The first time was a week ago Friday...I was driving our little red '89 Hewlett Packard/ Hyundai Excel hybrid...tooling around town...burning rubber, laying down patches...trying to do wheelies. Not causing any trouble, just being myself.
It was about 9:30 pm, I was southbound on Maple, screaming along in fourth gear and doing just over 40 mph when I approached the Moose Lodge. They must have been having their annual Christmas blowout that night. It looked festive...lights strung out all over the place...wreaths and garlands hanging everywhere...a slighty charred plastic Santa wedged into the chimney...and on the porch was Big Thad Papodopoulous doubled over the poinsettias...he was either looking for his car keys or feeding the flowers..."purge on the spurge" so to speak. The Moose Lodge blowouts are legendary.
All I really remember is that my HP/Excel was raring up and nearly on two wheels..."I'm going to do it! My first wheelie!" I exclaimed excitedly to myself. Just as it was about to happen I glanced over at the banner they had hung from the porch posts..."Come One, Come All...42nd Annual Christmas Blowout...Raffles...Door Prizes...Face Painting...Tarot Card Reading...Two legged ungulates $5...Four legged ungulates FREE!"...then the whole world seemed to unravel...the double entry doors of the lodge flew open with such a clatter and something very big and very furry and sporting quite a rack came quite literally flying off the porch and landed on my hood. My hood that was oh so near to overcoming gravity!
What a sight! What a tremendously loud racket!. Shattered windshield glass flying every which way...my neatly arranged coins for the toll plaza scattering like sixth graders on the last day of school...my fuzzy dice were now fuzzy and furry both!...even St. Christopher packed it in and took a seat in the back. There was no missing this spectacle. Even the semi-conscious Big Thad turned around and launched a thankfully unarmored and harmless dry heave salvo at the two of us. A crowd soon gathered...some, following Big Thad's lead, broke into loud choruses of Christmas carols.
My wheelie attempt had suddenly and unceremoniously come off the rim. There I was sitting in the front row...I could barely keep the Bob Ueckerisms contained...and along side of me...nestled very snuggly in the passenger seat was Mr. Moose. The smell of Peppermint Schnapps tinged with onion-dip and serviceberry was overwhelming. He looked dazed...I just looked confused...as usual.
This was our first crash and the incident was well reported. Here's a picture I clipped out of our weekly Shopper's Gazette...
My second crash was just yesterday. I was traveling down to Little Village on the southwest side to call on a customer. This formerly Czech-Polish-Eastern European enclave is now a thriving and bustling Hispanic neighborhood. Things change...including the road signs.
I must have been day dreaming or the visions of sugarplums were still in my head...regardless I missed this sign. Even if I had seen it I probably would have ignored it anyway...I most likely would have interpreted it to be some come on for a "Fashion Show Revue" that were so popular with the lunchtime crowd years ago.
Needless to say it was a legitimate warning sign and I was going way too fast for my aging Chrysler to safely grip the pavement. I skidded across the sidewalk and took out three or four sets of round tables and chairs in front of Paco's Taco Palace. Fortunately it was drizzling and no one was dining alfresco...or however you would say that in Spanish. No one was hurt...and the Chrysler just received a few more city livin' stripes. And hey...Paco makes a darn good taco!
For you folks around Chicago that may want to drive into Little Village...or for those from elsewhere who may plan on visiting someday...here's a picture of that warning sign...don't do as I did...heed it's message!
And you all thought that the Chicago area is flat. Come on and visit...you'll be surprised at what you see!
Seriously TPM...we did have our computer crash recently. I hope there isn't a widespread problem.