Reading through the "Why" thread got me thinking about the rolls my wife and I play for our baseball playing sons. I think we have a pretty traditional setup here...I played and coached baseball and my wife knows a little of the intricacies of the game, but mostly is there to encourage her sons. So is it a positive thing that we combine to provide a mostly "balanced" approach to our sons?
I too will encourage my sons, but I'm also the one that has to provide the advice on how to help them get better and how to conduct themselves on the field and in the dugout. And I probably do 1/3 encouraging and 2/3 suggesting (that seems nicer than calling it criticizing). That's better than I used to be. My wife of 17 years views the games differently of course. She follows the game some of the time, but it's also an opportunity to hang out with some of the moms and socialize. I follow the game pitch by pitch of course. She follows it when our son is pitching or hitting, and a few other times when the conversation dies down. We often have to split up because of conflicting games, and I get so frustrated calling her to get updates on what's going on at her game (I'm sure many dads can relate). "I think we're down by 3. Ok, no, Tom said we're ahead by 12.' I ask 'how is our son doing at the plate?' Her reply...'I think he grounded out, and got a hit, maybe to right field, maybe two hits I think, I'm not sure, and I think that's it...oh yeah I think he walked once'. Ok, so I just stopped asking for detailed updates when I call. I just call one of the other dads if I really want an update on her game LOL.
And she gets frustrated that I don't talk to her much during the games we attend together. I like to get down the line away from the other parents who primarily drive me crazy because of the typical lack of knowledge about what's going on, yelling at the umpires, or their constant hyping of their son's abilities.
I find it amusing (in a sweet way) how my wife gets so mad about certain things during the game...'the ump made a terrible call', 'what is our coach doing pitching that kid...we're gonna lose'? why didn't our son make that play'? 'why can't we hit the ball'? 'our outfielders can't catch a fly ball right to them'. I actually had a 30 minute argument with her driving home from one game because she was mad at the coach for bringing in the infield and outfield at the end of a game when our only play was at Home. I jokingly threatened to toss her out of the truck and let her walk it off.
I think over the last few years I've been mostly a teacher to my sons, and she's been primarily an encourager. That pretty much follows our natures. I'm a natural teacher. And she, naturally, is a great, loving mom. But I think we're moving in each other's direction. She has learned a lot about the game watching so many the last few years and of course listening to conversations between me and our sons. And I've definitely moved in her direction as well. I don't expect anyone here would remember this but in an old thread I posted that my kids were in a car accident a couple years ago. And that really changed me. 'Scared Straight' you might say. I still try to teach my sons when they ask for help, but I've become much more of a watcher and an encourager than I used to be. I started paying instructors to work with my sons on pitching or hitting, because it's hard for me to be coach and dad at the same time and I wanted their heavy instruction to come from someone else so I could just be the dad. I see some dads confusing the coaching and parenting, threatening to take their kids home if they don't try harder or make the play the next time. Makes me sick to my stomach to see it and reminds me to do better.
I don't hang out in the dugouts much like I used to, I try to stay away (still hard for me sometimes). I actually went to our coaches and told them that I want them to coach my sons and I want to stay out of it as much as possible (that was a little hard for me to overcome). They didn't use to say much to my sons because I was always coaching them during the games. I was used to standing at the fence when my sons pitched or batted, reminding them of things to help them.. Now I just try to pat them on the back and answer questions when they come off the field. I wasn't smart enough to realize it sooner but I should have seen it...my middle son always pitched great when I wasn't at his games. And my kids seem to have even more fun when I'm not laser-focused on what they might be doing incorrectly.
I posted this just to see if others have similar or different experiences. e.g. surely there must be some really knowledgeable moms out there and some dads who are the opposite.
Best wishes to all you parents.
Jon
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