3 Sports Parent Behaviors That Turn Off College Coaches

Only 3 Behaviors?   Must read for parents new to the process and preparing to go through it with their recruit.

Fair enough to expect that parents shouldn't be helicopters or loud-mouth jerks.

Somewhat unrealistic to expect 17 yr-old males to be  "confident student-athletes who....can hold an insightful conversation"

game7 posted:

Fair enough to expect that parents shouldn't be helicopters or loud-mouth jerks.

Somewhat unrealistic to expect 17 yr-old males to be  "confident student-athletes who....can hold an insightful conversation"

If a player really wants to go to college as a recruited player, it's not asking too much for his or her parents to let them know early on that the player is the one principally responsible for driving the recruitment bus. There shouldn't be an aspect that the player doesn't have a significant hand in. 

It has to be their passion; not their parents'. If players will involve themselves consistently in the nuts-and-bolts of the college search/recruiting process and assume responsibility for periodic communications with prospective coaches, it's amazing how much they'll learn and grow through the process.

I watched my son do this, and his was the experience of many of his peers. Today, as a college head coach, you can expect that he and his peers are looking for the same sort of growth and maturity in the players they evaluate that their personal involvement in the recruiting process caused for them.

I want to add something that pertains to #3.

You better believe that while watching a potential recruit, not only are they watching the recruit in what he does, but are watching the parents as well.

It can also be the other way around, when you go watch a game or practice, pay attention to the coaches behavior as well.

I agree, a must read. 

Things like this make me grateful that I knew so little about athletics when my son was going through the process. I didn't know enough to prepare his way or to think he was a superstar (although I occasionally yelled at an umpire).

But I do think that if you don't expect a 17-year-old kid to be able to hold an insightful conversation, you're lowering the bar for him or her. Kids that age ought to start to have some insight into themselves and to be able to explain a basic philosophy to a coach.

One coach my son didn't go with emailed him a question — why do you play the game? He was really recommending a book on the same topic, but son answered the question. I think it really shaped his approach to recruiting, and while many coaches didn't ask that question, son's behavior on and off the field reflected his answer to that question.

And I agree with TPM. Son marked off a couple of teams because neither he or I liked the way the coach treated his players or in some cases, we didn't like the behaviors the coach allowed on the team.

game7 posted:

Fair enough to expect that parents shouldn't be helicopters or loud-mouth jerks.

Somewhat unrealistic to expect 17 yr-old males to be  "confident student-athletes who....can hold an insightful conversation"

So the parents hold the kid’s hand up until they drop the kid off at college. Then they expect him to be an instant adult responsible for his actions and decisions without any supervision. In most cases it doesn’t happen. 

If a kid can give a coach a firm handshake, make continual eye contact and complete sentences without “like” and “literally” he’ll do fine in a conversation. The coaches realize they’re talking to a kid. The conversation is evaluating maturity potential. There’s nothing wrong with parents telling the kid what questions to ask. 

TPM posted:

I want to add something that pertains to #3.

You better believe that while watching a potential recruit, not only are they watching the recruit in what he does, but are watching the parents as well.

It can also be the other way around, when you go watch a game or practice, pay attention to the coaches behavior as well.

Welcome home!

Prepster posted:

game7 posted:

Fair enough to expect that parents shouldn't be helicopters or loud-mouth jerks.

Somewhat unrealistic to expect 17 yr-old males to be  "confident student-athletes who....can hold an insightful conversation"

If a player really wants to go to college as a recruited player, it's not asking too much for his or her parents to let them know early on that the player is the one principally responsible for driving the recruitment bus. There shouldn't be an aspect that the player doesn't have a significant hand in. 

It has to be their passion; not their parents'. If players will involve themselves consistently in the nuts-and-bolts of the college search/recruiting process and assume responsibility for periodic communications with prospective coaches, it's amazing how much they'll learn and grow through the process.

I watched my son do this, and his was the experience of many of his peers. Today, as a college head coach, you can expect that he and his peers are looking for the same sort of growth and maturity in the players they evaluate that their personal involvement in the recruiting process caused for them.

My kids had interviews as part of the college application process that had nothing to do with athletics.  If they weren't able to carry on an insightful conversation with an adult this wouldn't have gone well.

Smitty28 posted:

My kids had interviews as part of the college application process that had nothing to do with athletics.  If they weren't able to carry on an insightful conversation with an adult this wouldn't have gone well.

+1. 

It is like anything young people are just learning...it takes practice, some patience and time.  My son was very introverted, but he learned that he MUST speak to coaches and he MUST speak to interviewers if he wants to be selected and offered...it is as clear cut as that. 

The experienced interviewers know what buttons to push to get them talking.   My son and I were at his first dream school (a local D1) and the RC asked him about his pitches and grips.   So, he is going through all his pitches and grips.  The topic of a knuckleball came up, and my kid is rambling on about the physics of a knuckleball and he just wrote a high school paper about it...yada yada yada.   What he didn't know was the HC could hear the whole conversation in the next door office.  The HC came in and joined the conversation as he was a former college and professional pitcher.    This conversation (as part of an un-official visit) lasted a long time.  As the parent, my job was to just blend into the background.

College interviews are a little different.  My son's college interview was less about the college and more about him.  Understanding his passions and goals.   Again, the (admissions) interviewer was experienced and was able to get my son to talk about himself probably more than he was comfortable with.   There were no baseball questions.   This was the feedback I got after the interview 

TPM posted:

I want to add something that pertains to #3.

You better believe that while watching a potential recruit, not only are they watching the recruit in what he does, but are watching the parents as well.

It can also be the other way around, when you go watch a game or practice, pay attention to the coaches behavior as well.

I've probably shared this before but it needs to be heard by the people in the back.  I was at WWBA 17U several years ago at East Cobb.  Area behind home plate is specifically laid out for coaches and scouts.  A dad was sitting this area and I was standing behind it talking to a few college coaches and a couple of pro scouts.  The dad kept hollering at his son, the umpires, the coaches, and other players.  finally after about 3 innings an older pro scout asked him which one was his son.  The guy proudly said #18, won't ever forget this conversation.  The scout stood up and hollered at the top of his lungs.  If any of you college guys are looking at #18 on the white team, don't waste your time.  I don't care how good the kid is who wants to put up with the a$$hole of a dad for four years.   And sat down.  The kid was playing second base and just put his head down.  The dad huffed off and the crowd on both sides and the umpire applauded.  I felt so bad for the kid but it was the truth.  Every person there wanted to tell this dad to shut up and let the kids play. 

Since then I have told this story numerous times to parents at ball parks all over the US, especially the ones who were being that dad.  And they are moms and dads. 

fenwaysouth posted:

Smitty28 posted:

My kids had interviews as part of the college application process that had nothing to do with athletics.  If they weren't able to carry on an insightful conversation with an adult this wouldn't have gone well.

+1. 

It is like anything young people are just learning...it takes practice, some patience and time.  My son was very introverted, but he learned that he MUST speak to coaches and he MUST speak to interviewers if he wants to be selected and offered...it is as clear cut as that. 

The experienced interviewers know what buttons to push to get them talking.   My son and I were at his first dream school (a local D1) and the RC asked him about his pitches and grips.   So, he is going through all his pitches and grips.  The topic of a knuckleball came up, and my kid is rambling on about the physics of a knuckleball and he just wrote a high school paper about it...yada yada yada.   What he didn't know was the HC could hear the whole conversation in the next door office.  The HC came in and joined the conversation as he was a former college and professional pitcher.    This conversation (as part of an un-official visit) lasted a long time.  As the parent, my job was to just blend into the background.

College interviews are a little different.  My son's college interview was less about the college and more about him.  Understanding his passions and goals.   Again, the (admissions) interviewer was experienced and was able to get my son to talk about himself probably more than he was comfortable with.   There were no baseball questions.   This was the feedback I got after the interview 

If your kid is blessed to get questionnaires from MLB teams they better get ready to answer questions of all kinds.  And most will be adamant that it has to be answered by the player.  I made mine fill out these with very little help from me.  I was aware that many times the scout will bring the questions with them for home interviews and ask the kid the questions again to see if they get the same answers.  When I tell you they are tough questions, many of them are very tough for a 17-18 year old to answer

While I generally believe that parental behavior and snow plow parents can turn a coach off in a sport like baseball, this article is still cookie cutter coach speak gibberish. They quoted a football coach and a basketball coach. Two sports where things like player character and grades aren't exactly as important as their 40 time or vertical. So we're going to worry about the parents when the players can barely stay out of their own way a good amount of the time? Let's not pretend like character and education is a key factor when recruiting football players. 

And then Tom Izzo talking about players leaving his program when the going gets tough as if he's never cut a player before. Kids leave programs when they don't get playing time. Why sit the bench at Mich St when you can start for another D1 program and not have to sit out. The answer isn't always work harder, sometimes you're never going to get meaningful playing time at a school. Yeah sticking it out is valuable for mental toughness, but going somewhere you're going to be happy for 4 more years is more important than waving a towel on the bench for the starters and proving something to yourself. 

game7 posted:

Fair enough to expect that parents shouldn't be helicopters or loud-mouth jerks.

Somewhat unrealistic to expect 17 yr-old males to be  "confident student-athletes who....can hold an insightful conversation"

How is that? At 17yo it's time for a teenager to start taking responsibility for himself. Expecting him to hold a conversation by himself with an adult wouldn't  seem to be to much to expect. 

Agree that the article was less than illuminating.