Dropped him off at School

Nice post Windmill. They talk about the Mother/Daughter relationship that us men do not understand, but I think it works both ways with the boys. When my son went off to school, my wife having a medical background, warped mind, and good sense of humor told me that the medical term for this "son out of the nest" experience was call a Missing Penile Syndrom (MPS) that was curable only with a short vacation with a qualified medical support. I thought that was great, so I called a friend of hers who is also a nurse and he and I took off for a weekend of golf.

Time for him to "man-up" and go it alone.

Sound's like you did your job.

Now he must find a way to do his.

If he's on a "scholly" as you call it, he'll still be considered "BMOC"!

Windmill,

Thanks for sharing your story from a dad's perspective. I know it made a huge impact on my husband when we dropped our older son off at college two years ago - more than dad would care to admit. This weekend when son drove off on his own for his 3rd year, I was the only one with tears welling up in my eyes. I found out "after the fact" that freshman year, our son was very homesick the first few weeks, though he didn't tell us at the time. Of course this year he was just very excited to get back to school with his friends and teammates, and not capable of feeling "homesick" since that is now a second home to him.

Next weekend our youngest goes off to college for the first time, from a small private HS of under 300 students in 4 grades where he was class president and knew everyone, to a university of 40,000 students where he knows no one. He seems very excited and NOT the least bit nervous - just gets a big grin on his face when we talk about move-in weekend.

Best wishes to your son and to all of our sons and daughters heading back to school!

Julie

re: pull over for "a moment"

I must have "a moment" annually, since HaverSon ('06 gradaute) enrolled at just about this time. With the exception of my mother's death, that day remains my most emotional memory.

Maybe some day I'll make it through August.

best wishes/

We did this for the first time back in the Fall of 04. I really struggled with emotions during the final week our son was home. My mind kept replaying a mental image of my "little boy" in his room at home and the thought that I won't be able to walk down the hall anymore and find him at the foot of the bed playing Playstation. After finally saying goodbye on that Sunday afternoon, my wife and I shared a few tears for the first half mile or so. But after that things were ok.

While there's still a bit of tugging each time he came home for a break, it was never as bad as the first time.

This year it was a bit more difficult because he was changing schools, living out of the dorm, and 250 miles farther away.

All I can say to folks that are experiencing this for the first time is - "the emotions are natural, but it does get better."

Our kids are fortunate in the fact that they get a chance to spread their wings in a college environment. As many of us know, college provides a great transition between the shelter they've enjoyed for their first 18 years vs. the "real world." And, to top it off, they're getting to participate in a game they love. Everyone should be so lucky!

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Windmill, nice post.

You're not alone....

By chance both younger 44 and older 44 moved into their first college apts in the last two weeks, in wild interstate flurry of activity and expectation for fall collegiate ball.

A week ago they were both in their crowded rooms jousting on many levels. Now suddenly for the first time in 20 years their rooms are now completely empty.

so is my heart...

44
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Windmill:

I hope your son has a terrific college experience - He sure sounds like a wonderful young man

What a nice post. Maybe you could keep a copy to share with your son on his graduation day.

As others have said... he is truly fortunate to have the college experience and also fortunate to have you as his Dad

Chin up ~

windmill ...

Thanks for sharing your story. I don't think FutureBack.Dad had the same problems I did when son went off (one and only and just up the highway 30 miles) but it isn't necessarily the distance away, it's the phyisical separation from our children that hurts our hearts. Sounds like your son will do fine ... even if he is 'spoiled' by his mom a bit (that's what moms do for their sons ... treat them the way their future wives should treat them, pedestal and all). All kidding aside, I hope you have a chance to spend time with him ... don't know how far away from home he is but he has a wonderfully exciting time ahead of him as do you and Mrs windmill.

Windmill,

We just went through the same drill on Saturday and Sean's our first-born. Lot's of tears on our side ... I know Sean was also sad about many of the life changes involved in moving on to a new stage of life, but he's also clearly excited about the new stuff. He's a pretty confident kid that mixes very easily in new situations and new people. Wherever he goes he quickly makes new friends, but he was sad that he'll see much, much less of his close circle. He's a four+ hour drive away ... close enough to visit occasionally on weekends but far enough away to be a serious drive. We did let him take his car since the only direct flights from Fresno are to LAX, expensive, and don't really save much time over the drive factoring in check-in and drive time to-from LAX. I'll probably have him fly home in the winter if it's looking like bad weather ... best to have him avoid the Grapevine and Tejon Pass in lousy weather.

It's going to be a big adjustment all around. There's definitely going to be a big hole in our household dynamics and in our hearts but I really look forward to watching him embrace his future with enormous pride in the young man he's become. But God am I going to miss him ...

We set him up in the dorm and he's rooming with an incoming freshman shortstop (always a nice thing for a pitcher to be friends with a key defensive counterpart). I have to admit I was a little obsessive with helping get his room set up ... laptop, network switch, USB hub, etc., being the techno-geek that I am plus feeling compelled to leave with the feeling that I'd done "my best" to have a proper 'launch' as a means of dealing with my own emotional baggage.

One thing we've done to help with the contact issue is set him up with a minature Web-Cam for his laptop and a Skype account so he can call anywhere in the U.S. from his laptop for free, and do computer-to-computer video conferencing for free to us, his old friends, and his girlfriend. Several of his HS baseball buddies that are going to other schools have also bought Web-Cams and gotten Skype accounts so they can keep in touch cheaply.

Nice to know everyone shares the same sentiments.

You guys would laugh at me if I tell you he is only 14 miles away [no kidding!!], but it sure seems like more. His grandfather, who at 87 is one of his best buddies, will probably be there all the time, since he is only 5 miles away.

It still amazes me how fast the time went - everyone says it, but you really don't believe it until it happens. I can remember his first 'real' game getting rained out, him running around the field in his first uni, getting soaked and muddy and crying like mad when the game was cancelled . He couldn't understand why nobody wanted to play in the rain "I've been waiting for this my whole life", he said [he was 5 years old!!!].

Thanks for the support system - back at all of you who are in the midst of the same thing!!

Observer,

Good for your boys. Where is the youngest? We moved our son two weekends ago. It was a good experience, I believe he will thrive in the atmosphere t school.

pbonesteele,

I followed some of your son's exploits this past year. Your son, as a Jr., a teamate of a friend of my son's. If I read the schedule right our boy's teams open up against each other in Feb.

kjktj

Windmill, I totally get it even though we're two years away from dropping off the first-born. It makes me sad to think about it already....and I'm not at all sure how I can return to Korea for work when I've just dropped my buddy off at school. It may spell the end of my contract over here, as I think it's going to be very hard to be so far away. I may find a sturdy cardboard box and live under a bridge if I have to, just to stay back home.

Windmill, thanks for your post - your experience helps to let us know we're not as jaded as we worry we might be, and that our hearts are true........

Windmill,

Alright now, you got the tears going here with this one:

"He couldn't understand why nobody wanted to play in the rain "I've been waiting for this my whole life", he said [he was 5 years old!!!]."

For some reason that really touched me right now. Maybe it's because that's what I am wishing for my sons and for all of our children: more moments over the next few weeks and months and years - the first time they play in a college baseball game, or the first time they realize they have made a new home for themselves while living away from home - more moments when the gleam in their eyes or the spring in their step says, "I've been waiting for this my whole life!"

Julie

My son and I lived together, just the two of us, for the past six years. Last week I dropped him off and drove the 600 miles home by myself. The hardest thing I had to do was walk in his room and make the bed, knowing that he would not be in it again for months. I kept asking myself where the time went and telling myself that he was never supposed to grow up, that he always was supposed to be 16 or 17 and playing baseball all over the country, where I could just sit and watch him play.

I keep asking myself where the time went...

There's a lesson in this somewhere. I just don't feel like looking for it. We're all in this boat at one time or another.

Friends:

I hear joy in each of these stories (it may be muffled, but it is there).

We took our son to Texas (from CA) 10 days ago. After 18-year or being hands on parents, we had our concerns as to whether he could "survive" on his own.

Well we heard from him last night for the first time (I did get an e-mail asking for more $ for books). He is making new friends, found some of the other baseball players and has started to run and throw with them. Baseball practice starts this week so he is back in "his enviroment." He likes his classes and went as far a telling his mom that he did his own laundry for the first time.

For all the work that we as parents do to "help" our kids grow-up, they will amaze us with their ability to be the people that we have worked hard "creating."

I'm saving my money now so that I can see his first college baseball game next February.

quote:

I'm saving my money now so that I can see his first college baseball game next February.

Although we live in France, we made the decision to see as many games as possible, no matter what. Its easiest to catch 9-10 in a row during a spring trip, but before HaverSon's senior year, we negotiated several consecutive house swaps in the Philadelphia area. This provided us with 6x (priceless) full weeks of college baseball without the cost of hotels.

Now if there were just one more year.<s>

quote:

Originally posted by windmill:
His grandfather, who at 87 is one of his best buddies, will probably be there all the time, since he is only 5 miles away.

Windmill,

That is so neat. The thought of him having the opportunity to hang out with Grandpa must sooth some of the separation anxiety from both sides. Besides if he's anything like my 94 yr old grandmother, every visit to gramps is a learning experience that is cherished forever.

Windmill,

Like the others your post touched me. My thoughts were of sadness, pride, humbleness and jealousy. See, my son is an 09 and I have three more years before I can go through what you are going through. I'm thinking how many emotions are you going through, some of which pull at the deepest part of our hearts. Yet, this is one of my life's goals, to see my son off to college. I can't wait for that day and at the same time, after reading your post it scares the heck out of me. My son has a severe hearing loss but when he plays baseball he is one of the guys. You would never know by watching him of his loss. We have been told he is a very good player and probably college material. We will always worry about how he fits in but it doesn't seem to faze him in the least.

Scared, you bet I am, but waiting with excitment at the same time.

Congratulations to you and your son.

RZ - it's pretty cool how he gets along with Pop - when he was little, the Sunday routine was always the same - go to church, get donuts, come home and have a catch with Pop [my wife's parents came to visit every Sunday morning]. As a real young kid, Tom probably threw more with his grandfather than he did with me. Funny watching a 10 YO kid playing catch with his 80 YO grandfather - priceless.