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I use to play with a kid who had a dad like this. Kid could actually swing a little, as long as his dad was working. Always felt really bad for him, but his dad just couldn't leave him alone. 

I remember one practice the coach decided to play a pick-up style scrimmage composed of players and some parents that could play. Coach made sure this dad was there for it. He quietly struck out multiple times, but still didn't get the point.  Baseball is freaking hard. 

I use to play with a kid who had a dad like this. Kid could actually swing a little, as long as his dad was working. Always felt really bad for him, but his dad just couldn't leave him alone.

I remember one practice the coach decided to play a pick-up style scrimmage composed of players and some parents that could play. Coach made sure this dad was there for it. He quietly struck out multiple times, but still didn't get the point.  Baseball is freaking hard.

I was the manager of the 12u all star team. A few parents wouldn’t shut up at practice. So we decided to have “hitters” while the pitchers basically threw bullpens. One agreed to stand in. One pitch and he was done. No other dads wanted any part of it. Funny how that works

The only thing I truly pushed my kid on was his Grade Point Average.  There were very hard and firm minimum GPA’s he had to achieve every semester, or he was only going to have access to his phone for 10 minutes per day.

He thought I was way too strict .  But he knew I wasn’t kidding.

Now he’s been accepted to a high academic college on a very generous academic scholarship.

With Baseball, I helped him.  I made sure he had opportunities.  But it was up to him to push himself.

  I don't get mad at my kid, but sometimes my husband does (though not publicly)  -- I think husband gets more upset because he is the one throwing 3 buckets of BP to kid most days, and driving kid to and from lessons. I keep telling husband that if he doesn't feel like throwing BP he shouldn't do it!!!! At school we talk about how teachers shouldn't work harder than the students they're teaching - I think it is same for parents. No point putting in more effort that your own kid.

@Dadof3 posted:

Never ever have I gotten mad.  Bummed is more like it, but I always keep the feelings to myself.  I’ve matured since then and that’s kind of changed too.  I don’t get as nervous now either.   I’m loving the moment.  

I do get angry when the game gets cancelled though

That pretty much described my feelings whenever my son had a bad game.  I don't recall getting angry enough to do some of the stuff I've seen other parents do.  As my wife would often remind me early in our son's baseball career, "It's only a game. He probably feels worse than you do."

I took it out on the umpires. Cant do that anymore.

We had a dad in HS that made a fool of his son often,  got into Duke and a year later out for smoking weed.

I saw a dad in college go berserk on his son in the parking lot after a game.  Coach told the dad to leave and not come back

Similar vein with @PTWoodd, only game-related (or practice-related) anger I can ever remember was in relation to him being a bad teammate. He came to me after a practice around 5th grade complaining about the teammates being mean to him, and I told him that he is lucky he didn’t get beaned during BP, because I would have thrown a ball at him had I been a teammate. After the tears, I explained it and he learned from it.

I think maybe I got mad when oldest was young. I was wrong, you live you learn. Never got crazy.

I am on the opposite side now with my son being committed as a PO, but just DH'ing now in HS. Not a lot of stress and because the team itself is not very competitive, he's usually just swinging for the fences (again, unless in situations where that's not appropriate).

I don't think it's my place to tell anyone else how to parent, but if I hear it, I can and will passive aggressively troll the cr*p out you during the game.

I do feel bad for the kid as I see the grind and not trying come out as baseball gauche, but this is a game of failure and all the remarkable advances (maturity, skills, wisdom) in my kid (me too) were from those beautiful failures.  I do admit as a parent I get bothered by the repeat failure (not learning) and of course things out of my kid's control. For example, he was benched last night (he can only DH) as the roster is 28+ deep and I get the coach wanted to try different players. The team could not score runs and was down 4-2 late in the game. There was pinch opportunity with 2 out and runners on 1&2. The kid was getting ready to pinch hit then gets subbed because it was a LH pitcher and the coach wanted a L/R match up. Unfortunately that plan did not work and the next inning the team falls apart and gives up a lot of runs. On the ride home he was vented he was annoyed because what was proven at tryouts,  BP and past performances against LH pitching and their statements he was their team's best hitter, he was passed over an arcane thought process.  I told him all he can do is keep preparing and not dwell on the coach's process as that is a large and complex roster and maybe he did want to see what the other players had to offer. I tried a version of below on him and it probably work a little as soon as we got home he grabbed a quick bite and we hit for an hour. He felt better afterwards until he realized how many hours of school work was ahead of him.   



Serenity Prayer Whimsical Wall Decal

I have seen too many parents acting out in ridiculous ways that I guess I determined at the very beginning to never be that guy. Also, I guess I kind of always wanted to act like my dad who never said anything during a game, and only ever was encouraging before and after. There are many levels and circumstances between little league and a having a draftable player, but I believe in general if you are not a coach in the dugout, you definitely should not be "coaching" during a game, and probably not in the car on the way to the game or on the way home either

I played in college and my son played in college. For every time I told him something like "you should try gripping your change up like this" or "you have to keep your eyes behind your glove when you backhand", I told him 10 times something like "I love you", "do your very best", or "I have so much fun watching you play"

 

I can remember one time being angry, probably when he was 11-12. He made an error in the field and had his head up his butt the rest of the game, made a couple more errors and we lost by a run. I laid into him (probably a little too harshly) on the ride home, but not at the field. The only other time was in HS Jr year. He was competitive, but sometimes just took it too far, maturity or lack of it. Was throwing against a bad team, perfect game through 5, and gave up a hit in the 6th, one hit. Just really bad body language, embarrassing to me. I met him in the parking lot after the bus got back to school, and told him if it happened again I wouldn't be at any more games, he knew I meant it. Although I did see a few snippets of body language that could have been better, there wasn't any more of the really bad episodes like that one game.



Have been guilty of being too nit-picky when he was younger. Instead of emphasizing the good, I'd dwell on the bad, my problem not his. Luckily I learned to temper it, and to his credit he put up with it until I changed my behavior.



I can say in the 3 years of college, I can't recall a parent (our side or the opponents) verbalizing anything during the game. Perhaps it happens after the game, but most college parents are restrained/complimentary during the game. Most are just thankful for the opportunity to watch their kid play at the next level, a bad game here or there is going to happen. Move on to the next pitch, the next at-bat, the next game.

I got real mad at my son when he was nine.  The coach - a friend pulled me aside and talked to me about it.  He told me to be careful - he had already drove one of his sons out of the game doing the same thing.  I guess we all are learning - I am still.  I get on to him when he is not giving a good effort during a work out but I always tell him I am proud of him.  My son gets lots of compliments on how he behaves and acts around other adults - teachers and such.  That makes me smile more than anything he does on the ball field - just have to learn where the priorities lie.   

We have parents who go into the dugout and talk to their kids while they are playing - giving them coaching pointers.  I don't do any of that.  We even have some that have been thrown out of games this year - yelling at umpires and threatening them with not being able to umpire in the county again.  Kids also behave poorly - just like their parents.  We have one that makes his kid run until he pukes for making an error. 

I don't recall any public outbursts or "that parent" actions....however, I know I was hard on him on several rides home. Those weren't often but when I go back and think about the few times I lit into him....1 was too much and I've since apologized. I let go around 13U, if that makes sense. Ex-Pro coaches were handing all the coaching and hitting/pitching and I was only "managing" his hitting drills at home. He struggled with the larger field dimension, breaking balls and velo at 13U. He didn't have the same enthusiasm for the game. Looking back it all makes sense, he wasn't in the lineup or on the field due to his lack of hitting. That affected his work ethic. We had the talk. I asked him to think about his commitment to the game of baseball, and that I would not be upset with him if he quit the game. He wasn't playing for me and I wasn't expecting him to play for anything else but himself. He would have to find something else like Lacrosse or whatever to stay active and compete (many of his friends migrated to lacrosse around this time for the same reasons and growing popularity). I asked him to think about the game, his commitment and what HE wanted to do and not answer me for a few days.

He came back and said he wants to play baseball and acknowledged his lack of motivation for practice. Around that same time his pitching coach had already seen all of this and pushed him to think about pitching and contributing that way. He started excelling at 14U and the rest is history.

Sorry for the novel....some of these topics really bring back memories. Thanks to the OP, I hope this is helpful to someone.

I have witnessed "that parent", I think every team has at least 1.

I did many years ago and have always regretted it.  My son always excelled in baseball so when he didn't perform I was way too critical and made the mistake of even one time questioning his heart.   I immediately regretted it after seeing the look on his face and realized that I was an idiot who had no clue about the game of baseball at that time.  I never had to ask my son to practice and he was "in love" with the game as he was learning the ups and downs that come along with it.   I almost screwed it all up for him and I'm thankful my dumb !$& learned how to be encouraging as the game can be extremely humbling for the best players.   Fast forward several years and he's still in love with the game more than ever and is fortunate to have the opportunity to play at the next level.   If he has a bad game now, I give him a hug and jokingly tell him to "stop screwing around out there".  We laugh it off and bounces right back.   

When I selected players for our Summer team ages 14-18, I interviewed the parents and set the rules. Since the players paid $0 to play and I had 4 HS to select players, I selected players who "need" the game to succeed.

The competition in Northern California League was strong, 40 players in the 5 years later played MLB. We played 40 games with 16-18 players. Used a Army bus, I was the driver.

In our 1st game in Eureka, CA I was "kick" out of the game, no Assistant Coach, we were behind in the game. My SS became the Coach and he won the game.

Bob

I may have mentioned to the Umpire that he had 2 strike zones, one narrow for the visitors and one large for the home team [Eureka]. While sitting the stands I was "flashing" signals to our new Manager the SS. The umpire then "threw" me out of the Ball Park.

It is important to stay "loose" in this game. "Have fun"!! "Take 2 and hit to right"!

Bob

I'm awfully competitive and compensate by staying mobile throughout a game - walking almost constantly and separating myself when necessary. That said, I never, ever say anything to my son during the game beyond the usual fan encouragement. If, however, my son shows bad body language or doesn't hustle (thankfully rare occurrences) I will light him up after the game. The only things they can absolutely control are attitude and effort.

Sadly, I know of a dad that was known for being a real jerk. Not just to his kid, but everyone around the game his kid played. He was extra hard on his son who was very talented. I think the dad had mental issues that were never treated. His wife figured it out and divorced him. Meanwhile, the kid had a scholarship to a well respected private university in NorCal. One that every parent would be proud of, he managed to tick off the coaching there. Still his son got drafted very high, signed and went on to the pro's. Dad spoke of how he was going to sue the university because he thought they lost millions because they made him a reliver.  Fast forward several years. The kid was a bust in the pro's and is out of baseball. You might be blessed to throw high 90's, but mental toughness is a big part of the game. I think this dad just broke this kid and he never was able to recover.  The kid hasn't spoken to his dad in years. Refuses any contact with him even with the help of some of his old coaches. Luckily the kid has moved on, with a good degree and career. Sadly, the dad has not.

If a parent gets angry with their kid’s performance they need to step away from the game. Stop attending. It’s the kid’s turn to play. The key word is “play.” It’s optional. Yes, there is effort required to become the best player possible. But the phrase is still “Play Ball” not “Work Ball.”

Don’t live through your kid’s sports. Their athletic ability is not a reflection on the parent. How a kid behaves is a reflection on the parent. “Your kids are always welcome in our house” means a lot more to me than being congratulated my kids had a great game. In fact, my response was always, “It’s all them, not me.”

After the last out of a 10u travel season one of my better players blurted out, “Thank God it’s effing over!”

I had to ask him about his comment. The comment was so strong I ignored the F bomb. Something was wrong. He explained it’s the last time until next season he has to get in the car and have his game ripped apart all the way home.

The dad never made it past LL. His three older boys had already washed out in middle school baseball. This kid was his last hope. The dad placed a lot of pressure on him.

The family moved to the other side of the city. I saw online the kid became a mediocre high school player playing 2b and batting 9th. I hope his father lightened up. The kid went further than dad and the other sons.

The only time I ever went off on my son was in a 13u game. I was also the head coach. When he struck out with the bases loaded in the bottom of the last, down one run. He threw his bat. It sailed over the stands where several people were sitting.

I immediately grabbed him. We went for a walk behind the dugout. His ears had to be ringing by the time I got done screaming. A parent eventually came out back to make sure I wasn’t hitting him. I was told it sounded really ugly. In retrospect, reacting was acceptable. But I went to far. I scared the entire team. They were zombies in game two.

When I calmed down I told my son he embarrassed the team by throwing his bat over the stands. I told him to take off his jersey and watch the second game from down the line outside the fence by himself.

The next day I apologized to the team and the parents I was out of control enough where I embarrassed the team.

Last edited by RJM

My father was hard on me. Babe Ruth ball was what we had when I was fifteen. Travel didn’t exist. Players had to be good enough to make teams.

After one post game brow beating I told my father if he ever showed up at another game I would walk off the field.

So, there I was six and two-thirds innings into a no-hitter. I had walked two. Before facing the last hitter I looked out towards the outfield and took a deep breath.

Across the highway beyond left field on an access road with binoculars was my father. I couldn’t walk off the field one out from a no hitter. But I was so rattled I walked the next three hitters. We were only up 1-0. The last hitter took a called third on a breaking ball.

My father drove around to the field. Of course he had to be in on the excitement. Despite being a successful businessman he was an alcoholic, arrested adolescent, overgrown frat boy who had to be in on the party.

He came up to me. I told him to go away. Instead of congratulating me he told me I better thank Ricky for his diving catch or I wouldn’t have had a no-hitter.

It got worse starting with soph year in high school. Now I was on varsity teams. This was the beginning of sports mattering to my father.

Last edited by RJM

@RJM, this is what it is all about. Taking what we learn from one generation to do a better job with the next generation. I love this: "Their athletic ability is not a reflection on the parent. How a kid behaves is a reflection on the parent."  It's their turn and we are lucky enough to be along for the ride with all its highs and lows. Thank you for sharing.

Last edited by PTWood

I do get angry with the spouse when she has a bad game...lot's of unrelated baseball questions (I really do not know why uniform colors do not match, no I do not know the intended purpose behind the logo nor do I care to speculate on it during a game, yes I prefer to sit away from the other parents...at every game), repeated baseball questions even though she has been attending games for a decade (groundhog's day effect), the panic attacks during at bats (thank god our kid doesn't pitch, the hysteria would end me). 

@TPM posted:

I took it out on the umpires. Cant do that anymore.

We had a dad in HS that made a fool of his son often,  got into Duke and a year later out for smoking weed.

I saw a dad in college go berserk on his son in the parking lot after a game.  Coach told the dad to leave and not come back

I was only kidding about the umpires.

Parents, listen don't get mad at your sons performance, he feels bad enough when the game doesn't go the way it should. This is a game of failure and they need to learn from that. Keep your disappointment to yourselves. This especially is for high school and college players.

And never, ever take your anger out on the coaches.  If you find yourself more often angry than pleased, don't show up.

JMO

Honestly, I never get my mad at my son when he has a bad game. It makes my heart break. I know there is nothing that I (or a coach) could say to him that is any rougher than what he is saying to himself. My job is to make him feel better and realize that one bad game or play or pitch doesn't define him as a player.

Last week he gave up four solo home runs over six innings. Struck out five. I was so proud of him coming back and throwing the next pitch,I knew that he had learned that lesson.

What would there possibly be to be angry about?

I can only speak for myself, but I suspect that most of us are in this position: At this point in his journey, no matter how much I read/listen/study, my son knows more than me about gameplay and his own place in it. I feel that my best value to him is, in order:

  1. Being a loving parent, however he needs that role to be (head cheerleader, target of venting, etc.)
  2. Helping guide his attempt to play at the next level
  3. Asking questions to help me understand ("In that AB, were you trying to hit behind the runner?")
  4. Asking questions as an outside observer that may give him a reason to think about where he could make an adjustment/improvement ("The pitcher was really setting the pace against you guys and was working fast. What if you stepped out and adjusted your gloves, called time a few times, etc.?"), and accept it if he shuts me down

I've definitely not been perfect in adhering to the above, but over the past 18 mos or so, I've been really trying to stick to it. It makes life a lot happier in the end for all of us.

My style is that the only questions I ask are:

1). Did you have fun?

2). Are you hungry?  What do you want to eat?

And, if something significant happened in MLB, I’ll ask about that:  “ hey, did you hear Mike Trout hit 2 HR’s today?”  That kind of thing...

Every kid is different.  But that works well with my son.  He’ll end up talking to me about all kinds of things that happen in his games, but I let him take the lead on that.

I can't remember getting angry at my kids for something that they did on the field. Exasperated but not mad.

In my experience the dads (almost always, it's the dads) that do get angry with their kids (and with other kids) are guys who haven't played the game much, or haven't played it well.  I've heard about ex major leaguers going ballistic on their players, so I know there are exceptions.

I do get mad at other stuff unrelated to players but I refuse to talk about that until my 2022 completes his senior HS season.

I will share one example, though: It makes me stone-cold bonkers, ape-sh.t crazy, certifiably cuckoo when a starter is pinch hit for after their first at bat. It makes me even more nuts when the pinch hitter hits safely.

But that's just me.

If you're getting mad at your kid for something they did you are making the game about you and you need to CTFD. The game is not about you. You are investing in it on behalf of your son, and it's up to him to reap the return. If you can't deal with failure because you feel like your investment is being wasted, then either pull the plug or stay away, and stop viewing the results. Nothing and no one is perfect. Baseball is truly a game of failure.

Most kids are trying their best, unless they truly don't want to be there and are looking for an excuse to exit the sport.

In either case, it's not about you and you need to calm down. Try talking to your player. Yelling and getting mad for imperfection is selfish behavior.

Thankfully, by 16U or so most parents have learned just how difficult it is to achieve any level of success on the field and they are grateful for the opportunity, rather than trying to steer the process. The complainers and schemers wash out more and more the higher you go. Thank god.

Last edited by DD 2024

The other thing nowadays is:  most Dads have zero clue how hard Baseball is.  Even the ones that played Baseball.  I was a Basketball player, sure I played Baseball up through age 15 but that was a long long time ago.

My 2021 D3 bound kid has faced pitchers throwing in the 90’s many many times.  15-20 years ago a pitcher throwing in the 90’s was almost a sure fire early draft pick.  Today?  No big deal

But yeah, Mr Big Mouth Dad, you get in there and face 90 mph with movement.

The non athlete parents are always the worst.  

During a Basin Leaqgue Championship Game in Valentine, Nebraska, Ron Perranoski [future Dodger pitcher] was pitching a 1-0 game and a "Booming" voice from 2,000 people chanted "paranites" I can see you ears wiggle". From 1st base I looked at the "loud mouth" then his voice said "four eyes" your next.

Next inning while at bat I fouled a ball in his direction. He was quiet after that.

"True Story"

Bob

I will add, it is amazing what young players are doing today. I played all through high school and had several JUCO offers (FL) but decided to join the military after High school. I also played catcher like my son does. He is a more technically/fundamentally sound player at just under 14, then I was when I graduated. He may not have the strength and power that I had then. But I would say he is already a better "player" then I ever was.

Only thing I ever get upset about is when he gets down on himself after a mistake. He is very competitive (like his mom LOL). That is the only thing we ever talk about after games. It is a learning process and I am just hoping it is something I can help him outgrow. He is reading "The Mental Game of Baseball" right now, and I think it is helping. (Great book, highly recommend).

Three rules, that if not followed I would get angry.

1. sub-par effort

2. Unsportsmanlike behavior

3. Talking back to a coach (regardless if they were wrong or an a-hole)

If the effort was there, I wasn’t as concerned with the results.

When son was 11, he asked me to not sit in the bleachers and stay in my car during the game. The previous day, we had a rather contentious father son practice. Our field had a parking lot that was elevated above the field. So I honored his request and stayed in the car. First time up he looked at a called third strike, I honked my car horn. Everyone knew it was me, parents and players. Everyone was laughing even my son. To this day it’s still brought up and we laugh about it.

@K9 posted:

I've seen that the further along you get the more restrained the parents are.  I'm sure its not a coincidence.

At East Cobb there are the upper fields (full size) and the lower fields (little fields). It has always shocked me how on the lower fields there is always a crazy energy.  People yelling and screaming, with the occasional fear of a fight.  Go up to the upper fields and it is so quiet compared to the lower fields, you feel like you could take nap.

PO, stories like that just break my heart. I’m so paranoid I don’t even ask my son baseball questions much any more. I try to listen more than I talk (which is EXTREMELY difficult for me). The last thing I want my son to think is I see him as a baseball player. I want him to know his dad thinks he is a great young man that just happens to have some skills throwing a small white ball. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE to talk baseball. I just let him guide and direct the conversation. I catch myself often telling him that he is more than a baseball player and that it does not define his life. These are MUCH different thought than I had when he was in HS, I’m ashamed to admit. Being a parent is hard and I will never tell someone else how to parent. That doesn’t mean I haven’t seen some of these examples and felt for that kid.

@younggun posted:

PO, stories like that just break my heart. I’m so paranoid I don’t even ask my son baseball questions much any more. I try to listen more than I talk (which is EXTREMELY difficult for me). The last thing I want my son to think is I see him as a baseball player. I want him to know his dad thinks he is a great young man that just happens to have some skills throwing a small white ball. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE to talk baseball. I just let him guide and direct the conversation. I catch myself often telling him that he is more than a baseball player and that it does not define his life. These are MUCH different thought than I had when he was in HS, I’m ashamed to admit. Being a parent is hard and I will never tell someone else how to parent. That doesn’t mean I haven’t seen some of these examples and felt for that kid.

+1 When i hear from my son....we talk about everything in the world except baseball unless he brings it up.

I’ve seen so many kids over the years who dropped out of Baseball by the time they are 18.  There are exceptions, but there are invariably one of two scenarios that are a big influence on the kid dropping out of Baseball (or both):

1) the kid is pushed way too hard by their Dad.  Their whole lives and self image revolves around Baseball

2). The kid is treated like a local child celebrity and told by his youth coaches and parents that he is a future MLB star. By the time they are 16 or 17 and reality sets in and they realize they are more likely a D2/D3 guy, or that they will have to work incredibly hard to be a D1 guy, or that they really are a pro prospect but realize how much work goes into it, they drop out...

Here is when I got most pissed at my kid.

1) When I coached them during the last year of rec league and one complained about the pitch I called after it got hit (forget that I signaled for it to be pitched outside the zone).  After the second time of snapping off from the mound, I pulled him.  Normal kid I probably would have talked to him and asked what was wrong, but it pissed me off too much.  I then put in his brother, who finished the game (actually really had a great time that season outside that incident).   

2) Whenever I umpire a game with that same kid and he disagrees with one of my calls.

Those two are the downside of having too close of a relationship with your kid.  I just hope I never have that kid in one of my classes.

He's harder on himself more than I ever could be.   I've never been angry when my kid had a bad game in travel, high school or college.   Quite the opposite.  I find myself amazed at some of the things he's done on the mound, at the plate and in his professional life.   He certainly had his share of bad games, but he never let it get to him.  I remember one non-conference game when he had come back from a year long injury.   His first pitch back went over the fence...swampboy was there with me.  Son kept after it, and pitched a beauty the following weekend against a ranked team.  It was the same demeanor in both outings.

When he was playing in college, it was exactly as 3and2Fastball described:

1). How did you feel out there today? Did you have fun?

2). Are you hungry?  What do you want to eat?

Keep it simple.

Last edited by fenwaysouth

I biked up to a high school game in Maine today. I chatted with the umpires in the parking lot. The state is forcing them to call balls and strikes from behind the mound.

The umpires said of course they’re going to miss more calls than normal. They sometimes get fooled on the location of breaking balls since they’re not on top of the plate.

They said they tune out a lot. But some parents have been so unruly and constant this year they’ve tossed a parent every game. Today is game five of the season. It was quiet today. It was also 8-0 after three.

Coaches are afraid to control the parents out of fear they will complain to the district and get them suspended or fired.

Last edited by RJM
@baseballhs posted:

I have to sit by myself.  Can't have people talking to me and I must eat sunflower seeds incessantly.  That said, when the game is over, I hug my kid...good or bad.  He really doesn't need to hear anything from me.

Totally, I don't wanna talk to anyone or see anyone after a bad game. But I don't reflect this on my son or my family and I'm sure that they are not feeling anything. I just lock myself in my garage and work on my car, check house prices in Cyprus on the internet and plan my retirement, mow the grass, anything to calm me down. It's kinda funny, but only because I want to see my son's efforts paying off.

Last edited by Kratochvil

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