2014 Anxiety

Go back and read some of my post and you will see what I have been through in the last year.  Most of the regulars know that I have a 2013, 2014, 2016 and a 2018 .  I have done all that you have mentioned and more.

 

I have spent enough money to send a kid to school, I have obsessed and got angry, then sad , then mad, then glad again. Honestly, 4 years ago when I came to this site I knew very little about what really happens, matters and doesn't matter about college recruiting.

 

  I have a 2013 that signed at a very good JUCO.... during his recruiting we knew early on that he was a bit of a late bloomer and decided to take the JUCO route.  He had other offers from an NAIA that has won two titles, a D2 and a D3.  We figured after two years of JUCO , those other 4 years schools were still an option.

 

I have a 2014 that will likely be a D1 player. He has visited a few schools, had quality contact from 15-18 D1's and is ranked pretty high nationally.  I can tell you this, the recruiting at this level is different than the lower levels, but I cannot say it's always better.  I will say there's more to think about. In the last week he has gotten 6 calls from D2 schools, I beleive since they can call first.... He has talked to many D1 coaches, and they know what to say and how to say it.  It can sound very good.

 

I have a 2016 that just got back from PG in Atlanta, but has such a high ACT he will end up at an academic school and baseball could be over for him, or maybe he still plays, but school definately comes first for him

 

I have a 2018 that is better now then the other three were at the same 8th grade age. He has a gifted arm throwing 80 at 13......

 

The factors that we HAVE to stick to are

 

1.) do you like the school , if the coach leaves, if you get hurt, you have to stay in school.

2.) can you afford the school with out baseball money?

3.) go where you are going to get more opportunities to play.

We had a mid level D1 HC ask 2014 if he wanted to be on his mound pitching against Vandy, or in Vandy's bullpen watching the game and waiting to get a chance.

 

We have learned that while some schools and coaches will love your style, others will hate it... So in the end go where you can play, and be happy at that school and forget about the level.  I would rather be at a top NAIA program that has a winning tradition than a D1 that loses all the time. 

 

Also, don't take it personally, I have learned that most of the time, there are other factors that go into who they pick.  Money, scholerships, team needs, parents, lots of things you cannot control.

 

 

BTW , I'm no expert, still learning from the folks on the board that have been there and done that.

LOL...add me to the list.....still waiting for a solid contact.....maybe after East Cobb, since he will be playing in both 18 & 17U......just need that one outing in front of the right person

+1 I find myself glued to this board as our son goes through this process and we try to figure out what to expect next.  I think the hardest thing for us is deciding where our son will have to compromise on what he would ideally like in a college to continue to play baseball (i.e. academics, social atmosphere, size, location, cost...)

Mine are at East Cobb as well,  you will see morecoaches at the 17 tourney... 2014 just got back from Area Code tryout, kinda waiting to see how that shakes out...

 

In your opinion what is solid contact?  An offer? 

As suggested above, you have to focus on those things under your control and ignore the rest (or at least learn from the rest).  I attended a major tournament over the weekend watching about a dozen players I tutor, then covered a popular showcase event today (over 60 colleges represented) and will be on hand for another showcase opportunity this weekend (100+ college coaches expected).  Speaking to as many baseball insiders as I could, there are common themes a family can embrace---first and foremost, players and parents need to develop a realistic understanding of the student-athlete profile and, from a recruiting perspective, a player's talent will drive that profile.  As I indicated in another post, a one-on-one player evaluation from a qualified baseball source (perhaps several sources) can be critical.  That evaluation may be difficult to initially accept, some feedback can be hard to handle but it is absolutely necessary in order for a family to shape its decision-making in the months to come.  Talent, although the major element of the profile, is not the only factor of course; a family has to consider the eventual college choice from a variety of angles (academically, financially, socially, culturally, logistically, geographically, etc.).  This exercise isn't easy, and a player's profile emerges over time as talent develops (or doesn't), test scores are obtained, a family becomes better informed regarding the process itself, etc.  You need to be patient but very cognizant too.  Finally---as I was reminded of by college coaches over and over again this week---a player has to be proactive, a coach can't recruit you if he doesn't know who you are.  Yes, a special talent can attend a showcase or two and enjoy a meteoric rise to the top of the recruiting charts, it happens year after year, but, for most players, this journey will be a marathon, not a sprint, so buckle up for the ride (lots of bumps, twists, and turns).   

 

The baseball industry does a great job overall in providing development, competitive, and exposure opportunities but does a less-than-stellar job of educating families regarding the recruiting road ahead.  Poor choices, misinformation, and unrealistic expectations derail many college baseball dreams.  My mantra is simple---think education first, playing opportunity second.  Translation---get the best education you can consistent with your academic credentials and career interests, and attend a school where you can actually compete, go where you are truly wanted!

 

For current (2014) grads, this summer can bring opportunity, challenge, reward, and enormous disappointment.  A player I worked with several years back had an impressive performance at a tournament in late June, and a Division I school came calling; the player was a fringe Division I player and the planets had to all align---again and again.  The player and his parents were obviously ecstatic over the Division I interest but I cautioned them (based on the student-athlete profile) that the rest of summer would be similar to American Idol---the player had to perform in a major way weekend after weekend to solidify Division I interest.  That didn't happen, it was virtually impossible to expect that, and frustration, anger, etc. followed.  Then at the end of the summer, the player and family, to their credit, escaped their mental funk, turned their attention to schools that were a realistic match, and, almost immediately, a half dozen schools were at the player's doorstep, and the player committed to a Division III program about a month later.

 

If you have talent, there is a college out there for you, I honestly believe that---it may not be the ACC, SEC, etc., but baseball can be part of your college experience if you target your time, resources, and mindset towards options which offer legitimate opportunity.  Turn down the expectations and regroup.  But don't wait too long before shifting gears since many small colleges aren't sitting back as much as they once did waiting for the big schools to quench their thirst...times are changing, so get in front of that change and manage it to your advantage, or get out of the way. 

Alebaba,

Welcome to the most stressful 6-9 months you will go through. Just like everyone here who has/had a son playing in college you are experiencing what we all did.  

 

It was our experience that programs are after pitchers first and then specific needs of a program, so it is still early for position players. We found, for us at least, my son was getting contact during the summer to see where he was playing, and then it really heated up in the fall. The fall scout leagues in California is when the recruiting gets hot and heavy…..but it goes all of the way through HS season of their Sr year. My son had major D1 programs coming out to see him play during his Sr year, so frankly it is really early to get too worried.

 

I would be sure to make sure you broaden your horizons and check out some DIII programs if your son has good grades and can get some academic money. There are some excellent DIII schools in your vicinity from Texas into the South. Also be working on JUCO’s to see what opportunities may be available there.

 

Frankly my son did not commit until the last official date of May 1^st of his Sr year so you have plenty of time….to be worried.

 

The best advice I can give is to have a plan and keep working the plan. It will all work out.

 

Best of luck.

For me it will be a very good open dialog with a coach....for my kid it is an offer.  Son being a LHP has eased the anxiety a little...but not completely

sent you a PM

I will tell you one thing that I'll wager you won't like, but if you will take it to heart, I assure you it will help.

 

You are doing too much for your son.  Many of the tasks you describe yourself doing are his job.  The fact that you are doing any of the work for him identifies some key problems.

 

First, the fact that your son is tired and doesn't want to work on the paperwork so you do it for him:  If your son cannot handle this level of workload, he is not cut out to be a D1 player.  What your comments say to me is that he likes playing baseball but he does not have a full appreciation for what is involved in the event he actually reached his goal.  Players typically come home exhausted day after day, and then they open their books and they do what school requires of them.  Day after day for every day for four years. We are not talking about recreational baseball here.  We're talking about baseball as a job with school always imposing still more workload.

 

Conversely, if he thinks he is a D1 player, then the time has come for him to start proving that he has what it takes to manage his life and all the responsibilities that come with his choices all on his lonesome.

 

Second, to the extent that anyone sees you doing all this for your son, you are not helping him, you are hurting him.  Partly because college coaches see all they need to see of helicopter parents while recruiting, they would just as soon not have them around for the four years the son is playing.  But also partly because when it becomes clear to them that a kid does not fully appreciate what it is he's asking to be taken into, what will be expected of him, and a determination to meet his obligations all on his lonesome, that is a kid who has a higher than average likelihood of washing out in college.  And given the choice between two otherwise comparable players, your son will lose out.

 

I noticed that whenever you mentioned that you were doing things for your son, you prefaced your comments with an excuse for doing so.  What that tells me is, you've already heard this message before and you have decided that it really doesn't apply to you because things are really tough in your particular situation.  What I'll tell you is, you are wrong about that.

 

If you really want to help your son, show him this note and tell him that from now on, it's tough love, and he's on his own.

Aleebaba,

 

Sorry you are feeling down in the dumps right now, but there is joy at the end I assure you.  I agree with Midlo that your son could and should be doing more, if you are doing most or all of the work.  He needs more skin in the game for a few reasons.   He could be learning life skills such as learning how to find a job, which let's face it playing D1 baseball is a job.  My suggestion would be to show him everything you've been doing for him, demonstrate how to do it, and turn the keys of the kingdom over to him.   You will serve as a consultant.

 

If you don't have an offer by June 27 (get in line) that doesn't make your current & past efforts a failure.  You've learned where not to spend any more of your time and money, and that is valuable information.   There is still a lot of time and a lot of opportunities out there for your son.  From what you've shared with me privately, I know your son will have many upcoming options.   I'd revisit your targets, and exposure strategy to get in front of those targets then turn over the contact efforts to your son.  We tweaked our strategy a number of times until we finally figured it out.  I have every confidence that you will do the same.

 

Good luck!

 

 

This is all about you, which is fine, but I think some of us might have additional observations if it were more about the prospect.

 

Is he obsessing too much? Does he understand how important a decision college is for him? Is he in pain that he is looking to share?

 

Someone once gave me sage advice about youth sports. If the player doesn't have a problem, there is no problem.

Midlo,

 

I would agree with you if he was not working his butt off to get straight As in school and becoming a better ballplayer.   Filling out a few forms does not count as a "helicopter" parent, and I received advice from others that the recruiting process can be overwhelming, and not to have him focused on it every day.  I help with that part and inform him, and he makes decision on how to proceed based on my advice.  He makes 99% of all contacts with interested coaches.  Note:  I helped my daughter too in her college search, and somehow she survived.

I agree that you should not be doing everything, or most things, for them.  But our family is a team and this is a team effort to help him find the right college fit.  I receive(d) advice on this website and told him about it, and we agree on the best recruiting course of action, such as what camps to attend.  I take videos and download on to youtube for him to send links to coaches.  If that is too much, then so be it.  I will take that chance.

 

 

That is right, I am writing this from a parent's perspective.  He has a more laid back approach about it, which is perfect.  He just needs to focus on being a better ballplayer and student.  When the time comes to make a decision he can go through the heartache of making the right decision, but no reason for him to obsess over it.  17 year olds see life different than 50 year olds, which is great.  If you as a parent do not have anxiety that is fine, but I do not know any parents that fit in that category.

That's great. Glad to hear the player is taking things (relatively) calmly. In that case I have no comments or suggestions to offer him now.

 

As for Midlo's post....which I agree with.....I think you may have missed one of his points. When you say "I will take that chance", it's not about you accepting consequences for the chances you are taking, it's about the consequences for your son's recruiting experience.

"If that is too much, then so be it.  I will take that chance."

 

You've confirmed my suspicions.

You got me Midlo.  All your suspicions are confirmed.  I filled out a questionnaire so my son has no chance to make it from here on out. 

who has not sent an email or filled out a questionaire for a player,  I know my sons summer coach does it all the time. what's the difference?

 

Those emails or questionnaires were not directly addressed to your son. If they were, then he should've filled them out, not his summer coach.

 

+1 from me, Midlo. But, of course, hindsight is 20/20.

 

 

 

What has happened to this Board????

 

I haven't filled out a questionnaire in the name of a player or relative, and I haven't sent an email for a player or relative that was purportedly signed by them or addressed from them.

 

If my opinion was requested by questionnaire or email, I have filled them out and signed them in my name or sent them from my email address, but that is a separate subject.

 

I am not naive enough to think no parents fill out stuff for their little dahlings. But refer back to Midlo's post for what I think about this

my son got a questionaire from an SEC school, it had two parts, one for the player and one that specifically asked the HS or Summer coach to fill out and mail back.  My son and I sat at the table and he filled out his part, then he took the other part to his summer coach who is also a D1 coach and he filled out his part and sent both back to the school. He did what he was asked to do. I see nothing wrong with it. 

 

Son responds to his own emails, he sometimes askes me what he should say depending on what they are asking.  Again I see nothing wrong with that. 

 

 

Do you recommend that parents send emails to schools for or on behalf of their sons? Do you recommend that parents fill out college questionnaires for their sons who are too exhausted to do it themselves?

 

Those are the issues here. See the OP.

 

I don't think anyone has a problem with coaches filling out coaches' questionnaires, or parents fielding questions from their kids relating to questionnaires.

No I do not recommend parents send anything on a sons behalf.  I feel that if my son gets an email from a coach he needs to respond.   my 2013  is slacking on getting all his info into the school he is going to and has a meeting July 9th with the team to make ouf class schedules and the coach wants everything in place by then. might be a hard lesson learned if he does not get it all in on time

Can we lighten up a little bit?

 

A dad (an old timer on the site who as far as I remember hasn't caused any trouble here) comes on and offers a heartfelt post about the anxiety he's going through as a dad who is trying to figure things out as best he can, including what level of college is suitable for his son.  Seemed to me like a frank and honest attempt to identify with others in similar situations.

 

He did get some understanding replies, but mostly he got blasted for taking on some of the paperwork for his kid and for being too involved.  

 

The criticism he received seems to be of a sort we see too often here:  namely, readers key on a few words or pet peeve triggers to pigeonhole authors into categories they disapprove of.  Then they criticize the author with vigor for belonging to the suspect category, seldom tempering their critiques with any awareness they might not know enough to make such a broad denunciation.

 

The situation the OP describes seems very normal.  It is quite normal for parents to be more anxious about completing recruiting paperwork than ballplayers are, especially for schools the player doesn't have high on his list.  It is also normal for parents eventually to find an effective way to shift responsibility to their children.  Normal describes a broad range of timelines and tactics for accomplishing the shift.  Some kids want the responsibility early.  Others need prodding.  I had to ease my son into it, as did many of my friends with their sons.  That this particular player is not assuming responsibility for these particular tasks at a rate that pleases the members who have weighed in does not mean he cannot manage for himself at whatever level college he attends; neither does it mean the father is or will be a helicopter parent.  

 

It is also normal to worry when one begins to realize how many gifted and talented ballplayers are competing for a small number of college playing opportunities.  Aleebaba's reaction to this awareness also seems normal.

 

Best wishes.

 

 

Aleebaba,

I think that your son will do fine, but as someone said, keep in mind that for the most part pitchers and middle infieldders get first dibs.   I am assuming that he will be getting exposure this summer, and do not limit it to instate only. And yes, reality sets in that there are so very many talented players, and that does without a doubt set up anxiety.  It also gives one a sense of just how hard this journey really is and never take anything for granted.

I understand the anxiety, we all do, don't let anyone tell you different. In defense of those that have posted, we have been down the road, so take their advice in the spirit in which it is intended.  You will not understand that until the dust settles.  But understand that we do understand it can be a stressful time.  The day son made a verbal commitment to Clemson was like a weight lifted and I was so glae it was OVER.

 

Most importanly make sure that you have targeted the schools that are a good fit, not just because they are schools he and you feel he should attend.

 

Now may be a great time to step back and try to ENJOY this time.  Let your son take over things you have taken care of, as it is a great lesson in preparation for what is to come.  I found that letting son take over the process helped him to understand time management, and if he didn't get in those questionares that was his problem not ours, Yes, definetly a group effort, but it's time for him to take over, you can be  there to help guide him and give advice, but time to let him take ownership.

 

Best of luck, pm if you have any questions,

Agree 100%.

 

Glad folks can come here and hash things out!

Lots of great posts here.  I even think midlo makes good points, as he/she makes you think.  But these things go awry and become hostile when we generalize based on limited information.  I was hoping this post could be used to allow us to blow off some steam without judgment, but it kind of got sidetracked.  

Aleebaba,

 

I was reading on another thread that your son is headed to the Stanford and Headfirst camps?  I bet interest will be generated at those events.  My co-worker's nephew was noticed at Headfirst....by a  top academic school he had never considered.  Graduated this past spring and gainfully employed in NYC.  It really doesn't get much better than that!

 

Try to enjoy this summer.  I know I will miss it this time next year.

 

keewart

(also a parent of a 2014)

Aleebaba,

When reading through your origional post I could relate to your stress.  It is a very difficult process for the player and parents; I think having a place to go for information and support is important. 

I am right there with all those 2014 parents that are having anxiety. 2014 is laid back, way to much for me, and I know I am driving him crazy . He is having a great HS expeience, one I wish for everyone, Great success in both of his sports, very good student, the right GF so he can be himself and she can as well, a core group of great friends who make good decisions, and a wide range of other friends. He is the middle of 5 kids and so knows what it is like (from outside looking in) to leave the nest. He is way more anxious about that than where he will play baseball in college and is trying to prolong his HS experience as much as possible.

 

With that being said, in last month he has begun to take choosing a great fit for college both in academics and baseball. He has finally started to talk about what he wants (much to my relief). I still have to check that he has replied to requests from colleges and sometimes push that he does it timely, especially for those colleges he is not very interested in at moment. 

 

I find I scour this website multiple times a day now (versus once a day or so from when I joined a couple of years ago) for whatever advice I can glean.

 

I appreciate all those before me that give this advice as I would be lost. Sometimes I don't like the advice, sometimes I don't agree with it, most times I both like and agree with, BUT I do appreciate it ALL

Hi Aleebaba.  I am so glad that process is over. The ups and downs were amazing.  I have only a couple of comments now that my son has finished his freshman year in college as a recruited but non scholarship player at a very solid D1 program.  

 

IT'S HARD.  Next year, you will not be able to help at all and it will absolutely all be on him! Juggling school and baseball left me with new appreciation for my son.  He didn't do it successfully 100% of the time (two problems with classes both stemming from his lack of good communication, perhaps aided my my assistance over the years) but for the most part he did ok.  At good academic schools it's super hard to be an athlete and a ball player.  The thing that I have come away with is that if there was a mistake made in this process (Son very happy with baseball, school not the right fit except he loves the baseball so it works and academically a bit too challenging), it's to really think about your answer if you are considering a school he could not get into on his own merits.  It's a hard life and when everyone around you is focused on academics and you are trying to get to practice or stretching on time after having been in the gym at 5:00am and are falling asleep as you write a paper at 8:00pm and those other kids in your classes already have better habits or more direction academically, it makes everything more difficult.  Best advice I can give anyone is that if your child decides to attend a school known for it's academics, really consider how that classroom stress will affect his college life as opposed to competing in an environment filled with students of similar abilities.  Really, just like baseball....go where he fits in both places, not just baseball.  

 

Also, let go of as much as you can because you won't be able to help at all when he goes away and he needs to be prepared for that.  On the flip side, it made it a little easier for me to let go when I was no longer apart of the daily updates and grind, oddly I found it to be GREAT despite the fact I missed him very much, I didn't miss getting drawn into the drama and emotion!  It's gonna work out.  I've been where you are and it's gonna work out. Begin to let go and let the chips fall where they may.  You will both be happier.  Best of luck for an excellent summer filled with opportunities.

Hang in there. There's plenty of time left.

 

I think sometimes the kids don't get in to filling out the paperwork because they have self doubt. I saw my son struggle with it. It just felt like so much rejection.

 

Things have a way of working out.

I not only fill out forms for my son i actually put on his uniform and went up to bat for him..just kidding of course

I wish I could, but he exceeded my capabilities by age 12.  Maybe when he leaves for college I can go to an over 50 league.

excellent post!!!

calisportfan - excellent post.  You captured it all (for me) with the statement....ITS HARD.

 

aleebaba - if my post came across as harsh, it was not intended that way.  I'm speaking from the heart, and trying to share my previous experience the best way I can.  It is extremely difficult on families right now.  Some parental guidance and help is sometimes needed when they get off track or too busy chasing GPAs, AP classes, SAT scores, high school baseball, and college recruiting coaches.  Been there, done that and got the gray hair in my temples to prove it.  Good luck and let me know if I can help. 

Fenway, you are a great help to many of us on this website, and to me personally.  Keep speaking from the heart

Yet another in a long line of truisms from fenwaysouth!

 

 

 

ANOTHER excuse I can give my wife why I am gray!

Might be one of the best comments I have seen on this site.  Let members voice their opinions and feelings.  It is too often that someone posts something and they get swarmed for a couple words that they chose that are really not relevant to the topic as a whole. 

Also 2014

Also on a rollercoaster

Also going to East Cobb

Also help with email communications as needed

Also know my son can handle pressure and workload of baseball at a difficult school

Also hope a great choice is made soon

It's not my purpose to attack.  It's my purpose to help.  My point is that what he's doing almost certainly is not helping and could well be hindering his son's prospects. Therefore my advice is that he stop.

 

He didn't want to hear it.  I got that message loud and clear.  That doesn't change my message.  And to the extent someone expects me to say, "Well, if you feel that strongly, then I guess the rules of the road are going to be different for you," that's just not helpful at all. 

 

Even if he chooses not to listen, perhaps others will.  That's the point of a web board.

 

As to helping with e-mails, I do recommend that parents help their sons compose e-mails, especially early on, so that the player's note to the coach is written in a manner that projects the player as someone who could succeed at that school.  Also, quite often teenagers are simply not attuned to the fact that overly familiar correspondence or other means of communicating that are common among their peers can land with a thud when received by a middle aged coach.

 

That being said, we're talking about a parent helping a son compose quality correspondence to be sent by the player over the player's name.  This is a very different thing from mom or dad writing the coach on the player's behalf.  That should NEVER happen.  Someone can come on here and pretend it won't matter, but they would be dead wrong.  It does matter, it is never received positively, and it is often received negatively.

Concur with your points...as originally stated and now. Glad you took the time to share them.

Aleebaba,

 

You're not alone on the Anxiety Train with your 2014.  The majority of baseball family's are struggling with the same issues that you are.  My son graduated HS in 2011, and I remember the rollercoaster ride that we were on as a family prior to his commitment.

 

I agree with the majority of everyone else that your son SHOULD BE filling out all questionnaires himself.  If help is needed, of course, it's your responsibility as a parent to guide him.  My son filled out every questionnaire (college & professional). I made photocopies and kept them in a folder.  We kept all written correspondence (email copies & direct mail) in order with each school.  The order was based on the universities apparent interest in my son, and his top choices.  I helped him formulate a contact list with emails and phone numbers for area coaches/recruiters that had shown interest.  Prior to upcoming tournaments, I'd help him put together emails that went out to 15-20 coaches on his list.  I helped with the first, and it was his job to change the name(s) on each subsequent email that went out.  He answered each & every correspondence on his own.  Now, because he was 17-18 years old and didn't have a good grasp on his email account, I admittedly baby sat his email account for several months.

Everything changed on July 1st prior to his senior year of HS.  Obviously, that's the date that coaches can contact players by phone directly.  Teenagers are extremely comfortable with their cell/smart phones and 247son is no different.  Coaches were calling & texting him directly, and I was happy that he had no problem checking his texts, etc....  However, the next few months was sort of a Double Edged Sword, as he continued to receive calls/emails from several coaches, but nobody was pulling the trigger. In the meantime, his friends/teammates were committing to schools. Yes, we were very happy for everyone, but you do begin to wonder when/if your son will get an opportunity?  Plenty of Anxiety indeed.

The Good News for my son is that he had a tremendous showcase tourney in front of several decision makers three weeks prior to the early signing period.  A few of the coaches on his contact/wish list were in attendance, and the following week our family went on a few official recruiting trips.  247son committed about a week prior to the early signing period.

 

I'm not going to lie, it was stressful.  With that said, it was well worth the ride!  It's important that you take a deep breath and enjoy everything, because before you know it 2014 will graduate HS and be off to college....Time Flies!

Whatever happens, do not let your son settle because he feels there are no more options coming.

There are many players who do take offers just because of the program, that doesn't always work out, you would be surprised. 

You,He will understand who really wants your player and not just as a back up guy.

Following the WWBA 18U tourny on Game Changer today while lefthook pitched caused my anxiety to rise a little, since it will probabaly be his only outing there this week ....lol...but it eased after a good outing.....why do we do this to ourselves...hehe

That is bull midlo as you did not get message "loud and clear" and you continue to attack, (with attaboy from greenlight).   You essentially said that because I filled out a questionaire I was a "helicopter parent."  You now keep trying to defend that position, which continues the animosity.  You don't know me or my son, one way or the other.  I don't mind advice, but you generalized and went over the line.  You make good points, but please realize that some of your comments were based on limited information and are ridiculous.  If you are going to keep giving feedback, which you are more than welcome to do so as you are very knowledgeable, please refrain from making huge assumptions on limited information, especially when thread was not meant for you.     

Wow, Aleebaba.  You assert that Midlo Dad "did not get the message 'loud and clear'", and then go on to write a whole paragraph demonstrating that Midlo Dad heard it exactly right-- you don't want to hear his advice.

 

In fact his advice is sound.  It may not be appropriate for your style of parenting, but it is hardly "ridiculous", and doesn't cross any line that I can see.

 

I'm also bemused by the comment "especially when thread was not meant for you."  This is the Recruiting Questions section.  How could a thread not be meant for someone with the wealth of experience Midlo Dad has?  Or does your comment really mean please only respond if I (Aleebaba) will like the response?  The value of any thread lies primarily in informing readers other than the original poster.  If that weren't true, this board couldn't possibly survive.

IMO, a parent filling out a questionaire won't hurt his son's chances, but one sentence from the OP caught my eye: "I have sent emails to colleges."   I strongly believe, as does Midlo Dad, that this can do no good, and very likely will harm a player's standing with college coaches.  (Unless the parent has the resources to make a large donation of money or services to the program, I guess.)

Good Advice.

 I started thread to allow parents of 2014 players to express their anxiety about the process, but instead it got hijiacked by persons that want to express how my actions were hurting my son because I filled out a questionnaire.  Why would anyone express themselves like this in the future just to obtain this unsolicited criticism? . 

Because its sound advice. Sorry you don't like it, Aleebaba. Midlo- I'm behind you 100%.

If a player is getting recruited, a player should be the only one contacting coaches. End of story.

I'm in my 18th year of being a sports parent (two kids). I've never initiated a conversation with one of their coaches or potential coaches nor would I ever consider doing so other than for reasons of mental or physical abuse. I did coach my kids on how to deal with coaches and how to respond to college coaches.

I was once a college recruiter.  If there was a player I really wanted, I didn't care who sent me information. I would communicate with his grandmother if that is what it took to get that player. If I truly wanted to recruit a player, it was a big benefit to communicate with his parents. In fact sometimes I would get a much better feel of what the player was thinking from the parents than anything I could get out of the kid. Often high school kids can unintentionally mislead you. Parents know that you are an adult and their son is not.  

 

That said, it is always best when that recruiter actually wants to talk to you.  If he doesn't that should tell you something.  Filling out a questionnaire is no big deal IMO.  Chances are that dad or mom knows what their son would write.

 

On the other hand, I think what some have stated here is don't get to that stage where any recruiter would have a reason to believe you are one of those "Helicoptor Parents". They will try to avoid you like the plague and they will never tell you why. They might use you to help recruit your son, but they are not recruiting you.

Kevin O'Sullivan (UF) will not recruit a player without recruiting the parents as well.

We spoke to every coach that seriously recruited son.

We helped son fill out those questionaires.  Sometimes he didn't do what he was supposed to but he heard from them anyway.

He took all phone calls and emailed that was where we drew the line (unless it was directed to us which many were).

If a coach likes your son, as PG has stated, they couldn't care less about some of the things mentioned here.

 

I am pretty sure your actions did not hurt your son. 

JMO.

This whole thread reminds me of a thread I started many years ago...younger son came within one batter of throwing a PG in a 13/14 Pony game...I called/changed the pitch that got hit on the last batter...I started a thread as sort of...??...therapy for me...frustrated with myself.

 

I got hammered by half the posters for ever calling pitches...let alone changing a pitch on the last batter.  I felt even crappier after that...boy was I sorry I started that thread.  

 

Aleebaba - You're fine.  I feel the stress...the anxiety...the pain...the frustration.  You and your son have worked hard to attain a dream.  Good stuff!  One way or another, your son will never forget how hard "Dad" worked with him, was interested in him...helped him...and spent countless hours with him.

 

We all help our kids.  Ever helped with homework in grade school?  High school?  Of course...we all have.  To me, there's a wide canyon between what you have done filling out questionnaires (Shhh!  I did some of that too! ) and being a "helicopter parent."  I'd be seriously surprised if "Stotzy" thought I was a "helicopter parent" and I don't see that here at all either.

 

Hang in there.  There's sun over the horizon one way or another.  Don't be afraid to vent...or ask here again.  

I have an observation.

 

Some folks give advice, some people judge. Or maybe some people intend to give advice but aren't aware that when the tell someone else what they should or shouldn't do, it sounds more judgmental than helpful. 

 

Constructive advice is typically expressed in terms of what the poster has done or experienced first hand. This sharing of experiences is invaluable. What I have learned as I have acquired my gray hair is that taking my own experience and layering superlatives like "never" "always", or even "should" can be stepping on a slippery slope. 

 

Not that I haven't fallen into that trap myself...

 

My son is a 2015, and I filled out a few questionaires, but he fills them out now.  He has his own opinions, likes, wants, etc.   I have spoken to coaches on his behalf, most when he was younger.  Although, we were at a regional D-1's Christmas Camp, and I walked past the head coach as I was headed back from the restroom. He approached me to talk to me about my son. at the end of the camp, the assistant asked us to tour the campus with him and said he would like us to visit in the fall. Additionally, my son has been asked to call two D-1 Coaches weekly, and they have told my son that I can call them anytime I want.  So what I am trying to say is, I don't know as much as some because of their halving more experience than me, but I believe coaches are smart enough to know what parents are out of control and which ones are not. I personally will help my son, but I would rather he does the majority of the work. It will be a good learning experience, and the apron strings need to be cut at some point.  Basically, I don't believe you have done anything wrong either, but he should definitely begin to take the lead on his own. 

This thread is almost comical.  I have grown son that is very successful, married with 2 children.  To this day he still asks for my advise and help.  I only wish I had had more help and guidance when I was young.  If everyone would learn to help each other to reach their goals instead of worrying about getting involved, more kids would have a better chance. 

Ta ... Would you contact your son's boss on his behalf? Would you do your son's work for him? There's a difference between helping and doing the job for a recruit. These kids need to get to college very prepared with responsibility and time management skills as eighteen year olds. There's very little room to screw up once they're on their own. College baseball is a full time job in addition to attending class and doing homework.

RJM...I see your point as well.  I think everyone should be able to stand on their own two feet.  But at times its comforting to know you do have someone you can count on to be in your corner when you need them.

Ta...  You and Aleebaba need to learn that those who rule this site know everything. They are the great see-ers who have done it and coached in baseball since Jesus. Funny they can coach their sons, but would NEVER write an email on their behalf. What they say, is the only truth.  Without them, we would all be confused as to how to parent, watch baseball, and wipe ourselves. Going against many who have 500+ posts is like staring into the sun...not advised and very dangerous.

Ta...  You and Aleebaba need to learn that those who rule this site know everything. They are the great see-ers who have done it and coached in baseball since Jesus. Funny they can coach their sons, but would NEVER write an email on their behalf. What they say, is the only truth.  Without them, we would all be confused as to how to parent, watch baseball, and wipe ourselves. Going against many who have 500+ posts is like staring into the sun...not advised and very dangerous.

I don't think anyone is saying it is not comforting to know you have someone you can count on to be in your corner when you need them. That's like motherhood and apple pie, I think.

 

I think the issue is whether Daddy should be filling out college questionnaires for a rising senior because the rising senior is too tired to do it himself after a doubleheader, and whether Daddy should be sending emails to college coaches.

 

Some say that's cool. I disagree for reasons stated way back in the thread. Give a young man a fish, he can have a good meal. Teach him how to fish, he can feed himself forever.

Gappower...I didn't know I was going against any one.  I was stating my opinion.  Last time I checked there is no perfect way to parent.  And by all means, I need all the suggestions I can get.  I may not follow all of them, but I would rather learn from someone else's mistake.

Like it or not if the kid can play coaches dont care who sends what..If he cant it also wont matter

 

talent speaks...now how to get the coaches to see the talent is the hard part at times

Just for the record regarding parenting.  I don't go there! When I was young I was an expert, so I thought.  I now know that was not so then and not so now. My only suggestion is do the best you can.  

 

This thread is not about parenting IMO.  It is about recruiting and several people on this site have been through that experience.  The thing that gets lost sometimes in these discussions is the talent level of the player we are discussing.  I can say with all certainty that there are players out there that are so talented that many (not all) colleges will want them no matter what the parents do or say. Then there are players with enough talent to play at a given college, that are not worth the grief of dealing with a "helicopter parent".  If the player is border line, the parent can push him up or down in decision making for the recruiter.  Need to understand that most successful recruiters have dealt with many players and parents.  They actually do have a lot of experience with parents.  On the other hand, most parents do not have a much experience dealing with college recruiters or MLB scouts.  

 

Bottom line, you can look at people here as "knowitalls" or you can digest what is said and do as you please.  Guess I never understood this "old timer" feeling some think exists on this site. We all know there are people out there that are extremely knowledgable that have never posted here.  Their next post would be their first.  I don't think that someone who has posted 500 or even 1,000 posts is what is most important. What might be more important is that they have probably read at least 10 times that number of posts in that same time.  It's pretty hard to read that much and not learn something.  I know I have learned a lot from reading posts on this site.  Whether an "old timer" or first time poster, we can always learn something new from each other. If not... I guess "know-it-all" does fit.

There are x number of players who have so much talent other variables will be overlooked. My son was all this and all that in high school. But he was not all world. I knew it was going to be the presentation of the entire package that was going to separate him from a thousand other players with comparable talent. I knew any misstep I took had the potential to be viewed as a negative by a college coach. I never stepped forward until approached.

PG has a point. The number next to my name may reflect how many posts I've made. What it doesn't reflect without thought is the tens of thousands of posts I've read. When I post an opinion it's not always personal experience. Often it's the collective experiences of others I respect who have also been there and done it.

 

When it's all said and done posts are advice and opinions. No one is telling anyone it's what they have to do. The posts are experience and sometimes warnings of potential consequences if things are done differently. Unfortunately some of the know it alls learned the hard way by making mistakes. That's why they are the most emphatic regarding doing the right thing so someone else doesn't make the same mistakes.

 

Ive been through the recruiting experience twice. I wish I knew the first time what I knew the second time.

what is a helicoptor parent, maybe we could formulate a test for parents to take.

Bacdorslider,

good question, you might get a different definition depending on who you talked to.  Not sure I would describe the following a helicopter parent, but it sure spoke volumes.

We were doing an event and watched one of the top players enter the park with his parents.  He was a catcher and his dad was carrying one bag along with dragging a cooler.  His mom sort of struggling carrying a big bag with his catchers equipment.  The player was walking in front of them with his earphones on and carrying nothing. During the games and workout he would wiggle his finger to his parents and they would run down and give him something to drink.

he was one of the most talented kids at that event, but I would not have been interested in recruiting him based on watching him enter the park.  He did end up with a great scholarship in a national power program.  He only lasted one year there before we completely lost track of him.

Sounds like we might have a spin off thread to come up with a list of names for the different types of parents....hehe

 

Good point on your last post PG...I have tried to teach my son that he will be judged from the minute he steps foot out of the bus, car, dugout etc., and that he must carry himself accordingly.  It is not hard to spot the better players by the way they present themselves at all times, the way they walk, talk, interact with others....

 

I see a helicopter parent as the type that circles around their kid at all times, watching and waiting to interject themselves into the situation at anytime they see fit......maybe they should be called "hovercraft" parents instead

PG ... Your example appears to me to be one of a kid who is spoiled and pampered. 

 

There have been many articles written on helicopter parents. The term helicopter is about parents who hover over their kids lives. The parents manage most aspects of their kid's life. The kid doesn't learn to think and act for himself. The parents fight all his battles. The reason the term helicopter parent became such a big deal and garnered attention is the parents of college kids and kids in the working world whose affairs are still being managed by the parents. The parents are calling professors to fight for better grades. They're calling bosses of college graduates to argue for raises, promotions and to have discussions when junior doesn't feel he was treated well by the boss.

 

Back in 8th grade I asked my son how he did on a class project. He smiled and said he got the second best grade to Mrs. Smith. Even the kids knew Billy Smith wasn't doing his own projects. The work was too mature for a kid. The kid may get an A but it doesn't teach him how to be responsible. 

For the record, I agree with most everything being said here about parents letting their kids do for themselves, as it is there life and they need learn how to become more adult like given the challenges ahead.  The problems come when posters make generalizations on a few issues, and start criticizing.  If you ever met me, or my wife, you would never describe us as "helicopter parents"  In fact, my son has more freedom and independence than most of his peers, as he has earned it.  It is alright for us to disagree about a few parenting details, we just need to keep the judgments to a minimum as it creates unnecessary hostility. 

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Helicopter_parent

 

http://tweenparenting.about.co...elicopterparents.htm

Ah come on.  Silly post.  Silly stuff...and thats from someone (me) who has a lotta posts AND is quite empathetic with Aleebaba and Ta.

You're too kind (in first part of that)!

 

In my book you're doing fine.  Hang in there and do what you know you need to do as a good parent.  It'll all work out.  

You know it when you see it.  Aleebaba isn't one of them.

I think everyone ought to do things the way they see fit and there is no need to justify to other people.

 

This much I know about parenting.  The best parents are grandparents.  I am 100 times a better parent to my grandson than I was to my own kids.  Don't wig out about things anymore and take things MUCH, MUCH less seriously. 

 

I also know this.  The better the kid, the better the parent "appears" to be and the easier it is to be a parent frankly.  How do I know this?

 

I have three kids.  Two of them would get me elected as the national parent of the year and most likely put me in the parenting hall of fame.  The other one, my problem child is still a major problem to me at 28 years old.  He has never grown up.  If you were to judge me on him alone, you would swear I was the WORST parent of all time.

 

I am convinced kids are who they are when they are born.  I saw a documentary on twins the other day who have been separated and it highly confirms my suspicions here.  I refuse to take credit for my two highly accomplished ones but I will conversely not take all the blame for my problem child.  FWIW... 

ClevelandDad,

I totally agree with you.  I can give you real examples of great parents, great kids and then same parents and kid who has been in and out of jail or prison since the age of 13.

 

Its all a crap shoot and lots of patience and prayer.

My sister tells the story of having her first child and how she thought she was the best parent that ever lived, as the kid was really great all the time.  Second child came and it was a whole new ballgame.  Nurture plays a huge part, and it should prevent anyone from judging most of he time.  

to get back on topic....anyone finding any anxiety relief yet????????

not yet, had 14 colleges watching my 2014 pitch today(he did well . a couple are talking to him. we  are planning a "media blitz" with those that have shown interest. We are getting help with what to send from his summer coaches. if anyone here has ideeas as well that would be great.  we are sitting down tomorrow (wife, son, myself) and plan visits in august along with which prospect camps to go too. 2014 will then contact coaches to set up. after this weekend, one more big tournament, then summer season will be over unless he is picked up for another team but truthfully in ohio it has at most 2 more weekends after he is done.  

My son is feeling good today. He received emails from head coaches at two schools on his list. Both of them saw him play at The Stanford All Star Camp and are requesting his transcripts,ACT scores,next years class schedule.They both said they will call later in the week, and are excited that my son has an interest in their school(s) . One coach said  that my son might be a perfect fit for this small recruiting class(5-6 players). Both coaches gave my son their cell phone number

 

I believe this is real interest.

 

After my son got back from Stanford, we decided to find out where he stands. So he sent an email to about 25 coaches that were at The All Star Camp.He had a short list of questions like ;

* Did you see me play ?

*What did you think ?

* How do I compare with others that you have recruited in my position ?

 

These are all questions that I gleaned from this site.Major props to BOF for posting that incredible list of questions to ask

 

So far about half of the coaches have responded.The ones who did respond were indeed very candid ! There were a couple that said that they are done recruiting 2014's for my son's position(s),A few others stated that my son was in their "mix" but was not their at the top of their board for his position(s).A couple others said that they believe my  son could contribute to their team offensively, but they would need to further evaluate his defense and speed.And there were a couple that said while he is not at the top of their board right now, the situation is fluid and can change at anytime.And, of course there were the two emails that were very positive

 

I'm actually happy my son asked the coaches these questions.At least now he knows where he stands(for the most part) at some schools on his list.One piece of advice that FenwaySouth and Blue10 have told me is to keep working these lists ! Don't close any doors and keep communicating with the schools on your list.

 

Everything will work out in the end. It's all good 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lot's of anxiety here.  The boy was 0 for Georgia this week at the plate, but shined in the field. Don't you just wish there was a viagra for hitting slumps?  They palyed FTB Chandler in the single elimination round, who trucked out 5 pitchers in the game who topped and sat

over 90.  I am not sure there are 5 pitchers in New York who top 90.

 

The next month will be crucial as he is a high academic kid and will be seen by everyone he wants to be seen by.  He is no blue-chipper, but loves the game and wants to play.  By the way, I have hepled him with questionnaires because he asked for my advice - just as I will help him with a resume and cover letters when he graduates from college if he needs it.  He owns the process, but I ill do what I can to help him. 

Lots of anxiety here too!  Things are happening really fast.  Top choice programs that our son has been communicating with are letting our son know that he is not a good fit at their school, a school that he did not know was interested in him has talked about money and a visit on the first phone conversation (there had only been one email response from the coach and son had written the coach a few times with no response) and brand new schools who saw him at the Stanford Camp have expressed what feels like real interest. One month ago we were thinking that 2014 should just apply to top choice schools and try to walk on. Things can go really fast with baseball recruiting.  One month ago the three schools that are showing the most interest in my son had never communicated with him.  I do not know if any of this will translate to offers, but he is talking with coaches now.

2014Prospect - Your post is what the OldTimers refer to as the recruiting rollercoaster.  Hang on!

Fenway,

 

I really understand that term better now, up and down, up and down...

The bottom line is that for most, real recruiting doesn't begin until senior summer.

Best of luck, let us know how things work out for him!

 

 

With all due respect TPM, don't you mean summer after Junior year and during Senior year. Our experience was that schools are looking at the next group once Senior year is completed. Yes there are still opportunities, but most kids have committed by then.

No I meant senior summer, the summer before senior year. That is when things begin to heat up for most seniors in the country.

 

You said it brother--"So in the end go where you can play"

Last fall 2014 pitched in the PG tourney in Fort Myers drew Orlando Scorpions Prime,  Then two weeks ago draws Dulin Dodgers and last week in PG WWBA draws Marucci Elite....these three teams made it to the final four of the 17 WWBA.

 

What's the chances ?  BTW the way his record is 1-1 ND

Well, a few weeks go by and some kids on our team are getting visits from pro agents that say they will be top round picks, some kids are starting to make decisions on where they are going to commit, and some have received no emails or calls at all to date.  Not sure if people in the latter category are glad to be playing with the highly recruited or not, as it clearly is creating dual feelings of happiness for kid and family, but angst as to if it will ever happen for their son.  Think about it, your kid is a LHP that is effective but only throws low to mid 80s at best, or he hits well but is under 6' and does not run less than 7 in the 60.  At present all the attention goes to the 90+, 6'3"+, sub 7 guys.  What should a parent do to put kid on the radar if not one of these highly touted guys?  When do they start getting love?

If a player has enough heart, tenacity and ability, the "love" will come, but sometimes at a very different time  than the the time parents think should happen.  Baseball is truly "the" marathon!

Aleebaba, here is a link to an article about Ben Klimesh. Ben was cut from his HS team and recently was selected to the MWL All-Star team before being moved to High A in Milb.

 

http://chicago.sbnation.com/ch...15th-round-interview

 

 

Also attached is a link to a thread I posted on a friend our our son's, Daniel Nava. Daniel was cut as a freshman in college and offered a position as the team manager. He is  now roving the outfield in Fenway.

 

https://community.hsbaseballweb.com/topic/team-manager-doing-laundry-to

 

I can fully relate the angst of a parent at this stage.  Our family shared them when one D3 stepped up and pursued our son through his entire senior year in HS,before a number of D1's and JC's became involved. What is so hard at the stage leading into the senior year in HS is the fact that baseball is so different from every other college sport, or most any sport.  The period from age 17 to 21 is transitional for many players who get lost at age 17-18 and cannot be missed when they are 20-21.

Some will get plenty of love.Others  might not get the love our son "hoped" or we as parents "expect."  If they have talent, tenacity and "guts" the love might be quite distant into the future as it was for Klimesh and Nava.  Again, having been through the journey you and others  are starting, I would encourage patience and the appreciation of just how long  a marathon can be. For our son, I won't ever forget the only love being from the D3 followed by the rich and wonderful feelings of  draft day soon followed by  his running onto the field in the 2005 Midwest League All Star game  and knowing he "proved" he belonged!

Good luck to your son and all those son's and parents impacted with the anxiety of the process!

 

 

 

Aleebaba I feel your pain, I too am a 2014 dad as well that is feeling the angst and frustration of the recruiting process.  My son was an All-League, All-State OF this past season with quite a bit of interest coming from a few D1s and some more D2s and D3s.

 

Just as the HS season ended he fractured his wrist (Hamate bone) and missed the first 6-7 weeks of the summer ball season.  He is back now and is just starting to get back to where he was at the end of the HS season, but summer ball is wrapping up in another 2-3 weeks.  Many of the colleges he reached out to showed up to his games only to not see him play.  If I believe what many of his coaches have said – he would have had a number of offers already had it not been for the injury.  To top it off, he too is seeing teammates and players he knows getting their offers/opportunities to play at the next level, which I know is affecting him deeply.

 

I feel like this initial window of opportunity is starting to close, at least from a D1 perspective.  I realize there is still time and obviously nothing will start to get finalized until November, but again its hard not to feel a little discouraged.

 

I think I am keeping up a good “game face” and attitude for him during this tough time, but believe me when I say we are going thru antacid like candy in my household right now.

 

Unfortunately I have no advice nor can I answer your question (What should a parent do ….?), I am only sharing in our mutual frustration, stress and anxiety over the collegiate recruiting process.

 

The only thing I can say is we are heeding the advice of what many bloggers have said in the past – “change what you can, accept what you can’t.”  My son is channeling his frustration into amping-up his strength and speed training regimen, which we normally don’t do “in-season” but I think it helps him cope.  There is still the Fall scout team/season he plays on and the Arizona Fall Classic in October.  With a lot a hard work until then and a little bit of luck … things will hopefully work out.

 

Good luck …. keep posting updates on your son’s developments, I trust good news is in the near future.

Aleebaba - Is your son going to be HeadFirst next week?  PM me if he is.  You will KNOW, after HeadFirst, what his recruiting status is relative to his true peers.  Remember, the kids being scouted for the draft aren't really competing with your son for recruiting spots.  As I recall your son's situation, his peers will be at HeadFirst.

I think the parent should kinda step back and let the kid deal with the situation on and off the field.

 

It makes perfect sense that the more talented kids are getting more attention or earlier attention than the less talented kids. How else would anyone want it and expect it to be? If this natural and logical state of affairs in sports and life is causing angst, I think it may be due to unrealistic expectations that need to be changed.

 

Back when the player was entering high school it might have been helpful for the parents to advise him that 90+ pitchers get taken before low 80s pitchers and sub-7 second middle infielders get taken before the over-7 second kids. But if a 2014 does not understand that today, July 25, 2013..............well maybe it is never too late.

 

How should less talented kids get on the radar? I would suggest (the player, not the parent) start working even harder and redoubling efforts to keep up communication with coaches/scouts.

part of the problem with these camps is most of the schools attending do look at players but most do not have open spots for all positions at 2014 grad class. I spoke to at least 25 recruiters for schools from div 1 thru d3 in the last few weeks and most will be honest with what their needs are if they know you dont have a kid of your own in mind. I can say almost all schools said they were saving some spots for a few arms but mostly were done with the 2014 grad class.