Another son wants to quit post...

Maybe there is something else going on you have no insight to, a conflict with a teammate, perhaps. Why would you force the kid to do something he doesn’t want to? Just because he has a good scrimmage? Are you putting pressure on him to play for YOU? They have to be out there for themselves, not a parent.

I have pushed my kids in certain situations and they’ve come out happy that they’ve stuck with it. I wish he’d talk more about what the issue is, I’ve only been left guessing. Maybe he really does find baseball boring. I’m having trouble with the “not living up to your commitments” part as well. 

Tough spot, especially considering the financial investment. But, he's the one who has to go out on the field. And, if he doesn't want to do it, there's nothing positive that can come out of you forcing him to do it.  

I feel your pain. It's especially frustrating as a parent not to have some explanation on why he feels this way. 

What would I do?  In this spot, I would acknowledge for my son that it is his baseball "career" and not mine.  And, he should only play if it's what he wants to do. Further, the last thing he should ever do is play because he thought it would make me happy.

That said, I would ask him to sincerely think about the decision to quit and all of the downstream results of walking away...just to make sure he didn't later regret his decision.  Literally, I would ask him to list it out to make sure he's making an honest effort at thinking it through from end to end.

Good luck with everything. I hope it all works out for the best.

My kids had several rules for behavior regarding extracurricular activities - one of which was you finish what you start. They were not allowed to quit anything in season. Now, if the environment was unsafe that’s different but I think you get my point. 

Personally, he would have to finish the high school season unless there is something egregious that was revealed. Regarding summer ball, I would see if I could get my money back. 

Same rule as HSULER. If you start a season you finish a season.  I was in a very similar situation as you son. When I get sometime in the morning I will expound on the situation and the outcome. My son gave up baseball but not until after HS. It was a great decision and he is very happy. 

There is something glaringly missing here.  If he told the coach he wanted to quit and the coach talked him out of it, there WAS a conversation that took place with the reason why he wanted to quit in the first place.  You have to know what it is.  

Additionally, I'm with HShuler… Always complete your commitment.  Then, if you want to do something else, fine.  Something can be worked out with the summer team.  It's early February.  

Get to the root of what the problem is.  Make sure ramifications of quitting are reasonably understood.  Then, let him make his decision.   But, like I said, there is a missing piece here.  There are several flags that suggest more to the story... "I've pushed my kids in certain situations"...  "maybe he really does find baseball boring", etc.  This smells a bit of too much push from ?? possibly the parent/s.  He needs to find the passion within himself.  If that means losing a season, as painful as that can be, that's what needs to happen.  But he needs to know (without pressure) that any more than that, and he can probably write off baseball aspirations.

He told the coach he didn’t like baseball anymore and that it was getting in the way of his beloved school extracurricular (sorry, I don’t want to be so specific that someone can ID my kid). Coach said if you don’t like baseball, that I can’t do anything about. But we’ll allow you to pursue beloved school extracurricular and work out a shared schedule. And just like that, he was back in. For the time being. But now he’s complaining again that he just doesn’t like it.

The activity I wouldn’t let him quit in 7th grade was the beloved school extracurricular. He was bored with it, none of his friends were in it, etc. Two years later, it’s his life. I just had a feeling it was going to work out and it did. I can’t help but wonder if baseball will be the same and he just needs to give it a little more time.

If HE doesn't want to be on the team and it shows, there will be 20-24  teammates that won't want him to be there either. 

My son played two school sports all through middle school and freshman year.  He switched back to rec league in the second sport for the remainder of HS, but he has said several times "why did you let me quit"?

In my opinion sports is something you simply don't force your kids to do. Will I demand they do their school work? Will I demand they are respectful of others? Will I demand they do what is required around the house? Yes. There is no question about that. But when it comes to playing games they either want to do it or they don't. 

Maybe your son is just tired of it? Maybe he simply feels he is being forced to do something he really doesn't want to do? Maybe there is another interest that he wants to pursue? There is definitely a reason and if you back off and just let him decide maybe he will open up and tell you what's up?

Forcing him to play in my opinion is the wrong way to go for many reasons. JMHO 

Yeah, I think I agree with the others, and with you, that there is something here that you don't know, something that is important to solving this problem.  Now, I will say that burnout is real. A lot of the kids on the 12 year old Little League All Star Team have quit baseball. My youngest son has played pretty much every season for the past two years. He took the fall off for freshman football and was ready  to quit baseball and run track.

I'm not proud, but I did put the pressure on him, but only in this way "Are you sure? You've never played on the same team as all your school friends. You played football with your buddies and had a great time. A lot of your buddies are trying out for baseball. I think if you play you'll find you have a great time. Track will ALWAYS be there - they always need warm bodies. If you get cut run track. But if you skip baseball tryouts, and all your buddies are on the team, I think you'll regret not playing." He agreed to give it a try. He made the team and, so far, is very happy.

Keewart above mentioned his son saying "why did you let me quit?" That is a thought I have had regarding my own father. Teenagers sometimes exercise poor judgment and this may be one of those situations. But it gets back to what we said above - there is something here that you don't know, something important. Sometimes kids need to work through things on their own, but sometimes they need parental advice and guidance.

Just try and get him through the spring season at school by hook or by crook. Try and get him to open up to you. Reach out to the coach. Heck, I don't know, work out some kind of deal with him for something he wants. At some point he's going to need gas money for a car, or money for dates, whatever. You may have to eat the money for the summer team though. You need to find out what is driving this decision, but be careful that he doesn't do something he'll regret down the road. People don't usually regret playing one season too many (burnout issues aside - and I will say that playing 12 months a year will burn them out. I've seen it too much around here.), but they regret quitting too soon.

Just remember - I'm as full of crap as the next guy. This parenting thing sure isn't easy, and while some people are really awesome at it, many of us are just muddling through the best we can. From the bottom of my heart, good luck to you and your son in working this thing out.

I will take a different approach than some on here. I think forcing a kid to do something can be good sometimes. If he has a different extracurricular or hobby that he will be doing the same amount as he would baseball then let it be, but sometimes kids just want to be lazy and that is not good. Being on a team and being around other guys his age is good for him. Tack on the fact that he is held accountable as a teammate and if he is one of the better players, others know the value his talent brings. 

That being said, if this is not a laziness/moody teenage decision and he legitimately has other interests (band, robotics club, engineering club, different sport) that he wants to put more time into then you can't blame the kid becasue his interests don't align. It is one thing to not want to go to practice so you can drive around with friends, hang out with girls, and waste time. It is another to be putting your time into something else that interests you. 

Your concerns are valid and I think the hardest part is knowing that he is wasting talent. I understand the idea of letting your kids choose what they want to do, but there is something to be said about not quitting and sticking it out that is also admirable and rewarding in the long run. Growing up, the options were play sports or be 4.0 students and study all night as soon as we got home. There's a reason we all played 3 sports. 

All I know is that HS Baseball only happens once. Jobs, girls, and friends will be around forever. 

Like so many of us, I became a "baseball dad" because one of my two sons became passionate about it at an early age. Just like any of his and his brother's pursuits as they grew up, it had been his choice to get into the game, initially, and it was also his choice to continue working at it and playing it as he grew up. For my other son, the choice was music; and I viewed the two chosen pursuits as fundamentally similar as they were disparate in their specific traits.

As one who had always enjoyed the game, myself, I had always been pleased that baseball was very high on my younger son's list of things to do; and, as he began to experience some success in it, it was fun and gratifying personally to see him pursuing it.

However, I came to recognize over time that it was important to separate the pleasure I derived from watching him work hard at it and succeed from whatever measure of satisfaction he took away from it, himself; that it was critically important that baseball or any other significant pursuit be his choice. Where that took me was to begin to prepare myself for the prospect that he might come to me someday and say that it was no longer enjoyable and that he wanted to quit the game.

Eventually, I came to the position that if he ever came to me and said that he was burned out from baseball that my reply would be, "Fine. Put the ball down and don't pick it back up unless and until you feel differently about it. However, what I feel that I have the right to ask as your parent is how you intend to channel all of the effort you've put into baseball, constructively. If you have a satisfactory answer to that, then despite the fact that I'll miss watching you play baseball, I'm okay with your choice. But, don't tell me that all of that energy that had been applied to baseball is going to go into frivolous activities."

As it turned out, that day never came. In fact, his passion for the game led him to pursue it as his vocation. However, as I sit here today, I can truthfully say that if I'd ever been confronted with the eventuality I considered; that I'd have responded in the way I just described.

It's got to be their passion, their choice; not ours. However, as their parents, we have every right and responsibility to know that the alternative is a constructive one. If that's the case, then embrace and support the change.

I am with Coach May.  If he is not up to the demands of HS baseball then why force it. 

Beyond this if he is not up to HS sports then he will never be up to demands of college baseball as it is hard...really.... really... hard and only the few are cut out for it. 

Every player time ends, some in HS, some in college, some in pro ball, but in the end there is always and end and it is never an easy time.

When my son left baseball  he never looked back   He lost his passion for the game   He then had the time to try new things and has a new passion bouldering 

it will be harder on you but it’s his choice but I’d make him pay you back the $1200

Thanks to all. Everyone has given me wonderful thoughts and advice.

I just wanted to add that right now, thankfully, his lack of passion has not been evident on the field. He has been working hard.

I am definitely concerned about what he will do to fill his time were he to quit... He spends far more time than I’d like laying around and looking at an electronic device. I highly doubt any extra hours in his day will be used to do something productive. He is not a big fan of academics, he has mastered doing the minimum to get a B, so I am quite sure quitting would not affect his grades in any manner. 

When I was a kid, I was a very good athlete.  But I was a punk too and it ultimately led to me not taking advantage of my skills.  To this day, 30 years later, I still bug my dad why he let me waste it.  He says, you didn't want to put in the effort, and my answer always is I was too young and dumb to make such a decision.  For that reason, when my son needed to be pushed, I was there to make sure he didn't blow it.

Now, if your son has a legitimate passion for something else, fine.  But, maybe there are other reasons why, which getting that info from a teenager is like pulling teeth.

Before he makes a final decision, I would lock myself in his room with him and have a thorough conversation.  Let him know a decision like this could be final, and, more importantly, make sure something more troubling isn't going on.

As I alluded to in an earlier post, my son gave up baseball after HS.  At the time he made the decision I documented some of our journey in a number of posts on here.  Turns out my sons journey was not unique.  He made the decision just prior to the start of his Jr year of HS baseball.  He informed me of the decision as we were walking through the outlet mall by our house.  At the time he was being recruited by a number of mid level D1 programs here in the midwest in addition to a B1G school.  Ironically he ended up at the B1G school on academic scholarships.  The one thing I knew about myself is that if I let things sit for 24 hours I am able to take the emotion out of things have have a rational discussion without clouding my judgement with my personal feelings.  A couple of days after the decision was communicated to me I took him out to his favorite restaurant.  It was not a cheap endeavor as my kids seem to have developed a palate for the higher end area steakhouses.  Anyway, we sat and talked over dinner.  He explained to me his rational.  Basically it boiled down to he did not see it as his life's journey did not have the passion to work through MiLB (if he were to make it to that level) and wanted a different college experience then that provided to an athlete.  He wanted to attend a B1G/SEC type school and experience the football/basketball/ games, frat life, etc.  He had a number of friends who were already playing at the college level and knew it becomes more of a job than a fun activity.  In addition his travel/showcase program was structured more like a college program so he had a taste of what it was like to deal with the daily grind of playing high level baseball.  

We spent sometime talking about the fact that this was a final decision.  Once he communicated to the college coaches that he did not want to play college ball it was over and he could not go back.  At the time we talked he also told me that he wanted to continue to play HS ball but no longer wanted to play on his showcase team.  He had worked out with them over the winter but we were still 4 to 5 months away from actually playing games with them.  We had already paid our yearly fee to them.  At that point I felt we were far enough away from the season, and based on the way the program was structured we were not going to put a team in a situation that was unfavorable to them, so we agreed that he did not have to play on the showcase team.  I ended up eating the money I outlaid for the showcase team as due to the time commitment of HS sports my son did not have a job, thus had no means to pay me back.  

After our discussion and my agreement that he had made a thoroughly thought out decision he decided to move forward playing on HS ball and not playing on the showcase team.  The one thing I did ask him to compromise on at the time was holding off informing the colleges he was talking to.  We decided to wait until the end of the HS baseball season.  This gave him some time in case he changed his mind.  In the end he did not change his mind and notified the schools after the HS season ended.  Many of them were very understanding and thanked him for letting them know.

Fast forward a little to signing day when some of his long term teammates were signing their NLIs.  I could tell that he felt a little left out.  I asked him about it and he said he was still confident in his decision but could not help feeling a little melancholy on that day.  Fast forward again to MLB draft day and he received a call from two of the schools he was originally talking to.  One that he had no real desire to attend and another mid-D1 program that was a high academic school that originally was towards the top of his list.  Both of these schools had lost players to the draft they were not expecting to loose.  They were calling to see if he would still be interested in playing ball for them.  He straight up told the one school that he still did not want to play.  The other school he talked to and texted back and forth for a day.  They explained what they were looking for, where they saw him fitting in but never made an offer.  Instead they asked him to think about it for a couple of days and get back to them.  If he was still interested they would make him an offer.  In the end he decided he was excited about the school he was going to attend and that playing ball at the smaller school was not what he wanted.

He is now a Jr in college and does not regret his decision one bit.  He attends football games and basketball games on a regular basis.  He has joined a frat and now has a job on campus.  He has made a lot of connections through his school and/or frats student/employer social events and has lined up a very good summer internship.  He is already talking to some amazing companies about internships the next summer as well.  He even has time for a girlfriend.  In the end it was one of the best decisions he has made.  He will tell you that and I will tell you that.

My advice to you is this.  Take your kid out to some neutral ground, take the emotion out of your thought process and sit down and have a mature adult conversation with your son.  Be willing to listen to him.  Make sure that he understands that he needs to be open and honest with you and that there is no judgement on your part.  Be willing to accept his decision, but be willing to provide your point of view as well.  In the end it's his journey and he needs to do what is right for him.  In the end you need to be supportive of his decision.

Something you might try is becoming very supportive in his other hobby...in conjunction with your support of baseball (assuming his other hobby is something appropriate). Perhaps learn about it so you can talk to him about it, buy him some gear he needs for it, etc. Show him that you don't just view him as a baseball player and let him realize that he can do multiple things and not be locked into just one.

Both of my sons went through various levels of burnout in their respective sports. It got to where I had to let them skip a couple of practices here and there to just go hang out with friends or whatever (even though that went against my nature). Sometimes just getting away and feeling "normal" is all they needed. In fact, one summer my son didn't play ball at all...and he found out he really missed it and went back with a vengeance in the fall.

Good luck. I hate when I hear of kids wanting to quit their sports early because it is something I am almost sure they will all regret when they are our age...unfortunately, they can't see past Friday night and don't realize it yet.

Also, regarding the comment about him being lazy and on a phone or video game all day.  I was bugged about that as well back when my oldest was in HS (he is now out of college).  The one thing I learned through talking with my wife (she is a school administrator), other parents and some of his coaches, is this is the way kids hang out these days.  They don't always get together to go driving around the town like we used to.  Instead they hang out electronically and are happy to be doing it.  Once I came to that realization it eased my mind some.