Can Dad Call the Coach?

quote:

I have heard over and over that parents making contacts is a recipe for disaster.

You never heard me say that. My advice is different than generally offered here. I wanted to hear from the coach myself what their interest was and what the "score" actually was before either my son or I invested any time or money pursuing them. I usually made first contact with them to determine the lay of the land. When they are interested in your son, they will call and ask to speak to him directly. I am sure your son will manage to take their calls and do well answering the questions when asked from the coach!

Look, coaches are just like you and me. They love to talk baseball with reasonable people. They understand when parents are calling that it is reasonable for them to find out if there is genuine interest there before they start spending money sending them to visits or camps or what not. What they don't want to hear is how great your kid is. All parents think highly of their own kids. Be honest with them that you would like to know if they have any interest and what it would take to generate any. If they ask about his performance, let them know as you did here - in a reasonable and objective way. One piece of information is find out if there are any past players your son has competed against that the coach you are speaking to may have personal experience with either on his own team or in his conference. For instance, if your son dominated the conference pitcher of the year from last year, that might be useful information for the coach to be made aware of.

Feel free to pm me if you would like to conduct further conversation offline.

As a 2010, your son needs to become more agressive in his recruiting, with your help of course.

I agree with CD. I'll tell you something that a HC told me once, he takes all phone calls, answers all emails, but I got the impression he doesn't like parents to tell him how good their players are, rather that they are very interested in the program and attending the school. Never tell a coach how many schools are calling your son, that's a no no, IMO.

I realize that for some players it is very difficult to make those phone calls, and very difficult for players to read vibes, so, perhaps at this time it would be in his best interest for you to make that phone call, just be very careful on what you say and how you approach the coach.

Do not let your son think that you will do all the work, he needs to take the responsibility to get to know the coach, nothing worse than leting mom or dad do all the work and showing up not ever developing a relationship with who you are going to play for.

JMO.

If a parent calls a coach he/she should treat it like talking with a lawyer---just answer the questions in a short manner---only give him the info that he asks for--nothing more --nothing less ---and be truthful

A friend and his wife were doing all the work for their son. Then the dad was complaining the son won't work out on his own. He'll only practice with the team. I asked the dad if he thought his son really wanted it. The dad stopped doing the work. Now his wife is doing it all. And they've spent a ton of money on advisors, consultants and recruiting services for a kid who will be a D3 player. I think the parents want it for the kid. The kid doesn't care unless it's going to be easy.

I asked my son what his next goal in baseball was. When he answered, "I want to play D1", I said fine, I'm going to hold you to that and did.

Sometimes it meant asking, "When are you going to call the coach at XYZ?....That's not good enough, I want a day this week that you are going to call him."

Accountability is a rough lesson sometimes, but a worthwhile one.

Cleveland Dad - You have a PM (I think - I'm new to this site)

MT - I got your message and responded. You'll see a New Message tab highlighted at the top of the forum to the right of the other tabs. Click on that to view your pm. You can also reply to your pm the same way you reply in the forums. No need to post here that you replied as I'll be notified of any response. Thanks.

quote:

Originally posted by CPLZ:
Accountability is a rough lesson sometimes, but a worthwhile one.

I agree but it does not have to be a zero sum game i.e., you do everything or you will fail at your goal. Let me explain...

I held my son accountable by asking him to be the best athlete and baseball player he could be. "He" had to expend the blood, sweat, and tears to achieve that. The recruiting part "we" handled as a team. He had no problem answering the phone when coaches called. On the other hand, I had no problem scoping things out, helping generate a recruiting plan, and facilitating that the plan was executed. At the end of the day, it was his talent and the exposure he got that got him recruited. Nothing I could have said on the phone could have changed that. If he would have been unwilling to do the work however, I would have been unwilling to do what I did. He indeed was accountable according to "my" definition and that is all that matters imho.

quote:

Originally posted by CPLZ:
Accountability is a rough lesson sometimes, but a worthwhile one.

I believe that parents must help in being part of the process, a lot depends on your player as to which parts. Parents have a right to the process, after all, they will be paying for school. Your input is important.

And everyone's idea of accountability is different.

We helped organize, made a model for answering questionaires, but contacts were up to him. And yes we too asked or reminded when are you going to make that phone call. Every situation is different, he got lots of calls, yes we spoke briefly to coaches when they called at first for son's cell number, (unless they called to introduce themselves to us) but it was always his responsibility to return calls, and sort out where he was interested in going, with our guidance. He hated returning phone calls to coaches (and doing the paperwork), but did a good job when he did, even being nervous, coaches know and understand that. At the time of recruiting, son was playing baseball, working a job and in the fall there was school as well. He managed to do ok for himself with communicating when he had to.

I think the recruiting process helped him to understand a lot about others and himself, and helped in the maturing process and I think that lesson has value in itself. The only time we really stepped in was consideration to go pro out of HS, as most HS parents do.

However, the original OP stated that his son is shy by nature, which is not uncommon, this sometimes leads players to not take care of their business and that is ok, but in the end, it is the players responsibility to be accountable. You might make a list of some things he can say to introduce himself, and do some role playing, to make him feel comfortable, but do know that coaches have done this hundreds of times, and they know what to say and how to ask questions better than our sons do.
Sometimes just a phone call will signal to the coach the player is interested, when he thought he wasn't.

There is a difference between being uncomfortable with a new situation and letting mom and dad do all of the work.

A very big part of finding the right fit is developing relationships, even if just over the phone, or by email, it is the player that ultimately ends up on the field, not the parents.

JMO.

quote:

I have heard over and over that parents making contacts is a recipe for disaster.

MTB,

You are correct in stating "I have heard over and over that parents making contact is a recipe for disaster".

I, like you, have read many a thread here and have heard it over and over as well. I'm not saying anyone here is back pedaling or talking out of both sides of their mouth, but you can go back and read MANY threads where it's stated under no circumstances should a parent get involved unless the sons health is at risk!

I was always on the other side of the fence.

don't call

It is about your son, not you. Help your son with an email, get the number for him, buy the stamp, but don't call. Go with him on the unofficial visit, sit there and listen to the coach, make discreet inquiries about the costs, compliment the coach on his beautiful field, but don't call.

It's not a "disaster" just poor form. Don't let him think you're a helicopter parent and let your son do some of his own growing up with your guidance.

Thanks to everyone for the advice. Much appreciated.

I always thought the don't call route was about parents asking coaches about playing time, positions and other coaching decisions. I didn't think it was the same for recruiting.

quote:

Don't let him think you're a helicopter parent

brod - those kind of comments are not appreciated and unhelpful to the current discussion imho. Your opinion of "do not call" is a completely valid one to hold. To throw in a gratuitous cheap-shot was uncalled for.

I could have waited until you posted your "do not call" opinion and then followed that up with parents who do not speak to the coach are morons. I'll give you the benefit of the doubt and assume you are not a moron even though your opinion differs from mine.

It would not be a total disaster for you to call them. I would talk to my son and express to him the importance of him also calling the coaches and expressing his desire for them to see him. There is no reason he should not be able to at least send an email as well. When he does go on the visit the coaches are going to want to talk to him at some point and time. Make sure he understands its important for him to communicate with the coaches.

quote:

Originally posted by Doughnutman:
I always thought the don't call route was about parents asking coaches about playing time, positions and other coaching decisions. I didn't think it was the same for recruiting.

In my mind, you are correct.

I have had more than one D-1 coach tell me that "parents too often forget that it is the boy being recruited not the parents"

I'm with CD on this one. I called every college that my son was interested in or that showed interest in my son. Every coached called me as we went down the road communicating. Never had one coach have a problem with me talking to them. After all I am the final decision maker. Never negotiate with anyone but the decision maker.
The only thing they wanted from my son was whether he wanted to play for them. They all gave me their cell phone #s for him to call. They chatted for a few minutes and the coach asked if he would like to play at his school. My son only talked to the ones we liked after I had dealt with the coach.
One college I even enrolled him and had his student number before I told him about it. The coach wouldn't make an offer without him being enrolled. It was a possible backup if things didn't workout at our preferred schools.
I negotiate for a living and there is no way my son is doing that. He would never get the money I got for him.

TR, I agree that it is the boy being recruited and not the boy. However, it is my boy and my finances and I want to make sure both are handled accordingly. Just like parents, there are coaches who do not or will not have the kid's best interest at heart at the end of the day. Sometimes a little "maturity" aka..the parent can see through the muse and raise a red flag.

I admire any young 18yr old young man who can handle every aspect of recruiting on his own. Make no mistake about it. But just how many of these young men exist out here today? I know, I know, let the boy learn what it means to make his own decisions, choices, learn by mistakes, etc. But in today's times I know that I for one cannot go through a huge financial mistake, or even a small one. I'm just hanging on as it is.

I don't see any problems with a kid making initial contact and many contacts afterward but somewhere I think it is just prudent for the parent to get involved, IMO.