Skip to main content

Given the events of the past few weeks, I've been pondering this question? Actually, not pondering it...but realizing just how very true it is.

I never met Jeff, Nick or Brandon. I once met Mary Anne.

I don't think it matters though...when I learned about each of them I went numb. It hurt. It still hurts. I think about them a lot.

We come on here and in some ways bare our soul through our writing unlike we do with our 'everyday' friends. There's something about writing that allows that. It also allows us to go off on each other more easily. Sometimes that can be a sign of 'feeling comfortable' with each other...however, I resolve to not do it again...or at least to be much more sensitive.

JT was special...as were the others. They all taught us something. I miss them all, even though I never met most of them.

I value all of you...including the ones I tangle with sometimes. God bless you all...I just needed to tell you that.

My prayers for our friends continue. Frown
Last edited {1}
Original Post

Replies sorted oldest to newest

quote:
Originally posted by TRhit:
I define a friend as the one person who would get out of bed at 2 in the morning to drive me to the hospital or loan me his second car for the weekend---can you count 5 of them in your life---on that basis a cyber friend can never be the same--

I like the term "acquaintance" more


I'd call those those "brothers", and you're right, you can probably count them on one or two hands.

Friends are the next level. Since I've lived in the same area my entire life I have quiet a few and I would describe them as people I can share a thought with and know I will get an honest answer in return and also know they would go out of their way to help out if I asked.

Then comes "cyber-friends". This is a relativily new "relationship" brought on by our "virtual world". I think that we've seen that this relationship type has it's flaws with the perverts of the world, but with right format, it opens our lives to a more diverse population. IMHO, any means of dropping the blinders or removing the rose colored gasses with varied opinions from these "friends" makes every person more complete.

Losing members of these relatioships hurts if you have mutual respect. I think it's important that we never minimize the word "friend" regardless of its level.
Last edited by rz1
I believe you get out of a friendship, or any relationship, what you put into it. The capability to open up, to empathize, and to give without expecting something in return offers you the opportunity to make many friends.

I also believe that with our busy lives, we tend to compartmentalize friends. You may have friends at work, for example, that you wouldn't want to take to a ball game --- that's just not your shared experience. It doesn't lessen them as a friend, though.

Cyber friends are a recent phenomena, one we probably don't completely understand.

This community is unique in having a strong identification; we are all involved in baseball as/with a player, and that player is good enough to be able to consider progressing to the next level. And this is THE place where we can talk about that player, garner advice on the journey, and share experience. (Of course that blossoms out into other tangentially related areas, be it computer advice, humor, books, whatever.) But unlike our friends in the "real" world, there is the same level of commitment here without the potential jealousy, lack of experience, or just plain disinterest in the subject.

Because of that, our friends here fulfill an important role for most of us. And sometimes it's like the Stranger On A Plane. The guy you sit next to and you find yourself telling him things you wouldn't tell a close friend ---- because you can be totally honest with him and with yourself as you're never going to see him again!

Many of us visit this community daily; it takes a great deal of detachment to not feel the loss of a fellow regular.

And because of our shared Baseball Status, we identify strongly with each other. I think much of our response to these tragic losses is pure empathy.
justbb, what a timely, sensitive and insightful post.
For me, friends come in all forms, from many places, but most of all, my view of a friend is someone who offers themselves to us/me.
In my world, it does not matter whether they offer their hand to shake, or through an email or a post on this site, they offer their advice, their guidance, or a warm thought on a tough day
I think it would be fair to think that many of us have posted some very personal thoughts on this site or in PM's with other other members.
I have posted feelings about baseball, feelings about death, feelings about my family, my children and other issues and items on this site in ways that I feel comfortable to do.
There is something very special about friends and about friendships and the common bonds and the caring they create.
Not everyone joins this site to become friends. Some join, find what they need, or not, and move beyond the HWBBW.
Others join and become what JT clearly did for so many on this site..a friend.
Friendships involve making another person, whether you have met them or not, feel appreciated. JT, and many others do/did that for so many of us/me. JT made us/me feel "big."
Others, like you, have taken time to want to know who I am and are there for support or guidance when those times require.
For me at least, friendships derive from the substance and content of the relationship, not from the form it might take.
quote:
For me at least, friendships derive from the substance and content of the relationship, not from the form it might take.

I think that is correct.

I used to feel somewhat guilty for all the time I have spent here. It has occurred to me in good times and in bad that this is where my "friends" are. I like to hang around smart people and the smartest ones I know can be found right here on the hsbbweb. I like to read good writing and the best writers I know are right here on the hsbbweb. I like to hear good philosophies and I continually find them here in this community. Most of all, I like to interact with people who care as much about others as they do themselves. Sure, maybe all I "personally" know is the spelling of a screen name or the appearance of an avatar, but when it gets right down to things that matter to "me," I feel that I know everything that I need to know.
quote:
I define a friend as the one person who would get out of bed at 2 in the morning to drive me to the hospital or loan me his second car for the weekend


Yes, I have more than a few of those. And a couple of them I met online first. I have many friends online who I truly believe would do anything in their power to get here to help me out if I needed it. Even if it meant flying across the country.

I feel like I have become close to many people on here, through a couple of other websites, and in a chat room. These are people I would definitely consider to be friends.
Infield dad - That is a beautiful post. I agree with your sentiments.

I have actually traveled to meet people from HSBBW - strictly for that purpose. I have friends here who I turn to for advice just as I do friends that live nearby. As a matter of fact, as I shared elsewhere, JT helped me pick out my computer. I have friends on here who I would absolutely get out of bed and go assist if they needed me and it was possible to do so. I have friends who I have shared personal challenges with and received comfort and advice. I have friends who I hope feel that I have supported them during struggles. I have prayed for many that I "knew" and many that I didn't, but that was simply a name through a mutual friend. I have friends here that my son has had the pleasure of meeting.... many more that I wish he could meet. I have met the sons of some posters. I have followed the sons of many posters and continue to do so. Last night when reading about JT, one of my most immediate thoughts was "so and so need to know this". I began to make some phone calls and a couple of emails. That's what friends and family do. They care about each other... that carries over into our personal lives from the cyber world oftentimes.

HSBBW "friends" important to me personally.... you betcha ya!!!!
quote:
Originally posted by TRhit:
It has become a "virtual world" not a real world--- Can you pay taxes with "virtual money" ?


Well, you could pay virtual taxes with virtual money. If your virtual CPA told you to. Wink

The "virtual world" hasn't replaced the real world; but it has enhanced it.

Yes, yes, people expressing how much they appreciate and regard their Cyber Friends. I can certainly see how that's something to get all pr*ckly about! Roll Eyes (and then rolls eyes again that I can't use a perfectly legitimate word without getting censored Wink)
Last edited by Orlando
TR, I think we can all agree to disagree.
I tend not to "define" friends. I do not define them by what they can or would do for me.
Not a criticism in any way, just a different point of view.
To me, it does not matter if we meet them in a "virtual world." They are real people experiencing every aspect of real life, including paying "real taxes" in a "real down economy."
quote:
I do not define them by what they can or would do for me.

I wasn't going to comment on that but I am the same way. My definition is almost the opposite of that. I define my friends by what I can do for them. The reason I say that is when I find I like someone, I'll do whatever is in my power to maintain the relationship and nurture it. Kind of ask not what your friends can do for you but what you can do for your friends. Obviously, sometimes we all need a friend to help us with something.

One other thing, there are some things that cyber-friends can do that real friends cannot like share meaningful youtube links Smile

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q7hDnKtc9oM
Last edited by ClevelandDad
I see the site as more of a fraternity of baseball brethern than friends. We're here because we have our kid's baseball experience in common. I believe people can meet online and become friends in person. I believe people can meet online and be friendly online to each other. There are people here I believe I could enjoy watching a baseball game. I also believe if a person feels they have more online friends than friends in their community it's time to log off.
The negative part of "virtual friendships" is the lack of eye-2-eye conversations involving body language, and that is 2-fold.

On one side a person can give an opinion via the keyboard and be construed as being "wrong" and an opinion of that person is built. If that same conversation is held f2f you may understand the process in which the opinion was developed.

At the other end is the cyber poster who goes behind the backs of others to spread their "ill-will" of someone and that person will never have the chance to defend themselves and will be portrayed as a schmuck from then on.

IMHO, While this is true of all friendships, the varying levels of honesty/sincerity, is the negative side of "virtual friendships", and even worse is the potential of character bashing that has increased by way of the "backdoor" poster.

Because of our common interests and the "maturity" of this board I don't think this is a widespread HSBBW dilemma, however with the advent of Facebook and similar sites I feel that virtual friendships are potentially dangerous especially with the young websters.
Last edited by rz1
Yes cyber friends can be as good as any other friend - many of my local friends do not enjoy baseball or have sons that play baseball so this is not a topic they are typically interested in. I have found people here with similar interests.

Websites like this one help you to connect with others with similar interests. (this could apply to any number of interests...quilting, model cars, etc). By following this website, I have found myself following players all over the country that I became aware of through this site. I have also connected with other parents (locally and nationally) who I enjoy lending support and encouragment to. Several of these have also lent support and encouragement to me.....

I am proud to call these people my friend.....
Last edited by cheapseats
quote:
The negative part of "virtual friendships" is the lack of eye-2-eye conversations involving body language, and that is 2-fold.

There is no doubt about that imho.

That is why it takes some skill to develop relationships in cyberspace. Many posters, especially newer ones, do not realize there is no context for anything in cyberspace. Cannot tell if someone is kidding sometimes unless they let you know they are kidding, for example. Body language and facial expressions convey much information that is not available in cyberspace. What people need to be able to do (the successful ones that have been around here for a number of years) is paint a picture with their words. They need to use words to fill in the missing context. IMHO, it is possible to provide most of the missing context with words. I takes some practice and getting used to however. I fail to see how the cyber-relationship is any less meaningful however.
quote:
There are people here I believe I could enjoy watching a baseball game.

And sharing "war" stories and learning from. I always seek out other HSbbweb.com folks to meet them personally at the tournaments we share in common. I was looking forward to meeting JT this summer as he helped me recently as I was making a decision on collegiate summer leagues and his son will be playing in the same league...
I will lift the family up in prayer as though they are friends. JT shared himself with me, he was gracious enough to help me out. Not necessarilly as a stranger would, we knew each other, if only briefly in this "cyber-world" that interfaces with our actual reality.
Some of my dearest friends are on this website. I have even met a few, and hope with all my might that I have the opportunity to meet more.

I have spoken on a real telephone with some hsbbw friends--and to tell you the truth, I speak on the phone with some of them more than I speak with friends who live in and around my "real" community. The wonderful thing about hsbbw friends is that they UNDERSTAND the wacky world of baseball that I’m in. In the small community that I call home, there is nobody who really understands…..and certainly does not understand the “sacrifices” that my family has made---from traveling to random areas to spend hard-earned time and money, to all of the injuries my children have faced…..Nobody at home understands it, especially my extended family—sisters, brother, and mother. But my friends here do.

For, you see, the friends here in cyberspace are REAL PEOPLE. I've learned that with the very first person I met many years ago. Immediately he changed from a screen name to a REAL PERSON. One of the next hsbbw friends I met I had not even communicated with---out of the blue I received a private message from her with news that she would be traveling to Chicago and was I available to hang out? We had a delightful time.

Happily, this scenario has played out many times. A screen name turned into a real person. And even though I may not ever meet them “for real”, they are real. I’m reminded of one of my favorite books, THE VELVETEEN RABBIT:
quote:
"What is REAL?" asked the Rabbit one day, when they were lying side by side near the nursery fender, before Nana came to tidy the room. "Does it mean having things that buzz inside you and a stick-out handle?"

"Real isn't how you are made," said the Skin Horse. It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."


It’s kind of like here. It takes time to become a friend, just like in life. I am so glad that I have taken the time to know you.
Last edited by play baseball
Great post justbaseball.

IMO friendships are developed with people whom you, first have something in common with, and then realize that you have some common thought processes or values.

We all obviously have baseball in common. Then when we read thousands of posts from hundreds of people we kind of identify with certain posters and true friendships can develop.

We are a community of made up names (mostly), who have never met (mostly) but who have bonded by our common loves, our children and baseball. And we are united by this community, just like our real hometown communities.

Virtual or not, I am glad I moved into the HSBBW community.
Last edited by fillsfan
quote:
Originally posted by play baseball:
I’m reminded of one of my favorite books, THE VELVETEEN RABBIT:
quote:
"It doesn't happen all at once," said the Skin Horse. "You become. It takes a long time. That's why it doesn't happen often to people who break easily, or have sharp edges, or who have to be carefully kept. Generally, by the time you are Real, most of your hair has been loved off, and your eyes drop out and you get loose in your joints and very shabby. But these things don't matter at all, because once you are Real you can't be ugly, except to people who don't understand."


It’s kind of like here. It takes time to become a friend, just like in life.

play baseball has a gift for words, emotions, and ideas quite frankly. I had never heard of the Velveteen Rabbit before but I think I just might go out and purchase it Smile

This has been a very enjoyable and introspective thread to read.
quote:
Losing members of these relatioships hurts if you have mutual respect. I think it's important that we never minimize the word "friend" regardless of its level.



great thread. great posts, could quote most of them. I believe there are special bonds between posters on this site, and when we lose one of them i feel like I have lost family, and I dont know any of the people that have passed away.
Baseball is a special entity inand of itself, those not involved do not understand, thats why this site is special. I have received wonderful pms over the last couple years from many on here and I consider many special in my life. God bless
.

Here you go TR...just have my ol' Chrysler back to me by Monday. It needs gas and the right front tire is nearly flat.



And I hope you like Radar Love...no amount of prying, pulling, or cajoling can get that Golden Earring CD out of the player. I even tried stuffing a rather diminutive Somali pirate in there to see if he could sling it out of there ...told him he could keep it if he got it loose. No luck.


Last edited by gotwood4sale
quote:
cd quote:
What people need to be able to do (the successful ones that have been around here for a number of years) is paint a picture with their words. They need to use words to fill in the missing context. IMHO, it is possible to provide most of the missing context with words. I takes some practice and getting used to however.


The only problem with that is that not everyone has that ability, it's almost a talent that many times is enhanced by those who read/write/respond for a living. Some have the gift of "gab", some may write with eloquence, and some may rather read and keep their opinions short and direct. In "real life" I am a man of few words and my point is laid out with very few sentences and a lot of body language. My daughters used to yell to their mom; "Dad's yelling at us with his eyes again". Professionally I cannot take script at face value and have to dig for the "inner-meaning", and write to explain a "position" at all levels. Does that "picture painting" help on sites like this? Maybe....but sometimes it's a curse because the message may be so simple that we take basic thoughts and build an out of context personal profile out of it.
Last edited by rz1
quote:
Originally posted by Orlando:
Many of us visit this community daily; it takes a great deal of detachment to not feel the loss of a fellow regular.


Regardless whether you are friends with someone on a daily basis or just an aquaintance in cyber space, I find it very sad that those who claim to have passion for the game lack compassion in other areas.

I have not met many of the people who have recently lost their lives, but I feel for those that grieve and their loss.
Last edited by TPM
I have a number of Cyber-friendships formed through HSBBW and highly value all of them. Oftentimes, I can share thoughts and concerns with my PM friends that are not appropriate to share with others here at home. Their counsel, advice, and encouragement is invaluable.

Last week, a Cyber friend I befriended on this message board was having a rough time as she watched numerous things in her family's life unravel. I sent her some flowers (real ones) and it considerably brightened her outlook on things. I'm sure she would do the same for me. Even though we have never met and have talked on the phone only once in the past 2 years, our cyber-friendship is real, not virtual.
Last edited by Infield08
Many times I have spoken about folks on this board and referred to them as "my friend."

Occasionally, I've wondered that if I don't even know the real name of this "friend," can he or she really be a friend?

I've concluded: Yes.

There are people here whose real name I don't know, but about whom I know far more than I know about people in the non-virtual world who I consider friends.

Like some of you, I don't define a friend by what I imagine they will do for me if I need them. For me, a friend is someone I like. Period.

There are many degrees and types and categories of friends, but the one thing they all have in common is that I like them.

And I have found many, many folks here who I like - whether I know their real name or not.
Last edited by Rob Kremer
A friend is someone you connect with, someone you share with, someone you have things in common with. How you meet or how you communicate is irrelevant. My grandpa "met" his bride through the mail - they never laid eyes on each other until the day she got off the boat. But through their letters to each other they learned to love one another and knew that they wanted to be together. They were "posting" long before it took this form!

People frequently refer to the "real" world, as if this online world were not real. How is this any less real than the parents that I have gotten to know through my boys' many years of baseball? I am still real, you are still real, and we are sharing about the things that mean the most to us. Doesn't get much more real than that!
justbb,
I love this thread.
For me, most every post is thoughtful and fully expressive of what it means to us to have friends and to be friends, of caring, of be cared for and being cared about...of feeling, of communicating, of knowing that there is importance and respect in what we post, what we say, the words we exchange and the meanings/impact they might convey.
For each of you who have posted your thoughts and feelings, you have made this a better day. Thank you.
Thank you justbb for starting this thread and for your keen and inquisitive spirit about who we are and how we can and do feel and relate to and with each other.
Thanks to each of you for sharing and adding in such meaningful ways.
As time passes, I anticipate I will return often to this thread for comfort, for guidance... for reassurance on the goodness of people.
Thank you.
Last edited by infielddad
quote:
Originally posted by PGStaff:
TR,

You are full of ****!

Where you want to go eat?


Couldn't have said it better myself PGStaff. Tohave a friend you have to be a friend. While I have many aquaintences here, I am fortunate that some of my closest friends I met here on the HSBBWeb. Whether I talk to them live or virtually, they are as 'real' as any friend I have. And JustBB - you say the word and I'm there (you will have to buy me a beer, though Cool
hows that song go? i'm so much cooler on line?
i'm a much better communicator in person........i can't type.the one finger thing is a chore. but i can talk a hungry dog off a meat wagon. and i tend to use ........ aggressive language. but only when i'm alone...or with somebody.

i don't post often, but my wife and i read here everyday. which is really funny,as we are as low tech as they come. heck i just got rid of my 8 track.

i do feel as i know people here, just like a community. it feels that way. it would be nice to put a face to a name, but i have my own vision of what you each look like. the mind is a wonderful thing.

i've gotten way more from you all than i could ever give back. i also think it is very a special thing to have friends, i'd like to think i've made a couple here.
Last edited by 20dad
20dad - I find you to be one genuine person and always enjoy reading what you (and your wife? Wink) have to say.

I think you give a lot. Perspective would be very high on that list...you give very good perspective.

And infielddad - you beat me to it. I have truly enjoyed nearly every post in this thread as well. It gives me comfort to read some very good and genuine thoughts from everyone.

A "community." Thats what it is...with lots of friends that I truly treasure. Thanks everyone.
Last edited by justbaseball
PG

I consider you a great friend but we have known each other in the "real" world for many years

Heres the deal/// come in for one of the NE events at Baseball Heaven (August or September)--I have a Seafood restaurant that is A-1(You know the size of my coaches---they want to eat there every nite-)- greatest lobsters---super clams and oysters--unreal clam chowder---deserts--I can describe

Are you on?---MY treat
.

quote:
Originally posted by 20dad:
i can talk a hungry dog off a meat wagon.




B-U-R-P! I dunno' Fritz. One moment I'm up on the wagon feasting on a nice brisket and before I know it this guy wearing a Listen To Me Or Die baseball cap and a big number 20 T-shirt launches into a very charming story about Rin Tin Tin and some kid named Rusty.

Next thing I know I'm all starry eyed and laying along the ditch watching that brisket head down the road to Nashua. Whoever this guy is he's good...very good!






quote:
Originally posted by TPM:
Gotwood,
Could you please remove the pitcure of that poor doggy, it breaks my heart. Frown


Done. Skinny Joe is gone and Fatty Patty is scrounging for more brisket!


Last edited by gotwood4sale
I saw TR's post earlier today and when I read it I got what he was saying but I knew he would take a lot of heat for it. (50 replies later i was right)

He qualified his definition of friend quite well.

Some of define "friend" differently. I would describe a friend as someone I could count on - on whatever level of friendship we shared.

Ie, my cyber friends can be counted on for advice more than say a neighbor down the street who can always be counted on for a spare egg or trip to the dealership to pick up my car. If I need baseball advice I know I can come here for "friendship" and good advice. Maybe my best girlfriend cant help me there.

Anyway TR I would hope that if I needed baseball advice that I could count on you as a "cyberfriend" the way I count on my best "real" friend for her support.

I think you are both the same kind of high quality person regardless of your physical location.
justbaseball,

I think your original post in this thread was very insightful:

"We come on here and in some ways bare our soul through our writing unlike we do with our 'everyday' friends. There's something about writing that allows that."

I have met people on this site who I correspond with almost daily, and would go far out of my way just to meet them for dinner or a ballgame, or of course to help if they needed help. We share more deeply and personally than we do with our coworkers or actual neighbors, partly because of our shared love for baseball and for our kids who play it, but also because "There's something about writing that allows that."

And there are at least a handful of members who I have grown to love, yes love. There are many others who, while I don't know them personally, I consider cyber-friends and I marvel at their willingness to help newcomers who they have just "met".

infielddad said:

"Friendships involve making another person, whether you have met them or not, feel appreciated. JT, and many others do/did that for so many of us/me. JT made us/me feel "big." "

Very true. JT was a perfect example of the unselfish people we meet here, who not only keep coming back to help others, but they care about making other people feel appreciated and cared about. That unselfishness, that gracious willingness to give, is a huge part of what makes the "friends" that we meet here so very special.

Julie
Last edited by MN-Mom
PGStaff saying...

One can never have too many friends!

Personally I've never ever considered friendship being what someone can do for someone else.

I have very close friends I've known my entire life. To this day we still get together often, and swap lies, and drink beer and argue about politics or any other topic that comes up.

I have different very close friends that are involved in my baseball life. I'd like to think I have close friends here, even some that I've never met in person. I think it's easy to pick out the people you want as friends. Its the ones that want to be a friend rather than an enemy. IMO we are all the same in that way.

So yes, I feel like I have many friends here. I can tell that they're friends. Because my greatest talent is being able to sniff out the enemy!

There is no question that this site has produced many very good friendships. I think it's because of the quality of the membership. BTW, I've met people before they ever got involved here on this site and ended up liking them even more after reading their opinions about various subjects.

The "human" side to this message board is what makes it so special IMO
Life is partly what we make it, and partly what is made by the friends whom we choose. And I have been so fortunate to have a number of "cyber" acquaintances who have become great friends. I KNOW I can count on them for any trial or tribulation I go thru....and hope they feel the same way about me. My life has certainly been enriched by those friends who began "virtually"...but are now "reality".
We all share a common interest. To the extent that I can help another person; I and most of us do. Over the last few years, I have gone out of the way to go and meet several of my HSBBWeb friends. I have made a point of see several of them play. Several have come out to ball fields, when their kids aren't playing to say hello and to meet my son.

This has been a forum for us to learn, share, grow and to experience the best and worst of life with people that have common intersts. When one of our kids does well we celebrate, when we loose one to tragedy we mourn.

For me, I feel a real connection with many and consider them friends.
.
Good question JB, and particularly timely given recent tragic events...

In the immortal words of Jimmy Chitwood, “I don't know if it'll make a difference, but I figured it's time for me to start playing ball”

Observations...

I think most of us here come, as I do, from a different era, one where words were important and valued. If you had something to say, or more importantly something to write it better be pretty darned important and if it was worth writing it was worth REALLY thinking out and writing well. We did this both out of respect for the word, the thought and out of respect to the reader/listener. In other words, a man or a woman was as good as their word...and their word was their bond. Particularly the written word.

And in my era if you took the time to write, and stamp and mail you meant it and you stood behind it. If you took the money to call (and it was expensive) you made those words count and you chose your calls carefully by time, content and callee. I would like to think many here still hold those same values of communication and that in part is why I stay.

The internet and phone technologies have certainly fostered communication but in the process of making it easier, have we collectively have lost our souls and our character and some of our humanity? I ask my boys all the time, “What is it that you value? Because with every move you make, you make a statement about who you are, and what you value. Live for something, take a stand and choose your values and battles wisely. If you win with your values, you teach and lead. If you go down you need be go down standing for something” I have made it a point to offer them the value of communication with substance and thought to balance the bombardment they get electronically. Has it worked? God, I hope it will. Without real communication that has depth, not just cheap self created celebrity drama we are less of a species.

I think that for many the internet is a sad excuse for real human communication and many have fallen into a pattern of thoughtless babble: a throw away level of endless, pointless, useless, self centered chatter/twitter with out substance...both phone portion and the written portion. In that process we all risk a great deal. We risk and are paying a price for de-sensitizing our communication process, dumbing it down, and spilling it over into our lives and treating all the people around us like twitter friends.

That being said...the technologies also offer some amazing opportunities. If by hard work (Bottle washer Bob and Julie) and example you can engage and circle the right individuals with the right values and character and intent you can pull together an amazing community from a wide diversity of geography, backgrounds. viewpoints and experience. We all can grow, we all can learn, and sometimes cry, together. While I believe that baseball is a method to greater good and greater values, I also believe at times that it is not just baseball, but the deep character and values of the posters that pull us in, hold us here, and draw us close. And I think that really shows in times of great tragedy in our community.

When many of us post here, we choose our words carefully, and we trust that by building that credibility that we will be heard on a deeper level and that our words hold some sort of lasting value, first on the screen, then in the hearts of others (because as human beings that connection is what we want). Over time maybe we develop some credibility and trust. When some people post I pay attention. I hang on their words. I have come to trust their words and trough their word’s their character, not their looks, or their bank accounts, or where they live, or good looking they are. Will you show me your character through your words? Or will you show me your stupidity? While there is a pecking order of son’s ability here, it is not the only measure, and I would like to think that it is not the most important measure. I would like to think that it is character and humanity.

I actually have come to believe that if we do this thing right we sometimes offer as much or more of our character in our words than we do in our real life. I have met some posters in real life and they are online mirrors of who they are in life. I can assure you that Justbaseball is both a man and leader of incredible heart, intelligence and sensitivity. 08Dad just as intelligent and though out as his posts. CABB just as caring, kind and appreciative. In other words, the Intelligent and the compassionate are the intelligent and the compassionate. The knee jerk flitterers and twitters are the knee jerk flitterers and the twitters. The measured are the measured. The Jerks are the Jerks. Internet or not, you are as good as your word. For better and sometimes worse, We say things here that we would hold back, out of fear or social convention. Maybe the internet also gives you a chance to be more of who you are. Maybe I can choose my friends by their posts and value them greatly.

And for those who I have not met in person, I have to believe that I know them, Woodman and Play Baseball are family people and clowns with hearts of pure Gold. (I smile just thinking about them) CD has real convictions, and is a bit more serious but I do not doubt his sincerity to get it right, and I trust his values. TR? Well, I cannot think that TR is any different in real life than on the internet, and while I may not agree with him, I’d love to get an earful of his heartfelt direct opinions and I am certain that he’d offer them. I am sure that Infield 08, is just as compassionate and wanting to help as she seems. I could go on and on about many others as well...And most amazingly when I looked at the photo of JT for the very first time, and I saw that smile, somehow I already knew him and I knew that I was going to miss him more than ever.

Do I need to meet them? No. If I am right/write I can make my point here character to character, soul to soul without the distractions, and built in judgements that real life often brings, colors and those that sometimes destroy relationships. Does it make me value them any less? No. Remember in my world, You are your word. Our shared humanity is what I value on line or off. I’d like to think that is one of things I stand for and foster in others. I'd like to think that it is one of the things I bring to this community in some small measure and that I will leave to others to carry on when I go.

I do think that the HSBBW is a wonderful, and rare and close on line community. One that seems to engender friendship, useful information, real communication and, for lack of a better description, Love. This is not just the usual twitter/pointless babble and self centered one way statement making and desperate need/cry to be heard that characterizes and describes so much of the cyber world. And that I can let go of. There is often real human substance here, not always, but it does exist and we see that so clearly in times of community crisis.

Cool 44
.
Last edited by observer44
quote:
Over time maybe we develop some credibility and trust. When some people post I pay attention. I hang on their words. I have come to trust their words and trough their word’s their character, not their looks, or their bank accounts, or where they live, or good looking they are.

Another excellent post 44. You are one of those that I look for. Any chance that I could meet you this weekend?
.

quote:
Originally posted by observer44:
callee.






Your comments do seem to emanate from a different era 44 and that era seemingly was more relaxed and peaceful. In reality it wasn't much different from now. We weren't bombarded with all of the bad stuff, but that bad stuff was there nonetheless.

The importance and need for meaningful and effective communication has not diminished from that era to the present. The difference is that now there are so many various means and methods to communicate and many, if not all, of them are being marketed to us as quicker, faster, and more convenient than what was available previously.

The younger members of our society embrace all of the newest technology and, as you described 44, they tend to develop their communication skills with the tools they choose. We did the same when we were younger.

The problem is that now the changes are much more significant and occur at almost blinding speed. The transition from one method to another is rapid and it is less likely that many people will settle in and get comfortable with one form of communicating before jettisoning it for the next new one coming down the pike.

None of this negates or diminishes the importance and need for meaningful and effective communication as I mentioned before.

I think the HSBBW allows all of us to connect on a common field using the same tools. It takes an effort to make this work, but I agree with you 44...we humans do want to connect with others in a meaningful way and for the most part I believe that is exactly what happens here.

Thank you for your post 44.


Last edited by gotwood4sale
O44:

Like CD, I am touched and honored to be included in your post. Thank you - both for including me - and for being my friend.

I should say that I am always amazed at the thoughtfulness of your posts as well as the elegance of your writing - and that last post makes my top 10 O44 posts of all time.

08
I guess it all depends on ones definition of what a friend is. I have no idea how many friends I actually have. And I really dont want to find out anytime soon. All I know is if I know you and you have been kind to me or my family or my other "friends" then you are my friend as well. If I can do something for you I will. Why? Because its the right thing to do. If I were in need I would hope someone would help me. And more importantly if my family was in need you would step up for them because you know me.

Many of the people on this site are my friends. Why? Because we know each other. We talk to each other. We take the time to tell each other things we would not tell many other people. We try to help each other. We share a common love of the game and those that play it. That makes you my friend.

There are many on this site I have never met in person. But I have talked to you for years. I have listened to you for years. I have gotten to know you and you have gotten to know me. I have never met my friend from Oregon whos son Jeff is going to be attending Duke University next year to play baseball and attend school. Duke is only 25 minutes from my home. But you can bet he can call me and I will be there for any reason at anytime no questions asked. If he needs money its his. If he is broke down I am there. If he has a problem and needs to talk I will be there. If he needs a home cooked meal my wife will be there for Jeff. Whatever he needs we will be there for him.

Why? Because I know him. And because my son will be in Ohio this summer. And if he needs something I have no doubt that Slugger or any number of our posters from that area would do the same thing. Why? Because they know me. Why , because baseball folks are the best folks in the world. We understand each other. That is a friend. A person that will do for you and never ask a single question.

Why do the recent incidents hurt so much? Because we knew them. Because we know it could have just as easily been us or our children.

I consider you my friends. You can know that I am your friend even if you do not consider me your friend. And if you ever need anything I will step up and do everything I can. Why , because I know you and that matters to me. I have many members of my extended family and people who know me and my family that never will understand this thing called baseball. They say "You never take vacations. Dont you get tired of the baseball field? On and on they go , they will never understand. You do. And that matters to me.

So I dont care as much if others see me as their friend or not. That is not as important to me as them knowing if they need anything I will be there for them and especially their kids , because they are the most precious thing any of us will ever have.

Thank God for guys like JT. Thank God for young men like Nick.
quote:
I have never met my friend from Oregon whos son Jeff is going to be attending Duke University next year to play baseball and attend school. Duke is only 25 minutes from my home. But you can bet he can call me and I will be there for any reason at anytime no questions asked. If he needs money its his. If he is broke down I am there. If he has a problem and needs to talk I will be there. If he needs a home cooked meal my wife will be there for Jeff. Whatever he needs we will be there for him.

Coach May: I can't tell you how grateful I am that you would say this, nor how comforting it is to know that when I send my son 3000 miles away for school, that he has a person of your character nearby in case he ever needs something.

You are one of the first people I ever "met" on this site. Within two minutes I knew that you were a person I wanted to get to know very well. I look forward to this fall, when I am sure we will meet for the first time in person.

And I especially look forward to next spring, sitting in the stands watching our boys compete! Won't that be something?

Thanks again.
Reading this thread, just, has proven your original thought to be true. Yes, cyber friends are are real friends.

Just as Coach May has offered a surrogate home to Rob's Jeff, many of us have had the experience of a fellow webster taking our faraway sons under their wing (Thanks, Mary Ann and Kirsten --- for starters!). Our shared experience makes it so.

Golden Thread AND Good Karma to me!
I have been following this thread since its inception. I have started and erased many responses. O44 you hit the chord I was searching for and Coach May concluded the words I couldn't find.

I used to joke that you could hold my wake in a telephone booth. Then my world came crashing down around me. At first I couldn't imagine how I would make it through that day yet any other. Then my friends started coming forward. Some of them I hadn't heard from or seen in years. Some were mere acquaintances who stepped up in all kinds of ways. Many were right here on this site. I found solace and hope in the words they sent and strength in their prayers. Some I have met, others I spoke to only by way of a thread or a PM. The one thing I seemed to know is that their thoughts and prayers were genuine and sincere.

I can't explain this site to my wife. I quit trying. I am not sure I completely understand myself but we are connected if we choose to be.

JBB thank you for this thread.

PS. TR call me anytime, I'll come get you at 2 am and you can have the dam* car for all I care.
Last edited by deldad
Duane,
Glad to see your post, I think of you and your family often.

When my son went off to school 12 hours away, I had people here writing to me to tell me if son ever needed anything to let them know. Kevin11, always offering to take DK out to dinner when up in Clemson or could he bring him goodies when they played at WCU. HighHard Heat calling me during a game to let me know how son was doing. I got pm's from those in the Atlanta area telling us to stop over when on our way up to Clemson. I have never met these people in person.
A great Clemson parent friendship that developed over the years began right here, catchersdad. Because our sons don't play together has not stopped our friendship, he's just busier than me I now, it's his sons draft year and he is doing well playing in the Pac10.
Last edited by TPM
There are some amazing writers on this site.
Tough for us normal people to compete with! I am in awe of the beautiful writing of Obs.44, justbaseball, and Coach May. We are all fortunate to have this sense of comraderie and friendship with so many posters.

For those of us that have asked for help here through the years this is an amazing place to get great advice. People are willing to share their experience with you. I have learned so much through the years and it has directly helped my son with his journey to "the next level". With each new level there was always someone here I could ask for help.
I agree with Observer 44 about posters being the same as they seem to be here. We have gotten so much guidance from people that had already traveled down this road. They have been generous with their advice and I can honestly say I don't think my son would be where he is today w/o the advice of some experienced posters on this site.
quote:
There are some amazing writers on this site.
Tough for us normal people to compete with! I am in awe of the beautiful writing of Obs.44, justbaseball, and Coach May.

There is no doubt in my mind about that. Just one of the reasons (among many) they are such good writers is that they speak from the heart. They don't write what they think people want to "hear" them say but from the emotion of what they actually "want" to say.
I've enjoyed reading this, and wasn't going to post but I have a hard time letting TR stand alone (even though I am certain he doesn't mind one single bit.)

My definition of friendship is closer to TR's. I have only a handful of very close friends that I'd trust my life with, but there are many people I am friendly with. Some are more than just acquaintances because we have a history together, or some common experience that elevates our relationship above the acquaintance level, but most are really just that.

I wouldn't call my closest friends "brothers" (some are female) because my own sister and brother would trump even my closest friends if I had to make a choice. Not everyone feels this way, I know. My personality makes me cautious about forming close life-long relationships, I'm very choosy and need lots of convincing (ask my husband!) to form those trusting bonds, BUT I am also fiercely loyal and generous and willing to go to the mat once I've made those strong connections. Because I am this way, I don't use the word "friend" lightly or casually, and I don't assign that title to very many people. It carries a great deal of significance and reverence for me. Let's just say I understand what TR means. We are probably on the same wavelength.

My husband is more like everyone else here! He has never met a stranger, believes the best of everyone, is open-hearted and gregarious and extroverted and trusting. He calls many people his friends. It's a different way to be, one I admire, but it's hard for me to relate to.

I do appreciate my cyber-connections on this board and the "virtual" community here that often feels very real. I love that we reach out to each other and offer advice, congratulations and consolation. It expands the world in a good way and speaks highly of the people that populate the baseball community. This sort of forum is not so different from having a group of pen-pals, which was something my mother's generation did. I consider you all my "cyber-pals" and look forward to possibly making a few acquaintances in person someday: IRL, as they say.
Wink
Last edited by quillgirl
Some of the most amazing, heartfelt and moving posts I have ever read. I agree with all of them. I have kind of morphed into Dick Vermeil as I have gotten older so many of these posts have brought tears to my eyes. If my son could play baseball half as well as some of you write he would be a major leaguer someday.

It's easy to explain this site to other people as a resource to learn all things baseball and help in the process of moving a son's baseball career along. It is very hard, though, to explain the enjoyment I get from being a member of this community. I really didn't understand it myself until this thread was started (thanks justbaseball) and these wonderful essays were written.

The answer to me is that we are a family. A very big family, but a close nit one. I am very fortunate, happy, proud and humbled to be a part of it.

I have not met many of you yet, but I look forward to meeting many of you soon.
There is a difference between friendship and being a kind and compassionate individual that cares very much about other people, treats others with respect, regardless where they fall in your circle of friends.

That's why JT was so special.

Am I friends with the parent whose son was hit in the back of the head and died? No, never met him. But I have the compassion to acknowledge the tragedy. This has absolutely nothing to do with friendship.

Everyone defines friendship in different ways. I may see someone on the street that needs assistance and offer my help, not because I am friends with them, but that is my nature. I have a very bad habit of expecting the same in return, and that is a problem I deal with often. It doesn't make it right or wrong. I am one of those people that doesn't rely on friends for favors, in fact my best friends are usually the last to be asked for anything. This thread, IMO has nothing to do with "best friends". I am sure that you will find the "best" part being a small circle for most, and "friend" including a larger circle.

Just my opinion, but after posting here for so many years, there is no way I couldn't consider many here my "friend" or part of my baseball "family". I refer to many as friends, not just someone I know or know of.

Also, it's very easy to figure out here who is self serving who cares very much more for themselves than for others. For me, that's not what this place is about.

JMO.
Last edited by TPM
Agreed, TMP. Generosity and kindness are personality traits that extend beyond friendships. Where we draw the line on that generosity probably is determined by the strength of our connection to the other. Who would we lend money to? Who would we give a kidney to? Who's children would we take into our home and raise as our own? Who would we allow to move into our home? Whose marriage/baby naming/birthday/funeral would we attend at all costs? That's material generosity, but there is also emotional generosity/kindness. Who would you be extremely reluctant to believe the worst of? Whose character and honor would you defend in court? Who would you love and support despite poor choices, strong words, disgrace?

Small kindness are affordable and we as humans should not be stingy about extending them broadly. The original question was: can a cyber-friend be as good a friend as any? The answer depends on your definition of "any" and "friend." Some of us can form important attachments online, and others can't form the same kind of connection online that we can in real life. Some of us have a strict set of criteria for calling someone a real friend and other have a more open set of personal guidelines. No right or wrong here, just different personality types and experiences.
Last edited by quillgirl
quote:
but I have a hard time letting TR stand alone

Perhaps you can be TrHit's friend Big Grin

Seriously, I get your point about it being a personal definition. If you define freinds too broadly, you might expose yourself to too much risk and get your feelings hurt, get disappointed, or worse. If you define your friends too narrowly, as some of the definitions in this thread imho, you can rob yourself of treasured life experiences. There are risks in life. If I keep myself enclosed in a box, I can never be hurt by someone else. On the other hand, it would seem pretty lonely inside. Indeed, to each his own.
If your child was in need of some help getting recruited , finding a place to play at the next level and someone stepped up and helped him reach his goal what would you call that person? Lets say you have never met the person before. Lets say your only contact with this person was a few posts on this website and a couple of PM's. Would you call that person your friend if they did something that allowed your child to achieve his dream?

If you were down in the dumps about you kids baseball situation. You really had no where to turn for advice. And then someone on here stayed up with you to the wee hours of the morning talking to you and giving you advice. Advice that in the end assisted your son and gave you some peach of mind. What would you call that person?

There many many more scenarios I could list.

I call that person a friend. You may call that person an aquaintance. As long as it continues to happen and as long as we continue to do that more than argue about stupid things that in the end dont mean a hill of beans I'll stick around.
A colleague. A confidant. A contact. Possibly a friend. I'd certainly feel gratitude and deep appreciation for the help someone offered, and I'd hope to return the favor. There are many labels and maybe it's all just words that ultimately mean the same thing. Maybe the argument is semantics and the meaning we each attach to particular titles.

Again, I agree with TR. It's not really about avoiding disappointment. For me it's about sustainability, longevity, depth, history, compatibility, and more than can be gleaned on a message board. This does not diminish my appreciation for those on cyberspace. From what I know, I do like many folks here. Couldn't pick them out of a police lineup!
I really think it has to do with your definition of friends.

We have friends here on this site that we've never met.
And I understand perfectly what TR and quillgirl are writing in there post's.
It would be hard to call someone a friend that you never met.

Then we have our Best Friends.

To me Best Friends are the one's you grew up with.
You went to school with, the one you Married.

I can tell you that there are thing's I write here on the HSBBW, that I would never talk to my best friends about.
Really heartfelt emotion's that my Best Friends would not understand.
There's a certain disconnection here on the site, that allows us to open up a little more.
Without fear of being exposed for being to sentimental or a Sap.

What you find here on the HSBBW are Cyber personality's.
Some are no nonsense,
some are fun loving.
We have are charactors,
and are correctors.

Some that just want to talk baseball,
and cannot stand to defiate from that subject.

Other's that can move the subject to a differant tangent.

Right or Wrong, we all come here for differant reason's.
But mostly I believe the Old Timer's come here,
Well because we are Hooked on this site.
The people are real.
They share and discuss just about anything and everything in the book. Thats about as human as you can get.
There's real emotion in there post's.
Truly Heartfelt feeling's.

We can all use Friends like these here on the HSBBW.

Your Friend, theEH
Cool44--I haven't been on for a while---I'm holed up in a Super 8 in Columbia, TN, trying to keep my hair from really looking like Bozo the Clown! I'm not having much success----but thank you so much for the compliment.

Your post is right on. I started to quote it----and then realized that I would be quoting the whole thing! It was an amazing assessment.......



This is a great thread....I'm so glad that the question was not only posed, but that there are so many fabulous responses.

theEH--great response, too.
Last edited by play baseball
quote:
I'm holed up in a Super 8 in Columbia, TN, trying to keep my hair from really looking like Bozo the Clown!


play baseball,

You win the prize for the funniest quote of the day. Smile I'm guessing it is weather related, and reminds me of the time we both got drenched running into the restaurant, just after hearing the news on our car radios that the 35W bridge had collapsed. Unforgettable!

Julie
quote:
I have been following this thread since its inception. I have started and erased many responses. O44 you hit the chord I was searching for and Coach May concluded the words I couldn't find.

I used to joke that you could hold my wake in a telephone booth. Then my world came crashing down around me. At first I couldn't imagine how I would make it through that day yet any other. Then my friends started coming forward. Some of them I hadn't heard from or seen in years. Some were mere acquaintances who stepped up in all kinds of ways. Many were right here on this site. I found solace and hope in the words they sent and strength in their prayers. Some I have met, others I spoke to only by way of a thread or a PM. The one thing I seemed to know is that their thoughts and prayers were genuine and sincere.

I can't explain this site to my wife. I quit trying. I am not sure I completely understand myself but we are connected if we choose to be.

JBB thank you for this thread.



deldad- That was the possibly the best example of what this site provides. There is certainly no one else here that could have said it better. Thank you for sharing your feelings once again. I've followed your posts for a long time and although I don't believe we've ever communicated one-on-one, I've appreciated a lot of your posts for several years. I am very happy that you continue to post here amidst everything that is happening and I hope that you can find some more solace, as you said, as time moves on.

Thanks.
This site AMAZES me! When I read the title I was going to post something wacky (ie, naw, all the good friends these days come from Latin America or No, you've got to go to high-priced showcases to find a friend in this day and age)...

Well, anyway; I read this thread and it was really uplifting because I COUNT MANY, MANY of you as my friend. Blessings to you all.
I see online people as having the potential to be friends. The exchange of online conversations lead to a trust that still must be validated face to face. What would make me trust people on this site more is everyone here cares about their kids and had a cause related to that. But if you start seeing many of your cyber friends as friends, log off and get out the door.
Last edited by RJM

I've not been checking out this board for quite some time. A number of reason's, My older son made it to the minor's and younger son was in college, but looking back it was probably because of JT's death, that just kept me away. I did not handle it well.  JT and I went way back...  We met on online back in the 90s... Anyone remember Infosports? (I checked and its knowledge base is still there with Posts of mine from almost 15 years ago.)  Well JT and I started emailing everyday. I think my oldest son was around 10-11 years old at the time.  He's now 26.   

Well our little emailing grew into a group who supported each other and our son's careers. We'd email about everything, mostly baseball related.  But... Heck, JT even supported me thru my divorce and death of my mother.   It was 6-7 years before we met in person and we only met a couple times; but we emailed daily. (plus contributed to all the boards) I consider Jeff one of my best friends and was devastated when he died.  I can vividly remember getting the email that Jeff had died and checking with Paul F.(another cyber-friend part of our group). I had to leave work the rest of that day, it upset me so much..    Jeff and I was as close as any friend I ever had and he probably knew more about me than any one else and its still emotional remembering.  So yes friendships can form online and become special people in your life.   JT was one of mine.  So I'm a bit sorry this thread turned into a little bit of Te'o bashing.  

 

Just as in life there are several levels and I became acquaintances with many others - JustBaseball I see is still active, (His son and mine became teammates in the minors)  TigerPaw Mom, (even though she's a Clemson fan   )and others as our sons started competing with and against each other in college.  Its good to see some of the oldies still here. 

 

Add Reply

×
×
×
×
Link copied to your clipboard.
×