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Reply to "Players Missing Games"

njbb...I don't think I ever said the player or his parents were not being responsible. Telling me about this ahead of time is greatly appreciated and it is why I'm mulling over what to do. I would have been very upset if the player knew about these plans months ahead of time and then let me know the day before he was going to go.

But the issue is his responsibility to his teammates as opposed to being "responsible" by telling me about it ahead of time. Again, maybe I was raised in a strange family, but it was always understood that if you were involved in a team sport, you would only miss in the most extreme of situations. A birthday party was not considered an extreme situation. But, I am allowing for the fact that my father was someone who very much valued team sports the way they are not valued today.

....and I absolutely value your point of view. That's why I asked this question of fellow coaches; to explore whether I was looking at this in level-headed manner and whether I was considering all of the facets of this situation.

As for my rules: the rule has always been that if you miss 3 times for unexcused reasons, you are off the team. I guess the question is whether going to a family reunion is considered an unexcused absence. It never has been in the past, so I guess those who might accuse me of just looking for "backup" when I get rid of this kid are a little off base...I am actually coming from the perspective that, in the past, he would not be on the team for missing three games for an unexcused absence. I am trying to consider whether I can resolve this WITHOUT removing him from the team.

Coach May, I agree with you so much about the attitude of players today. Especially with baseball, I feel players are very willing to miss practices/games when they never would have in the past. And that is also one of my points: If this player will easily miss three GAMES, would I not be better off with keeping a slightly less talented player who would NEVER miss a game or practice and would give you 100% every game?

Quillgirl: As previously noted, my policy for several years has been "3 strikes and you're out", so by all rules previously in place, he would be off the team IF going to the birthday party is considered an unexcused absence (which it always has been in the past). Please remember too, that that weekend IS NOT her birthday. Her birthday was 2 months ago and the date of this party is simply a date that apparently coincided with most of the relatives being able to get together. The player and his immediate family DID go down to Grandma's on her birthday to celebrate with her back in September. It was the other family members from further out of state who could not make it.....

And as I've said before, is there not the possibility of attending our game on Friday and the Saturday morning game(s), and then going down to the weekend celebration Saturday afternoon?

Coach2709...not much offense taken, but a little bit Smile As I've said numerous times, I'm trying to find a way around this and I came on this board to get input from fellow coaches. I never said I wouldn't argue my position, or that I wouldn't play Devil's Advocate. I never said I would let anyone convince me. I simply said I wanted to get a dialogue going so that I was sure I was looking at every possible angle. I thought that was what the Coach's Forum was about.

And as I've said many times, the question is, after laying down the law THIS YEAR about how I have to tighten things up from last year, I'm getting a player who is putting me in a position where I have to go THE OTHER WAY, and cut him more slack than what I've done in past years.

I don't think I've ever been unfair to my players, although, as every Coach knows, just because YOU think you treat your players fairly, that doesn't mean they or their parents feel that way. I am trying to apply rules fairly to all my players and not let anyone get special treatment. If I DO consider this event an excused absence, then don't I have to consider ANY family birthday or reunion an excused absence, to be fair and equitable? If so, and I have 15 different players missing a practice/game or two, what will I have then? I guess I'm concerned about the proverbial "slippery slope" where, instead of cracking down to make sure players miss fewer practices/games, I create a situation where I am unable to keep them from missing MORE.

Bee...exactly. I am concerned that when the family discussed rescheduling this thing, a nephew missing a few ball games was considered a big deal. And as I've noted, Grandma is not in ill health; they were not concerned about putting off this thing for 6 months. And, honestly, I consider it more of a family reunion that Grandma's birthday party as that seemed to be the focus of Mom's email...the fact that all her brother's and sisters were coming in to town. Which again makes me question: how much would the player miss out if he didn't come down to the reunion until about 24 hours later than most of his aunts, uncles and cousins?

Again, appreciate all your input. I'm using you all to "push" me and "stretch" me to make sure that I consider all the alternatives and, honestly, to consider how this will affect the family in question, all the other players on the team, and myself and my coaching staff.
Last edited by TCB1
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