Abusive Coach

6killer,

Thanks for posting. I wish you were posting under different circumstances. I hope there may be others that have dealt with bullying coaches, so they can offer suggestions. Sorry, I don't have an easy answer or suggestion for you but I really do feel for your situation. If this was the work place it might be easier becasue there are laws against a hostile work environment.

At the least, I would probably document every action or in-action by the AC or HC so you can recall these incidents if it comes to blows with the AD, Principal, School Board or 6 o'clock news. This AC sounds like he has serious issues. I find it hard to believe that the HC doesn't see this going on.

As a parent your instinct is to protect your kids until they can take care of themselves. It sounds like you've thought hard about forward, but your son doesn't want to do that. It may come to a point very soon where you have to step-in for his safety. A private meeting with the HC and AD together may have to be the first step to bring this issue forward. As the parent of three boys, I sympathize with your situation.

I hope your situation gets resolved soon.

Welcome, and I am so sorry to hear about your issues. FenwaySouth gives very solid advice about documenting everything, even if it's just to have in your back pocket for the time being. If you can videotape games I would do that as well so that the camera can pick up anything tangential.

2013 has many teammates who played for a JV coach who sounds exactly like your AC. Fortunately for us, our son played Freshman and then Varsity, so he missed out on it. But we know the parents of some players who played for this abusive jerk for one or two seasons. One in particularly was thrilled to make JV as a freshman, only to become shell-shocked and and lost all of his self-confidence. As a sophomore it didn't improve. Now he'll play Varsity as a junior and the new coach has been spending as much time as team psychologist as he has been a coach for this young man and a few others.

I think you're wise to be concerned about him losing his passion for the game. But if he continues to say it doesn't bother him, try to get him to talk about it in other ways. Sometimes what bothers us (and rightfully so) doesn't trouble them as much. Let him know that you're always there to talk and that under no circumstances will you abandon him as a parent and an advocate . . . period.

Good luck. I hope things improve.

Thanks for the replies. My problem is, I wouldn't hesitate to go to jail for my family. So it takes everything I have to sit back and watch. I have documented the transgressions of the AC but hope to never have to use them.

Thanks

This situation is awful to deal with. Did you see the AC kick Mudd in your Son's face? My guess is you didn't. Did any other Adults? This Guy sounds like someone nobody would care for. I would agree that Documentation & if possible video are the best avenues to deal with this Guy. If it gets physical or there is anymore Mudd slinging I would deal with it immediatly. Unfortunatley the verbal abuse is something you & your Son will have to deal with. Hopefully he has thick enough skin & realizes sometimes in life you have to deal with A#@holes like this. Good luck!!

There is no video. The AC appears to be very experienced in his actions. He makes sure the HC is never around when he becomes abusive. The team sees and knows what is going on but keeps silent for fear of retaliation.

Sorry to hear about your situation. But, sounds like a life lesson presneting itself to your son. How does HE want to handle it? Is he ready to go to the HC and voice what's going on? I too would also have a hard time with this situation and find it hard to believe the HC does not know. I readily admit that I may be a little quicker to "pull the trigger" so to speak if it were my son...but, maybe your sone is actually being the better person in this case. Your sons lack of response to the AC's provocations probably heats up the AC even more. Until then you can only be supportive of your son. I am sure he'll speak his mind when the time comes. Like the others said, document it all and keep feeding him the rope......

can you please define abusive

If the "abuse" is true abuse and bullying, most if not all school districts, would take those allegations seriously. In these times of "bullying" leading to suicides, it's a very real and sensitive subject for school administrators.

TRhit....

The mud incident.

Then during BP, before a game boasting about the incident to other players and calling my son an idiot for taking it.

Making references to my son's sexual orientation. Telling the other players he is ***. (no he is not)

Claiming that one of the JV players is a better hitter, no biggie, there is always someone better. But his intentions are to be-little and break down character in front a audience.

During one of their games my son had a nice base hit on a hit and run and was told he sucked when he got to first. AC coaches first.

He has tried to change my son's catching style from soft hands to "jab and grab" and then informs the HC that my son cannot catch.

etc etc etc...

.

how do you know all these things?

They come out slowly. We have to pry a lot of stuff out.

Maybe your son needs to throw that mud right back at him? Don't listen to me... I'm not very smart!

If somebody is going to get this guy fired, let it be another dad, not you. Non-intervention by you is bad. But intervention is worse. Kudoes to your son for dealing well with it.

I don't kick mud, I don't condone mud-kicking. But mud never hurt anybody. Let it go.

If a non-abusive much-respected coach flipped out and kicked some mud in a player's face, would we care?

Having said that, I'm sympathetic regarding your situation.

Why should we--as parents, tax-payers or tuition-payers--demand less from an assistant coach than we would from a teacher or an administrator or a school janitor?? Besides being a jerk, the assistant coach is setting an extremely bad example for the kids on the team. And, from your decsriptions, it is evident that he is an adult being abusive toward a child.

I say: document everything...as painful as it might for your son to re-hash every incident. And then, if it continues, go to the principle--not the AD.

If what you say is 100% accurate (and I'm not doubting you one bit), the assistant coach deserves to be disciplined (e.g. suspended for two weeks without pay) or fired (what I would advocate).

Because I'm lazy, I'm cutting and pasting an earlier reply of mine from a discusssion regarding an incompetent coach who was draining all the enthusiam out of the poster's son, but I think it still pertains:

Regardless of whether this is a public high school supported by taxes or a private/parochial high school supported by tuition, a parent has every right to want and expect a quality educational program (and that includes the athletic department) for their child. So, let's approach the poster's stated dilemma from a different angle to see if there is a smart course of action.

Let's say that the school had a really lousy mathematics department and your son was a good enough math student to take honors/AP courses and qualify for the math team. Besides that, he loves math! But unfortunately the head of the math dept (or a specific math teacher) has shown a propensity over a number of years for leaching the joy of learning math out of any student that comes under his/her purview.

Now, do you shrug and say "Well, I guess my son will ride it out, cause there is little I can do," or do you go to the principal and in a reasoned, informed, and prepared way, express your concern? Sure, there is risk involved; maybe nothing will change and you (and by osmosis, your child) will be perceived as a malcontent--and your child will suffer for it.

BUT, if the poster's assessment is correct and their motives pure, I think this is the course of action a concerned parent should take--if not for the child, then for the entire program and future participants.

This can't be true.

Apparently you haven't read the other thread about HS baseball issues.

Every coaches' son is the starting SS on varsity in every instance. He would never lose a spot to a non-coaches' kid. Sheesh.

is the boy strong enough to stand up to th ac?

quote:

Originally posted by TRhit:
is the boy strong enough to stand up to th ac?

TRhit: With all due respect (and I do respect your opinions and all that you have put into this board), no CHILD should be put into the inhrently mis-matched position of having to "stand up" (and what the heck does that mean, anyway?) to an ADULT who ridicules him, calls him names that question his sexual preference, or kicks mud in his direction for no other purpose than to intimidate or humiliate him in front of his peers.

my 2 cents. If all this is true about this coach sounds like something a 12 year old would do.

quote:

or kicks mud in his direction

Before it was stated in his face.