quote:
Originally posted by AParent:
Phoenix Dad
You're either having a great day or you're totally loaded today - whichever, I sure did enjoy your posts.
As could be implied from my other posts, I am the supplier, purveyor and distiller of fine cooking spirits so heavily in demand by portions of the family.
Having not tried to reproduce Sadie's recipe for "Holiday Hog" in our more cultured, affluent section of the south, we decided to adapt the recipe last year to turkey. The results were interesting.
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Holiday Turkey Recipe:
Ingredients:
1 fairly willing turkey, live, best if well-fed
1 gallon Holiday Hog Lighting up juice
2 quarts of Miller Beer (or Smith, Brown, Jones ... we aren't too choosey)
17 Peppercorns
1 Glue gun
A generous helping of Paprika
28 ounces of unwashed dry black beans
1 bottle Bicarbonate of Soda
A blowgun
1 hosepipe
A section of netting from the local driving range.
4 Anvils
Instructions:
1. Drink first bottle of beer to get up your nerve.
2. Place the beans in a pot and barely cover them with the 2nd quart of beer. This will be the "Stuffing mix".
3. If there is any left in the bottle, you can finish it off.
4. Anesthetize turkey with 1 cup of Holiday Hog mix. Insert a hosepipe down it's gullet.
5. Coat the Peppercorns with the Paprika.
6. For each 1 1/2 ounces of beered up beans you shove down the sedated turkey's hose pipe, insert one peppercorn gas stopper in the other end using the blowgun.
7. After completing the stuffing, you can apply the heat now.
8. Mix the bicarb with the remaining Holiday Hog Elixer
9. Funnel the mixture into the Turkey.
10. Once complete, seal off the hose with the glue gun, but leave the hose in place (you need to be able to get out some of the stuffing.
Wait about 45 minutes. It's better if the bird is cooked outside. It's best if it's cooked on either public property or someones property who isn't a close friend or family member.
Being careful never to stand directly behind your dinner, place the netting on poles directly in front of the future meal and attach it to the anvils in order to weight it down.
Once the last "stopper" is fired off, the scorching flame should complete roasting the bird from the inside out in record time. Do not give more than 1 - 2 ounces of the dressing to any minors since there might be some residual "propellant" left.