Agree with some things....Dovetail with others...expand into some new ground...
Regarding mistakes and lackadaisical play.....understandable...players 14 are not developed either physically, emotionally, or technically...they make mistakes, are trying to find, themselves and their way, are growing into "new" bodies, and brains, and emotions.... errors and technical growth and the resulting challenges are endemic to the game at that age level. Mistakes are OK, lack of effort is not. Second, with kids playing 100+ year round games per year they are bound to be tired and get "zombied". Third, it is at about that age that we begin to see who is going to up their game with a passion and stay and who are going to shift other directions like skateboarding and video games.
Will agree completely with the body politic. Do your Job. Control what you can leave the rest. Lead by example....but let’s take this discussion another step, into the rarified air of real leadership....a place where many are called few will ever answer... 14 is very young, but if your son is REALLY interested in leadership then now is he time to begin to set the foundations for a future leadership.
Your son’s frustration is an excellent development in his career. This means that he cares. Caring and frustration leads to change and betterment. Caring and frustration opens minds to other new and exciting possibilities in a way that success and complacency cannot. Real opportunity exists here.
There is a reason while there are few really outstanding coaches, leaders and teachers. Most people simply do not have any desire to learn the nuances of the craft, particularly in out culture. Easier to disengage and “do my thing”, Then scream and demand when I don’t get what I want, without first building a foundation of trust and understanding that one can use to create team success. And it’s endemic to our culture now.
If your son REALLY wants to learn the craft then this is a great opportunity. The highest calling of a coach/teacher/leader is taking real straw and making gold. The highest calling a player is getting to a point where you not only play yourself at a high level but you find quiet ways to get the players around you to do so as well. Michael Jordan and Kobe Bryant come to mind...like them or not, both got frustrated with their teammates early in their careers and called them out without success....but in the end after a few years realized a different way and achieved to the pinnacle of their own athletic ability by understanding that the top level of playing is to find a way to get your teammates involved and engaged, and not only by yelling and showing anger, but by encouraging, understanding, getting into their heads, setting an example, working with them, offering constructive suggestions, taking extra time, learning the game cold and offering knowledge, being sensitive to knowing when are where to approach each player, knowing each player individually so to know how they respond and how to get them to achieve...and in the process creating an environment and a culture of success. NOT simply and always separating them from the team community with anger (though this is another tool to be used, but sparingly).
Here is the challenge...There are many ways to lead. Verbally demanding a high level of play at game time is not the only way, and is perhaps only the most simplistic way. At worst used by those who do not “get it” at best used sparingly because players simply shut down to it when over utilized. (See Stan Van Gundy’s halftime speeches at the NBA final, he screams every time at the exact same pitch and volume...the players, having seen it all before lounge.) Using a hammer where a toothpick might be the most important tool. Maybe they are simply not capable. Maybe they do not have the tools. Maybe they do not know how good they can be. Maybe they need someone to believe in them. Real leadership and coaching comes from looking at a player/team taking stock of where he stands nor and seeing what he can be with the right mental, physical and technical input and support. This may take time, and work and understanding. The ability to get their trust and get them to see their own potential. Many players need to be worked (NOT coddled), but worked and polished. This is a hard thing for an adult much less a player on the rise, but like I said, there best time to begin to set those leadership foundations in ones self is now.
As a coach I need help and I REALLY value those who get it and help provide leadership. I need team leaders to help set a tone, to help create a culture. Very hard for me to do it alone. Great teams bring freshman up, and inoculate them with the culture of winners, in the hopes that they someday engender this kind of leadership, past success and winning culture.
Again your son is young, but if you plant thsoe seeds now, they flower later and the bloom is simply magnificent!
44.