"Hold on Petey let me check. Yep, the number is 1800555BART"
"Thanks sugar poops.
"You've reached the MLBPA/MLB EAP progam. Please hold for the next available temporary addiction specialist trainee."
"Hmm hmm hmm hmm"
"Hello this is Marta Gaga your temporary addiction specialist trainee assigned to your groups insurance plan. Your plan only covers gambling addiction. If your addicted to anything else, we're happy for you! May I have your name please?"
"Ya Marta this is Pete Rose. Marta can you speak a little louder you sound a million miles away. I can barely hear you sweetheart."
"I'm sorry Mr. Rose I am located in New Dehli. I'll try to speak a little louder. Mr. Rose, from the following list what are you gambling the most on: dogs, ponies, team sports or other?
"Marta, the pinewood derbies races and um the team sports are just killing me."
"We'll I won't be able to help you with the pinewood derbies, he...he...; but the team sports are my speciality. Mr. Rose from the following list what professional team sports do you bet on: baseball, baseball, baseball, baseball, baseball, baseball, baseball or baseball?"
"Ya Marta, I can barely hear you. Where is New Dehli? Anyways, I bet on baseball."
"Mr. Rose, I'm going to put you on hold for 15s. I gotta go potty. Please hold ......."
"Hmm hmm hmm. Boy she must of really had to go! Hmm hmm hmm."
"Nadeem, please run a tap on line 6 and notify the commissioner's office."
"Hello Mr. Rose. Sorry I kept you waiting. Can you explain a little more in detail your betting on baseball."
"Yea Marta, I'm getting killed betting on the CUBS! They never win!"
"Mr. Rose, even us New Dehlians a million miles away from you know that the CUBS S U C K! Just pick another team and you'll be fine."
"Yea, oh yea! Why didn't I think of that! I'll come off the CUBS for a little while and see how things shake out. I'm tired of losin and paying juice too."
"Mr. Rose, whats juice?"
"Never mind Marta, thanks for your help and have a good day."
"Its night over here in New Dehli Mr. Rose. Just remember that the CUBS S U C K!"
"Yea, I guess the CUBS really do S U C K!"
Gosh, this is fun.