2014 Growing up

John, Thank you for sharing that, I really admire you for opening up about this. More than that, I REALLY admire your son. It is very, very hard for a high school student to take Step1. 

I wanted to respond to two things. This is just MY opinion of course and I don't think of myself as an old timer. 

You said: I look back and wonder if there was something that I did, or didn't do that could have avoided the whole situation.   Probably not. But you and his mom did a great deal that was RIGHT, in raising a kid who had the guts to come to you when he realized he needed help.  Hopefully he is in a great teen program that supports him, it won't be easy to stay sober without a great sponsor and lots of local support.

As far as your key question, I feel very very strongly that you should NOT be the one to talk to the coach.  That would be intruding and possibly damage the rapport that you  have with your son, and that he has with his coach. He may want to have that conversation with his coach, it does entail some risk, but it might be a very productive and fruitful thing to share.  It is your son's decision. 

A big pat on the back for raising a strong kid, and for his courage in coming forward with this. I think getting back in the game will be the best thing for him!

Again, thanks for the story and for reminding all of us to enjoy each day as it comes!

Keep us posted.

John,

You have an outstanding kid that trusts his parents is the bottom line.  As a parent, I think you handled that about as good as a parent can.  From what you've shared, I think all will be good going forward, and you've got your son back.  

Your son has shown a lot of maturity since the incident.  He should handle the communication with the coach.

Good luck, and enjoy your son's baseball!

If this doesn't put some perspective in your day nothing will.

I agree with the others in regard to the conversation with the coach.  If your son has the guts to come to his parents for help in this situation I think he certainly can handle the conversation with the coach on his own. 

Good luck to your son whatever he may decide.

Regardless of what you're thinking now you have done a great job in raising you son.  Who knows why people get caught up the drug atmosphere and why people don't.  The rich upper class to the poor lower class all get caught up in it.  We are all human and we all stumble but how you pick yourself up and are smart enough to ask / receive help is what should define us.  Your son made a great decision in getting the help and that comes back to good parenting.

I do not drink, I do not smoke and have never tried drugs in my life but my sister does / did all three.  She went through a horrible time and lost many things including custody of her daughter.  She came close to committing suicide over the whole ordeal but like your son she was able to ask for that help and get it.  Her life is totally different now and she's been clean and sober for close to 10 years but at any moment she could slip back into that life style.  Make sure your son understands this because it's a never ending battle.  My sister and I were raised by the same mom and dad.  There were very little differences in how we were raised so why did she get hooked on drugs while I never did?  I doubt anybody will ever know why.

As for your son or you talking to his coach - I truly truly stress that you let your son do this.  He's going to need to learn to be strong in his life and make strong decisions.  This is one of the areas where he can start to learn this.  It is going to be tough for your son to go to the coach and explain what happened then ask for another chance.  Teach and practice with him on what to say, drive him to the meeting - whatever but let him be the one to make the conversation happen.  It's a small step to becoming a stronger person in standing up as a man.

I wish the absolute best for your son and will be praying for him, you and your wife / family.  It's tough on your son but it's also tough on you.

very well stated by the two previous posters.  One of my friends went thru this with his son the last two years.  I coached the kid all through LL since he was 10, played with my son til HS.  He got into the wrong crowd in 8th grade, lost interest in the game, started with the weed and wnt down hill from there.  Ended up quitting baseball at the beginning of his freshman yr, coaches players and a lot of fellow players tried to intervene to no avail.  Ended up geting arrested multiple times, took a 6 month program to finally open his eyes.  Started back with the HS team last summer.  Coaches and players worked hard along with him, to re-acclomate him back into baseball and life in general.  He is doing well so far.

As a School resource Officer I can tell you that you have done a great job with your son.  I deal with this situation on a daily basis it seems.  But, mot parents like to remain in denial as well as do the kids.  For him to come to you at that age is fantastic, it just doesn't happen that often.  For HIM to recognize he was in trouble is even more amazing and shows that you, as parents, definitely did something right along the way and that.  I agree that you should not be the one to have the conversation with the coach, but, I do think that it is okay, and would encourage you, to be there for the conversation as support, not neccessarily to participate.  The coach already left the door open, so he must see some talent.  I hope your son takes advantage of that.  Best of luck!

Thank you everyone for your kind words.  I agree that he took a HUGE first step coming to us and reconizing he had a problem.  Reading everyone's reply's I agree that the best thing for him to do is to talk to the coach himself, and I will let him and support him through it.  I hope that he does play this summer and gets the fire back for baseball.  I do not believe that he will play after high school; but I truly believe that he may regret hanging his cleats up now.  His mom and I were talking the other evening on how much fun it was to seem him on the mound taking control of a game, the fire in his eyes and determination he showed. 

Again, thank you for your kind words.

Absolutely agree. So glad to hear that your kid trusts you enough and is strong enough to come to you with this problem and to take the steps he needs to to get help. I've known my fair share of people that have gotten into that lifestyle. Some of them got help, and others did not, and it was painful to see. Like coach2709 said, who knows what causes some people to get caught up in it and others not to, but thankfully he's getting it handled sooner rather than later.

Thank you for sharing that story and most of all, thank you for not coming up with excuses as to why.

I know of a player who had serious dependency to serious stuff, the parents blamed everyone and everything but their son.  

It took a lot for your son to come forward and I agree let him work it out with the coach. He's proven he can man up so let him be.

It's not easy being a teen these days (or parents of teens), if you as a parent suspect anything, make sure that you share your thoughts with your children.

Best of luck to your son.

I hate to throw cold water on this, but...if your son tells his coach what's been going on, is the coach obligated to report this behavior to the school?  Is the school policy to suspend or expel a student that admits to doing drugs?  Do you know the school policies regarding this type of situation?  You should know the answer to this before he has a conversation.

Negative conotations are not needed in this thread.  If you start off a comment that way, maybe you should think about it again, and then not post it.  The coach is under no obligation to report it to the school, there is nothing they can do about it.  It is not there place to to step in after the fact.  This is a family matter at this point.

I don't think Smitty was being negative, he has a valid point.  We live in an age of extreme sensitivity.  We have 5 year olds being suspended for eating a pastry and the teacher thought it resembled the shape of a gun.

The school is aware of the issue, we have been in discussion with the school and they are working with us.  2014 goes to a private school that is religious based and they have been very helpful in the situation.  We have been in discussions with the principle and AD for awhile now, they have been helpful and are aware of the help he is receiving.

John,

I'm glad to hear that.  I wasn't trying to be negative (sorry if it came across this way), just careful.  As said above, sounds like you have a terrific kid and a great relationship with him. You have much to be proud of.

Smitty28,

I didn't take it in a negative way, you are correct we have to be careful what is relayed to the school now a days.  We are proud of him, but at the same time we are dissapointed in him.  It is difficult to have those feelings at the same time.  We want him to realize what he had been doing is completly wrong and he needs to take ownership of it, but at the sametime let him know that we love him and are proud of him for taking that first hard step. 

Smitty, sorry, I was a little over-zealous this morning. Must have been that MTN Dew kickstart

Just wanted to post an update on the progress of 2014.  This summer was a very tough one, I'll leave it at that.  He went to an in-paitient treament for a month in the middle of August.  The turn around in him is nothing but a miracle, I know that word gets thrown around a lot; but I can not think of any other way of putting it.  The kid has turned 180 degrees better.  He has changed schools, which has helped him tremendously.  I don't know if he will play baseball for his new school or not, and to be honest with everyone I don't care.  I am so happy to have my son back.  He was able to keep his job over the summer umpiring which he loves to do.  Plus he is going to be able to bowl for his new school.  I never realized how popular high school bowling has become!  He loves it and is very good at it.  As for baseball, I talked with his old high school coach who said something that really struck me.  He said, "It doesn't matter if he plays baseball for me, or if he even goes to our school, he is one of my guys.  I am always there to support him in whatever he does." 

I know I may be rambling on, but I am so happy in the turn around in 2014 and who knows we may see him back on the mound again this spring and at the State Bowling tournament this winter!!!!

John,

I'm sincerely sorry that your son and your family are going through this agony.  I pray that you continue to have the strength to fight this battle, and that your son makes a lasting recovery.

VERY happy for you.  And thanks for sharing your story.  We're often afraid to put ourselves out there when it comes to showing real life problems and vulnerability.  But sharing this kind of story can be so helpful to others.

That's really encouraging news!  I am so happy to see the improvement in his life!  My family has had many tragedies from drug use, and I don't want to see anyone go through that.  Please keep us posted.  I would love to hear that he is back on the mound, but most importantly hope for his full recovery.

Well said, MidAtanticDad. John, Stay strong and best of luck and lots of prayers.  Although not one of us wants to admit it, in this day and age, this could happen to anyone of our sons.  He sounds like he has strong character and will battle through it.  Perhaps baseball can play a part in his recovery but it certainly should not be a priority.