2014 Anxiety

What has happened to this Board????

I haven't filled out a questionnaire in the name of a player or relative, and I haven't sent an email for a player or relative that was purportedly signed by them or addressed from them.

If my opinion was requested by questionnaire or email, I have filled them out and signed them in my name or sent them from my email address, but that is a separate subject.

I am not naive enough to think no parents fill out stuff for their little dahlings. But refer back to Midlo's post for what I think about this

my son got a questionaire from an SEC school, it had two parts, one for the player and one that specifically asked the HS or Summer coach to fill out and mail back.  My son and I sat at the table and he filled out his part, then he took the other part to his summer coach who is also a D1 coach and he filled out his part and sent both back to the school. He did what he was asked to do. I see nothing wrong with it. 

Son responds to his own emails, he sometimes askes me what he should say depending on what they are asking.  Again I see nothing wrong with that. 

Do you recommend that parents send emails to schools for or on behalf of their sons? Do you recommend that parents fill out college questionnaires for their sons who are too exhausted to do it themselves?

Those are the issues here. See the OP.

I don't think anyone has a problem with coaches filling out coaches' questionnaires, or parents fielding questions from their kids relating to questionnaires.

No I do not recommend parents send anything on a sons behalf.  I feel that if my son gets an email from a coach he needs to respond.   my 2013  is slacking on getting all his info into the school he is going to and has a meeting July 9th with the team to make ouf class schedules and the coach wants everything in place by then. might be a hard lesson learned if he does not get it all in on time

Can we lighten up a little bit?

A dad (an old timer on the site who as far as I remember hasn't caused any trouble here) comes on and offers a heartfelt post about the anxiety he's going through as a dad who is trying to figure things out as best he can, including what level of college is suitable for his son.  Seemed to me like a frank and honest attempt to identify with others in similar situations.

He did get some understanding replies, but mostly he got blasted for taking on some of the paperwork for his kid and for being too involved.  

The criticism he received seems to be of a sort we see too often here:  namely, readers key on a few words or pet peeve triggers to pigeonhole authors into categories they disapprove of.  Then they criticize the author with vigor for belonging to the suspect category, seldom tempering their critiques with any awareness they might not know enough to make such a broad denunciation.

The situation the OP describes seems very normal.  It is quite normal for parents to be more anxious about completing recruiting paperwork than ballplayers are, especially for schools the player doesn't have high on his list.  It is also normal for parents eventually to find an effective way to shift responsibility to their children.  Normal describes a broad range of timelines and tactics for accomplishing the shift.  Some kids want the responsibility early.  Others need prodding.  I had to ease my son into it, as did many of my friends with their sons.  That this particular player is not assuming responsibility for these particular tasks at a rate that pleases the members who have weighed in does not mean he cannot manage for himself at whatever level college he attends; neither does it mean the father is or will be a helicopter parent.  

It is also normal to worry when one begins to realize how many gifted and talented ballplayers are competing for a small number of college playing opportunities.  Aleebaba's reaction to this awareness also seems normal.

Best wishes.

Aleebaba,

I think that your son will do fine, but as someone said, keep in mind that for the most part pitchers and middle infieldders get first dibs.   I am assuming that he will be getting exposure this summer, and do not limit it to instate only. And yes, reality sets in that there are so very many talented players, and that does without a doubt set up anxiety.  It also gives one a sense of just how hard this journey really is and never take anything for granted.

I understand the anxiety, we all do, don't let anyone tell you different. In defense of those that have posted, we have been down the road, so take their advice in the spirit in which it is intended.  You will not understand that until the dust settles.  But understand that we do understand it can be a stressful time.  The day son made a verbal commitment to Clemson was like a weight lifted and I was so glae it was OVER.

Most importanly make sure that you have targeted the schools that are a good fit, not just because they are schools he and you feel he should attend.

Now may be a great time to step back and try to ENJOY this time.  Let your son take over things you have taken care of, as it is a great lesson in preparation for what is to come.  I found that letting son take over the process helped him to understand time management, and if he didn't get in those questionares that was his problem not ours, Yes, definetly a group effort, but it's time for him to take over, you can be  there to help guide him and give advice, but time to let him take ownership.

Best of luck, pm if you have any questions,

Agree 100%.

Glad folks can come here and hash things out!

Lots of great posts here.  I even think midlo makes good points, as he/she makes you think.  But these things go awry and become hostile when we generalize based on limited information.  I was hoping this post could be used to allow us to blow off some steam without judgment, but it kind of got sidetracked.  

Aleebaba,

I was reading on another thread that your son is headed to the Stanford and Headfirst camps?  I bet interest will be generated at those events.  My co-worker's nephew was noticed at Headfirst....by a  top academic school he had never considered.  Graduated this past spring and gainfully employed in NYC.  It really doesn't get much better than that!

Try to enjoy this summer.  I know I will miss it this time next year.

keewart

(also a parent of a 2014)

Aleebaba,

When reading through your origional post I could relate to your stress.  It is a very difficult process for the player and parents; I think having a place to go for information and support is important. 

I am right there with all those 2014 parents that are having anxiety. 2014 is laid back, way to much for me, and I know I am driving him crazy . He is having a great HS expeience, one I wish for everyone, Great success in both of his sports, very good student, the right GF so he can be himself and she can as well, a core group of great friends who make good decisions, and a wide range of other friends. He is the middle of 5 kids and so knows what it is like (from outside looking in) to leave the nest. He is way more anxious about that than where he will play baseball in college and is trying to prolong his HS experience as much as possible.

With that being said, in last month he has begun to take choosing a great fit for college both in academics and baseball. He has finally started to talk about what he wants (much to my relief). I still have to check that he has replied to requests from colleges and sometimes push that he does it timely, especially for those colleges he is not very interested in at moment. 

I find I scour this website multiple times a day now (versus once a day or so from when I joined a couple of years ago) for whatever advice I can glean.

I appreciate all those before me that give this advice as I would be lost. Sometimes I don't like the advice, sometimes I don't agree with it, most times I both like and agree with, BUT I do appreciate it ALL

Hi Aleebaba.  I am so glad that process is over. The ups and downs were amazing.  I have only a couple of comments now that my son has finished his freshman year in college as a recruited but non scholarship player at a very solid D1 program.  

IT'S HARD.  Next year, you will not be able to help at all and it will absolutely all be on him! Juggling school and baseball left me with new appreciation for my son.  He didn't do it successfully 100% of the time (two problems with classes both stemming from his lack of good communication, perhaps aided my my assistance over the years) but for the most part he did ok.  At good academic schools it's super hard to be an athlete and a ball player.  The thing that I have come away with is that if there was a mistake made in this process (Son very happy with baseball, school not the right fit except he loves the baseball so it works and academically a bit too challenging), it's to really think about your answer if you are considering a school he could not get into on his own merits.  It's a hard life and when everyone around you is focused on academics and you are trying to get to practice or stretching on time after having been in the gym at 5:00am and are falling asleep as you write a paper at 8:00pm and those other kids in your classes already have better habits or more direction academically, it makes everything more difficult.  Best advice I can give anyone is that if your child decides to attend a school known for it's academics, really consider how that classroom stress will affect his college life as opposed to competing in an environment filled with students of similar abilities.  Really, just like baseball....go where he fits in both places, not just baseball.  

Also, let go of as much as you can because you won't be able to help at all when he goes away and he needs to be prepared for that.  On the flip side, it made it a little easier for me to let go when I was no longer apart of the daily updates and grind, oddly I found it to be GREAT despite the fact I missed him very much, I didn't miss getting drawn into the drama and emotion!  It's gonna work out.  I've been where you are and it's gonna work out. Begin to let go and let the chips fall where they may.  You will both be happier.  Best of luck for an excellent summer filled with opportunities.

Hang in there. There's plenty of time left.

I think sometimes the kids don't get in to filling out the paperwork because they have self doubt. I saw my son struggle with it. It just felt like so much rejection.

Things have a way of working out.

I not only fill out forms for my son i actually put on his uniform and went up to bat for him..just kidding of course

I wish I could, but he exceeded my capabilities by age 12.  Maybe when he leaves for college I can go to an over 50 league.

excellent post!!!

calisportfan - excellent post.  You captured it all (for me) with the statement....ITS HARD.

aleebaba - if my post came across as harsh, it was not intended that way.  I'm speaking from the heart, and trying to share my previous experience the best way I can.  It is extremely difficult on families right now.  Some parental guidance and help is sometimes needed when they get off track or too busy chasing GPAs, AP classes, SAT scores, high school baseball, and college recruiting coaches.  Been there, done that and got the gray hair in my temples to prove it.  Good luck and let me know if I can help. 

Fenway, you are a great help to many of us on this website, and to me personally.  Keep speaking from the heart

Yet another in a long line of truisms from fenwaysouth!

ANOTHER excuse I can give my wife why I am gray!