Son has meeting at his HS with a visiting rep from a college he was interested in attending.  My son described him as a flaming gay guy wearing too much jewelry.  The info card he was given to complete had the usual contact info but also wanted to know if he was LGBTQ, it was one of 4 or 5 lines to complete.  So son now thinks the school is only recruiting the LGBTQ community and checked off his list.  Not that there is anything wrong with LGBTQ but why would a college want to be represented in that way?

Original Post
Iowamom23 posted:

I guess I'd be curious what the other lines were to complete?

Name, street. city, state, zip, email, phone and LGBTQ

Last edited by mdschert
mdschert posted:

Son has meeting at his HS with a visiting rep from a college he was interested in attending.  My son described him as a flaming gay guy wearing too much jewelry.  The info card he was given to complete had the usual contact info but also wanted to know if he was LGBTQ, it was one of 4 or 5 lines to complete.  So son now thinks the school is only recruiting the LGBTQ community and checked off his list.  Not that there is anything wrong with LGBTQ but why would a college want to be represented in that way?

I think that's a pretty big conclusion to which to jump.

If your son and you felt uncomfortable with this, he needs to go see his guidance counselor.

I know that we live in a different world, but oneszexual preferences are really no one elses business.

JMO

 

mdschert posted:
Iowamom23 posted:

I guess I'd be curious what the other lines were to complete?

Name, street. city, state, zip, email, phone and LGBTQ

Would have made more sense if they were asking other questions toward demographics--religious preferences, food issues or something like that. I agree orientation is no ones business particularly at a high school college visit. 

Matt13 posted:
mdschert posted:

Son has meeting at his HS with a visiting rep from a college he was interested in attending.  My son described him as a flaming gay guy wearing too much jewelry.  The info card he was given to complete had the usual contact info but also wanted to know if he was LGBTQ, it was one of 4 or 5 lines to complete.  So son now thinks the school is only recruiting the LGBTQ community and checked off his list.  Not that there is anything wrong with LGBTQ but why would a college want to be represented in that way?

I think that's a pretty big conclusion to which to jump.

I agree but we are talking about a 16 yr old.  I don't know if I can ever get him to consider the college again.  Are there other schools that want to know sexual preference from the get go?????  Why would this ever be part of an information gathering process?  

If it's a college you're really interested in I'd call or email the admissions office and ask them what is that about. A lot of colleges use people who are not admissions staff to do those info sessions at schools.  These surrogates can be grads, parents, students, etc. Maybe your guy was going rogue.

1.  Make sure your son wasn't joking with you.

2.  If you are certain he wasn't, tell him you are going to let his school's counselor know so that he/she can contact the college to let them know.  There is absolutely something MORE THAN ODD about that card.  If the college knew about the card and the question, I'm sure the counselor will ask why in the world would they be interested in high school students' sexual preferences?  I am guessing that this college rep is part of some kind of scam, or some hidden camera joke.

MomLW posted:

1.  Make sure your son wasn't joking with you.

2.  If you are certain he wasn't, tell him you are going to let his school's counselor know so that he/she can contact the college to let them know.  There is absolutely something MORE THAN ODD about that card.  If the college knew about the card and the question, I'm sure the counselor will ask why in the world would they be interested in high school students' sexual preferences?  I am guessing that this college rep is part of some kind of scam, or some hidden camera joke.

It is becoming the norm on many universities entrance questionnaire.

https://www.campuspride.org/tp...stions-as-an-option/

mdschert posted:

Son has meeting at his HS with a visiting rep from a college he was interested in attending.  My son described him as a flaming gay guy wearing too much jewelry.  The info card he was given to complete had the usual contact info but also wanted to know if he was LGBTQ, it was one of 4 or 5 lines to complete.  So son now thinks the school is only recruiting the LGBTQ community and checked off his list.  Not that there is anything wrong with LGBTQ but why would a college want to be represented in that way?

This sounds extraordinarily unlikely (unless your son's definition of flaming is way broader than mine), and I say that from the perspective of a son who visited/considered a number of extremely liberal schools. As someone else pointed out, schools often get local alums to do these things, and I suppose given the number of HS events that get covered, there's bound to be a dud or two, though.

That said, there are a lot of schools that take LGBTQ issues seriously, and it wouldn't particularly surprise me if they were interested in making it known that they were a community where it might be easier to fit in if you were LGBTQ. That might include some broad question on a survey/interest form.

mdschert posted:
Matt13 posted:
mdschert posted:

Son has meeting at his HS with a visiting rep from a college he was interested in attending.  My son described him as a flaming gay guy wearing too much jewelry.  The info card he was given to complete had the usual contact info but also wanted to know if he was LGBTQ, it was one of 4 or 5 lines to complete.  So son now thinks the school is only recruiting the LGBTQ community and checked off his list.  Not that there is anything wrong with LGBTQ but why would a college want to be represented in that way?

I think that's a pretty big conclusion to which to jump.

I agree but we are talking about a 16 yr old.  I don't know if I can ever get him to consider the college again.  Are there other schools that want to know sexual preference from the get go?????  Why would this ever be part of an information gathering process?  

I guess I am not the most open minded person but I don't know that would consider him dismissing this school as a bad thing.

just MY opinion.

There is a new politically correct push out there.  Here is an excerpt from a recent article:

"On the Universal College Application, which can be sent to 44 colleges, the question asking for an applicant’s “sex” will be updated to ask for “legal sex,” with the options being “male” or “female.” Applicants will also have the option of answering an additional question on gender identity, with the options being “male,” “female,” or “self-identify,” for which an open text field will be provided."

Full article: http://www.takepart.com/articl...r-identity-questions

If there was a box for Male or Female and then the box asking about if he identified with LGBTQ this may have been the reason. 

Here is another article detailing a list of schools who specifically ask the question (MIT and Purdue are on this list, so it isn't just small colleges doing this):

https://www.campuspride.org/tp...stions-as-an-option/

 

Well the whole issue of whether this is an appropriate question is it's own discussion.  I have my views but I'm not going to share them because it may lead to the derailing of this post.  

What I do have to offer is to check with the HS counselor and contact the college about whether this is how they do things.  There's nothing wrong with asking for clarification as to why they ask.  It may be harmless or it may go against your personal beliefs.  But without clarification you might be crossing off a great place.

Let me give this one example and it's embarrassing for my current school.  When I first got here we had a senior who felt he was the greatest football player on earth but he wouldn't listen to anybody.  He missed out on playing at the next level because he was an idiot.  Two or three years after he graduated there was a story on the local news that he was going to area high schools acting as a representative of the East Carolina University football program.  He would go to high schools and ask for kids to be pulled out of class and talk to them about playing football for ECU.  He finally went to a school where the head coach played at ECU and he called up there (it's about two hours from my area) to ask about this guy.  That's how they found out he was fake.  He had ECU polo shirt and paraphernalia and talked a good game.  There are some idiots out there in this world.  Maybe this guy is one of them and maybe he's not.  I say call and find out.

Given his definition of the rep as "flaming" and his worry that they are targeting LGBTQ students for admission, maybe this (or any other) college isn't for him.

CaCO3Girl posted:

There is a new politically correct push out there.  Here is an excerpt from a recent article:

"On the Universal College Application, which can be sent to 44 colleges, the question asking for an applicant’s “sex” will be updated to ask for “legal sex,” with the options being “male” or “female.” Applicants will also have the option of answering an additional question on gender identity, with the options being “male,” “female,” or “self-identify,” for which an open text field will be provided."

Full article: http://www.takepart.com/articl...r-identity-questions

If there was a box for Male or Female and then the box asking about if he identified with LGBTQ this may have been the reason. 

Here is another article detailing a list of schools who specifically ask the question (MIT and Purdue are on this list, so it isn't just small colleges doing this):

https://www.campuspride.org/tp...stions-as-an-option/

 

Thanks CaCO3Girl, a college listed in the second article was the one represented at my son's school.  Seems awkward to me for a college to ask about sex of an inquiring student.  Well it back fired with my son, he wants nothing to do with the college now.  I wonder if it turns away more potential students than intended to bring in?   They must do this to look hip and progressive from marketing standpoint.  Last I studied the LGBTQ community represents only 3% of the population, seems ridiculous to risk losing potential students.

mdschert posted:
CaCO3Girl posted:

There is a new politically correct push out there.  Here is an excerpt from a recent article:

"On the Universal College Application, which can be sent to 44 colleges, the question asking for an applicant’s “sex” will be updated to ask for “legal sex,” with the options being “male” or “female.” Applicants will also have the option of answering an additional question on gender identity, with the options being “male,” “female,” or “self-identify,” for which an open text field will be provided."

Full article: http://www.takepart.com/articl...r-identity-questions

If there was a box for Male or Female and then the box asking about if he identified with LGBTQ this may have been the reason. 

Here is another article detailing a list of schools who specifically ask the question (MIT and Purdue are on this list, so it isn't just small colleges doing this):

https://www.campuspride.org/tp...stions-as-an-option/

 

Thanks CaCO3Girl, a college listed in the second article was the one represented at my son's school.  Seems awkward to me for a college to ask about sex of an inquiring student.  Well it back fired with my son, he wants nothing to do with the college now.  I wonder if it turns away more potential students than intended to bring in?   They must do this to look hip and progressive from marketing standpoint.  Last I studied the LGBTQ community represents only 3% of the population, seems ridiculous to risk losing potential students.

My guess is that schools who ask questions about gender and gender identity in an effort to be as accepting as possible of LGBTQ students and their issues are probably OK with losing out on students who would be offended by being asked the question.

There are some very good schools listed in that second link. If my son were committed to writing off Duke or Dartmouth just to avoid checking the hetero-male box on a questionnaire (or even just because an openly gay person was the one asking him to fill out the form), I might be questioning his decision making process.

jacjacatk posted:
mdschert posted:
CaCO3Girl posted:

There is a new politically correct push out there.  Here is an excerpt from a recent article:

"On the Universal College Application, which can be sent to 44 colleges, the question asking for an applicant’s “sex” will be updated to ask for “legal sex,” with the options being “male” or “female.” Applicants will also have the option of answering an additional question on gender identity, with the options being “male,” “female,” or “self-identify,” for which an open text field will be provided."

Full article: http://www.takepart.com/articl...r-identity-questions

If there was a box for Male or Female and then the box asking about if he identified with LGBTQ this may have been the reason. 

Here is another article detailing a list of schools who specifically ask the question (MIT and Purdue are on this list, so it isn't just small colleges doing this):

https://www.campuspride.org/tp...stions-as-an-option/

 

Thanks CaCO3Girl, a college listed in the second article was the one represented at my son's school.  Seems awkward to me for a college to ask about sex of an inquiring student.  Well it back fired with my son, he wants nothing to do with the college now.  I wonder if it turns away more potential students than intended to bring in?   They must do this to look hip and progressive from marketing standpoint.  Last I studied the LGBTQ community represents only 3% of the population, seems ridiculous to risk losing potential students.

My guess is that schools who ask questions about gender and gender identity in an effort to be as accepting as possible of LGBTQ students and their issues are probably OK with losing out on students who would be offended by being asked the question.

There are some very good schools listed in that second link. If my son were committed to writing off Duke or Dartmouth just to avoid checking the hetero-male box on a questionnaire (or even just because an openly gay person was the one asking him to fill out the form), I might be questioning his decision making process.

A college choice for some students is an emotional decision based on how they "feel" for the culture and community.  So far my son's exposure to this college is an openly gay guy wearing too much jewelry and an inappropriate question about sex.  Would this appeal to you as a 16 yr old?  I hope my son reconsiders so we can at least go on a campus tour or a camp.

roothog66 posted:

Given his definition of the rep as "flaming" and his worry that they are targeting LGBTQ students for admission, maybe this (or any other) college isn't for him.

It seems it would appeal to you as a 16 yr old, but not my son.  We are all different i guess....

mdschert posted:
roothog66 posted:

Given his definition of the rep as "flaming" and his worry that they are targeting LGBTQ students for admission, maybe this (or any other) college isn't for him.

It seems it would appeal to you as a 16 yr old, but not my son.  We are all different i guess....

Based on your response here and the characterizations in your posts previously, along with the relatively unrealistic situation posited in your original post, I'm guessing odds are better than 50/50 this is all some sort of homophobic troll.

Still, on the chance it's not, you and your son may need to come to grips with the existence of gay people (he's probably already played on a team with one), or at least recognize that you'll be severely limiting your college choices if he/you can't.

jacjacatk posted:
mdschert posted:
roothog66 posted:

Given his definition of the rep as "flaming" and his worry that they are targeting LGBTQ students for admission, maybe this (or any other) college isn't for him.

It seems it would appeal to you as a 16 yr old, but not my son.  We are all different i guess....

Based on your response here and the characterizations in your posts previously, along with the relatively unrealistic situation posited in your original post, I'm guessing odds are better than 50/50 this is all some sort of homophobic troll.

Still, on the chance it's not, you and your son may need to come to grips with the existence of gay people (he's probably already played on a team with one), or at least recognize that you'll be severely limiting your college choices if he/you can't.

Stated in OP that there is nothing wrong with LGBTQ,  don't make this into something that it's not.  Yes it was definitely an unrealistic situation and totally inappropriate but it happened.  PC culture is driving the insanity.  Based on your response, odds are over 50/50 chance you are LGBTQ and I am sorry if I offended you in any way.

mdschert posted:
jacjacatk posted:
mdschert posted:
roothog66 posted:

Given his definition of the rep as "flaming" and his worry that they are targeting LGBTQ students for admission, maybe this (or any other) college isn't for him.

It seems it would appeal to you as a 16 yr old, but not my son.  We are all different i guess....

Based on your response here and the characterizations in your posts previously, along with the relatively unrealistic situation posited in your original post, I'm guessing odds are better than 50/50 this is all some sort of homophobic troll.

Still, on the chance it's not, you and your son may need to come to grips with the existence of gay people (he's probably already played on a team with one), or at least recognize that you'll be severely limiting your college choices if he/you can't.

Stated in OP that there is nothing wrong with LGBTQ,  don't make this into something that it's not.  Yes it was definitely an unrealistic situation and totally inappropriate but it happened.  PC culture is driving the insanity.  Based on your response, odds are over 50/50 chance you are LGBTQ and I am sorry if I offended you in any way.

PC culture is driving the insanity.
There's nothing wrong with LGBTQ.
It's inappropriate for a University to ask questions on a questionnaire relating to LGBTQ issues.
I must be gay for pointing out that those statements don't all mesh, and that reality is all around you, and your son.

Hey, you do you, man.

jacjacatk posted:
mdschert posted:
jacjacatk posted:
mdschert posted:
roothog66 posted:

Given his definition of the rep as "flaming" and his worry that they are targeting LGBTQ students for admission, maybe this (or any other) college isn't for him.

It seems it would appeal to you as a 16 yr old, but not my son.  We are all different i guess....

Based on your response here and the characterizations in your posts previously, along with the relatively unrealistic situation posited in your original post, I'm guessing odds are better than 50/50 this is all some sort of homophobic troll.

Still, on the chance it's not, you and your son may need to come to grips with the existence of gay people (he's probably already played on a team with one), or at least recognize that you'll be severely limiting your college choices if he/you can't.

Stated in OP that there is nothing wrong with LGBTQ,  don't make this into something that it's not.  Yes it was definitely an unrealistic situation and totally inappropriate but it happened.  PC culture is driving the insanity.  Based on your response, odds are over 50/50 chance you are LGBTQ and I am sorry if I offended you in any way.

PC culture is driving the insanity.
There's nothing wrong with LGBTQ.
It's inappropriate for a University to ask questions on a questionnaire relating to LGBTQ issues.
I must be gay for pointing out that those statements don't all mesh, and that reality is all around you, and your son.

Hey, you do you, man.

My point is that it is very inappropriate for a university to ask about sexual preference of a prospect student, none of their business.  Yes, I totally believe PC culture is driving this insanity.  Yes, there is nothing wrong with being LGBTQ.  Seems to mesh with me.....

Please tell us all why you would take being LGBTQ as an insult?  Seems you are the one with homophobic tendencies....

Just so we can agree on terms, Merriam Webster defines Politically Correct (PC) like so:

Simple Definition of politically correct

  • : agreeing with the idea that people should be careful to not use language or behave in a way that could offend a particular group of people

Full Definition of politically correct

  1. :  conforming to a belief that language and practices which could offend political sensibilities (as in matters of sex or race) should be eliminated

That doesn't seem so bad to me.   It seems like good manners, and just another way of practicing the Golden Rule.

So I don't understand why there are so many angry people on the teevee and radio and internet talking about how horrible it is.

But that's just me, I guess.

mdschert posted:
 

PC culture is driving the insanity.
There's nothing wrong with LGBTQ.
It's inappropriate for a University to ask questions on a questionnaire relating to LGBTQ issues.
I must be gay for pointing out that those statements don't all mesh, and that reality is all around you, and your son.

Hey, you do you, man.

My point is that it is very inappropriate for a university to ask about sexual preference of a prospect student, none of their business.  Yes, I totally believe PC culture is driving this insanity.  Yes, there is nothing wrong with being LGBTQ.  Seems to mesh with me.....

Please tell us all why you would take being LGBTQ as an insult?  Seems you are the one with homophobic tendencies....

And then, the coup de grace, I must be the real homophobe for pointing out reality.

I'm not insulted that you would insinuate in a read-between-the-lines-as-an-insult way that I must be gay. I've been (albeit almost always pointlessly) arguing with people on the internet since before it was called that, and I'm pretty sure there's no way to actually insult me (though, certainly, feel free to try to prove me wrong).

I'm amused that people with clearly homophobic tendencies can't understand that calling someone gay isn't an insult. Feel free to argue the that presumption about you, but the apple don't fall far from the tree.

And, to turn back towards facts for a moment, it's clearly in the best interests of a university to understand the needs of its prospective student body, especially those who might otherwise be discriminated against. I don't really believe Big Gay Al showed up at your son's school, but even if the rep was Agador Spartacus himself, it wouldn't dissuade me, or more importantly, my son from considering an otherwise interesting school.

OK, I'm pop-cultured out.  Going to go crank up the Queen and head to the pet store.  No, that's not a euphemism.

Edited to limit quote-storm, and start the countdown to the Swampboy ban-hammer.

Last edited by jacjacatk
JCG posted:

Just so we can agree on terms, Merriam Webster defines Politically Correct (PC) like so:

Simple Definition of politically correct

  • : agreeing with the idea that people should be careful to not use language or behave in a way that could offend a particular group of people

Full Definition of politically correct

  1. :  conforming to a belief that language and practices which could offend political sensibilities (as in matters of sex or race) should be eliminated

That doesn't seem so bad to me.   It seems like good manners, and just another way of practicing the Golden Rule.

So I don't understand why there are so many angry people on the teevee and radio and internet talking about how horrible it is.

But that's just me, I guess.

Everything is ok in moderation. Nothing wrong with being polite. The problem these days is that one side can say what they want, no matter how the other side feels about it. And it goes a step beyond by not allowing the other side to state their views and opinions. It's an either believe as I do or shut up situation. People's skin has become too thin in many cases. 

In the current situation, if someone feels offended by someone asking if they are LGBTQ, it doesn't necessarily make them a homophobe. And the person who is not offended by it is not a homophobe either. It's just 2 people's opinion and they both have the right to it. 

jacjacatk posted:
mdschert posted:
 

PC culture is driving the insanity.
There's nothing wrong with LGBTQ.
It's inappropriate for a University to ask questions on a questionnaire relating to LGBTQ issues.
I must be gay for pointing out that those statements don't all mesh, and that reality is all around you, and your son.

Hey, you do you, man.

My point is that it is very inappropriate for a university to ask about sexual preference of a prospect student, none of their business.  Yes, I totally believe PC culture is driving this insanity.  Yes, there is nothing wrong with being LGBTQ.  Seems to mesh with me.....

Please tell us all why you would take being LGBTQ as an insult?  Seems you are the one with homophobic tendencies....

And then, the coup de grace, I must be the real homophobe for pointing out reality.

I'm not insulted that you would insinuate in a read-between-the-lines-as-an-insult way that I must be gay. I've been (albeit almost always pointlessly) arguing with people on the internet since before it was called that, and I'm pretty sure there's no way to actually insult me (though, certainly, feel free to try to prove me wrong).

I'm amused that people with clearly homophobic tendencies can't understand that calling someone gay isn't an insult. Feel free to argue the that presumption about you, but the apple don't fall far from the tree.

And, to turn back towards facts for a moment, it's clearly in the best interests of a university to understand the needs of its prospective student body, especially those who might otherwise be discriminated against. I don't really believe Big Gay Al showed up at your son's school, but even if the rep was Agador Spartacus himself, it wouldn't dissuade me, or more importantly, my son from considering an otherwise interesting school.

OK, I'm pop-cultured out.  Going to go crank up the Queen and head to the pet store.  No, that's not a euphemism.

Edited to limit quote-storm, and start the countdown to the Swampboy ban-hammer.

Since you don't believe the actual scenario then there is no reason to continue.....

I found the stash of Ho Ho's my wife has been hiding from me, gotta go.  Toodles...

 

This is an optional question on the application. The answer is intended to be private and personal.   

The proper thing for the representative to do was give the application to his son and let him fill it out.  No need to put anyone, especially a 16 year uncomfortable by asking that question.

 

Here is something I think we all forget now that we are all older and have experienced life.  About 25 years ago when I was a teenager getting ready to start that college journey this would have freaked me out.  Even today in 2016 most kids have not been exposed to the gay culture except for what they see on TV.  Now they may have been around gay people but never know it.  A lot of teenagers aren't sure if they are which creates a lot of stressful situations for them or they know and not sure how to interact in the world as an out gay person.  Kids don't have the life experience USUALLY to function in these situations.  But as they get older and experience the world this attitude changes - well it changed with me.  I have no problem around LGTBQ people and that is finally me getting some maturity although I act like an idiot in many other areas of my life.

I don't think we need to cast judgement on the OP son for reacting this way.  At some point he will learn and mature to be able to function in the real world that we all do.......or he won't and he will rightly be projected as a close minded racist / bigot / whatever.  But if that's the case then it's a taught behavior and that falls on the parents.  I like to believe he will learn to be more open minded.

coach2709 posted:

Here is something I think we all forget now that we are all older and have experienced life.  About 25 years ago when I was a teenager getting ready to start that college journey this would have freaked me out.  Even today in 2016 most kids have not been exposed to the gay culture except for what they see on TV.  Now they may have been around gay people but never know it.  A lot of teenagers aren't sure if they are which creates a lot of stressful situations for them or they know and not sure how to interact in the world as an out gay person.  Kids don't have the life experience USUALLY to function in these situations.  But as they get older and experience the world this attitude changes - well it changed with me.  I have no problem around LGTBQ people and that is finally me getting some maturity although I act like an idiot in many other areas of my life.

I don't think we need to cast judgement on the OP son for reacting this way.  At some point he will learn and mature to be able to function in the real world that we all do.......or he won't and he will rightly be projected as a close minded racist / bigot / whatever.  But if that's the case then it's a taught behavior and that falls on the parents.  I like to believe he will learn to be more open minded.

My son already lives in the real world.  He has two openly gay classmates at his small private school that he is friends with.  This is not about being open minded in any way nor intended to be anti-LGBTQ.  His only exposure to the college has been a flamboyant college rep that wears too much jewelry and is preoccupied with his sexual preference.  Would you join a gay fraternity if you were straight?  Are you a bigot, immature, close minded or anti-LGBTQ for not wanting to join?  Of course not, its just not your thing.  Same with my son.  

mdschert posted:
coach2709 posted:

Here is something I think we all forget now that we are all older and have experienced life.  About 25 years ago when I was a teenager getting ready to start that college journey this would have freaked me out.  Even today in 2016 most kids have not been exposed to the gay culture except for what they see on TV.  Now they may have been around gay people but never know it.  A lot of teenagers aren't sure if they are which creates a lot of stressful situations for them or they know and not sure how to interact in the world as an out gay person.  Kids don't have the life experience USUALLY to function in these situations.  But as they get older and experience the world this attitude changes - well it changed with me.  I have no problem around LGTBQ people and that is finally me getting some maturity although I act like an idiot in many other areas of my life.

I don't think we need to cast judgement on the OP son for reacting this way.  At some point he will learn and mature to be able to function in the real world that we all do.......or he won't and he will rightly be projected as a close minded racist / bigot / whatever.  But if that's the case then it's a taught behavior and that falls on the parents.  I like to believe he will learn to be more open minded.

My son already lives in the real world.  He has two openly gay classmates at his small private school that he is friends with.  This is not about being open minded in any way nor intended to be anti-LGBTQ.  His only exposure to the college has been a flamboyant college rep that wears too much jewelry and is preoccupied with his sexual preference.  Would you join a gay fraternity if you were straight?  Are you a bigot, immature, close minded or anti-LGBTQ for not wanting to join?  Of course not, its just not your thing.  Same with my son.  

Mdschert, I get it.  I don't think this is any different than if a potential student was a book nerd and he got a party all day and night vibe from the person who came to recruit him, or vice versa, a life of the party guy getting the impression there was no partying on campus and rules were strictly enforced. 

College is about growing up and becoming your own person without parental influence, you have to feel comfortable there or you won't become the person you are meant to be.  I would cross a place off my list that had a large population of students that belonged to one religion that I wasn't a part of, it doesn't mean I hate God, I just wouldn't be comfortable.  If a school just flipped from all male to co-ed I wouldn't be comfortable being one of the first women, nothing against men, it's just a comfort thing. You can't explore who you are unless you are comfortable where you are and who you are with, and no one else can dictate that for you or tell you you are wrong to feel that way.

It's not about being anti-anything, it's about being in a place you find comfortable.

 

A 16 year old kid is freaked out by a college with an apparent gay representative having a question on the app asking if they are so inclined....he doesn't feel anyway comfortable with it and it gets dissected to point of is he homophobic... Crazy but it just happened.

Maybe he is 16 and is totally uncomfortable with the conversation because he is uh 16!! Maybe he should be uncomfortable with the conversation. Hell there are many adults who would also be uncomfortable with it, it doesn't make them homophobic or racist or anything else. It means it isn't the right school for them, end of conversation.

BTW the PC police are alive and well - in order for the definition to be accurate there has to be some agreement on what is impolite or offensive. many many people need to reevaluate what should be offensive vs what is perceived to be

 

In my experience the word "flaming" when applied to a gay person is usually followed by the words "faggot" or "fag". I hope those are terms we can agree on as not being polite or inoffensive.  Due to those customary usages, you can make the case that the word "flaming" all by itself carries the same connotation, so not really appropriate to describe anyone in a public conversation.   

Just my opinion, as I'm not a sworn officer of the PC police.

There are some very good schools listed in that second link. If my son were committed to writing off Duke or Dartmouth just to avoid checking the hetero-male box on a questionnaire (or even just because an openly gay person was the one asking him to fill out the form), I might be questioning his decision making process.

I second these comments.  Why was the kid interested in the school in the first place?  Does this particular question on an application materially alter what the school has to offer?  Has the kid checked up on all the folks that represent the school at "HS functions - do they all wear "too much" jewelry?  Also, how much is "too much"?  I glanced at the list and, for most, this one experience should not have any impact on how one views the school (larger schools will generally have a representative population - maybe a little more slanted towards middle class+).  If it was one of the smaller schools (no idea if any are really small), AND the experience is reflective of the school, then someone didn't do their homework ahead of time and picked up on some arbitrary positives.  

If there was in fact real interest in the school, be proactive and go visit the school or do some additional homework and I am quite certain you will find that 100% of the recruiting efforts are going towards the LGBTQ community.  To allow this one experience to completely remove the school from consideration is short sighted to put it nicely.  While the experience itself may have been unsettling to a 16yo high school boy, an adult should explain to him the reality of the situation.  In this case, the 16yo boy should not make a determination of "comfort level" based on the one interaction.  What if he visits campus and the first girl he sees in kind of plain - does he then write off the school because the girls are not pretty enough?

 I hope my son reconsiders so we can at least go on a campus tour or a camp.  -  Missed this comment first time through.  Your responsibility is to explain to your son that it is not logical to write off a school based on the single experience he had.  If he wants a good fit at a quality school, you cannot allow him to make decisions based on such a minor experience (certainly minor in terms of his potential collegiate experience).

Last edited by 2017LHPscrewball
mdschert posted:
coach2709 posted:

Here is something I think we all forget now that we are all older and have experienced life.  About 25 years ago when I was a teenager getting ready to start that college journey this would have freaked me out.  Even today in 2016 most kids have not been exposed to the gay culture except for what they see on TV.  Now they may have been around gay people but never know it.  A lot of teenagers aren't sure if they are which creates a lot of stressful situations for them or they know and not sure how to interact in the world as an out gay person.  Kids don't have the life experience USUALLY to function in these situations.  But as they get older and experience the world this attitude changes - well it changed with me.  I have no problem around LGTBQ people and that is finally me getting some maturity although I act like an idiot in many other areas of my life.

I don't think we need to cast judgement on the OP son for reacting this way.  At some point he will learn and mature to be able to function in the real world that we all do.......or he won't and he will rightly be projected as a close minded racist / bigot / whatever.  But if that's the case then it's a taught behavior and that falls on the parents.  I like to believe he will learn to be more open minded.

My son already lives in the real world.  He has two openly gay classmates at his small private school that he is friends with.  This is not about being open minded in any way nor intended to be anti-LGBTQ.  His only exposure to the college has been a flamboyant college rep that wears too much jewelry and is preoccupied with his sexual preference.  Would you join a gay fraternity if you were straight?  Are you a bigot, immature, close minded or anti-LGBTQ for not wanting to join?  Of course not, its just not your thing.  Same with my son.  

Not sure how to read this.  Part of me thinks you're coming back at me for some reason but it could also be that you're explaining that your son is one of the few exceptions who have experience interacting with gay people at that age.  Just want some clarification before I reply.

2017LHPscrewball posted:

  In this case, the 16yo boy should not make a determination of "comfort level" based on the one interaction.  What if he visits campus and the first girl he sees in kind of plain - does he then write off the school because the girls are not pretty enough?

first impressions are kind of important, yes I think the son could strike the college very easily as place not worth the time investment for him. There thousands of schools out there and I am sure he will be able to find one that treats him extremely well.

OP referenced Dartmouth (no doubt great school) but maybe it is wrong for him regardless of the great school, maybe he would be a better fit at Notre Dame or Georgetown (or one of many others) where he finds somewhat different environment...again the beauty of the PC community is it only extends one way!!

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