Greg65 -
Reading through your posts I have come to the conclusion that you are playing for the wrong programs. Both my sons have played travel ball. Part time starting at 10 or 11 and full time starting at 13 through HS. Yes we have seen the things you have seen but it 90% of the time we see positives. Yes it can be expensive but there are teams out there that do it for a lot less money.
We have played on teams that were parent coached. We made sure to research the program ahead of time and pick one that fit our philosophies on how the game should be taught to our kids. This year the younger one is moving to a non-parent coached HS level team. The team has told us up front that winning is not their number 1 priority and if we came to this team to win then we should move to another team. Their number 1 goal is getting kids placed into college programs or drafted into pro ball. They have a very good track record of getting kids placed. I have watched them play and they deliver on their promise. I have seen them pull kids off a mound in a tight game to put another kid in so a recruiter/coach/scout can see them pitch.
What I am getting at is this, you are speaking about your experiences. Mine have been pretty much the opposite. We have really enjoyed the experience and it has taught our kids a lot.