ssm,
No one is calling you out here because of your parental views about under age drinking and living in uncomfortable situations. There is alot more that goes on at college than our children realize, team or no team. This is most likely where for the first time in our childrens lives they have to deal with many situations on their own. Same goes for all who leave home for the first time. How you learn to deal with it, helps to mold who you are and your values even later on in the workplace, who looks up to you and who doesn't later on in life. No one cares for the rat among the mice. These are things as parents we also learn as our children leave the nest.
The best part of being on a team is that you have older and wiser members to help you to avoid going directly to the head honcho.
There was a situation where one of the team captains thought there was to much partying going on for a group of freshman (it happens everywhere you go). He never bothered to gather the guys together for a sit down and went directly to the coach. Coach not a happy guy. Lots of the guys on the team (not just teh freshman)felt that the captain had not used his position wisely, trying to gain brownie points with the coach as a rat rather than as a mediator, mentor and friend. This unfortunetly caused a lot of hard feelings, lost confidance in the captain and most likely changed team dynamics for that year. Lots of lessons learned from that story, both for the freshman and the team captain.
As a parent I definetly agree with you, as a mom of children living on their own now , my advice has to conform to their way of thinking and learning to deal with life.
You have no reason to apologize.