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Being a parent in the stands in college baseball

justbaseballjustbaseball10,000+ posts
I cannot speak as a pro-player parent (yet?), but I thought with the college season about to get underway, it might be good to talk a little about what you may face as a parent of a college player. For sure, many exciting moments/games. You will probably feel more pressure than before...rest assured that your son very well may not. He is LOVING this.

But here are a few things I have witnessed firsthand that I wasn't necessarily ready for from other fans in the stands:

* Heckling - on the road, especially at a rival school, you can bet your son will be heckled at the plate or on the mound. Especially if he strikes out or gets lit up. Some of its funny, some of it hurts a little...to be honest. Just be aware, it may sound personal, but it really isn't. Just fans being fans.

* Angry hometown fans - Our son got off to an up-and-down start as a pitcher his freshman year. Great outing followed by a horrible outing followed by an ok outing followed by a ?? outing. You get the picture. So I'm sitting near the front row trying to take some photos in about his 5th game or so and as they bring him in out of the bullpen, from behind me I hear, "uh oh, here comes another adventure!" Virtually every emotion cut through me, laughter, sadness, hurt, anger, more laughter. I sat quietly and took my pictures.

* More angry hometown fans - Another parent of a freshman at our son's school (who will likely be a very high draft choice) told me as he watched a game, the fan in front of him (not knowing who was nearby) declared to his friend about this parent's son, "this is the worst XXer I have ever seen in the history of this college!" One week later, this same fan was googling all over this same parent about his great son. Fans are fickle - huh?

* College message boards - I have read fans comments where my son was praised, then ripped, praised again...then ripped yet again. Some have wanted to see him start, others have never wanted to see him on the field again. Its all over the map. I find it funny now. But it was tough at first. You wanna post back - DON'T! (if you can help it Big Grin).

I think the main message here is your son is entering a new, magnified and much more intense arena than ever before. Not everyone knows you anymore...or who you are. They are fans. They will say things without realizing. It sounds personal, but its not. It may be genuine, or it may not.

Consider writing down some of the things you hear and read to look back on in a few years. I think you'll enjoy some of them much more later than at the time you first hear it.

Maybe some of the other college or pro parents have some stories to share too? Lets hear 'em!

Good luck! Wink
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Dad04Dad045,000+ posts
We have a "righty" who also pitched freshman year. Our experiences very closley mirror yours jbb.

I remember sitting in the top row watching his first (very brief) start, the first Sunday of freshman season, holding his mothers hand, as the coach retrieved him after an inning plus and 4 or 5 runs, glad at least he was doing well in class. He was not happy after that game.

I listened on the internet to his next start nearly a month later as he made an all-tourney team, half way around the world in Hawaii.

Up & down it was that year. It gets better, but keep antacids handy.

It took me awhile to realize the schools fans feel the players either help or hurt the fans team, while players regard the team as theirs.

I read the fan boards and chuckle at the mis-information. I took the bait once and responded, learning my lesson first hand. It's my kid, but it's their team and so be it.

If it was for parents they would call them "Parents Boards" not Fan Boards. Big Grin

After two years, I can't believe it's (at least) half over. Roll Eyes
Last edited by Dad04
ClevelandDadClevelandDadHSBBWeb Administrator
I don't think out of town heckling would ever bother me. I remember once that David Wells complained that he hated Cleveland fans because they said his mother wore army boots. I am positive they didn't mean it personally Big Grin

With respect to hometown criticisms, I think that would be tough and may likely be tougher for a pitcher's parent because the spotlight is on them every pitch. I know the fans always want to see the guy that is on the bench until they actually get that guy in many cases. Chris Leak from Florida is a great example. The fans were booing him at home this year in favor of the freshman. He was a senior and now has a National championship under his belt. They probably love him now. This seems to go along with sports. Mickey Mantle was booed initially in New York and he just had to go out there and win them over.
P PGStaff10,000+ posts
justbaseball,

It only gets worse by leaps and bounds.

Picture yourself setting in the stands on opening day... maybe 50,000 fans. Your son (the pitcher) is taken out of the game to resounding BOOOOO's from 49,998 fans (Wife and I weren't booing Smile).

Only thing I could think of is... How do you ever prepare a child for this experience? I've heard the boos many times without thinking much about it. Things just seem a whole lot different when your son is the player they are booing.
Dad04Dad045,000+ posts
quote:
Picture yourself setting in the stands on opening day... maybe 50,000 fans. Your son (the pitcher) is taken out of the game to resounding BOOOOO's from 49,998 fans (Wife and I weren't booing ).


...but the swelling in your chest on a good day must make the bad day less significant.

I remember watching another poster, from way back, on TV, watch his sons MLB debut on the mound. They showed him alot. He went nuts nearly every time he threw a pitch.

quote:
I thought things were going to get easier, not harder


The emotional swings were more severe until I realized I had zero control, and it was in good, capable hands anyways. Roll Eyes


quote:
Chris Leak from Florida is a great example. The fans were booing him at home this year in favor of the freshman. He was a senior and now has a National championship under his belt. They probably love him now.


Chris Leak will be remembered by Gators as a leader on the 2007 National Championship team, probably long after he and I are both gone. The length, depth and breadth of support for that team is that big. They may have shocked the world, but no one here was surprised, except maybe by the level of thumping OSU got. The Gators are committed to excellence for the entire atheltic program, and school. That BC$ check should help too.
Last edited by Dad04
piaa_umppiaa_ump5,000+ posts
The same reasons I abandoned the stands when my son was a youth player keep me out of the stands now in college.

The reasons are just magnified in college...The heckling from the student section bothers me far less.......see, I am an umpire...I'm kind of used to zoning out fan comments....

The student section can run the gamut from entertaining to sick and insensitive, I have heard a few things that made me laugh and quite a few that made me wince....

The hometown fans "OWN" the team, your son may be here for 4 years, but they have been coming for XX years.....they have no qualms about disecting, in detail, every one of your beloved sons faults....real or imagined....

If it bothers you too much, you can always sit on the visiting side....which I have done....they dont care a lick who your kid is.....
FungoFungoHighly Regarded and Beloved Old Timer
JBB,
Great post and so true. Been there done that! The message boards can be VERY cutting. People can even find your email address and send you emails and tell you how your son stinks. I wouldn’t say it “hurts” but it does make me realize there are some very serious fans and some mean spirited people imbedded in that fan base. Two things an athlete must realize ---- many fans view the athlete as “their” property to “use” as they see fit --- and --- an athlete’s worth is based on what he is doing TODAY. As the father of an incoming freshman I was expecting the college fans to seek me out and introduce themselves, welcome me, roll out the red carpet so to speak but it never happened. Yes there were a few (you can count them on one hand) that made an effort to be friends and we remain friends today but the majority could care less about the parents. College and pro parents seem to be near the bottom in the hierarchy of the team’s structure. I’m sure that what I describe is more prevalent at the larger more competitive colleges.
Fungo
RHP05ParentRHP05Parent1,000+ posts
Very good tip for the freshman parents JBB! Smile No matter how you think you're prepared for the next level, being the parent of a college player is quite a change! Don't expect the parent welcome wagon/ team mom stuff! Big Grin We've also met some great parents of team members but found most really don't care who's who. Had one parent actually use the phrase "This isn't High School" when I made the effort to introduced myself! I also agree with the property feeling of the fans. Produce or sit down, period! Don't expect anyone in the stands to say anything resembling "Get 'em next time!" Cool. The best you can hope for when your son is not playing up to par is silence. Wink I love going to the games and following the team on the road, but the emotional connection just isn't there like you're use to. It is a fabulous experience when you see your son take the field for the first time, enjoy the moment ... and wear kevlar!
Last edited by RHP05Parent
S spizzlepop1,000+ posts
As a newcomer I couldn't help but notice this topic as if it were speaking directly to me. It makes me want to schedule an elective surgery junket to Thailand for some of those "extra thick skin grafts.

On the way back maybe I should stop in at piaa_ump's place for some "Hard-of-Hearing Aides," and drop in at justbaseball's for some debate lessons with his wife.

Dad04 did you get the quart size Tums or gallon of Maalox?

Jerry, I suppose the quirky combination of opening day high hopes and tall suds cannot be prepared for in this world, nor can the sound of all those boos when seemingly aimed directly at your soul. Forgive them, they know not what they do.

Seriously though, thanks to all of you folks for sharing your stories. I will take your sage advice to heart. I know it's likely to be a rough ride no matter what, but having the foresight to anticipate that rude slap in the face hopefully softens the blow a little for me. I'm just glad they don't sell booze at Spizzle's place. Smile
luvbbluvbb1,000+ posts
quote:
* College message boards - I have read fans comments where my son was praised, then ripped, praised again...then ripped yet again. Some have wanted to see him start, others have never wanted to see him on the field again. Its all over the map. I find it funny now. But it was tough at first. You wanna post back - DON'T! (if you can help it ).


JBB, you are one up on me as I haven't reached the point where you are in saying "I find it funny now." After reading the boards I always seem to find myself swearing I'll never do it again because it upsets me so...yet, the willpower still isn't there. I equate it to a car accident you come upon while driving. You know you really shouldn't look, but just can't seem to help it. Roll Eyes But, I am proud to say I haven't succombed to posting back, as much as I would like to! Eek
Last edited by luvbb
MN-MomMN-MomHSBaseballWeb Owner
quote:
Does this stuff go on in D-III, too?


I'm sure it depends on the size of the DIII and the level of the program, but I would say, Yes, but to a lesser degree. Most DIII crowds are smaller (some a LOT smaller) so other adults are more likely to realize that the parents of the "bum" on the field might be sitting right behind them. But that also means that as the years go by, you are more likely to hear the funny things that a few of the freshman parents are prone to saying (when they don't understand yet that it might be a couple more years before their son becomes the star like he was in HS). Big Grin

The pain you feel when your son doesn't live up to expectations in one game, or more ... I'm guessing that pain is similar at most levels. It has to hurt a LOT to see your son ripped by strangers on a DI message board. But it's also pretty uncomfortable to sit near the smaller crowds who do know who you are, when your son just messed up.

I know there are some members on this board whose sons went right from being HS stars to being impact players as freshmen in college, but that is not the norm, even at a small college. I can't remember who gave the advice in years past to sit back and just try to enjoy watching your son, and NOT interfere with your son's enjoyment by worrying out loud, etc. But if you can do that, you may realize that your son is having the time of his life, even if the stats don't show it.
TPMTPMHSBaseballweb Member since 2003
We have been very fortunate, our fans love and appreciate our players and very rarely will you ever see anyting written about them or hear anything negative at a game. Most of them know who the parents are. I also have never seen anything negative written about other players from other teams. I have noticed that many of our fans do have a tendency to be rather rough on the opposition during a game, which I do not support. Eek Let's just put it this way, with out cheapseat section behind RF and CF, pity the opposition. I have not been to enough away games to hear any heckling, but I understand it goes on. My son's philosophy, if you can get through a Clemson/South Carolina game (either stadium) you can get through anything!

The fans are very supportive of the parents and I have found them all to be wonderful. Many have thanked us on occassion for sending son to Clemson and come to say hello when we are in town. I felt the same type of appreciation while son was on the cape.

A few years ago someone blasted son here on the HSBBW and on the Tigers chat boards. It was very mean spirited. At that time Fungo gave me very good advice, which I have followed. I have only once seen something negative written about son on another site, and I had to laugh at the comments. They were complaining son acts too c*cky on the mound, I feel he isn't c*cky enough.

If you think that the roller coaster ride is over after recruiting...HA! It's a whole different animal! The highs and lows are amazing, nothing like it, but I have to admit it has been the best! For him and us.

Thanks for the post JBB!
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