Perfect Game Old Farts announced: Based on the success of Perfect Game Toddlers; company becomes first cradle to grave showcase and ranking company
Dateline: November 25, 2020 - Chicago (now that we are so successful we got the hell out of Iowa like everyone else)
Adam Baum, Perfect Game President announced today the culmination of the empires ranking service. “We have taken every available dollar available from gullible parents from toddlers to college age and now we have identified a new found treasure trove – Granpa’s and Grandma’s. discretionary funds” added PGOF Vice President Al K. Seltzer “many old people realize they really blew it when they were younger, with the 60’s movement of unlimited drugs, rock & roll and *** they lost sight that some of them were actually pretty good athletes” TRhit one of the 60’s era athletes agreed “How could one stay focused on baseball with all those girls running around with flowers in their hair, how could I resist” “as far as the rock & roll everyone knows I was a legend in my own mind” he added.
Skip Dover program director laid out the Perfect Game Old Farts program. “Our objective is to identify the top 200 Old Farts in the country without alienating all of the other posers who will spend their money thinking they have a shot at being in the top 200” Harry Pits Eastern Regional Director said that the program will start in the blue hair capital of the US, Boca Raton Florida. “the advantage of the Florida location is evident, there are so many Old Farts with lots of money we figure that we can meet our first year revenue target without leaving the state” We hired Hugh Jass to begin development of the Old Farts Training Center in Boca, which will break ground next week.
Mike Raffone has laid out a world class training center that will focus on the five tools Old Farts will need to excel in to make it into the top 200” The five tools are: 1. Eyesight, able to identify another person from 25 feet. 2. Hearing: Able to hear your name whispered from 20’. 3. Bowl control: Able to hold it for one hour. 4. Mental Clarity: Able to play scrabble without using 3 letter words and remember your opponents name 5 minutes after the start of the game. 5. Team work: Able to not get in argument while staying in the same room with a stranger for 2 hours.
P. Brain, PGOF spokesperson could not remember the date the facility will open, but as he pointed out most of the participants will mail in their checks and forget they signed up and no show anyway.
PGOF, PGT, PGY, PG are all registered trade marks of Perfect Game a fortune 500 company located in the top floor of the Sears Tower.
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