Caco3girl,
You may be right and that coach, and certainly most coaches including myself, could always do a better job explaining things. You know me, I like to offer other possibilities with a given scenario.
We do call pitches most of the time (as you know, HS V). We do so with purpose. It may be sequencing, something we see in a hitter, etc., as has been discussed in some depth here recently. Yes, we want regular communication with P,C and coach calling. Yes, we want P to throw what is comfortable and what is working for him that day. Yes we want him to feel liberty to shake in the right situation. Yes, some P's need to just throw what is called. Yes, some coaches need to loosen the reigns and/or be more aware of what the P is comfortable throwing on a given day. All this said, there are some situations where a P is making a big mistake shaking off a call and the best way for the coach to convey a learning moment is the instant pull. As much as we discuss things and work through the learning curve, it doesn't happen over night and once in a while, a jolt pushes the process forward.
In one of our last games this year, we had a P shake off my P coach call in a pivotal situation. We are usually OK with shakes if there is a reason. It resulted exactly as feared. If I had another P ready, I would have yanked in a heartbeat. I should have anyway. After the inning, I asked very stearnly "did you shake FB?". We both knew he did and he knew very well it was a big mistake and he did it for selfish reasons. He definitely got the message. He'll be a better pitcher going forward. That one shake was the only one of many during the season I had a big issue with. Others were still teaching moments and were discussed often. Others were probably fine.
Another thing that comes to mind about your comment... "it's almost like the most knowledgeable coaches in youth baseball don't want to share their knowledge with an 11u kid, or a 13u kid because they don't want to take the time to explain it. These kids aren't learning the game, they are learning to follow orders. of the kids not learning the game, just to follow orders."
I don't think people take practice time into full consideration sometimes. Most coaches I know are coaching because they love the game and do love teaching it. Most of this occurs during practices. During games, some coach styles are such that they still teach some while others just let the players play. there is merit to both. But to observers, the latter can look like they don't teach the game when this is not true at all.
The usual disclaimer applies.. there are good ones and bad ones with everything.