quote:It is just so demoralizing and hard not to see it as personal.
IMHO, it is not personal although it is understandable that from a parent's perspective it seems that way.
Judy - imho, the coach has made his decision - for now - about your son and that is not for any playing time. I would not pressure the coach for an answer of "When will I play?" My take has always been that the coach speaks his true feelings with the lineup card. I believe the player should use his actions to speak to the coach and that is probably different advice that many would give you here.
What to do? For starters, I can feel your pain. The pain of not playing this high school season can be erased by his playing this summer where there will be many more games involved. Moreover, I believe the way he combats the catch22 situation is with attitude. Sheer attitude and force of will. Your son from now on will refuse to be controlled by something out of his control. He will take the high road. Encourage him. Encourage him to let the hard feelings go. Encourage him to be the bigger man. Encourage him to let go of all expectations so that he can no longer have his feelings hurt. Encourage him to lose the long face and the hurt puppy-dog looks when the coach does not call his name. Encourage him that his self-worth is not defined by what that coach thinks but by what God and he thinks. God made him perfect and encourage him that way. Encourage him to be the best teammate. Be the guy who does all the team dirty work. Be the guy who picks everyone else up and expects nothing in return. Be the guy who will do whatever it takes to be the bigger man no matter how poorly that coach treats him. Be the humble one without expectation. Encourage him this way so he can be liberated from these feelings.
When he sees that he can contribute to that team no matter how poorly he is treated then he will have learned the ultimate lesson. He will have let go of his chains and he will have broken the cycle. He will have broken the catch22. Encourage him and magical things can happen. Worse case this summer but presently in his mind because he will know that he can overcome and that no other human being can control his emotions or more importantly his self-worth.