Discussions like this are always difficult because, despite the existance of the dictionary, we all have our own interpretations of words.
Being realistic does not equal tolerance. A parent can realistically expect their child to be offered alcohol, that doesn't mean they won't come down on that child for accepting.
Understanding why a child accepted that alcohol (those of us with long memories again), also doesn't mean condoning that act.
Being part of a culture that accepts alcohol openly also doesn't equate to abuse. Personally, I don't think that scare tactics work with teenagers, I think that element of danger can intrigue some with the tactic having the opposite effect.
Again, it's a matter of doing our best to equip them to make the right choice, and still being there to love them and protect them when they don't.