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quote:
Originally posted by Marklaker:
PROUD VET GUY....stands so ramrod straight during the National Anthem he could crack walnuts between his cheeks. Stares transfixed at Old Glory and won't break his communion until at least two full seconds after the last note. Known to cast a withering glare at anyone who fails to remove their cover or talks above a whisper.

Disclaimer: I'm a retired vet and a pretty good fit for this caricature.



I wish more people were like this. Not removing your hat and covering your heart is unacceptable. Talking is unnecessary as well. There is very little to say that can not wait 5 minutes. This is a big pet peeve of mine. Smile
quote:
Originally posted by redbird5:
quote:
Originally posted by Marklaker:
PROUD VET GUY....stands so ramrod straight during the National Anthem he could crack walnuts between his cheeks. Stares transfixed at Old Glory and won't break his communion until at least two full seconds after the last note. Known to cast a withering glare at anyone who fails to remove their cover or talks above a whisper.

Disclaimer: I'm a retired vet and a pretty good fit for this caricature.



I wish more people were like this. Not removing your hat and covering your heart is unacceptable. Talking is unnecessary as well. There is very little to say that can not wait 5 minutes. This is a big pet peeve of mine. Smile


this is a fun thread..thanks for the laughs
quote:
Originally posted by luv baseball:
As a Back of the Bleachers guy...it's becasue I sit on my butt all day so coming to the ballfield and sitting on the wooden bleachers for another couple of hours isn't in the cards. It's been a very long time since anyone thought I was cool... including me. Just ask my kids! Big Grin


I am with you on that one, ESPECIALLY. my kids thinking I am cool Big Grin
quote:
Originally posted by chefmike7777:
quote:
Originally posted by luv baseball:
As a Back of the Bleachers guy...it's becasue I sit on my butt all day so coming to the ballfield and sitting on the wooden bleachers for another couple of hours isn't in the cards. It's been a very long time since anyone thought I was cool... including me. Just ask my kids! Big Grin


I am with you on that one, ESPECIALLY. my kids thinking I am cool Big Grin


Okay I'll admit it..my quote about the bleachers was aimed at several people I know. Trust me...their backs aren't tired.

I feel your pain literally. My Dad calls me weekly ..always mentions something hurts, then always throws it in..."So how you feeling as you're getting older..that ankle still hurt?"

Gee Thanks Dad..I almost forgot about that.

Actually I normally stand up the entire game. Normally I have to move several times. I made the mistake of explaining a play, and the rule that accompanied it..ONE TIME......And the rest of the season I got approached with questions. I'll never make that mistake again.
Ahhh, Rules guy. In my experiance there are two main flavors:

1) Actually know them and can explain the Infield fly and the reason it exists.

2) Doesn't know anything and will give you the it "can't be an infield fly because it was on the grass" stuff.

I can spend a whole game with the first guy and it seems to go by in a flash and two batters with the second guy makes me want to set my hair (what's left of it) on fire.
Mr. Grill Crew guy.

Six guys set up an assembly line to do a job that any one of them could do by himself. One guy pries the frozen patties apart and peels off the wax paper. Mr. Chief Cook mans the spatula, but briefly steps aside after placing the meat on the grill in deference to Mr. Revered Bearer of the Secret Seasoning Shaker Can. Mr. Bread Man lays out the bottom buns on the assembly table and deals out the top buns as the burgers are served. Mr. Wrapper Man can usually cover more than 90% of each burger with his hastily wadded foil sheets. And Mr. Just-In-Time Long Haul Logistics Man carries the burgers to the snack bar for sale to the general public.

When Mr. Flask Smuggler Guy infiltrates the crew, the size of the crew can double.
Mr Father Knows Best?

Years ago when I coached travel ball, there was a Dad (on another team) who would tell his switch hitting son which side of the plate to hit from. The kid was a pretty good hitter, but I always got a kick out of watching/listening to his father tell him to bat righty or lefty based upon the pitching match up. On occassion he would tell the boy to bat from the same side as the pitcher which made no sense. I'm hoping the father broke out of this habit.

BTW....I've re-read these posts in anticipation of the upcoming college and high school season. There are some absolute beauties in here. By far, it is my favorite thread.
Great stuff hear! Just getting started in school ball so I can't wait to meet a few more of these folks. Unfortunately I have seen quite a few of them and admittedly at a time or two have been one of these guys-I especially like the Grill crew.

I have scanned through most of this thread and can't believe I can not find Mr Scoreboard watcher guy. If this has been mentioned-I apologize and would love to find it.

This is the guy who is faster than the speed of light when it comes to the scoreboard. The scoreboard operator has got to be somewhat of a clairvoyant in order to stay ahead of this guy. He is pointing out balls and strikes before the ump can take a breath.
GOD help the scorekeeper if he does not put up a run the minute it crossed the plate. Even worse if you make an error you might have a riot on your hands. Unless of course the error is in his teams favor then you don't hear a peep.
quote:
MidloDad said....The newest species is Mr. Smart Phone. He is in constant contact with friends at the school's JV game and at other games involving teams in your district, and he provides updates as if he were the crawl that is always running under the game on ESPN.


I've seen Mr Smart Phone use his communications device for more nefarious purposes at college games. College students use Smartphones to heckle opponents or get info about their personal lives from their college profile or Facebook. Last year, one school in particular made fun of my son's teammates father as an ambulance chaser. Not cool!
Please add to the list "Official Team Apparel Guy". This is the guy that has to have the same hat, jacket, pullover and logo'd mock turtleneck that only the players wear. This guy usually moonlights as Mechanical Flaw Fixer/Analyst guy and will drop baseball jargon as a qualifier to see if those around him REALLY know baseball like he does.

A typical conversation goes like this.

Me: "Just got here, what did my kid do in his 1st AB?"
OTA GUY: "Hadda lil duck snort to right"
Me: "duck snort??"
OTA GUY: "got sawed off"
Me: "So he got out?"
OTA Guy: "probably should have been but it had eyes"
Me: Oh! he got a hit....sweet!
quote:
Originally posted by AntzDad:
Any parents manage to make it to try outs? Big Grin


I had to pick my kid up one of days and consciously found a parking space at the far end of the lot. I did manage to spot a couple of dad's at the fence though. I'm going to assume they got there just a couple of minutes before I did. Wink
quote:
Originally posted by VaRHPmom:
quote:
Originally posted by AntzDad:
Any parents manage to make it to try outs? Big Grin


Our coaches make it clear in the parents' meeting before tryouts: No parents allowed at tryouts.

Although I'm sure there are some who hang out in the parking lot and try to watch.


Same here. Not only are parents not allowed at tryouts, the coach doesn't allow them to "view" practice during the season.

At the HS, viewing from the parking lot was not all that great anyway. From the closest edge of the parking lot to the field is a good 600-700 yards and the 1st base dugout blocks a good portion of the field. Yeah, you can sort of see what's going on but unless you have binoculars it's difficult to see the details.

And since the school is building a new football stadium (long story), there is now a huge mound of dirt blocking view of the BB field from the parking lot.

It's one thing to sit and wait for 5-10 minutes waiting for the player to finish practice (assuming he didn't or couldn't drive for whatever reason) and another to sit and watch the entire practice/tryout.
I may have posted this before, but it is possibly one of the funniest things I've ever heard of.

One of my neighbors actually set up a deer hunting stand in the trees adjacent to the field to watch high school JV tryouts. He was in full camo to boot. You just can't make stuff like this up! I still get a chuckle out of it 8 years later.
quote:
Originally posted by fenwaysouth:
I may have posted this before, but it is possibly one of the funniest things I've ever heard of.

One of my neighbors actually set up a deer hunting stand in the trees adjacent to the field to watch high school JV tryouts. He was in full camo to boot. You just can't make stuff like this up! I still get a chuckle out of it 8 years later.


fenway, that's an all-timer.
Been LMAO reading this and must chime in as I have a new "watcher" to add.
What about, what I like to call, 3rd,4th, and sometimes 5th Daddies who hang out just out of earshot next to the dugout. Now that my kid is in Pony and also on a professionally coached Travel team I have spotted this new species. They can be identified as the ones who always coached and are used to calling the shots but now find themselves outside the current power structure and now sadly hover like moths to a flame just outside the dugout trying to ingratiate themselves, I guess, to the new coaching staff. They seem unwilling, nay, unable to take their seats in the stands with the rest of the parents.
quote:
Originally posted by fenwaysouth:
I may have posted this before, but it is possibly one of the funniest things I've ever heard of.

One of my neighbors actually set up a deer hunting stand in the trees adjacent to the field to watch high school JV tryouts. He was in full camo to boot. You just can't make stuff like this up! I still get a chuckle out of it 8 years later.


Man, wish we had woods near our HS field....sounds like a great set-up....a lil hunting while watching some baseball
I'm a bit embarrassed to admit that I've just read this thread (tome?) for the first time. Few things cause me to laugh out loud at the computer; but, this one was the exception...over and over and over!

My compliments to so many of you who contributed such accurate and hilarious "reports" on diamond dwellers we've all seen (and been!) at this wonderful past-time of ours.

As I read through, I thought of another "guy." He's related to "Scorebook Lady" and "Stats Guy," but he's moved his "game" into another realm electronically. I'll call him "Mr. Smartphone Scorekeeper Guy."

If you arrive late, don't go up and ask him for a summary of what's taken place unless the latest half inning has just concluded. He needs some prep time to pull up 3 or 4 summary screens to give you a proper report. If he had to do this during an inning, he'd risk missing a "4-6-3" or something; and that would really upset him.

Similarly, don't talk to him within 15 minutes of the first pitch. That's his period to make certain that he's got all of the opposing team's players' names spelled correctly and their numbers correctly associated with their names. It's also when he's to be found at the scorer's table, badgering the official scorer for the just-submitted lineups. If the official scorer has told him to go fly a kite, he'll turn his badgering in the direction of one of each team's assistant coaches to get the lineup.

He never really watches the game; at least not in the way that those of us less technologically adept fans do. He's way too preoccupied with the various jabs and pokes it takes to accurately memorialize the latest play or event on the field. If you see that he's frustrated as he jabs and pokes, it's a sure sign that he's poked when he should have jabbed and is working mightily to straighten things out.

Engaged in conversation, "Mr. Smartphone Scorekeeper Guy" will give you the rundown on all available scorekeeping apps in the Marketplace, their pros and cons, and their relative battery drain. Stepping away from baseball for a moment, he's also good for an expert opinion on which is better, iPhone or Droid.

So, keep at it fellow Baseball Sideline Observer Guys and Gals! It's threads like this one that bind us together...and that's a very good thing!
Last edited by Prepster
Prepster
You just reminded me of a Dad on my Son's travel team last year. we went to the Triple Crown Nationals in Myrtle Beach. We picked up an outfielder a couple of weeks before the trip. I didnt know his Dad at all. After winning game one he commented on how we should start pitching backwards to set ourselves up in the playoff round. I questioned this strategy & reminded him we only won the first game & had at least 3 more before the playoff rounds. He then handed me his smartphone that had an Excel Spreadsheet that made the Pythagorean Theorem look like instructions for Tic Tac Toe. There must have been 20 different scenarios. I laughed & said let's just try to win game two. Incidently, we lost game two & completely ruined his spreadsheets. Back to the drawing board he went.
quote:
Originally posted by YesReally:
When my father - a no-nonsense former college baseball player - began watching his grandchildren play baseball - one of his first comments - said with a combination of incredulousness and sarcasm - was "I have never seen so much positive reinforcement in all my life!"


Still my favorite post from this thread. True Classic!!
I hate to admit it, but I am Mr. Smartphone (or in my case, iPad) Scorekeeper Guy.

Started doing it last year, and wow, everything said about this guy is true.

Yep, I bug the team scorekeepers for lineups. Yep, I cannot be bothered during the first inning while I make sure I have the opposing teams numbers and positions (I don't care about their names). And yep, I do a lot of poking and jabbing, especially when I make that entry mistake and have to go back and correct half the inning. I hate trying to hold an umbrella and keep up with my role at the same time.

But I do a tremendous service for "Mr. Gotta Know the Strke to Ball Ratio Guy", and for "Mr. What Did This Guy Do Last At Bat Guy".

This is a great thread, and I look forward to seeing all of you characters at the ball park.
The Ferris Bueller baseball fan. Because sometimes life moves pretty fast, if you don't stop to look, you might miss it.

It is 60+ degrees with not a cloud in the sky for a mid-week game. It is the the first week of college baseball, but you didn't get to see a live weekend game because your kid's college team doesn't start until March. You're travelling on business, but you time it just right between meetings and conference calls that you get to catch a college baseball game on the way to the hotel. Hey batter, batter, batter....swing batter!

PS....Big bonus if it goes into extra innings! Wink
Last edited by fenwaysouth
quote:
Originally posted by Mr. C:
how about the mom/ dad that is the "gatorade fetcher right now because water is just not good enough for my kid" ? You know who you are.

"NOT YELLOW!!! I WANTED ORANGE!!!"

HURRY UP!!


Know what I don't understand? A lot of times when I'm in the dugout and someones parent or sister brings them gatorade, they just take it and give whoever delivered their drink the cold shoulder. Am I the only one who isn't too good for a thankyou?

Also if it hasn't been added, may I add the Vendor who always has extra seeds or peanuts to give to then hungry athletes?? He is usually a team favorite for players.
I have been enjoying this thread, and putting names and faces to all these on the various teams we have been on through the years. I came up with a new one yesterday, though. The FIELD FINDER. You know, you have the address of the school, you plug it into the GPS, and when you arrive, there are no fields to be seen. You drive around in circles, through bus parking lots, ignoring the do not enter signs, while your co-pilot looks up and out the window, head kinda hanging out like a dog, looking for the light poles, surely that is where the field is! Joke was on us, the baseball field at this school didn't have lights. As freshman parents, I am sure this will not be our last adventure! So happy it is time to play ball!
Last edited by pink lady
FIELD FINDER- Good one, pink lady!

Way back in LL Districts, one field was hidden behind Adult World. It was a crazy intersection. Everyone messed up.

"The easiest way is to cut through Adult World" didn't go over well with some parents.

And, of course, the kids all were asking, "Mom, Dad, what's Adult World?"
quote:
Originally posted by pink lady:
I have been enjoying this thread, and putting names and faces to all these on the various teams we have been on through the years. I came up with a new one yesterday, though. The FIELD FINDER. You know, you have the address of the school, you plug it into the GPS, and when you arrive, there are no fields to be seen. You drive around in circles, through bus parking lots, ignoring the do not enter signs, while your co-pilot looks up and out the window, head kinda hanging out like a dog, looking for the light poles, surely that is where the field is! Joke was on us, the baseball field at this school didn't have lights. As freshman parents, I am sure this will not be our last adventure! So happy it is time to play ball!


In my experience you're the field finder APPRRENTICE. In a few years you will become the field finder MASTER. The parent(s) of the older player on the team who knows the exact location of every single field on the schedule. You can give detailed directions to any field and usually without being asked.
I graduated to FIELD FINDER master level during showcase ball the last couple of years. Finding fields at college campuses is not the easiest.

Trick for both colleges and high schools is to switch Google to "Satellite" view. Then look near the address for anything resembling a baseball field. Only problem can be the all dirt infield which resembles a softball field. In some cases, I went to street view to figure out how the turns worked.

By last Summer, I had maps, directions (to and from field), and addresses (for GPS which I don't totally trust) for each game. All of this went into my weekend folder which included a listing of game times, hotel reservations, and info on local places to eat.

Sad thing is, I work in Information Technology but I just can't get away from paper. Don't really trust having "bars" in all locations.
Here's a beauty, Louisburg College in NC, reportedly the oldest Jr. College in the nation. We had a late game scheduled there in a Dynamic Showcase tournament last fall. The tournament centered around Cary, NC and we had to drive an hour to this field in the dark. When we arrived it looked like an ant hill swarming the campus with baseball families in their cars. Nobody knew where to go in this little town. It can't be that hard to find a lighted field. With each passing minute the stress increased inside the car for fear of being late and possibly losing playing time. We finally found the queen ant who led us through parking lots, back streets and a gravel road to find the field. I think the entire team in fact beat the coach to the field. I will not soon forget the fun night under blankets drinking hot chocolate while enjoying the game and forgetting how our GPS was worthless.
I may have an original. Cant be sure as I may have missed it somewhere. The "runners going" dad. This is for all you catcher dads. I should know as my son is one and I used to do it until during a game, my son sarcastically says to me after he throws the baserunner out. Gee, thanks Dad, I'd have missed that one. Anyway, great thread, laughed my back side off.
Related to twooutdouble's guy. . .

The "got him" or "he's there" guy depending on whether his team is on offense or defense.
On defense he's the guy that screams "GOT HIM!" in an effort to assist the umpire on any close tag play such as a steal or pick off move.
And of course if his team is at bat he would assist by yelling "He's There" on any close play such as the above. He can be contagious recruiting several other guys especially in a close game.
quote:
Originally posted by YesReally:
I may be able to locate more highschool fields in Atlanta metro area than I can in the Richmond metro area. Must be a name for that....


I feel ya. My 2nd trip will be this Summer, likely twice this year.

Last year I scouted the HS fields the day before so I could give EASY directions to my parents. I had several parents who tended to get there late when they weren't sure where they were going.

First one we come to my kid says "That's their HIGH SCHOOL FIELD???" Turns out it was the softball field. The baseball field was even nicer.

After looking at that field my kid pipes up "Hey Dad, can you get a job near here?" LOL
quote:
Originally posted by latazaea:
This one reminded me of the 'pick off' dads also who yell 'baaaackkkk' for the baserunner....can't deny that I'm one of those on occasion, not trying to tell them what to do, it just comes out !


haha, I yelled out "back" at a game last week. I looked around sheepishly and told everyone "where did that come from"?
The UMPIRE CHORUS….zealous band of performers who dedicate a part of every game to serenading the arbiters at key junctures of the contest. They have limited range and there’s not much variation in their material, but it’s a prolific repertoire and they perform it with great gusto. They typically open with Are You Kidding Me, Blue, often followed by You’re Garbage, Blue, It Goes Both Ways, Blue, and What Are They Paying You, Blue. When truly inspired the troupe will accompany the umpires to the parking lot at the conclusion of the game and culminate the evening with an encore presentation of You Missed A Good Game, Blue as the hapless victims retreat to the safety of their vehicles.
quote:
Originally posted by duck80:
...on every pass ball or wild pitch he was yelling "feet...feet" or "backstop....backstop"


I had to check your location to make sure it wasn't me you were talking about. Whew!

Definitely a catcher dad thing. That and "Up!" Doesn't matter who's behind the plate, I'm equally *helpful* to all.
quote:
Originally posted by Marklaker:
The UMPIRE CHORUS….zealous band of performers who dedicate a part of every game to serenading the arbiters at key junctures of the contest. They have limited range and there’s not much variation in their material, but it’s a prolific repertoire and they perform it with great gusto. They typically open with Are You Kidding Me, Blue, often followed by You’re Garbage, Blue, It Goes Both Ways, Blue, and What Are They Paying You, Blue. When truly inspired the troupe will accompany the umpires to the parking lot at the conclusion of the game and culminate the evening with an encore presentation of You Missed A Good Game, Blue as the hapless victims retreat to the safety of their vehicles.


Yes this nefarious Blue Man Group of killjoys will be responsible for thousands of losses all throughout the land. Noone will consider the 300 pitches or 39+ outs recording over 2 1/2 hours as being any factor in the outcome. Only that banger at first base in the sixth inning decided the game.
Heres to you "Mr Scrimmage Breaker Downer"

You have successfully broken down the pros and cons of every team, player, and coach in your district based off a 10 inning game on a wet field that featured the combined top 25 pitchers on both teams and line ups that batted 22 hitters.

Scouting reports will be posted online (including video...premium users only) by end of day.

In the immortal words of Allen Iverson... "Are we talking about practice?" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0uoQ7kKgx4o

Rich
www.playinschool.com
and always in the park...

"watch the ball hit the bat" chorus group with the second verse of the "swing level", and followed with "you'll get them next time", then back to the first verse.

I'm always thinking, "physically impossible to do", "level to what"? and "probably not, this is a game of failure", and smile real big, because these are nice people, and I enjoy being around them, and I don't want them to know I'm not perfect and have them make up a name for me now too. :]
Last edited by showme
Well, we are two games into the season, and I have already been the following guys:

Mr. iPad Scorekeeper Guy
Mr. Home Run Ball Chaser Guy (I make my younger son do the running)
Mr. "UUUUP" Guy on those popups.
Both Mr. "He's There" Guy and Mr. "Got 'im" Guy
And of course, Mr. Umpire QC Guy; to the point my son (playing) and wife, who is now Mrs. Sit in the OutField Gal, had to tell me to calm down.

So 6 HS Baseball Watcher entities in one week.
Wow. I'm so proud and ashamed at the same time.
What a great thread!

What about "Captain Obvious" Dad. The one who yells to the pitcher after two walks "Just throw strikes" or to the batter "Just put it in play" or to the defense with two outs "Get the easy out." And then there is my favorite: "A walk is as good as a hit!"

While I will admit to being many of these guys, I have instructed my wife to ban me from attending games if I ever utter one of these phrases!
I love this thread.

Two games into the season and I’ve heard quite a few. It’s like watching birds if you see something different you want to get the book out and see what it is.

I sat by the “Just a guy” the last two games..... “Just under it”, “just outside”, “just inside”, “just a little high”...... it’s after every pitch. Drove me nuts the 1st game so 2nd game I sat on other side of bleachers and after the 1st pitch I heard to my left “Just under it” on a foul pop up and there he was. Too late I was stuck there. Tonight I will be more aware of my surroundings. ( Strange coincidence: Just a guy’s wife wasn’t at the 2nd game?, maybe she’d like to sit with me.)
While I grant you “Just A Guy” does have his moments, I consider him much higher on the food chain then “Now You’re Ready Guy”.

It’s the sixth inning, the kid’s third AB facing the same pitcher and he’s just taken a FB dead center, belt high to fall behind 1-2. Right on cue “Now You’re Ready Guy” spews his pablum in earnest. Immediately “That’s Ok, Get ‘em Next Time Lady” nods her head in vigorous affirmation and gets ready for her own feelgood moment.
How did you know?


My Son told me. One of the Parents is the Mother of one of his travel Team Teamates. She was at all 5 tryout days. The other guy he didn't know & the kid didn't make the team. Like I said, Pretty embarrasing for the kid

Here's an update, Crazy Mom did same thing this year. Cuts were posted the next morning & Son was cut. Mom showed up at practice that day anyway & ripped the Coach a new one!! Son is still cut.
Saw Mr. The Same, Remember, Look Like Guy this weekend.

Ump; "Balk!"
Mr SRLL: "Balk? "Ain't that the same ump that we had two weeks ago?"
Parent: "Naw, that's not him."
Mr SRLL: "Yeah, you remember called that same balk in the third inning on Ronnie, remember?"
Coach overhearing:"That's not him"
Mr SRLL:"Mmph, look like him"

Could be the same hitter that.., the same coach that...
Last edited by sloroller
quote:
Originally posted by Retriever Dad:
Well, we are two games into the season, and I have already been the following guys:

Mr. iPad Scorekeeper Guy
Mr. Home Run Ball Chaser Guy (I make my younger son do the running)
Mr. "UUUUP" Guy on those popups.
Both Mr. "He's There" Guy and Mr. "Got 'im" Guy
And of course, Mr. Umpire QC Guy; to the point my son (playing) and wife, who is now Mrs. Sit in the OutField Gal, had to tell me to calm down.

So 6 HS Baseball Watcher entities in one week.
Wow. I'm so proud and ashamed at the same time.




I teared up from laughing so hard.
Hail to the "Grill Keepers" they come early to fire up the grill for not only burgers and dawgs but sausage with grilled peppers and onions, chicken legs, chicken breasts, even steak on occasion. They always make sure there's enough for players and coaches after the game. A "Grill Keeper" Dad whose son already graduated makes trays of his famous mac & cheese. Our high school is known for it's great food thanks to these guys. Wanna guess where all the "We Like It Standin' Genius Club members are standin, you got it!
Not sure if this guy has made an appearance on this post yet but I've seen a few "I don't want to stand next to THAT guy guys." I've had more than one text asking me if so and so is there and where they are sitting so as to be sure he doesn't have to listen to them comment.

Except now I've become the "Hope he doesn't come over and bend my ear while I am the ipad scoring guy guy"
We all know (and sometimes are) Mr. Umpire QC Guy.
But now, a new breed, or viral strain, or mutation has emerged from Umpire QC Guy.

Allow me to introduce Mr. Umpire Stalker Guy.

This guy plans his escape route at the end of the game to match up to where he believes the umpires will be exiting. If he guesses wrong, he stampedes past the exiting crowd to at least make it over to where the umpires have parked.

Upon encountering the umpires that he believes performed the worst game calling of their lives, Mr. Umpire Stalker Guy.... Stares them down. In most cases, no words are exchanged (thank goodness), just that cold, hard, disdainful stare, that is intended to say "Bad job, guys!"

Thankfully, the umpires ignore Mr. Umpire Stalker, and probably don't even notice him, as they are eager to change out of their uniforms and get on with their real lives.
I couldn't find this guy so I apologize if he's a duplicate. .

Has anyone seen the Mr Fan Instigator Guy?

This is the guy who knows all the rules (or so he thinks). Once there is an obscure play involving a rarely used rule (interference or something of the sort) he begins to scold the umpires rambling on about how the umpire needs a rule book and can't make that call.

He slowly builds momentum throughout his side of the bleachers recruiting others by sharing his wealth of knowledge of the rule book. The fans, who were so wrongly "cheated" continue to hang on tho this one call as the game goes on. God held us all if Mr Fan Instigator Guy's team looses because as the fans slowly depart you can still hear them mumbling about how the umpire stole the game from them on the one call.

I think they are a cousin of the aforementioned Mr Umpire QC Guy or Umpire Stalker Guy.
I wanted to pull this back up. One of my favorite baseball memories was a couple of years ago. Our Regional starts on Memorial Day and my son was playing in the 7PM game that started about an hour late. The way the team lined up for the National anthem the outfielders stood shoulder to shoulder in centerfield. I was standing on the 3rd base side and there was an oversized flag blowing in the breeze in Right Center that looked like it was right on top of their heads. My son starting in the OF and the sky was twilight with purple, red, yellow and orange streaks with that breeze blowing the flag. My grandfather died in WWII and Memorial Day has always had a special importance to me as a result. I had an amazing rush of feelings of sadness, pride and joy about his sacrifice that allowed my son to have the opportunity to stand for the anthem that night. I will never forget that rendition.

So put me down as a National Anthem guy!
My We Have It All Figured Out Guy was kinda funny. Telling me how their son plays travel ball, blah blah blah. Poor dumb sucker! You don't know squat. He was so far off, I just smiled.

Here's one thing I know. Come next year, when my son begins playing college ball, I won't know squat again. At least this time I know that I don't know nuttin.
Last edited by twotex

Haven't read the whole thread yet but I thought of one:  Always Wears Coaching Apparel-guy.  You know him.  He hasn't coached since PONY Mustangs or LL Minors, but he always wears Mizuno turf shoes (usually black), track pants, underarmor everything, a fleece hitting pullover, and a cap.  Walks real slow and deliberate with is head down like he's contemplating the great questions as he walks (in his mind) to the mound to change pitchers.

 

This one made me laugh out loud:

 

Mr. Get a huge lead off guy goes to quite a few high school games.
He will yell, 'get off' or 'c'mon you can get way more than that' especially when his kid is on. If anyone gets picked off, 'what's the first base coach doing???"

Originally Posted by tres_arboles:

Haven't read the whole thread yet but I thought of one:  Always Wears Coaching Apparel-guy.  You know him.  He hasn't coached since PONY Mustangs or LL Minors, but he always wears Mizuno turf shoes (usually black), track pants, underarmor everything, a fleece hitting pullover, and a cap.  Walks real slow and deliberate with is head down like he's contemplating the great questions as he walks (in his mind) to the mound to change pitchers.

 

This one made me laugh out loud:

 

Mr. Get a huge lead off guy goes to quite a few high school games.
He will yell, 'get off' or 'c'mon you can get way more than that' especially when his kid is on. If anyone gets picked off, 'what's the first base coach doing???"

 

Yeah, the guy that wears the coaching attire makes me laugh. 

Here's one from our High School team. I'll call this guy the team's MVD {Most Valuable Dad}.  MVD's boy is a good kid, smart, popular and well mannered, but he is also big and slow and about as athletic as a sack of sand. He can't keep up with the rest of the team on anything where running or conditioning is involved.  MVD guy does everything he can to make himself an indespensible part of the program.  MVD guy hopes the coach will value him so much that he'll keep the boy on the team. You can usually find MVD guy in the coaches ear, pitching his latest idea to help the team, benefit the program or improve the facilities.

 

You won't find MVD guy standing behind homeplate with the rest of us guys in the genius club. MVD guy can't watch the games. He's too busy repainting the back side of the visitors dugout, or changing lightbulbs on the scoreboard, or gluing down carpet in the coaches office.  MVD guy will send us all an e-mail that says..."I need help repairing the concession roof before tomorow's game. Any volunteers?"   When nobody volunteers, we have to tolerate his sawing,

hammering and drilling throughout the entire game.

 

  

How about Mr Umpire Guy?  My son and I are ECU Pirate fans, but don't like going to their games because the fans are horrible to the umpires (does anyone really think yelling at the ump ever helps?)

 

Anyway, at an early spring game this year, we were sitting about half way down the third base line when the 'gentleman' in front of us started giving the ump the business.  His best line - "C'mon Blue, that was on the black!" - from over 200 feet away.

 

Geez.

 

 

Guilty of a few of the above.

 

How about a sub group of some of the above (Coach Apparel, Booster Club, etc):

We call it the "Dad's Club".

Membership varies, though some with sons who graduated are still active members.

They attend every winter indoor practice, etc. (only dads there)

and approve every move the coaches make as genius, rather vocally.

Before and after the games:

The time in the 5th inning up 7-1 when you had Jimmy steal? Great strategy.

 

The benefits to their sons vary within this group.

Some have kids going 5-2, etc. in the scorebook

while others do not have a good ROI (return on investment).

 

 

Originally Posted by NYer:
What a great thread!

What about "Captain Obvious" Dad. The one who yells to the pitcher after two walks "Just throw strikes" or to the batter "Just put it in play" or to the defense with two outs "Get the easy out." And then there is my favorite: "A walk is as good as a hit!"

While I will admit to being many of these guys, I have instructed my wife to ban me from attending games if I ever utter one of these phrases!

Wow, this thread is hilarious! 

 

I'd like to expand on "Captain Obvious" parent to include any at bat where the sage advice of "GOOD EYE!  WAY TO WATCH THAT BALL!!!!" is bellowed as the catcher attempts to retrieve the ball that sailed well over 7 feet in height above home-plate!

 

Hate to see a "bad eye" on that one!

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