11 weeks until Spring Training and swimming...

Thought I'd share this here...
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So how much did you eat during the holiday? Did you have too many pieces of fudge? Or eat too much turkey and dressing? Did you take too many sips of that eggnog?

Well, it’s still early in the New Year and I’ve got a "Miracle Toddler Diet" for you. It will work. It’s been proven for years by every toddler in America.

And this week it’s yours free, just by reading this column.

Losing weight is often times the number New Year's Resolution. The problem is, hardly anything works, long term.

Well, someone has discovered this one diet that will absolutely shed the pounds. Read it and see if you don't agree. It worked for a friend of mine’s two-year-old.

It’s called the "Miracle Toddler Diet! Guaranteed Results!!!"

I know lots of people who are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), you don't get enough variation (the liquid diet) or you go broke (the all-meat diet).

Consequently, people tend to cheat on their diets, or quit after 3 days. I know this to be true. I’ve started a diet everyday for the last seven and I’ve gained 5 pounds. But over the years you may have noticed that most two-year-olds are trim. Now the formula to their success is available to all in this new diet.

However with all diets you must consider whether or not you may want to consult your doctor before embarking on this regimen, otherwise, you may be seeing him afterwards.

DAY ONE:
Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, and then smear the jelly over your face and clothes.

Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest). Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of flat Sprite.

Bedtime snack: Throw a piece of toast on the kitchen floor.

DAY TWO: Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye.

Lunch: Half tube of "pink lipstick and a handful of Purina Dog Chow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired.

Afternoon snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on rug.

Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up into your left nostril. Pour Grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes; eat with spoon.

DAY THREE:
Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup eat one with fingers, rub in hair. Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake in glass.

After breakfast, pick up yesterdays sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, and put it on the cushion of best chair.

Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up.

Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some red punch. Try to sip some punch through your nose, if possible.

FINAL DAY:
Breakfast: A quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes; add half a cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog.

Lunch: Eat bread crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that sucker and finish eating it.

Dinner: A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate. Stick of mascara for dessert.

DAY FIVE:
Begin first day over, continuing until you reach your desired weight!
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Enjoy this diet. And keep me posted with your results. But, mostly keep in mind that you’ll need to stock up on dog food, lipstick and "alka seltzer."

Oh, and do budget for a few more cleaning supplies as your house will get a little messy during this diet. But just think how great you'll look while doing your chores.

HAHA!!!! That is too funny!!




Ann

Wow, that is so icky that I think I've lost my appetite ... hey, it works!

MN Mom - Good luck on your diet. I'm trying a low-carb approach for the new year in addition to hitting the gym harder, but am being lured by that open bottle of champagne in my fridge.... I found that posting a picture of me on the refrigerator has been a helpful detterent.

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Has spring training started yet?

Blue

The picture of me on the frig
just laughs at me..
What am I doing wrong?

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By the time you learn how to play the game...
You can't play it anymore ~ Frank Howard

Picture of myself!! I'm sure that will help with the diet. I'm also doing the low-carb approach. I started a week before the holidays and have done well so far.

Is your armadillo/possum recipe
low carb????

______________________________
By the time you learn how to play the game...
You can't play it anymore ~ Frank Howard

Chill - It's low carb and oh so tasty (or so I've been told)...

Congrats 03Parent and good luck - maybe we can form a no pasta,potatoes, chips or rice support group

I'm sorry to say that the open bottle of champagne jumped out of the fridge and poured itself into a glass by my computer... and the picture on my fridge is winking (I think). Ah well, I'm on vacation!

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Has spring training started yet?

I've been thinking about the Dual Resolution plan that I read about in a magazine years ago....granted, it was Mad Magazine.

Prepare (or order) whatever you want...spaghetti, cheesecake, makes no difference.

Take one bite, maybe two.

Pause, light up a cigarette.

Take one drag, maybe two.

Stub cigarette out in your food.

Puts you right off both......

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From 'Nice Guys Finish Last' by Leo Durocher:

Baseball lives at the center of a never-flagging whirl of irreconcilable opinions.

URKMB
My mom is a wonderful cook and loves to cook so..... she has done alot of reading and recipe conversions to work on this low carb diet. I also went to Atkins website and they have hundreds of recipes there.
Just a little hint work very hard on NO diet drinks and drink as much water as you can tolerate after your minimum 8-8oz.

I need all the support I can find, I'm a carbaholic.

It's fun to know there are a few other moms out there working on this, too. I'm 44 now, and when I was 39-1/2, I went on the only serious diet and exercise plan I've ever done (didn't need it in high school and college, I was in sports). Signed up for a women's program at a local weight-lifting gym that caters to body builders. The program involved 3 killer sessions per week of 1 hour of intense treadmill, rower, and bike interspersed with weight lifting, plus 5-10 minutes every morning on a stepper at home to get the metabolism going. Diet was heavy on protein, vegetables, small amts of whole grains, low on fat and carbs, and FORGET ABOUT SUGAR. It really worked for me! I lost weight, gained muscle, and could wear anything. I'm not quite psyched up to be THAT good this time, but I'm working my way in that direction ...

MN-Mom - I did a similar thing last year - joined a gym, hired a trainer, stopped eating the above-mentioned carbs, lost 25 pounds and felt great. 10 back on now, tho I've kept up the weights, so it's back to the diet and increasing the exercise(I'm married to an Italian, so it's tough to stay away from carbs at this house....) 03Parent - you're right about the water - I'm getting a glass now!

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Pay attention to the feedback that takes you where you want to go!

Friends ...

I have met UKMB personally and trust me when I say ... she has nothing to worry about. I, on the other hand ... = =

better get with the program ... any program !!!

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Go HIGHLANDERS !!!
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