For starters, I nominate this thread for the Golden Threads forum. Bee, just to be clear, my comment was meant as a compliment to your argumentitive skills.
The following is somewhat stream of conscious so please forgive in advance.
After reading the many outstanding posts on this subject, I have found myself waffling on the issue somewhat. Not necessarily to the narrower issue of drinking on an official visit but to the broader issue of teenage drinking itself.
It seems you need the wisdom of Solomon to be a parent these days. These are some of the questions I have: When something is strictly forbidden does it make it even more alluring to the child? If we are to forbid our children, should we also not drink ourselves?
I have tried to rationalize these feeling by saying that I am a responsible drinker for the most part. I can go weeks without drinking and not miss it one bit. At the same time, I love to drink and enjoy the effects of alcohol. I also have a long memory as Orlando suggests and there is a certain amount of guilt I carry with me.
The real issue we all have is the fear of something harmful happening to our children while at the same time wanting them to have normal and fun social lives at college. Thus, it seems to me that drinking will ALWAYS be part of the college experience and we should promote ideas that mitigate any possible harm.
On the record, I tell my kids not to drink until they reach legal age. Off the record, I forbid drinking and driving or getting into the car with a drunk. I have told my son 1000 times I will gladly pay for a cab or motel room no matter what the expense and regardless of whether you have to leave your car behind or not.
With respect to the official visit - I think the recruit has to be told forcefully up front by the team leader and/or coach whether they may be exposed to some drinking while they visit but by no means are they expected in any way to participate. This way, all conflicts and ambiguities are resolved for the player.
For instance, if the recruit is being taken to a football game, I can guarantee they will be exposed to drinking. The purpose of the trip is about the young man only and baseball. It is in no way a test to the young man's manhood whether he turns down a drink. He needs to know upfront that how he acts in these social settings of the visit (drinking wise) does not impact the view of him as a player or teammate.
Sorry for rambling but....
Here is a tip for parents when they travel. We used to leave my older son home alone when we traveled. On one trip many years ago, he hosted a party where both sides of the street for hundreds and hundreds of feet were occupied with vehicles of teenagers having a party at our home. When we got home, the neighbor came rushing up and said...you should have seen the party at your house - there must have been 200 kids there!!!! I was enraged and horrified at the same. I said why didn't you call the cops! After I settled down, I realized it wasn't my neighbor's responsibility but mine.
Ever since, when we were both out of town, I called the police station within ear-shot of my son. I asked them if they would kindly watch my house for any signs of a party. You know what? The police where happy that I called. Their only question was whether he was allowed to have any cars over. I said no more than one car at a time and only to pick him up or drop him off. They said fine, watched my house like a hawk, and I never had a problem again.