Just my 2 cents worth - I could feel like a lousy mother after reading some of these posts but I don't feel like I've done a bad job raising my sons. I drank at parties while in HS, 30 yrs. ago and have known and allowed my sons to do the same. I guess I'm a realist. I even let kids drink at our house with them knowing they had to spend the night. Alot of the parents of my kids friends felt the same way we do, we'd rather know they're in a safe environment than out driving drunk. I've gotten phone calls in the middle of the night asking me to come and get them and always did. I always told them to call instead of getting behind the wheel and they did listen to me.
Am I going to be naieve and think there won't be any booze in the refrig at school? No. He's living with kids that are 21 and they do drink. Thankfully, I had an open dialogue with my sons as they were growing up about the dangers of drinking, drugs and ***. Sure they experimented. I like that they feel comfortable enough to tell me what went on at a party. It can lead to some very good discussions about the choices they make and how it can affect them in the future. We also were wise enough to never ever leave them home alone for a weekend. We knew whenever somebody's parents were away for the weekend that's where the party would be. I wasn't that naieve. Does my 23 yr. old buy my 20 yr old beer? Yeah he does. Do his friends older siblings do the same thing? Yes they do. I'd rather not bury my head in the sand and think, not my kid. They have friends that choose not to drink and they consider that ok, too. My 23 yr old hardly ever drinks now that he can, hasn't gotten anyone pregnant and doesn't do any drugs so I think we did ok. My 20 yr old will sometimes tell me that so-in-so is probably going to be an alchoholic so they know what's up.
As to the drinking on an official visit, yeah he did drink on all of them at the campus parties. And yes, the coaches knew. Luckily the school he chose does not have parties except Thur. nights so he doesn't have the pressure that goes on at some of the schools. Do I wish he didn't drink? He's 20 so of course I wish he didn't but I also am enough of a realist to know that he does and hope we've done enough talking to at least make him somewhat smart enough to know how to handle it. I don't know if how I raised them is the "right" way but I've done the best I can do and hope they've taken the lessons learned with them for the future. So far they haven't disappointed me or their dad.