It's really unfortunate that so many threads here devolve to bickering.
Having been in the middle of a few forum battles myself early on, I know what it feels like from both sides, and have concluded that it's just not necessary.
And it really stinks when it leads to a dad like Lion (who seems sincere and open ) threatening to block someone like coach2709 (who so many of us respect and have learned a lot from).
But with the caveat that I won't engage further, I think it's worth noting that the harshness that's so prevalent here wouldn't happen in person.
For example: Coach, as informed and passionate as you are about kids' health, I can't imagine you saying to someone, "So what I hear you saying is: 'You're OK with turning your son into a liar.'"
My guess is, as an accomplished AD, you'd find a different way of saying that.
I hope so, anyway.
Honestly, I probably wouldn't. Telling a kid to circumvent the coach without addressing the issue with the coach first is a terrible idea. I'm pretty upfront and plain with the parents. When you try and be nice in how you say things parents tend to not hear it because it's not what they want to hear.
For example playing time - how many coaches (or anyone) would say something like "well we appreciate your concerns with your son not playing as much as you would like. He needs to work on ______ in practice to get better so he can earn more playing time. We need to put our best 9, 5, 11 (whatever sport) on the field and it's the coaches job to figure this out"? This at the end of the day is pretty condescending even it's not meant to be. It's meant to be a nice way of saying your son / daughter is not good enough now go away. But they don't go away usually. They tend to get more mad and things blow up more.
Here's what I've discovered - when you ask them who should sit so their son can play it gives them a shock of reality because they usually hadn't thought that far ahead. They want more playing time but haven't thought about who should sit in their place. They don't want to name names or pick out someone.
Now if they actually do name a kid then I ask them what do we do when another kid on the bench asking for more playing time and they say they want their son to sit. Then I explain the precedent has been set by their kid going into the lineup - if you want to play then you complain. But now everyone is fair game to sit for someone else to play. Where does it stop now that it's become a trainwreck? They usually see why it can't work then and drop it.
I'm probably not explaining it very well but it does work most of the time. There are still those parents who just want to see the world burn. If it comes to this I tell them I've tried to explain why this is a bad thing and it's still the coaches decision. Meeting over.
I always tell them they can expect honesty from me - not leaving the meeting happy. Maybe they will leave happy but I won't guarantee it.