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Reply to "Summer ball..."

Hey everyone...checking in from sunny and beautiful Myrtle Beach, SC. It's the All Star break in the CPL and I decided to take the few days and drive down the coast to visit a family friend who recently moved down here and enjoy the area for a few days.

The Morehead City Marlins are currently in 1st place in the southern division for the 2nd half of the season. We sent 4 players to the All Star game (2 pitchers and 2 position players), and have won 10 of our last 13 games. As I said previously, we fell into a bit of a routine with games, and other than the game against the Heroes of the Diamond on July 5th, that routine has been pretty much followed to the tee.

This post will be focused a bit less on what is occuring on the diamond and more about the experience outside the stadium. First thing's first: I'd like to thank CaBB. CaBB sent me a PM last week and asked if I would like her to send me a copy of Bullpen Gospels, which her son (a player in the Northwoods League), had just finished reading. I excitedly accepted, and a few days later received the book in the mail. In a 3 day span our team made 2 long road trips...one to Columbia, SC and one to Forest City, NC. I read the book cover to cover on each of those trips. It was a fabulous read, and really painted a great picture of minor league life and the happenings surrounding the game. It was both funny, dramatic and climactically emotional, and was very enjoyable not only to pass the time through the rather bland highways of the Carolinas, but also very informational. So CaBB, thank you very much for the book and I am definitely going to pass it along to some friends.

The players in the CPL view the league in different ways. Some view at as their opportunity to shine against top competition, and put immense pressure on themselves to do so. Some view it as an an extension of college ball and follow similar sorts of routines and habits that they did while they were on campus. Some view it as a stepping stone to the pros and seem to be here just to pass time until they're eligible to move on. And some treat it as summer ball, and come to throw the ball around a little bit and go to the beach and meet a lot of local girls. Our team has been fairly successful in finding a happy medium to fare positively on the field, while enjoying ourselves off.

There are many reasons as to why a baseball player does not perform well on the field. Most of the time, it can just be chalked up to "a bad day"...a combination of a little stiffness, a little lack of focus, and a lot of bad luck. But some days there are other reasons as to why people have bad days. I had a few outings this summer that I was roughed up pretty good, and my stats reflected as so. At first I said to myself "I just had a bad day". But after getting past the emotions and sitting back and thinking about the happenings, some thoughts hit me. Two particular outings, specifically, stuck out in my mind. One poor performance was probably a direct result of the night before, when I went out and partied with the team. I was wreckless with my body and stayed up way too late. Feeling tired, sore and frankly a bit hungover, I took the mound and disappointed my coaching staff, my team and myself. Three days later I decided it would be intelligent to take part in a baseball tradition with my teammates and throw a lip in (dip...or chewing tobacco for those who don't know) in the first inning. Some are used to this practice, but I'm not. I sparingly do it (afraid of addiction and not too fond of the taste to be honest) and quickly became dizzy and felt sick. By the 4th inning I felt better, but my body was drained. Come the 7th when I was called upon to pitch, I performed poorly.

Are partying and tobacco direct reasons why I did not perform well on those particular days? Maybe, maybe not. But they are certainly possible reasons as to why this would happen. These two experiences taught me a little bit about myself and what I can handle. Some guys can party every night and have no lasting effect on the field. Some guys can eat fast food and not exercise and still rake during the game. But I am not one of those people, and I learned this the hard way. For high school players or parents that happen to stumble upon my post(s), please understand that it is part of life. Experimenting and enjoying yourself is part of the age that my peers and I are at. But one has to be smart with what they do and prioritize accordingly. I made the mistake of taking my body for granted and suffered consequences (luckily a bad outing won't ruin my career) accordingly. The irony of these last two paragraphs are very apparent to me, being that I'm a 20 year old college kid who is lecturing about taking care of one's body. But from experience, it does matter.


A few weeks ago I went to the local library to read books to children. When the kids came into the room, the librarian introduced me as an "almost famous" baseball player. I rolled my eyes and gave a warm smile, but it is sometimes very tough to come to grips with the fact that this is true. While it is evident through my past posts that the life I am experiencing through this summer team is fabulous and I love it, the reality of the situation is that I am among a group of several thousand that are just trying to prove myself to the world in order to fulfill a dream. While that dream is a pipeline for most, the yearning for it has driven us to the point that we are at. The CPL, as well as many other leagues, provides a wonderful situation for the select college players that have the opportunity to live it. But the drive that pushes us is to continue to play and continue to move on to the next level. And sometimes it is frustrating to sit back and think about it all. I've been playing baseball since I was 5 years old and I believe it is safe to say that I have more successful experiences on the field than I have had negative experiences on the field. And through all that time, I've put in countless hours of sweat, soreness, smiles and tears. A lot of my life is dedicated towards baseball, the passion that I have for the game and the desire to be successful in playing it. College ball and the CPL are awesome, but yet there is still so far to go, so much do to, and so much to learn. I am 20 years old and find myself questioning the necessity of what I'm doing, questioning the importance of everything. Knowing that despite where I am right now, the chances are still so very slim. The doubt instilled in my head grows on me to the point where I've had sleepless nights saying that continuing to play is pointless and I should just give up right now and move on with my life.

I have always been an introspective person, and I think that's part of where the skills I have acquired in writing come into play. I've found it easy to portray my emotions into words and formulate them so that other people can get a better understanding of how I feel. These negative thoughts I've had are not rare, trust me. Any competitive baseball player that tells you that he's never thought about quitting the game is lying to you. The defeats of the game and the stress it causes wears you out to the point of lack of desire many times. But as Dirk Hayhurst said several times in the book the Bullpen Gospels, for some reason baseball players shake off those thoughts and set foot on that field once again the next day. I can't really explain what forces me to put the negatives aside and push myself back to the park the next day, but I can tell you this: I never regret it. Once you are back out there, it feels like home once again. Once I'm back out there, I start to wonder how I ever could have even considered quitting this game. I call myself stupid and happily smile.

I've been playing since I was 5 years old and hope to be involved in the game for as long as I can in whatever way I can. The experience I've had this summer might be a pressure-packed stage, or a stepping stone, or a party. Whatever it is, I've learned to appreciate every minute of it...positives and negatives...because it's a piece of the entire puzzle. Puzzles are tough to put together but they sure can be a lot of fun sometimes, and baseball is one of the toughest, grinding, and most rewarding puzzles one has to put together in life.
Last edited by J H
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