Orlanda! That's it!
offthewall
Thanks.
I agree --- it fits! 
one of our subcontractors name is ONTHEWALL for wallcovering! (cept I think they should be OFFTHEWALL... being from TN and all)
The topic was about drinking on official visits, so I will try to stay on topic.
One of the purposes of the official visit is for the host of that recruit to introduce him to campus college life, that will certainly involve a visit to a party, tailgaiting (if on a football weekend), and visits to the other players apartments.
The host is given a list from the coaches of about 100 things he can and cannot do. The recruit is given a list before the official visit of what is expected of him. The host is also expected to report back to the coach if he feels that the recruit does or doesn't fit in, the coach does not expect to get a minute by minute description of everything the recruit did or did not do. Basically, the question asked, "is he someone who can be part of our team". That's all the coach wants to know.
It is at that time, that everything that you have talked to your sons (or daughters) about should click into place, and they will know HOW to BEHAVE and will know if he/she fits into that atmosphere.
We never asked what son did on his official visits and he never told us. That was between him and his possible future team mates. Would be very naive of us to believe that he did not go to a party and not indulge, not because he wanted to "fit" in , but because I don't think he ever passed up a free beer in his life
One of the purposes of the official visit is for the host of that recruit to introduce him to campus college life, that will certainly involve a visit to a party, tailgaiting (if on a football weekend), and visits to the other players apartments.
The host is given a list from the coaches of about 100 things he can and cannot do. The recruit is given a list before the official visit of what is expected of him. The host is also expected to report back to the coach if he feels that the recruit does or doesn't fit in, the coach does not expect to get a minute by minute description of everything the recruit did or did not do. Basically, the question asked, "is he someone who can be part of our team". That's all the coach wants to know.
It is at that time, that everything that you have talked to your sons (or daughters) about should click into place, and they will know HOW to BEHAVE and will know if he/she fits into that atmosphere.
We never asked what son did on his official visits and he never told us. That was between him and his possible future team mates. Would be very naive of us to believe that he did not go to a party and not indulge, not because he wanted to "fit" in , but because I don't think he ever passed up a free beer in his life
Beer? glass of wine? shot of Jack Daniels? How about 2 beers? 2 glasses of wine? 2 shots of Jack? What is the purpose of alcohol? How about a joint? how about a line?
If a person does not drink to get high, then why do they drink? I guess that getting high was the answer, but why would a youngster need to get high on a visit? Is he lacking confidence? Maybe 3 Jacks will make him more confident than just one?
If a person does not drink to get high, then why do they drink? I guess that getting high was the answer, but why would a youngster need to get high on a visit? Is he lacking confidence? Maybe 3 Jacks will make him more confident than just one?
When I like to have a good time, I usually just go with the virgin stuff. The only times I really have a beer are when adults are around, like at the Super Bowl party. I see the points told by everyone and I will do my best to stay away from alcohol untill I am of age. There are just too many damaging effects that in my opinion override the good time.
I guess I should answer some of the people who think I'm just an awful parent - I have never bought alchohol for my kids. My husband and I drink a glass of wine or have 1 beer on a rare occasion so the kids did not grow up seeing us drinking all the time. We're actually quite dull in our advancing stage of life. And most importantly, the parents of the kids who have drank at our house did know and we never allowed him to have more than maybe 8 or 10 kids who were part of his close knit group of friends. And it was not alot, maybe 3 times. We have actually gone to alot of graduation parties where the parents and kids were all drinking. When it came time for him to have one we decided against it because we did not want a bunch of drunks carrying on in our backyard. Actually, alot of the parents don't know when to stop drinking and we did not want the underage kids drinking. It's one thing to be able to have some control over the situation and we knew we would not.
I can't tell you how many times we chose not to go away with our friends because we knew that there would be a party and I know it would've been a whole lot bigger than 10 kids. Usually one of the other couples who did go away while we stayed behind had the big bash while they were away. Since I knew what would happen, we stayed home. I also cannot tell you how many times my son would get a call from some hysterical girl who had too much to drink and a fight with her boyfriend. Usually her and her friends would ask him to come and get her and take her home. He'd always go, tell me he listened, gave advice and took her home. Usually he'd go in with her and let the parents know what happened.
I always raised them to tell me if one of their friends was in trouble to let me know because there's always a way to let the parents know without the friend knowing it was them that let the cat out of the bag. In jr. high he came to me scared that one of his friends was going to die because he was smoking. This was not someone who's mom I knew but I had to keep up my end of the bargain and call the mom to tell her Steve was very concerned. Not only was he smoking but Steve ran into him as he was stealing a lighter from a store. Recently he told me that one of our best friends' daughter had been thrown to the ground and choked by her boyfriend. Their daughter is a really good friend of his and confides quite abit to him but she never told him about this incident so when one of her friends told him about it, he confronted her. My girlfriend had asked me what was going on at a party they had (and yes the parents and kids were drinking) because our kids seemed to being having a very intense conversation. I asked him and he told me so of course I had to let my friend know. This seems like a rather level headed kid to me. I don't have all the answers, I'm just doing the best I know how. I was raised in a house where I could tell my parents everything and I guess that's how I have raised my kids. I'm not saying it's the right way, just that it's working for us. That's the end of my posting on this particular subject. We can only do what we think works with our own kids.
I can't tell you how many times we chose not to go away with our friends because we knew that there would be a party and I know it would've been a whole lot bigger than 10 kids. Usually one of the other couples who did go away while we stayed behind had the big bash while they were away. Since I knew what would happen, we stayed home. I also cannot tell you how many times my son would get a call from some hysterical girl who had too much to drink and a fight with her boyfriend. Usually her and her friends would ask him to come and get her and take her home. He'd always go, tell me he listened, gave advice and took her home. Usually he'd go in with her and let the parents know what happened.
I always raised them to tell me if one of their friends was in trouble to let me know because there's always a way to let the parents know without the friend knowing it was them that let the cat out of the bag. In jr. high he came to me scared that one of his friends was going to die because he was smoking. This was not someone who's mom I knew but I had to keep up my end of the bargain and call the mom to tell her Steve was very concerned. Not only was he smoking but Steve ran into him as he was stealing a lighter from a store. Recently he told me that one of our best friends' daughter had been thrown to the ground and choked by her boyfriend. Their daughter is a really good friend of his and confides quite abit to him but she never told him about this incident so when one of her friends told him about it, he confronted her. My girlfriend had asked me what was going on at a party they had (and yes the parents and kids were drinking) because our kids seemed to being having a very intense conversation. I asked him and he told me so of course I had to let my friend know. This seems like a rather level headed kid to me. I don't have all the answers, I'm just doing the best I know how. I was raised in a house where I could tell my parents everything and I guess that's how I have raised my kids. I'm not saying it's the right way, just that it's working for us. That's the end of my posting on this particular subject. We can only do what we think works with our own kids.
PAbbmom, sweet post.
Takes a lot of heart to write like that. I think your doing a fine job with your son and even Jesus made mistakes, so don't worry. Just ride out the waves.
Takes a lot of heart to write like that. I think your doing a fine job with your son and even Jesus made mistakes, so don't worry. Just ride out the waves.
Zero tolerance!
quote:I/we don't know anyone who was treated at the ER for alcohol poisoning
Bee>,
My sister didn't make it to ER, either...Instead, they called the coroner...She got so drunk, she went into a coma & suffered cardiac arrest. Her "friends" thought she had "just passed out"!
Underage drinking is illegal. Any parent who would "tolerate" this kind of lifestyle, much less encourage it, should be held accountable by the courts. I honestly hope you don't have to see your kid mamed or dead from the destruction you perpetuate on your child. Maybe not today, but you may have just "created another alcoholic" that will bring havoc to his/her family or anothers.
Count me among the extremely "intolerant"!
bbmom,
you certainly have my condolences for the tradgedy your family suffered. I can understand that you have some high emotions on this topic, thanks for taking the time to post.
I just re-read my previous posts, so if you could kindly bring to my attention where I encourage underage drinking, I'll certainly retract it, I couldn't find it.
the Topic - drinking on an official visit
MY position from the get-go has been - -
parent your kids (& 18 yr ods) to deal with the real word, communicate, be consistent, keep lovin' 'em when they make mistakes, comunicate some more
the popular position seems to be - -
outrage, cross schools off your list, iron fist (w/18 yr olds), zero tolerance, & more outrage
(or is it rage?)
AND - I have also been informed the later position is actually the "healthy view"
go figure!
Bear, clue me in on the "zero tolerance" deal regarding an 18 yr old who's about to leave home - "out of the will", or what?? (and hey, I got NO leverage there)
by FBM
"Bee> used regarding tolerance and intolerance have anything to do with cultural influence ... personal experiences, perhaps. But I still think it is quite a leap to use the word 'intolerant' under these circumstances"
FBM - "tolerant/intolerant" reference was to ALCOHOL, reading it "in context" it should be clear
you certainly have my condolences for the tradgedy your family suffered. I can understand that you have some high emotions on this topic, thanks for taking the time to post.
I just re-read my previous posts, so if you could kindly bring to my attention where I encourage underage drinking, I'll certainly retract it, I couldn't find it.
the Topic - drinking on an official visit
MY position from the get-go has been - -
parent your kids (& 18 yr ods) to deal with the real word, communicate, be consistent, keep lovin' 'em when they make mistakes, comunicate some more
the popular position seems to be - -
outrage, cross schools off your list, iron fist (w/18 yr olds), zero tolerance, & more outrage
(or is it rage?)
AND - I have also been informed the later position is actually the "healthy view"
go figure!
Bear, clue me in on the "zero tolerance" deal regarding an 18 yr old who's about to leave home - "out of the will", or what?? (and hey, I got NO leverage there)
by FBM
"Bee> used regarding tolerance and intolerance have anything to do with cultural influence ... personal experiences, perhaps. But I still think it is quite a leap to use the word 'intolerant' under these circumstances"
FBM - "tolerant/intolerant" reference was to ALCOHOL, reading it "in context" it should be clear
Bee>
I don't have "high emotions". I have common sense!
Regardless of my little sisters' "choice", it is illegal & utterly disregarding ones health, mentally, emotionally, psycologically & physically, as well as potentially others.
My post is directed at "any parent"...then "that parent"...Whoever it is...should be held accountable & I hope that a tragedy is not visited upon "that parent".
Sorry you interpretted that it was directed at you personally...unless the shoe fits.
Concerning drinking on official visits, I've had the talk with my kid...He gets it.
I don't have "high emotions". I have common sense!
Regardless of my little sisters' "choice", it is illegal & utterly disregarding ones health, mentally, emotionally, psycologically & physically, as well as potentially others.
My post is directed at "any parent"...then "that parent"...Whoever it is...should be held accountable & I hope that a tragedy is not visited upon "that parent".
Sorry you interpretted that it was directed at you personally...unless the shoe fits.
Concerning drinking on official visits, I've had the talk with my kid...He gets it.
bbmom, the misunderstanding is yours
RE: "Parts of a Letter"
(salutation) Bee>,
(followed by body of the letter "to" Bee) .....................
"Any parent who would tolerate this kind of lifestyle should be held accountable by the courts.
I honestly hope you" ....................
best of luck on your son's visits
RE: "Parts of a Letter"
(salutation) Bee>,
(followed by body of the letter "to" Bee) .....................
"Any parent who would tolerate this kind of lifestyle should be held accountable by the courts.
I honestly hope you" ....................
best of luck on your son's visits
Good discussion: Drinking is part of society and certainly a big part of college life and perhaps even more prevalent with college sports. I think parents sometimes send the wrong message - i.e. Official visit: Parent is part of the "good old boy" society where drinking is accepted. Parent wants son to "fit in". Son wants to be well liked and for host players to think he is a "team player". Thus pressure to conform off the field.
Bee,
Are you from Youngstown?
Orlando,
Heck, 29 years ago in my lamaze class they strongly suggested drinking beer. They still do!
Are you from Youngstown?
Orlando,
Heck, 29 years ago in my lamaze class they strongly suggested drinking beer. They still do!
Pabbmom
You say you never bought alcohol for your kids but in an earlier post you said you let kids drink at your house. I do not see the logic.
You say you never bought alcohol for your kids but in an earlier post you said you let kids drink at your house. I do not see the logic.
TPM, the beer in the LaMaze class was for YOUR HUSBAND!
OffTheWall, My understanding of the post was that her Lamaze instructor strongly suggested that TPM drink beer 29 years ago, and (to this day) they still encourage TPM to drink beer 
. Hey, I understand that...
. Hey, I understand that...
I don't think any drinking happened when my middle son went on his official visit, but when my older son, who plays football, went...his "official visit host" got so drunk that my son had to take care of him all night..it was my son's first experience with this and he was not distressed at all. He did not go to that school. The thing that upset me as a parent was that the coaches stopped by during this official visit to drop off another recruit...saw what was happening and did nothing. Wow!!!!
OTW,
I don't understand the fomerly FORMberObserver part?
Orlando,
Experiencing jet lag, thanks for explaining. What I meant is that they suggested that nursing woman drink beer and still do for nursing women to this day, 29 years later.
Not that TPM doesn't enjoy a beer once in a while
Got a great recipe for lime beer anyone interested?
I am just finding this thread very interesting, I don't think it was meant for us to get into a discussion on underage drinking.
But just for converstaion, I am trying to get into place a program in our schools here on peers helping peers regarding safe rides home, instead of getting into a car when drinking at a party.
NO ONE, not even parents seem to be very much interested.
Curious, hasn't anyone received information before the Official Visit regarding the policy on drinking while on visitation?
I don't understand the fomerly FORMberObserver part?
Orlando,
Experiencing jet lag, thanks for explaining. What I meant is that they suggested that nursing woman drink beer and still do for nursing women to this day, 29 years later.
Not that TPM doesn't enjoy a beer once in a while
Got a great recipe for lime beer anyone interested?
I am just finding this thread very interesting, I don't think it was meant for us to get into a discussion on underage drinking.
But just for converstaion, I am trying to get into place a program in our schools here on peers helping peers regarding safe rides home, instead of getting into a car when drinking at a party.
NO ONE, not even parents seem to be very much interested.
Curious, hasn't anyone received information before the Official Visit regarding the policy on drinking while on visitation?
Surely you jest, TPM. I have never heard of anyone, anywhere encouraging alcohol intake for nursing mothers. Quite the opposite, actually.
A relative who is a fully degreed nurse specializing in pedi was appalled at the thought of nursing mothers consuming alcohol.
Back to the original thought in the thread.
Even if a kid drinks (which I would not recommend), I would not recommend him drinking on a recruiting trip.
A relative who is a fully degreed nurse specializing in pedi was appalled at the thought of nursing mothers consuming alcohol.
Back to the original thought in the thread.
Even if a kid drinks (which I would not recommend), I would not recommend him drinking on a recruiting trip.
Texan,
I said it was beer. I think Orlando got it.
I said it was beer. I think Orlando got it.
quote:Even if a kid drinks (which I would not recommend), I would not recommend him drinking on a recruiting trip.
Ditto, there Texan, Ditto.
quote:fomerly FORMberObserver part
Was on my second six pack on the couch with my wireless keyboard....................
TPM, guess that one is slipping right by me. {Not that it takes much on a Monday.}
FO aka OTW,
I find your honesty quite refreshing
I find your honesty quite refreshing
Bee,
in reference to Ohio U being pegged as the #2 party school in the USA by the Princeton Review
I heard the OU students want a recount
they're not buying Wisconsin Madison as #1
in reference to Ohio U being pegged as the #2 party school in the USA by the Princeton Review
I heard the OU students want a recount
they're not buying Wisconsin Madison as #1
Texan, I started the nursing mothers on Guiness element. In England, new mothers in hospital are offered Guiness both for the iron content and the dialation of blood vessels. I'm not surprised a US nurse would be appalled. I found many differences in the medical field there.
I have heard people say it is best to be drunk before trying to eat the food in England...
Don't be silly.
They don't have food in England.
They don't have food in England.
thanks chair, I'll pass that along -
her crowd is a bit different - - I once walked in "unannounced" on an unsupervised track/cc party that we found out about - - & I'm figuring - "I gotcha"
I found coolers full to the brim with poweraid & bottled water - - kitchen counters lined with pans of spagetti, lasagna, salsa, trail mix, and UNBUTTERED popcorn
I made some excuse about needing something from my daughter's jeep - - anyway they welcomed me to stay for the 2 Steve Prefontaine movies that they were gonna watch (4+ hrs) -
I mumbled something about meeting some friends at B'dubs for some wings & a FB game and quickly left
TPM, 20 mi west of Y'Town, 10 mi south of Kent
her crowd is a bit different - - I once walked in "unannounced" on an unsupervised track/cc party that we found out about - - & I'm figuring - "I gotcha"
I found coolers full to the brim with poweraid & bottled water - - kitchen counters lined with pans of spagetti, lasagna, salsa, trail mix, and UNBUTTERED popcorn
I made some excuse about needing something from my daughter's jeep - - anyway they welcomed me to stay for the 2 Steve Prefontaine movies that they were gonna watch (4+ hrs) -
I mumbled something about meeting some friends at B'dubs for some wings & a FB game and quickly left
TPM, 20 mi west of Y'Town, 10 mi south of Kent
quote:I heard the OU students want a recount
they're not buying Wisconsin Madison as #1
They can have all the recounts they want, it's not even close.
Which is one of the reasons my son was not allowed to apply there.
My son got his official-visit package in the mail yesterday from a school notorious for its party rep. I'm sure I read in no less than four different places in the package that they have a zero-tolerance policy for alchohol consumption (and other activities as well) by recruits and student hosts during official visits. ...not entirely clear what "zero tolerance" consequences might be, but it sounds foreboding enough.
I'm not so naive as to think it doesn't happen, or that he won't find himself in a situation where he's faced with a choice during his visit. But I have spoken with him about it, thanks in large part to this thread, and he's made it clear that he's not going to jeapordize his opportunity to play at this school just to have a beer. He can wait, and he knows how to say no without being disrespectful or judgemental. It will be interesting to learn what his actual experience in this area will be.
Film at 11:00...
I'm not so naive as to think it doesn't happen, or that he won't find himself in a situation where he's faced with a choice during his visit. But I have spoken with him about it, thanks in large part to this thread, and he's made it clear that he's not going to jeapordize his opportunity to play at this school just to have a beer. He can wait, and he knows how to say no without being disrespectful or judgemental. It will be interesting to learn what his actual experience in this area will be.
Film at 11:00...
There are place you don't show up drunk. Official recruiting visits is one of them. If the kid is not bright enough to get that, then college baseball, among other things, probably won't work out.
As in all situations know what the rules are going in. If your son finds himself in a situation that may cause trouble he has to make a decision. As parents the "we know it is going on mentality" has to be tempered with we know but you better not be involved and if you are you face the music. The college situation is much different than high school as they are on their own and sad to say drinking is glorified as a right of passage in those years.
quote:sad to say drinking is glorified as a right of passage in those years
Sad to say that it's glorified as a right of passage by many parents. Again -- mixed messages
HRDAD
As I have said on other occassions kids will do what you let them. In my youth my parents laid down the law and you better abide by it. Black and white no areas of grey. They were tough. If I screwed up I knew what was coming. There was consequences to my actions. Of course that was in the dark ages when parents were not enlightened by all the psychologists and psychiatrists who today write books telling parents how to raise their kids. How to be their friend and be mindful of their childs self esteem. Anybody can be a mother or father but it takes special people to be moms and dads.
As I have said on other occassions kids will do what you let them. In my youth my parents laid down the law and you better abide by it. Black and white no areas of grey. They were tough. If I screwed up I knew what was coming. There was consequences to my actions. Of course that was in the dark ages when parents were not enlightened by all the psychologists and psychiatrists who today write books telling parents how to raise their kids. How to be their friend and be mindful of their childs self esteem. Anybody can be a mother or father but it takes special people to be moms and dads.
Will ...
You and I must have lived in the same neighborhood growing up (I grew up in Pennsylvania) ... and we used a similar approach with our youngin' ... absolutely NO mixed messages, and he knew the basic 'law of the land' ... them that pays the bills makes the rules. We had no problems when he was in high school, and when he was in college, what he did at school out of our eyesight and earshot was between him and God. But whenever he was home for breaks, holidays, or the summer, he respected our rules until he was on his own.
HRDAD ...
quote:Of course that was in the dark ages when parents were not enlightened by all the psychologists and psychiatrists who today write books telling parents how to raise their kids
You and I must have lived in the same neighborhood growing up (I grew up in Pennsylvania) ... and we used a similar approach with our youngin' ... absolutely NO mixed messages, and he knew the basic 'law of the land' ... them that pays the bills makes the rules. We had no problems when he was in high school, and when he was in college, what he did at school out of our eyesight and earshot was between him and God. But whenever he was home for breaks, holidays, or the summer, he respected our rules until he was on his own.
HRDAD ...
There are a lot of things I learned from my parents however I must admit at the time I did not like everything but who said being a parent demanded approval from your kids. As I look at it you are stuck(for lack of a better description) with one another so make the best of it. somebody onc said it is easy to do the right thing when everybody is looking the hard part is doing the same when nobody is looking.
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Bee>:
bbmom,
the Topic - drinking on an official visit
MY position from the get-go has been - -
parent your kids (& 18 yr ods) to deal with the real word, communicate, be consistent, keep lovin' 'em when they make mistakes, comunicate some more
the popular position seems to be - -
outrage, cross schools off your list, iron fist (w/18 yr olds), zero tolerance, & more outrage
(or is it rage?)
AND - I have also been informed the later position is actually the "healthy view"
go figure!
Bear, clue me in on the "zero tolerance" deal regarding an 18 yr old who's about to leave home - "out of the will", or what?? (and hey, I got NO leverage there)
/QUOTE]
Quite simply if a student-athlete is drinking, and gets caught by local authorities, the school administration, or the coaches, by NCAA
and college guidelines that he/she agreed too, there the student athlete would be become a student and removed from the baseball program.
ie college has zero tolerance for underage drinking!
Regards
Bear
bbmom,
the Topic - drinking on an official visit
MY position from the get-go has been - -
parent your kids (& 18 yr ods) to deal with the real word, communicate, be consistent, keep lovin' 'em when they make mistakes, comunicate some more
the popular position seems to be - -
outrage, cross schools off your list, iron fist (w/18 yr olds), zero tolerance, & more outrage
(or is it rage?)
AND - I have also been informed the later position is actually the "healthy view"
go figure!
Bear, clue me in on the "zero tolerance" deal regarding an 18 yr old who's about to leave home - "out of the will", or what?? (and hey, I got NO leverage there)
/QUOTE]
Quite simply if a student-athlete is drinking, and gets caught by local authorities, the school administration, or the coaches, by NCAA
and college guidelines that he/she agreed too, there the student athlete would be become a student and removed from the baseball program.
ie college has zero tolerance for underage drinking!
Regards
Bear