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Ok here we go.... son did very well this past summer, played for a great travel team, went to big events and had fun. He’s a 2019 and finally hit the elusive 90mph mark and above. Many local jucos startec showing interest through the travel team and began contacting him, about 7 that wanted him to visit. So we began the visits, one coach really liked him and he asked about his grades and said he wanted to talk to his HS coach. No big deal we thought....Juco coach calls him back a few day later and says that after meeting my son and because of how well he knew the travel coach he was going to offer him a full ride, but he said your HS coach said really bad things abou you,, not a leader, can’t be counted on, lazy. We were shocked and I was PISSED, the coach NEVER spoke to my son about any of this negative stuff, he was the #2 pitcher his junior year and did well. He has 3.3 gpa and scored a 26 ACT. Talked to the coach who was very smug and said that was his opinion, I couldn’t believe it, never interacted with him, did a lot of extra work on fund raising and snack bar duty, and this guy almost cost us $11000 scholarship. Next step is district athletic director, we now only use the assistant baseball coach as reference and travel coach. What do you guys think? The few people I’ve told have never heard of this from a coach before unless the kid was a hug disciplinary problem. 

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If a college coach told me he’s contacting my high school I would tell the high school coach. I could tell by the conversation what to expect and plan on any potential damage control. 

I’m sure you’ve heard in this site to control what you can. While you can’t control exactly what the high school coach says you can be better prepared to control the aftermath. 

Had your son addressed his coach, told him this college is where he wants to play and please emphasize the positives the interaction between coaches might have gone differently. 

Part of Sales 101 is position your key influencers who have the ear of the decision maker.

Last edited by RJM

After my sons graduation, my wife and I had to swallow and leave behind a good deal of disgust with the High School Head Coach.

 

If it’s the fact that the guy almost cost your son a scholarship and your son is going to take that school up on their offer, as the song goes, “Let it Go.”  Bigger and brighter things are on the horizon and all the High School accolades and drama don’t mean squat once he’s graduated.

I'm not often on a the side of parents in argument with HS coaches (most of the time the parents are wrong - your kid is probably not sitting because the other parents are more influential) but in this case i hate what the coach did. 

A coach should stand in for his kids and help them play at the next level, i mean he has zero disadvantage if a player plays college ball.

I mean maybe there even is some truth to his assessment (i don't know) but even then i would expect him to sugarcoat it a little, he isn't owing the college anything.

If the coach had a problem with the kid then it should have been discussed with the kid previously. This was not the correct timing to decide and announce he had issues with the kid. 

I am glad it didn’t hurt the kids scholarship. All the coach accomplished was creating a conflict with one of his top pitchers, who I am sure will not want to battle it out for his coach now. Lose/ lose situation and no upside for coach or player. 

Tell your son to continue to work and play hard for his teammates. Control the things you can control, work through the next few months and move on to bigger things. 

I would use it as a learning opportunity.  Be honest with yourselves, is there a little bit of truth behind what the coach said, even if to a lesser degree?  If your coach thought your son was a leader of the team, coach would have been in contact with him the past several weeks to run the offseason workouts, reach out to the potential players to make sure they attend coach's offseason team meeting, have been named captain, etc. 

If there is some truth to the coach's words, or he hasn't been asked to lead these activities, I would sit down with my son and say "You can have all the baseball skill in the world, but being a leader, a good person, means so much more."  Unless there's some unknown vendetta, the coach probably has some examples why he thinks that way. 

Also, why run to the AD, to complain you received a bad recommendation?  What is the outcome you're looking for?  I can tell you of countless HS teammates of my son who went to our AD to complain about playing time, coach attitude, etc.  Nothing will come of it.  Ignoring the head coach, rather than trying to repair the situation may also not be the best thing to do.

If you address the situation properly, both with your son and the coach, you may find this is the best thing that happened to your son.

99% of the time I'm on the side of the coach but this is probably that 1% because there is no reason for this to happen.  A high school coach has to be honest with the college coach or he loses credibility - even if it's negative.  But the college coach has done his homework and talked to several people about your son.  He has a picture of who he is to be willing to take a chance on and this one negative report won't hold him back.  Your son may want to talk with the high school coach to clear the air and find out why he said what he said.

coach2709 posted:

99% of the time I'm on the side of the coach but this is probably that 1% because there is no reason for this to happen.  A high school coach has to be honest with the college coach or he loses credibility - even if it's negative.  But the college coach has done his homework and talked to several people about your son.  He has a picture of who he is to be willing to take a chance on and this one negative report won't hold him back.  Your son may want to talk with the high school coach to clear the air and find out why he said what he said.

This exactly.  Same thing with summer coaches.  They have to be thinking about the future kids.  If they "lie/fib" about a kids skills/attitude, then the next time that college coach is going to look elsewhere.  

Once you find a good car salesman and real estate agent, they are good to keep.

Show me one person in this world who doesn’t have an axe to grind with someone. Regardless of how nice or cool a person may think they are, there is at least one person they come into contact with on a daily basis who cannot stand them. It’s just life. It may be jealousy, they remind them of someone else who did them wrong, etc. 

asking a person to be “politically correct” and to put their personal feelings aside at a time that they have an opportunity to exact a little revenge is asking a lot. That is human nature too. So I guess you need to fill your world with more people who like you than who don’t in order to maintain forward progress.

When my son made varsity as a freshman we heard rumors about the coach, I told my wife it could just be disgruntled parents....ignore that chatter and see for ourselves. Almost all we heard was true, he didn’t care,disengaged, just a job, but our son got to play so we put up with it. The coach was also linebacker coach on the really good football team. Sophomore year he stopped coaching football altogether....we heard it was because the baseball parents complained about him not caring much about baseball.

I think a coach should be like a doctor....first order of business DO NO HARM.

Tough issue. With thousands of HS V coaches in the US, some (a very small percentage) are bound to be ignorant and opinionated tools. Sounds like that might be the case. Happy that exchange did not hurt your son's offer. As to taking it up with the HC or the AD, I guess you have to ask what you hope to gain? Perhaps if there is a track record of this type of thing, you might be doing a good thing. Or, more likely, nothing will change except a temporary increase in stress and blood pressure. Good luck going forward.

Last edited by Batty67

I’m pretty sure the HS coach never dreamed the Juco coach would tell us what he said. When I confronted him he was surprised for a minute before he started with the smug my opinion crap. Is my kid the next Stephen Hawkins no, has he turned in work late yes, but hr never missed a practice, improved every year and carries a nice GPA and ACT. 

How many other kids has he tried to hurt? When we meet with the district AD I’m going to insist that a record be established that all coaches must document every contact with college coaches. At least it will be above board.

As I said we have a good football team and I see one boy now playing on TV that was in trouble his entire HS career, never went to class, but Iguess his coach promoted his positive skills. 

I am parent of 2018 grad who is playing baseball in college and I am also a HS coach. I have been on both sides and can relate to your frustration, based on info you have shared. However, as coach2079 stated, a HS coach has to be honest with coaches at the next level, or he will most definitely lose credibility which could kill opportunities for future players. I think, and in my experience, coaches struggle with communication more then any other coaching skill set...especially in HS where there is so little competition for good players.

I am actually struggling with a situation right now, having returned to coaching baseball following my son's graduation. We have a good returning P/INF who is a likable kid with decent grades and scores. However, he is lazy, makes questionable decisions (no show for winter workouts last night), misses class frequently, etc. Knowing how important all aspects of character are to college coaches, I thought there is no way I would recommend this player to a coach without making note of those issues.

Again, I get your frustration and do believe you have a legitimate beef with coach since he has never talked to your son about these issues. If he had done it the right way, he would have met with your son about baseball goals and discussed his concerns, giving your son an opportunity to work on and correct said issues. As others have recommended, I would move on. That coach is going to give the AD his side of story and good chance your complaints will fall on deaf ears. Sucks but I see it all the time! Best of luck to your son.

 

We played on a TT with a kid who's dad got in on the tournament basketball thing when it was just taking off. He made a very successful living at it and Drew became a gym rat and a very, very good player. Natural born leader, had a feel for the game, good work ethic, etc. About the only negative thing you could say about the kid was he knew how good he was. The only reason that kid isn't playing big time college basketball is his size. Anyway  I ran into his dad at a tournament what would have been his Jr year of HS. Asked about basketball and he said the kid wasn't playing. Stated the kid did not play much his sophomore year and sat down with the coach. Guy told him "I don't like you. You were born with a silver spoon in your mouth and you are not going to play for me". Coaches are people too, with the same flaws as the rest of us.

What I heard from a mentor important to me was that if there are 20 people asked directly about you, one will be your most ardent promoter + fight for you until their death.  One will be whole heartily against you with every fiber in their being + do anything within their power to see you fail.  It is all about the 18 in between, how you treat them, help them + see that they get their needs met.  You are never going to please some people no matter how hard you attempt to + are much better off having a positive experience with those who want to be in a relationship with you.  As others suggested, let it go + move along to the next level.  Congrats to the family on your son's success.  Keep his spirits up + moving in the proper direction!

This is really bad. My question is -  the high school coach has all of these concerns yet he pitches your son regularly for the high school squad? Sounds hypocritical on his part.

Congrats to your son and it's a great thing that the college coach is giving him the scholarship that he has earned through his grades and athletic performance. The great thing about this is that your son will be playing at the next level for a coach that believes in him!  

As far as contacting the AD or school board...I'd move along and put the focus on the fun years of watching your son play in college. Good luck and congrats to you and your family. 

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