Can Dad Call the Coach?

quote:

I have heard over and over that parents making contacts is a recipe for disaster.

You never heard me say that. My advice is different than generally offered here. I wanted to hear from the coach myself what their interest was and what the "score" actually was before either my son or I invested any time or money pursuing them. I usually made first contact with them to determine the lay of the land. When they are interested in your son, they will call and ask to speak to him directly. I am sure your son will manage to take their calls and do well answering the questions when asked from the coach!

Look, coaches are just like you and me. They love to talk baseball with reasonable people. They understand when parents are calling that it is reasonable for them to find out if there is genuine interest there before they start spending money sending them to visits or camps or what not. What they don't want to hear is how great your kid is. All parents think highly of their own kids. Be honest with them that you would like to know if they have any interest and what it would take to generate any. If they ask about his performance, let them know as you did here - in a reasonable and objective way. One piece of information is find out if there are any past players your son has competed against that the coach you are speaking to may have personal experience with either on his own team or in his conference. For instance, if your son dominated the conference pitcher of the year from last year, that might be useful information for the coach to be made aware of.

Feel free to pm me if you would like to conduct further conversation offline.

As a 2010, your son needs to become more agressive in his recruiting, with your help of course.

I agree with CD. I'll tell you something that a HC told me once, he takes all phone calls, answers all emails, but I got the impression he doesn't like parents to tell him how good their players are, rather that they are very interested in the program and attending the school. Never tell a coach how many schools are calling your son, that's a no no, IMO.

I realize that for some players it is very difficult to make those phone calls, and very difficult for players to read vibes, so, perhaps at this time it would be in his best interest for you to make that phone call, just be very careful on what you say and how you approach the coach.

Do not let your son think that you will do all the work, he needs to take the responsibility to get to know the coach, nothing worse than leting mom or dad do all the work and showing up not ever developing a relationship with who you are going to play for.

JMO.

If a parent calls a coach he/she should treat it like talking with a lawyer---just answer the questions in a short manner---only give him the info that he asks for--nothing more --nothing less ---and be truthful

A friend and his wife were doing all the work for their son. Then the dad was complaining the son won't work out on his own. He'll only practice with the team. I asked the dad if he thought his son really wanted it. The dad stopped doing the work. Now his wife is doing it all. And they've spent a ton of money on advisors, consultants and recruiting services for a kid who will be a D3 player. I think the parents want it for the kid. The kid doesn't care unless it's going to be easy.

I asked my son what his next goal in baseball was. When he answered, "I want to play D1", I said fine, I'm going to hold you to that and did.

Sometimes it meant asking, "When are you going to call the coach at XYZ?....That's not good enough, I want a day this week that you are going to call him."

Accountability is a rough lesson sometimes, but a worthwhile one.

Cleveland Dad - You have a PM (I think - I'm new to this site)

MT - I got your message and responded. You'll see a New Message tab highlighted at the top of the forum to the right of the other tabs. Click on that to view your pm. You can also reply to your pm the same way you reply in the forums. No need to post here that you replied as I'll be notified of any response. Thanks.

quote:

Originally posted by CPLZ:
Accountability is a rough lesson sometimes, but a worthwhile one.

I agree but it does not have to be a zero sum game i.e., you do everything or you will fail at your goal. Let me explain...

I held my son accountable by asking him to be the best athlete and baseball player he could be. "He" had to expend the blood, sweat, and tears to achieve that. The recruiting part "we" handled as a team. He had no problem answering the phone when coaches called. On the other hand, I had no problem scoping things out, helping generate a recruiting plan, and facilitating that the plan was executed. At the end of the day, it was his talent and the exposure he got that got him recruited. Nothing I could have said on the phone could have changed that. If he would have been unwilling to do the work however, I would have been unwilling to do what I did. He indeed was accountable according to "my" definition and that is all that matters imho.

quote:

Originally posted by CPLZ:
Accountability is a rough lesson sometimes, but a worthwhile one.

I believe that parents must help in being part of the process, a lot depends on your player as to which parts. Parents have a right to the process, after all, they will be paying for school. Your input is important.

And everyone's idea of accountability is different.

We helped organize, made a model for answering questionaires, but contacts were up to him. And yes we too asked or reminded when are you going to make that phone call. Every situation is different, he got lots of calls, yes we spoke briefly to coaches when they called at first for son's cell number, (unless they called to introduce themselves to us) but it was always his responsibility to return calls, and sort out where he was interested in going, with our guidance. He hated returning phone calls to coaches (and doing the paperwork), but did a good job when he did, even being nervous, coaches know and understand that. At the time of recruiting, son was playing baseball, working a job and in the fall there was school as well. He managed to do ok for himself with communicating when he had to.

I think the recruiting process helped him to understand a lot about others and himself, and helped in the maturing process and I think that lesson has value in itself. The only time we really stepped in was consideration to go pro out of HS, as most HS parents do.

However, the original OP stated that his son is shy by nature, which is not uncommon, this sometimes leads players to not take care of their business and that is ok, but in the end, it is the players responsibility to be accountable. You might make a list of some things he can say to introduce himself, and do some role playing, to make him feel comfortable, but do know that coaches have done this hundreds of times, and they know what to say and how to ask questions better than our sons do.
Sometimes just a phone call will signal to the coach the player is interested, when he thought he wasn't.

There is a difference between being uncomfortable with a new situation and letting mom and dad do all of the work.

A very big part of finding the right fit is developing relationships, even if just over the phone, or by email, it is the player that ultimately ends up on the field, not the parents.

JMO.

quote:

I have heard over and over that parents making contacts is a recipe for disaster.

MTB,

You are correct in stating "I have heard over and over that parents making contact is a recipe for disaster".

I, like you, have read many a thread here and have heard it over and over as well. I'm not saying anyone here is back pedaling or talking out of both sides of their mouth, but you can go back and read MANY threads where it's stated under no circumstances should a parent get involved unless the sons health is at risk!

I was always on the other side of the fence.

don't call

It is about your son, not you. Help your son with an email, get the number for him, buy the stamp, but don't call. Go with him on the unofficial visit, sit there and listen to the coach, make discreet inquiries about the costs, compliment the coach on his beautiful field, but don't call.

It's not a "disaster" just poor form. Don't let him think you're a helicopter parent and let your son do some of his own growing up with your guidance.

Thanks to everyone for the advice. Much appreciated.

I always thought the don't call route was about parents asking coaches about playing time, positions and other coaching decisions. I didn't think it was the same for recruiting.

quote:

Don't let him think you're a helicopter parent

brod - those kind of comments are not appreciated and unhelpful to the current discussion imho. Your opinion of "do not call" is a completely valid one to hold. To throw in a gratuitous cheap-shot was uncalled for.

I could have waited until you posted your "do not call" opinion and then followed that up with parents who do not speak to the coach are morons. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you are not a moron even though your opinion differs from mine.

It would not be a total disaster for you to call them. I would talk to my son and express to him the importance of him also calling the coaches and expressing his desire for them to see him. There is no reason he should not be able to at least send an email as well. When he does go on the visit the coaches are going to want to talk to him at some point and time. Make sure he understands its important for him to communicate with the coaches.

quote:

Originally posted by Doughnutman:
I always thought the don't call route was about parents asking coaches about playing time, positions and other coaching decisions. I didn't think it was the same for recruiting.

In my mind, you are correct.

I have had more than one D-1 coach tell me that "parents too often forget that it is the boy being recruited not the parents"

I'm with CD on this one. I called every college that my son was interested in or that showed interest in my son. Every coached called me as we went down the road communicating. Never had one coach have a problem with me talking to them. After all I am the final decision maker. Never negotiate with anyone but the decision maker.
The only thing they wanted from my son was whether he wanted to play for them. They all gave me their cell phone #s for him to call. They chatted for a few minutes and the coach asked if he would like to play at his school. My son only talked to the ones we liked after I had dealt with the coach.
One college I even enrolled him and had his student number before I told him about it. The coach wouldn't make an offer without him being enrolled. It was a possible backup if things didn't workout at our preferred schools.
I negotiate for a living and there is no way my son is doing that. He would never get the money I got for him.

TR, I agree that it is the boy being recruited and not the boy. However, it is my boy and my finances and I want to make sure both are handled accordingly. Just like parents, there are coaches who do not or will not have the kid's best interest at heart at the end of the day. Sometimes a little "maturity" aka..the parent can see through the muse and raise a red flag.

I admire any young 18yr old young man who can handle every aspect of recruiting on his own. Make no mistake about it. But just how many of these young men exist out here today? I know, I know, let the boy learn what it means to make his own decisions, choices, learn by mistakes, etc. But in today's times I know that I for one cannot go through a huge financial mistake, or even a small one. I'm just hanging on as it is.

I don't see any problems with a kid making initial contact and many contacts afterward but somewhere I think it is just prudent for the parent to get involved, IMO.

I believe that this is where a good Summer/HS/Travel coach comes in.
If he feels the player has talent, he could help to break the ice with recruitors to let them know a player is more then interested in there program.

EH

YGD

I feel the parent should get involved only when it comes to the $$$ aspect---before that the parent should stay out of it

Most coaches are going to want to talk to the parents. Especially once it gets down to crunch time. More than once my son was asked by the coaches to have me call them so we could discuss what they had just discussed so there was nothing lost in the translation of the conversation they had with my son.

I would be leery of coaches that did not want to communicate with the parents on some level. Just as a coach I would be leery of a player that would not communicate with me. The key is for the parents to not be over bearing in the process. Let your son build a relationship with the coaches and when important decisions are to be made be right there for your son to offer your advice and assistance.

And if you have questions dont be afraid to ask them. And make sure your son understands that he needs to communicate not only with the coaches but with you as well. This is too important of a decision to just leave it up to your kid. They are not in a posistion to do this alone. You do it as a team and you just make sure your on the same page.

Not disagreeing with you at all TR. Coaches want to deal with the player first when things are getting started. But when things get serious they are definitely going to want to hear from the parents.

Coach May

We are on the same page !!!

Sure Dads can call ---- Moms can call too!
At times it takes a mature adult on both ends of the line to keep the conversations focused. I remember a conversation my son was having with the recruiting coordinator of a college and the coach asked him a loaded question: "Have your parents saved enough money for your college education". My son replied: -- "You'll have to ask my dad that question" --- and handed me the phone. I could "hear" the egg on his face as he backpedaled away from the question.

I agree with CD and have talked to a number of coaches that recruited my son. I can see why some coaches don't want to talk to parents because parent are usually more adept at getting information, are better listeners and tend to get information that a player might miss. Keeps the coaches Honest". There is no real inherent problem with a parent talking with a coach however problems may occur when parents say the wrong things.
Fungo

quote:

Originally posted by Fungo:

There is no real inherent problem with a parent talking with a coach however problems may occur when parents say the wrong things.

Fungo

Fungo, I think ole chap that you may have hit the nail on the head! I do believe that THAT is exactly what many parents are looking for. Just exactly what are those "wrong" things...??

Sound off Ole Timers....

1. DON'T COMPLIMENT, BRAG, COMPARE, ENDORSE or SELL your son to the coach.

Geez, Cleveland Dad...

I didn't say "don't talk" I said don't call.

And I was not calling him a "helicopter parent" only sounding the warning gong which I thought was what he was asking.

I will concede that a discreet top negotiator type Dad like the ones on this thread could call a coach and not sound like a helicopter parent, but explaining that your son is too quiet to talk probably wouldn't be much of an introduction, would it?

I think we all know there are parents who want it more than their kids. For some high school Seniors, it will kick in quite late in the game, but it will eventually happen with patience and gentle nudging, as in "here's the phone."

quote:

we all know there are parents who want it more than their kids.

This is the the comment that under lies your view. I didn't want it at all. My son wasn't shy but I do agree that it would be unwise to say that was the reason for not talking to a coach. To me a kid that is afraid to talk to a coach would be a rare kid. What he going to do when he has to give a speech in class ?
I am surprised that talking to a coach is some sort of "Manning Up". The coaches that we wanted to talk to gave us their cells and my son called them when he could. Generally a very short talk with a simple yes I would be very happy at your program. I always made sure he boned up on the school in case he was asked about it. By the way I had trouble getting some coaches to stop talking about their BB program. As CD said most of them love talking BB.
If Dad can't do it have Mom do it.

One thing that you have to realize is how hard it can be to reach a coach. Mostly answering machines . I can remember playing phone tag all summer with one coach.

Sometimes we talk about apples and oranges. First contact/playing time conversations are not the same to me as converstations conducted between potential coach and parent.

I believe that first contact should always be student to coach. I know about shy kids and about kids who are reluctant to engage in this type of dialogue but it is an important first step for them to take. If the process is about them growing into young adults, isn't this a great way for them to start. Life is (sometimes) about making tough phone calls, promoting oneself, finding out where another person stands vis-a-vis a relationship. Students who tiptoe into this arena at 16/17 years old are learning a great life lesson. With my son I sometimes nagged, sometimes bit my tongue, and often saw him practicing his conversation with the coach days before he would finally pick up the phone. Sometimes those calls involved pain ("we decided to go with another lefty but you can come and walk on"). Sometimes they were the best call a high school senior could receive. ("just heard from admissions, Congratulations you are...)

The problem as I see it is that coaches often make the calls when its good news. Having to contact them usually means they don't have good news. Having to contact them to get on their radar screen is very tough. Once the dialogue began, almost every coach spent time talking to me about any of a number of issues. Those conversations usually occurred when I answered the phone and we chatted before putting son on.

My limited view of College Baseball suggests that there is still a good amount of machismo in the game. I don't think coaches would respond favorably if contact is initiated by a parent.

quote:

I don't think coaches would respond favorably if contact is initiated by a parent.

Couldn't disagree more. As a parent of a D1 grad with a very large scholarship, I can tell you my involvement was beneficial in all aspects. My son would be the 1st one to tell you that.
He easily attended interviews with Fortune 500 companies and scored very highly on all their aptitude, SAT type tests and psych tests. He got 3 job offers from the 3 companies . One company had 6 interviews before they chose their candidate for an intensive training program.
Talking to a BB coach is no big deal. I found it very enjoyable and learned a lot about the recruiting process through these coaches. The one college my son did a visit while in Vegas at a basketball tournament. That was the only coach he ever met. That coach called me regularly over a year or so. We talked for hours. I never had a coach in the 25 or so colleges we talked to every show a preference to talking to my son.

As I said I enrolled my son in a D11 and the coach never even talked to my son once. That college was the only one that saw my son pitch. A roving scout actually recommended him.

My comment was about the initial contact. If son is lucky enough to have contact initiated by coach and parents get involved in discussions, I think that is different than parents making first contact with the coach.

That is what I don't agree with. I made 1st contact in all cases . Never had a coach ask to talk to my son until he wanted to hear that he wanted to play there.
Once my son signed his NLI I never contacted the coach unless he contacted me.

I think that Coach May did an excellent job in stating what the parents role should be in the recruiting process.

quote:

was asked by the coaches to have me call them so we could discuss what they had just discussed so there was nothing lost in the translation of the conversation they had with my son.

I avoided this step. Both approaches are fine but don't say initial contact by a parent is wrong and precipitates a disaster. the question was Can a Dad contact a coach and the answer is yes he can and should .

quote:

Originally posted by TPM:
I think that Coach May did an excellent job in stating what the parents role should be in the recruiting process.

Yes he did BUT, it is not a one shoe fits all process. Others may feel more comfortable approaching it in a different way and the coach may be as well. There is no coach or player handbook written on how to proceed.

If you go back and read from my other posts, I said that every situation is different, and CM did not state that a parent should not ever contact a coach (or did I).

The recruiting process is much different than just calling a coach for playing time (FWIW that is always a no no), etc., parents should be involved especially when offers are on the table, however, JMO, that the main relationship established should always be between the player and the coach.

Double Eagle also makes good suggestions, there are manyy other ways that players can contact coaches by not calling first.

I also posted in my first post in regards to a coach's attitude about parents making the first contact, this coming from one of the top recruiting coaches in the country.

It is definitely not a "one shoe fits all" proposition. I would never tell a parent on this forum what they should or should not do. I will share my experience and allow others to do with that experience whatever they will.

I strongly believe that the recruiting process is a team effort with the final decision being made by the student. When we were heading out to visit schools in the Fall of Junior year, I made sure that the coach knew we were coming. My position was that my son should initiate that contact.

quote:

I don't think coaches would respond favorably if contact is initiated by a parent.

I took this at face value.
You say you have limited experience and I don't. Our approach was very effective both in cost and response.
Our goals were different than most but the results were based on a simple philosophy. All coaches want players that can play and who will stay eligible. I had a player who could do both.
We didn't do showcases so we had to take our act to the coaches. We had lots of northern schools making offers but my son wanted to play in the South and in a great location. At 1st I looked at a broad range of schools but as interest grew we narrowed it down to 4 year colleges. The final choice had little to do with BB.
If I had encountered any coach that had a problem with me contacting them I sure didn't see it. The only problem I had was reaching coaches who would call back and I would miss the call. Most coaches were extremely busy recruiting etc.
I also did what CD mentioned where I showed my son pitching to guys on their teams current roster.

College coaches at least the ones I talk to frequently do not have a problem with parents making contact with them. What they do have a problem with are the parents that will not stop making contact with them. The ones that do not allow the player to communicate with them without them being on the other phone everytime. The ones that will not allow the player to build some type of relationship with them outside of constant interference by the parents.

At some point and time the coach is going to wonder "Why is the parent always contacting me? Why is Jimmy not calling? Does Jimmy want to come here or does mom and dad want Jimmy to come here?"

The fact is at some point and time your son is going to have to take the lead in the conversation and communication department in all this. When it or if it gets down to talking about money then any coach worth his salt is going to insist that the parents be there.

I was talking to a coach recently and he brought in a family with the player and he was so frustrated because he was trying to talk to the player and get a feel for him. Everytime he asked the player a question the parents would answer for the player. The player hardly said a word.

So there is a balance that has to be struck. YES parents can call the coaches. YES parents should be a part of it. YES parents should assist in the process. But the player should want to build some type of relationship with the coach. And he shouldnt have to have mom and dad right there everytime he talks to the coaches. And if the only time their is contact with the coaches the parents are making the contact that is a serious red flag to college coaches. And it should be.

I wanted my son to be the guy on the phone. I wanted him to be the person up front. I felt the type of young man he is and the way he handled himself was a selling point to any college program. I wanted them to get to know him and he to get to know them. This way he could formulate his own opinion. Nothing was going to happen until I gave my ok. The parent might love the coach and have built a great relationship with the coach. The problem is the parent is not going to be the one playing for the coach. Your son is.

This may irk some but I am going to put it out there. If your son is not ready to talk to a college coach , not ready to at least have a conversation with him , he is not ready to play college baseball. Your kid is not going to sign his life away without your permission anyway. The important stuff is going to be discussed between the two of you and then the three of you at some point and time. Make the initial contact if you want to. But really why cant the player do it? What would hold more value to a coach? A player calling and talking to the coach? Or the parent calling?

And before any of you jump on me - to each his own. If what you did worked well for you then fine. I am speaking to those in the process right now or thinking about being in the process in the future. And I post this hoping to assist and help. Not ridicule or insult.

quote:

This may irk some but I am going to put it out there. If your son is not ready to talk to a college coach , not ready to at least have a conversation with him , he is not ready to play college baseball.

Coach, I have read many a thread by you and a ton of responses. You are well respected, and probably more knowledgeable then most. But that is just too big of a brush to use when making that statement. You may know many coaches and many players, but to say that about all players is unfair. Like you, I'm not here to ridicule or insult, but unless you know each and every kid being recruited and their situation, then that statement needs to be followed by a IMO! That is just my opinion.

Okay, I'm ready for the wrath of the Coach May followers.

IMO. Thats all it is workinghard. My opinion. Now let me follow that up with an explanation. How is that young man going to play for a coach he can not talk to? How is he going to be capable of communicating with the staff if he can not talk to the staff?

But its just my opinion.

quote:

I post this hoping to assist and help.

I thought we were all doing that. Do you feel a poster suggesting a parent should not make initial contact is helping ?
The verbiage about about interfering parents is a different topic. There are lots of reasons why a player can't talk to a coach. My son was extremely busy and all the coaches appreciated that fact. He practiced basketball at 5:30 every morning and played/practiced BB and BKTB. His day was just as demanding as college was. Coaches simply gave us a cell number to reach them at.
Frankly I am surprised people struggle with this.

A simple yes sir or no sir works pretty well. Do what you are told and things will work out. When I played, it was business and I didn't have many if any lengthy conversations with the staff, especially the head coach. No one here is suggesting you never say a word to a coach, we all know that's impossible. But if your talent says you can play college baseball, then your mouth doesn't have to say much IMO. And again Coach, not ridicule, just a healthy debate.

quote:

Now let me follow that up with an explanation. How is that young man going to play for a coach he can not talk to? How is he going to be capable of communicating with the staff if he can not talk to the staff?

I am surprised at this comment.

I agree with Workinghard totally. Talking to a coach is yes coach.

Alot of kids can play. Its not hard for the coaches to ID the kids that can play. They are not concerned with a players ability to play for them once they are actually recruited them. If they didnt think they could play for them they wouldnt be recruiting them. It now becomes an issue of "Is this the type of kid we want in our program." IMO

Its kind of hard to figure that out if he wont communicate with them. Again , IMO.

"then that statement needs to be followed by a IMO!"
So IMO.

Bobble I am sure the coaches appreciated the fact your son was so busy he did not have the time to call them. Obviously it didnt hurt him.

Bobble you know I was talking about the recruiting process. Maybe you guys know of instances where a player was recruited, signed and attended a university to play college baseball and did not communicate at any point with the coaches. If so then fine. I am just not aware of any.

I dont think this conversation is going anywhere so I will bow out. Again like I said its JMO.

Wow Coach May, little disappointed in your harshness.
I guess I should have not mentioned the IMO, you kind of threw them back in my face. Just wanted a debate, but somewhere, and unlike you, you seem to have gotten upset with a little debate.

You are right, before any more feelings are hurt, I will bow out as well.

Peace!!

workinghard I guess I took that comment a simple yes or no sir works pretty well the wrong way. Everyone has an opinion and I certainly do not have all the answers. Like I said I am just hoping I can help out. Sorry I came across so harsh to you.

Coach you always give good advice and attempt to help others for the right reason. My son has done things differently than most. That includes getting several offers from coaches that only viewed his DVD,
He wasn't recruited by Southern schools in the normal way and that was probably due to the distance and he is a foreign student. (costs more). I follow over 100 players in US colleges and many I know personally. I also sit with parents of players who come back to attend local universities after their US stint is over. Most go to local D1s and JCs. A few go South like Jeff Cowan who was at UNC Asheville. I have Friends all over the US in several sports. Many in sports that recruiters come here to recruit. There are approximately 800 Canadians in US college BB. Most of them went the traditional route of showcases. We chose a less traditional route and we are very happy with the results. My son is in Wilmington NC waiting on his fiancé to graduate in the spring. Once she is finished he is going to accept a job offered to him a couple months ago.
Our experience is worth putting out there and I feel could encourage people to follow a less traditional example.

I agree with Coach May. I've been a hs coach and coached in college and have been in professional baseball and agree the parents should be able to contact coaches but some coaches get frustrated by parents that address issues that should be addressed by the player. The player is going through a growing up process and should be able to handle alot of the situations on his own. BUT I THINK EVERY PARENT SHOULD CALL THE COLLEGE COACH FROM TIME TO TIME TO JUST CHECK ON THEIR SONS PROGRESS AND HAVE OPEN DIALOGUE WITH THE COACH. At the end of the day the player is your SON and the coaches PLAYER. Sons will always be more important than players. The answer to the question is just remember that your son is suppose to be making the transition from kid to adult and you should always be tasteful and use proper etiquete in talking to coaches and unless you go to EVERY practice and GAME playing time is OFF LIMITS.

Once my son signed his NLI I never talked to the coach again unless he contacted me. That only happened a few times. The one time was to commend my son for his work Ethic and laedership. In fact he boosted his scholarship by $2000 at the start of spring session.

Thats Great!

quote:

Most coaches are going to want to talk to the parents. Especially once it gets down to crunch time. More than once my son was asked by the coaches to have me call them so we could discuss what they had just discussed so there was nothing lost in the translation of the conversation they had with my son.

Yep,thats how it gets done.

quote:

Originally posted by Ryan Robinson:
BUT I THINK EVERY PARENT SHOULD CALL THE COLLEGE COACH FROM TIME TO TIME TO JUST CHECK ON THEIR SONS PROGRESS AND HAVE OPEN DIALOGUE WITH THE COACH.

Nope, not for me. That's overstepping the bounds of the parent/coach relationship. I would never call my sons coach and ask for a progress report. If I want to know that, I'll talk to my son. I believe that with a good many coaches, they won't appreciate it either.

Besides exchanging pleasantries, a conversation or two about NCAA basketball, or the coach complimenting my son to us, the only meaningful dialogue I have had with my sons coach since he arrived on campus was when he needed surgery. At that point the coach was right there for us. Beyond that, I would personally consider meddling in his work.

I agree.

It's funny when I think back The former coach at my son's college was a very warm and friendly Southern gentleman. One of my friends who's son went there was extremely close to him and still after 7 years still talks to him on the phone. I also knew him and would probably had a good relation with him. He was part of the reason we looked at the college. Unfortunately he was fired the year before my son went.
I think that you have to judge by the coach to some degree but I would never interfere with the coach or ask about my son's progress. Once the recruiting was done my part was done as well.
I encountered some very friendly coaches who loved to talk BB. They were often honored that you liked their program and showed interest.
You do have to be careful not to over sell your son but even that is not usually a deal killer. I also don't agree with not talking about your son's accomplishments. Isn't that what it is all about. In our case my son was never seen other than on a DVD. You just have to know the threshold that a coach will appreciate.

MTB,
As I read your initial post, and prior ones, my impression is you are asking whether it is okay to call/talk to DIII coaches.
My view is yes.
DIII coaches are always interested in finding players that can help their team, contribute to their program and who fit academically.
What I would propose needs to be the focus, and think has not yet been mentioned in this thread, is how to make the contact present something for the coach and how to use this thread as an opportunity for your son. What is the opportunity for each of them? That has to be part of this discussion, in my view.
While you may have done this, I think it would be very important for you and your son to have a very complete discussion about college, college baseball, what it is like, relationships, relationship building and what these next few years will be like.
Hopefully, from this thread, you can help your son see the opportunity for him. There is the opportunity created for him for college. There are opportunities created as a college student/athlete/baseball player. Finally, there are opportunities to expand his relationships and the people who impact him and he can impact.
I understand BHD's view, which is everything turned out great for his son.
However, there are two sides to this relationship that can span period of 4-5 years.
Coaches take a "risk" every time they recruit a player. If they don't do their due diligence, and they don't win, they don't have a job.
The fact that your son isn't getting much response yet from DIII's isn't saying much at all, in my view. If a DIII coach is already calling, it is because he has seen a players and really identified him as a prospect he wants.
If they are not responding much, it is not yet a big deal at DIII. Most have not even started their recruiting.
They know it is usually a waste of time and their limited budget resources to be sending letters, emails and calling until the DI and DII pictures are more clear for potential recruits. They know the vast majority of players are focused on DI. DIII's have to wait until reality enters the picture, which is later in the Fall.
Our son was a recruiting coordinator last year at a DIII. His work on recruiting did not really start until late October. Until then, they were working to identify players they wanted to recruit.
I will also disclose that the least effective, most ineffective way for the parent to contact the coach was to make it appear the parent was the player. Happened too often.
As I said, as a parent contacting a coach, I would recommend you look at identifying what is in this for a coach. We need to remember that he has a boss, too.
Coaches who are successful know what it takes in recruiting. They will not recruit in ways they know, or have seen, are not successful and which result in coaches losing their job.
As with everything, there will be coaches who may not respond well to a parent as the first contact. Others won't care..so long as there is something there and your son does the follow up.
From our experience, Coach May is correct in describing the ongoing communication that occurs over that coach/athlete relationship. Clearly, some posts show others are different and that also needs to be considered.
During his college career and in the years since he graduated, our son talked with his college coach about baseball, about life and just about everything in between. They are very close personal friends. That friendship got generated in the Summer of 1999 at the beginning of the recruiting relationship at the Stanford Camp. It will likely continue, for many, many years into the future.
Good luck to you and your son.
Thanks for asking great questions. Hopefully you will continue to do so and will receive responses that you can use an apply for the next several months to help support your son and make a difference for him at the next steps.

quote:

Originally posted by MTBaseballDad:

I have heard over and over that parents making contacts is a recipe for disaster. .....

However, given sons reluctance to call, would it be a total disaster if Dad contacts the coaches and explains the situation?

I am of the opinion that it's ok for the parents to open (and close) the recruiting contact process.

Thus, I am in disagreement with what your heard w/r to the recipe diaster.

I also have the opinion the young man or woman would do most of the work in the execution of the process, once he/she understand what the process is.

And yes, ultimately the decision is the child's.

At big time programs in football, basketball, and baseball coaches recruit players and their parents. They tell them that they are going to be taking care of there kids while they are making the transition from kid to young man. Coaches are human beings and think it is normal for a parent to have a genuine sincere interest in there kids progress while in most cases miles away at school. In my five years coaching in JUCO the parent-coach conversations were common place. The best college coach of all time Skip Bertman would make a point to contact parents to give them updates on there kids. BUT MAYBE HE DID ALOT OF STUFF LIKE THAT AND THATS WHY HE IS THE BEST EVER. Always remember that your kids are not professionals while in college and they are not adults yet. The growing up process is still in order and your involvement can include conversations with the college coaches. If I had a son you could bet your last dollar that the coach would here from me from time to time.

I would never bother a coach. I found out what I needed from my son and his roommates. I never had any worries about my son. They had a great campus alarm system that notified me if there was a problem on campus. I knew he was in good company. As far as his development that was up to him.

quote:

Originally posted by Ryan Robinson:
If I had a son...

Alrighty then...nuff said.

Thanks again to everyone who participated in this thread. I had no idea the topic would generate sucha broad discussion. Much appreciated.

I do have a daughter that is an all-american softball player though and she has a coach and I do talk to him.

Bobblehead-I also agree with what you are saying but it sounds like to me that your son was mature for his age and handled his business rather successfully. I understand alot of parents feel as though that they are being a coaches dream by staying out of the picture but that is not the case in most situations. It's up to each set of parents but my advice would be that a phone call per semester never hurts. In know way am I referring to you but alot of parents in their kids college career at one time or another tell themselves "If I would have only known". I coached a kid in JUCO named John Odom-If you don't know who he is just google John Odom-Baseball.

After reading this post, I wished I had not followed the "do not call" group. I do check in with his JC coach to get updates but now that son is communicating better, I won't have to. Son is learning a ton away from home, such as some people are moochers for one and you better be on time.

quote:

Originally posted by Ryan Robinson:
I do have a daughter that is an all-american softball player though and she has a coach and I do talk to him.

Ryan,
You're pretty heavy handed with that absolutes. "Best Coach of all time", "EVERY PARENT SHOULD CALL", "At big time programs".

I disagree to varying degrees with each of those comments and it seems they are founded out of lack of a fully rounded experience.

Just because you talk to your daughters college softball coach doesn't mean you should advise, "EVERY PARENT SHOULD CALL". Instead, perhaps you could tell of the frequency and nature of the calls you have placed to your daughters college coach and share your experience. That would seem much more beneficial than blanket statements about what every parent should do, who is the absolute best, and what all big time programs do.

Think of this as a "teachable moment". Baseball isn't just a great sport to play (and watch!). Being on a baseball team (or making a team) builds character, teaches discipline and prepares kids for life.

My son overcame his shyness to talk to the coach and it changed everything for him. He is one of those kids that arrives early and stays late, never misses a game or practice, and is out there helping rebuild the field on Saturdays. He was an average pitcher at the time yet sat on the bench his entire Freshman year of high school. It took some work(ok, ALOT of work!), but we finally convinced him to speak up and talk to the coach. All he had to do was ask the coach what he could do better to get in the games and the coach started to put him in. Having success with speaking up gave him the courage to then let coach know that he was ready and wanted to be put into tough situations (he's a reliever). His Junior year he lead his championship team in appearances and saves! We believe the coach was looking for courage and bravery off the field before he put someone on the mound. This was a valuable lesson for our son that will no doubt carry with him beyond baseball.

My story is about playing time and we all know that parents shouldn't talk to coaches about playing time. But it can be applied to all aspects of baseball. If you don't ask you don't get. From what we've heard, college ball is a pretty heavy experience even for the boldest of kids. Helping him overcome this shyness may not only make him stand out to a coach (and possibly be the difference for making a team), it could pave the way for him to take ownership for his own personal safety and success.

The Truth is my son was like an old man right out of the womb. He would have been furious with us if we talked with the coach.
When I dropped him off at college his freshman year he wanted to be on his own with the players. His sister, wife and I spent a couple days touring Charleston on our own. We dropped by his dorm to say goodbye. Yup catch you later. Trust me he didn't want us there and we saw he was having the time of his life.
TRs thread on being prepared was interesting. My son had a team that prepared him well. His workout program was a full blown college program. Academically the only concern was missing classes witch bothered him. As far as talking to coaches he would be upset if we did even before college.
I negotiated the package and only talked to the coach in person when I dropped him off for a few moments.
One comment my son made was he couldn't believe the guys who were throwing up during the workouts in 105% August heat.

CPLZ-For starters it is my opinion that every parent should call, That is my opinion. Secondly, I made a comment about Skip Bertman but he is the best coach in our time. Thirdly, My point about big time programs is this-If a big time program can do in terms of communication with parents then the smaller programs should have know problem following suit.
Every parent should call the coach! Don't be the guy to act real concerned when something does happen and call the coach for the first time when he's a junior and act real concerned.

quote:

Don't be the guy to act real concerned when something does happen

What could happen ?
I don't disagree with you strongly but for the life of me I can't see 35 parents calling a coach to ask how their son is doing ?

Just another opinion...

I would never call a coach to ask how my son was doing. However, I might just "happen" to be around that coach at some point and see what I could learn.

If we are being entirely honest, how would we react as a coach. We are trying to make a decision regarding two players for our last bit of scholarship money. For the sake of argument, lets say the two players are equal in athletic and academic ability.

Dad 1. Dad calls coach constantly and tells coach he will be calling regularly to check up on how son is doing.

Dad 2. Dad tells coach he will be following from a distance and here is my number if you ever need to talk to me about anything. I will always make myself available to talk to you, but will not be bothering you with phone calls.

If I'm the coach, Dad 1 would scare me into thinking I will have many discussions, especially if things don't go well for his son. Dad 2 would make me feel comfortable that he has confidence in both me and his son to handle most every situation.

I would be leaning towards Dad and Son #2.

It is great if the coach calls parents on "his own time" and keeps them informed. Often coaches will talk to parents when they see them and the time is right. Not many coaches want parents who will call them at any time to discuss things. Some would define those type parents as "High Maintenance".

To take this a step farther, each year there are many high school kids who enter pro baseball. Should the parents of these young kids call the coach to talk about their son and see how he is doing?

If a parent feels the need to talk to their sons coach on a frequent basis, I would recommend keeping son very close to home so you can watch everything up close. Or send him to the college where the coach promises to call you frequently with updates on your son. Or send him to a coach who you know very well and would speak to anyway.

Once again, these are just my opinions, take it for what it is worth. It certainly isn't meant to disrespect or disregard any other person's opinions.

IMO most coaches do not usually want to talk to parents but they will if they feel they have to. Usually parents are contacted if the coach feels the parent can help in certain situations. To carry on frequent conversations with 35 parents would take too much time away from more important things... Like coaching the baseball team.

To add... I've been in the situation of getting calls from parents. Most of the time I would not consider these calls as being important. However it is important to be polite and show respect to the parents of your players. Often these discussions get very difficult to end. Many times the parent wants to BS about things that sometime include telling stories about their son and how wonderful he is. At times I've felt that I was on the receiving end of a sales pitch. I have considered some parents as being "high maintenance".

The problem with "high maintenance" parents is that they don't know they are "high maintenance" because very few coaches would ever tell them that they are. So they just stay that way!

There's a time and a place to talk if it is necessary. And yes there can be things that are urgent. The coach should respect you and you should respect him and understand his time is very valuable. Constant calling just shows that you lack confidence in your son or you lack confidence in the coach. It doesn't show that you just care a lot, coaches already know that parents care a lot!

Since My son has entered college, and stepped foot onto the campus.
And he is a Redshirt Senior now.
I have talked to the Head Coach exactly 0 times.
Outside of an occasional nod of the head, our wave.
And I can count those on one hand.
But I do know of players parent's that did talk to the coaches.
And those players are no longer playing on that team??

If my Son can't handle his own business, Whats he doing in college?

EH

For the parents that want to know if it's ok to call a coach from time to time to check on your son-Yes it is. Most of the opinions that I'm reading just don't understand what I'm saying. I'm not saying to call everyday or even once a week or even once a month. But do check in over the course of the semester at least once if you see fit. I know this site has alot of people that are really searching for sound information and the different opinions give different views. I'm not saying my opinions are right and anyone else's are wrong. But thats what I believe is proper etiquette from being a player, coach, scout, etc. Great Dialoque with alot of differnet opinions that all have some value.

quote:

Originally posted by Ryan Robinson:
For the parents that want to know if it's ok to call a coach from time to time to check on your son-Yes it is.

This is a great example of the absolutes in which you speak, Ryan. This statement encourages every parent to call their sons coach and check in. This implies that every coach welcomes those calls. I don't think you understand that someone can take your advice here, and ignorantly damage their relationship with the coach as a result.

If you believe that's true, it's evidence that you don't have enough experience to be handing out such guidance, especially with such absolute conviction.

The fact that several other posters, including a former coach, have disagreed with your assessment (albeit more diplomatically than I), shows that you aren't listening.

You could say things like, in my experience having dealt with some very good coaches, and your opinion would then carry some validity.

I don't think I can make it any more clear than that, so with nothing more to add, it's time to for me to bow out of this discussion.

Ryan,
I'm sure there's parents that have talked to coaches and even my son's coach with no harm done.
Just for me it's best that I stay out of any conversation with a coach, unless called upon by the coach or my son.
My son was very shy in HS, And I talked alot for him early on.
But I figured he needs to stand up for himself now, and take more responsibility.
We as parents can't be there for them to hold there hand at this age.

JMHO

EH

Lots of interesting opinions and advice here for sure. But backing up to the original post, relating to recruiting, not when son is already in a program -- and this may sound really, terribly, ignorant -- What would typically be the content of a phone call or email? I mean, beyond "I'm interested in playing baseball at your school; I have the grades; and I believe I have the skills". Are there particular things a kid should ask about or say? I realize every case is different. But if my son is receiving letters requesting he fill out the questionnaire, is a follow-up by him to the coach recommended? If he has serious interest in a school that hasn't requested info, what should his approach be?
Don't mean to hijack -- sorry if you feel these questions have been answered. I just can't find the more specific info beyond "call or email". To say what?
Thanks

I wouldn't ever call my son's college coach to check on his baseball progress. That is between my son and the coach.

I wouldn't hesitate to call his coach about an academic issue, or about a difficulty he might have in adjusting to college life, or something like that.

His coach said he has an open phone line for any calls on these topics, but as far as baseball development and progress, playing time, other such things - don't call. Not our business.

And that is something I agree with 100%

quote:

Originally posted by emeraldvlly:
Lots of interesting opinions and advice here for sure. But backing up to the original post, relating to recruiting, not when son is already in a program -- and this may sound really, terribly, ignorant -- What would typically be the content of a phone call or email? I mean, beyond "I'm interested in playing baseball at your school; I have the grades; and I believe I have the skills". Are there particular things a kid should ask about or say? I realize every case is different. But if my son is receiving letters requesting he fill out the questionnaire, is a follow-up by him to the coach recommended? If he has serious interest in a school that hasn't requested info, what should his approach be?
Don't mean to hijack -- sorry if you feel these questions have been answered. I just can't find the more specific info beyond "call or email". To say what?
Thanks

Coaches often have a hard time figuring out who has genuine interest in their program, who's keeping them on the hook as a backup option, and where they stand in the recruiting process. Not much different from the recruits side.

So to answer your questions, yes, your son should be contacting any coach, questionnaire or not, to let him know that his program is where he wants to wind up. Coaches need that expression of interest, it helps them whittle down their list and expend efforts on the proper recruits.

Things recruits can talk about with the coach...
Is the position I play a recruiting priority for you this year?
Have you had the opportunity to view the DVD I sent?
Do you think, based on what you know of me, that I have the potential to be a productive player in your program?

Hey, coaches are very good at conversation, your son won't have to search for what to say, the coach'll help plenty.

Best of luck.

OK, here me out on this...

Your kid enlists...Would you call your sons' commanding officer once every 4-6 mo?

Your kids goes to work at a "job"...Would you call his employer every once in awhile to check on Little Johnnys' next pay raise?

My son is a senior this year. I make 2 trips a year to see him play, Houston & New Orleans.
I said "thank you" to coach when he graciously came to my sons' father's funeral last year. I thank him for being "there" for my son, for the great support network, and letting instructors know what happened.
Unless it is an extraordinary circunstance, I see no need to call or email my sons' coach.
Besides, it would embarrass my son.
Let him be the man you have raised him to be.

My 2 cents.

That is a great analogy baseballmom. To me it is a great approach.You cut the apron strings and let them enjoy the experience. They know you are there when needed..

CPLZ-What is wrong with you. If a phone call from a parent damages the kids relationship with a coach well then you probably didn't pick a good place. I agree with Mr. Kremer 100 percent-Your not calling to offer baseball advice or really talk baseball. Just simply checking on your son and showing an interest. Commonplace would say that every coach shoud Assume that the parents are involved and care and are offering guidance but sometimes you need to FULLY UNDERSTAND that every kid is not a clone of the next kids homelife. Baseball Mom with respect to your comment college is not the military, and college baseball does not include potential battles. College Baseball is not a 9-5 job. College baseball takes place at a place of higher education and the kids a called STUDENT-ATHLETES, the word Student is in front of the word athlete. This is not a job and it's not the military.

Interesting discussion and good points made, and everyone has an opinion and everyone approaches situations differently.
I would be lying if I said we never called son's coach (not head coach but pitching coach), but we also had a very unique situation that involved an entire family friendship, mutual friends to this day and been together on several occassions outside of the college situation.
The conversations never included playing time, and his pitching coach had an open phone policy, call me anytime, with any concerns, to every parent of the players he recruited. That is just the way he is, but not all coaches are that approachable or involved with their players on and off the field.

I agree pretty much with many statments made here, especially some made by Coach May. I think sometimes it is important to listen to those who work closely with HS players and know many coaches. PG makes some excellent points as well.

I don't know about anyone else, but my son spoke to some coaches over the phone and there was no connection, he immediately decided that he would not pursue any further with those programs.
So what if we had done all of the talking? What happens if he shows up, even with a good scholarship and can't stand the coach or the situation or the program because we did all of the talking on his behalf because he was too shy? Do not let being too shy or too busy a reason why your son didn't contact coaches.

Our kids can and most likely can go anywhere to sit in a classroom and be happy. I know in son's situation he spent endless hours with his coaching staff and on the field. Although we talked to coaches during the process, he established the relationship. For most of you whose son's are in a program or have been, we all know that things change as soon as the honeymoon recruiting period is over, so you better make sure the decision made is one with your son's input, and that includes getting to know who you will be spending the next 3-4 years with and where.

BHD,
Big question, for all the negotiating you did and calls that you made and recruting through DVD's and yes I understand that your son got a degree, met his future bride and will soon have a spectacular job that pays lots of money, just how happy were you and he with the baseball program? If your situation is different because he was an international student, does that pertain to those who are not?

I'm out on this conversation but do you guys think that coaches like Urban Meyer talk to the parents of gator football players. Do you think Mike Martin talks to the parents of Seminole baseball players. Do you think coach K at Duke talks to the parents of his Blue Devel Basketball players. 100 football players on a team in football-He couldn't possible have time to talk to them all could he. Don't be surprised. Great comments and this has been very informative.

Last thing then I'm really out. If a kid is 1000 miles from home and the coach never hears from you. I just can't comprehend that.

quote:

I wouldn't hesitate to call his coach about an academic issue, or about a difficulty he might have in adjusting to college life, or something like that.

His coach said he has an open phone line for any calls on these topics, but as far as baseball development and progress, playing time, other such things - don't call. Not our business.

And that is something I agree with 100%

For me, my son is away for the first time, but he is a sophmore and more grown up.He keeps us in the loop of what is going on with baseball,he has study hall, and he has given us access to check his grades.There are open lines of communication.I think the problem can lie with kids who go off to school their freshmen year, parents think they are fine, leave them be they are now 18.I think you do have to keep an eye on things,but I would not call his coach about baseball.Just keep tabs on your son, until you really know they have a grip on things.

Big part of making the decision is that you should be looking for a situation where you don't have to worry or be too concerned because of the people who will be working with your son. Then you don't have to think twice about making the phone calls.

First semester of son's freshman year, we got a call from the athletic advisor. Always being a good student, he was struggling first semester, but by end he was just a tenth of a point away from a 3.0. He called to tell us how proud he was that son had raised his GPA and got the job done in the classroom. So many are so concerned about making phone calls to find about about progress on the field, FWIW, you can't play if you don't get it done in class, that was very much appreciated.

After that he made presidents honor roll consistantly and was an ACC all american. I had gotten the impression from our visit with him during recruiting, that we didn't have to worry about son, academically he had people watching over him. We also knew that every few weeks the HC got a report, regarding grades and skipping classes, and dealt with each player sternly on that. That should be a bigger priority than how he is doing on the field.

JMO.

quote:

Originally posted by Ryan Robinson:
CPLZ-What is wrong with you.

What is right with me is a shorter list.

How much time have you got?

quote:

So many are so concerned about making phone calls to find about about progress on the field, FWIW, you can't play if you don't get it done in class, that was very much appreciated.

After that he made presidents honor roll consistantly and was an ACC all american. I had gotten the impression from our visit with him during recruiting, that we didn't have to worry about son, academically he had people watching over him. We also knew that every few weeks the HC got a report, regarding grades and skipping classes, and dealt with each player sternly on that. That should be a bigger priority than how he is doing on the field.

JMO.

absolutely!!!!!

quote:

What is right with me is a shorter list.

Now that was funny.

CPLZ-Good sense of humor. We disagreed but I respect your opinions and like I said this message board provides alot of different opinions and for the most part all have value. I hope to run into you on another topic soon

ClevelandDad nominated this thread for "Golden" status and I agree!

Helpful advice here, good debate from different viewpoints, and an honest peek into the world of college baseball for those who are starting the recruiting "ride" as well as those with sons just starting their college careers.

I've attached a "shortcut" to Golden Threads, so this thread appears both places. Thanks everyone for your input here!

Julie

MN-Mom: Do I get a gold star or anything for starting a "golden thread?"

Here ya go MT

I dont see anything wrong with a parent being involved during the recruiting process. Its a tough decision - and hopefully the parents can offer guidance and make sure the right questions are asked.

But:

Once the decision is made and your son/daughter makes the choice and begins - I wouldnt recommend any parent initiating contact with a college coach.

The parents arent on the field everyday. The Coach and the players are. The Coach and the players are living it everyday - the parents are not.
So how would a parent really know anything?

From a coaches perspective - if they were being totally honest - I am sure they would say they dread those phone calls from parents.

With the exception of some extraordinary circumstance - I really dont know why a parent would call a coach.

At the college level - IMO - parents should support their son/daughter - and their team - watch and hopefully enjoy the games - and then go home.

Fan, you have a PM about this subject.

quote:

Originally posted by TRhit:
If a parent calls a coach he/she should treat it like talking with a lawyer---just answer the questions in a short manner---only give him the info that he asks for--nothing more --nothing less ---and be truthful

Priceless....also insert detective, probation officer or assistant principal.

This is a great thread and I have really enjoyed reading all the different opinions on this subject. Getting back to MTBaseballDad’s question on contacting coach in regards to recruiting.

Son (RHP/2011) has received his share of letters and emails from college coaches, a few schools up to 2 or 3 emails a week. One coach started emailing him for one school and now has left and is still emailing him from his new school.

My question is do your opinions change on dad making first phone call if that player is a junior and coach can not call him?

CSG,
Players and their dads or moms can make all the calls they want, the coach cannot make or return phone calls until July 1 of their senior year.

great topic, I have always found that the most effective way to reach a young player is to find the right coach. You need someone who the players respect and look up to, at least at a young age, this typically can not be a dad.