Thanks everyone for the great input. To address some of the additional questions:
1. The family reunion is not here in town. It is about 2 1/2 hours away in Athens, Ohio. Grandma is not in ill health, and it appears from mom that her issue is not about seeing Grandma before it is too late, but that they are trying to get all the brothers, sisters, aunts, uncles, etc., together.
As far as backtracking: Here's the problem. I told all the players/families that we needed to re-dedicate ourselves as a TEAM to make every practice and game important. I pointed out that after reviewing last year's practices/games, I found that out of 45 practices we only had all of our team members present at FOUR of those 45. As for games, out of 24 games, we only had our full squad at SEVEN of those games.
j2h6: "Explain....so that this exception isn't habit forming"....I guess this is why I'm struggling with this situation. This is not a bad or problem kid, from what I know about him, but if I just shrug off a 3 day absence, what about the next kid who wants to miss to go to New York on a NON-MANDATORY class "fun" trip? What about a "once in a life time" chance to see the Yankees play at Cleveland? A sophomore who wants to go on a college visit? A player who's cousin is getting married? At what point do I look around and say that once again we're missing a ton of players who have made a choice to do something that is more important to them than the team? Obviously this is why I'm struggling with this situation.
Good Eye: Again, the notice is not the problem. We have 14 or 15 players on varsity and we can replace him. In fact, I don't KNOW he'll be a starter. But the point is, I am dealing with his choice to put something else before his teammates. I believe family comes first, too. But I don't think family has to come first in ALL events. If we have a player who's parent says "We eat all family meals together" and he would have to miss 4 or 5 practices a week, I don't think I can keep him; it wouldn't be fair to the players I would have to CUT who WOULD be there every day.
Also, Good Eye, I do have a rule (and have for many years)that missing a practice for an unexcused absence will result in sitting out DOUBLE the number of games you miss. (I should have mentioned this in my original post) Therefore, that player would miss three games and sit out 6....or basically a third of our season. Do I change the rule for him?
BillBill: I would absolutely excuse a kid for a death in the family and/or a significantly ill family member. They are also excused for academic reasons (SAT's/ACT'S), special classes for college, make-up tests from illnesses, academic awards ceremonies, etc.
And again, the problem isn't that "one weekend wouldn't hurt", it's "Where do I draw the line, and expect our players to be committed to being there?" I don't want to come off like Atilla The Hun, but it just seems that more and more every year, players do not seem to see Varsity sports as a committment, as a job to do, as a bonding experience with teammates....it is no different to some of them than intramurals that they play solely for fun.
Bee: Love to have the family involved like that...it would probably double our fan turnout, but it looks like this gettogether is about 2 1/2 or 3 hours away. One of my questions when I talk to the player and his family is: Isn't it possible for him to come down on Saturday afternoon AFTER the DH (which starts at 10:00 am)? He'd still get all Saturday evening and Sunday with his relatives.
CatcherDad: My policy has always been that you should not miss during the Varsity season, but we are very flexible during the summer because we expect many people to go on vacation. My players know that taking off for Spring Break is not an option because we generally have 6 games during that time. They know that if you are going to leave for Spring Break, don't bother coming out. Hasn't been an issue after the first couple of years.
If it deals with college or academics, I don't really even question it; they go. But when it is family parties, fun trips, Spring Break, intramural sports, etc., I start to bristle because I'm having to cut 25 kids, SOME of whom might NEVER miss a practice. Shouldn't being dedicated and reliable be MORE important than JUST talent? I'd rather have a less talented player give me 100% all the time, than a more talented player who misses practices and games.
hsballcoach: And that is probably what will happen if he goes. He'll likely lose his spot and may or may not win it back.
Kimosabe: Sorry, but I just can't see this as a "no brainer". Encourage him to go? I should encourage my players to leave during the season and miss games? I just don't get that. And again, this is information I didn't share before, but this is family who sees Grandma a couple of time a month and spends a 3 week vacation in the summer with her every year. And yes, she has come to a couple of games when she comes up to stay with the player and his family.
I've been playing Devil's Advocate here, because I'm still rolling around in my head what I'm going to say when I talk to him and his family. I'm sure some of you will read my post and think I'm a cantakerous, "win at all costs" coach. All I can do is assure you that I'm not. I am just continually more and more frustrated with lack of commitment by young people to their sports. I find it especially true with baseball, where it seems people see it as a "blow off" sport. They wouldn't dare miss a football or basketball game, but, ahh what the heck, it's only baseball.....
More and more good ideas from all of you...I really appreciate that, and thank goodness I have quite a while to make a decision. Thanks.