotten one from someone else.
He did wait and ended up committing to one of these schools-but not the original one. I felt the coaches he'd been dealing with were honest with him and us, luckily. Letting the first coach know after he'd committed elsewhere was very hard-and actually kind of sad -as he has had a connection there for a longer time and really felt the coach was a friend.
Has this all been fun? No! And he has had a couple of times we've felt like other coaches were less than honest with him. But ultimately the schools who were serious about him, we felt were very upfront about this whole thing. And everyone's right that the mail-even if it's weekly- is nice, but doesn't mean there will be a phone call.