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He's the guy with...
1. ...the "white" socks that have that infield red shade to them.
2. ...the bruise on his throwing side butt cheek, due to the fact that it has increased in size through the years and now sticks out from behind the cutout of the L screen.
3. ...the shoes with one torn toe, from dragging the throwing side foot while throwing one kazillion b.p. pitches.
4. dirty ear in need of "Q-tipping", from circle dragging the infield.
5. ...flaking, sunburned ear lobes and the baseball coaches version of the "farmer's tan".
6. ...the title. Even your nephews call you "coach". "Can I stay at Coach's house?"
7. arm that no longer even requires warming just makes it hurt more.
8. ...his eyes glued to the Weather Channel. Your favorite show is C.S.I., his is the local forecast on the eights.
9. ...the P.E. class, who when loaded onto the bus and told they are going on a field trip, now knows the "field" part of the trip is to the baseball field. And when told they are going to have a party, knows it's a "rock party".
10. ...the ability to go nearly unrecognized in public simply by going "capless". "Hey, Coach! I didn't recognize you without a cap on!"

I'm thinking I can make this into a routine like Foxworthy's Redneck gig. Maybe make a little money on the side to supplement the baseball budget body-builder.
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This reminded me of my:

100+ Ways You Know You're Youth Baseball Coach

  1. People come up to you at a store that you have never seen before, call you coach and start talking to you as if you were best friends.

  2. Your shoes are so filled with that red infield dirt that your socks turn red immediately upon putting your feet into the shoes.

  3. You watch and MLB game and are telling the manager of your favorite team what he should do,
    what he should have done, and what he will do when certain situations come
  4. and that YOUR team could have played that last play better!

  5. Your closet has more "volunteer coach" shirts in it than anything else

  6. And you don't wear anything else!

  7. You see a kid at another sport and you begin evaluating him whether he would make a good b-ball player, and then you actually go up to him and try to recruit him

  8. When your friends call, they immediately ask if you are at a game

  9. Friends? They're all at the game, too!

  10. When you wake up in the morning, your first thought isn't about going to work, it's how you're going to do your lineup at your game today

  11. You make an excuse to get out of work early so you can spend time with your kid on batting before the game

  12. You spend too much time on eteamz coming up with 100 ways to know you are a youth league coach...

  13. You come onto eteamz at least once a day and check the posts AND you get slammed by someone for attempting to come up with 100 ways you know you're a youth league coach (at least they kept it civil and fun on the other boards).

  14. You get upset at anyone trying to have a little fun with your posts on eteamz that you take way too serious.

  15. GLM's & DIA's are draft criterea

  16. You seriously consider buying one of those hats that cover the back of your neck.

  17. If your lawn looks good it's because your wife mowed it.

  18. your garage has a section bigger than any other section of the garage filled with baseball stuff your wife has no idea why you have but you "need" every piece of equipment there for something to do with coaching

  19. You've never cracked a rule book(unless you're one of those rare two-breeds that also umpire)

  20. The employees and manager at the sporting goods store you go to know you by name and you get an automatic discount on every purchase because you've spent so much money there.

  21. You have a separate bank account that your wife knows nothing about for your "baseball fund".

  22. Your wife would really like some of the garage space to park her car in but theres too baseball/softball gear, cases of balls, and umpires gear for that to happen in the next 5 years

  23. You instinctively scream "Going" at the top of your lungs when a base runner tries to steal second at a major league game.

  24. A dead animal smells better than the wet and/or sweaty equipment in the trunk.

  25. You could start your own league with all the equipment that never comes out of the car

  26. You go to the mall and buy a new bat for your kid instead of replacing the ratty, ripped sneakers you've been wearing

  27. You stop in the sporting goods store and forget why you came to the mall in the first place

  28. Your spring diet regularly consists of NACHOS w/ side of peppers(need the veggies) - 2 pieces of BAZOOKA JOE - and a SUICIDE to wash it all down

  29. You are too young for gray hair

  30. You spend 10 out of 17 wedding anniversaries at the snack shack,(with your GLM)

  31. The money spent for the gardner is not a problem during baseball season

  32. Your car looks like a low rider with all the equipment in the trunk

  33. When you see a GLM around town with her child, you think hmmm he could bat 11th or 12th

  34. When your watching another baseball game on tv and your constantly telling your child too "look at what he does"...

  35. When you screw up and spend valentines money on a hitting lesson for your child

  36. If you miss your favorite movie or show just to go to the ballpark to watch the other teams kids...

  37. Your doctor tells you that you need Tommy John surgery from all the batting practice you throw

  38. GLM & DIA actually means something to you

  39. Raccoon Eyes

  40. Sun Block purchased at Costco by the gallon

  41. You have lost more baseballs in the last year that you ever had combined as a kid

  42. You actually begin to like the Shack Food

  43. You can't drive by a ball field without stopping in

  44. You yell out "Keep your glove down" in your sleep -- a lot

  45. Rain .... Bad

  46. It takes a hour to change a flat tire because of all the "equipment" in your trunk

  47. Your circle of friends are all baseball coaches

  48. Your work computer has more baseball spreadsheets and documents than work products

  49. A "big night out on the town" means post-game pizza with your team

  50. You don't need beach chairs, you have buckets to sit on

  51. Your 9-year old son can quote the infield fly rule

  52. Your dashboard is covered in ball dirt and you can't see you carpet

  53. Everytime you make a turn in your vehicle, baseballs roll across the floorboard

  54. You can't seem to get rid of scorebooks from 5 years ago

  55. You drag and chalk the field to perfection, meanwhile the grass is a foot tall and you ran out of gas for your mower to put in the 4 wheeler

  56. You're a bachelor coach and you go out to your friend's team who is also coaching to meet that single GLM that he's been telling you about

  57. You walk into church with your scorebook so you have "something to do" during the sermon

  58. You wonder why they don't have a Little League Visa Card yet

  59. Vacations are planned around games, not the other way around

  60. As you pull into the driveway you swear an oath that you will never again yell at your son for not being ready for his game...and then break it 3 minutes later

  61. You have a collection of stories about various parts of your body that have been hit by baseballs

  62. As much as you promise yourself you won't do it again because it drove you nuts when your dad did it, you still have some sentences that start with "when I was a kid."

  63. You chew your kid out for throwing balls off the walls and swinging his bat inside the house, but walk away loving his desire for the game

  64. You chew out your son and his friends/teammates for trying to play baseball in the house on a rainy day, but walk away loving the desire for the game.

  65. You catch yourself practicing your signs in a mirror prior to the big game

  66. Walk with a limp because you thought you could show the kids how it's done
  67. You pull your money clip out at the store and sunflower seeds fall all over the floor

  68. You have permanent hat hair

  69. At a company party you seem to be able to find the other b ball coaches to talk to

  70. You cut your hair really short to get rid of the permanent hat hair

  71. Your Fungo bat has a name

  72. you wear your cup to the park just in case the umpire doesn't show up

  73. You keep stopping by the Sporting goods store to by Whiffle balls because (like mayonaise) your keep thinking you're running low.

  74. All of a sudden the dollar amount for "that" bat for your son doesn't seem like so much

  75. You have left a family vacation for a ball game

  76. balls in the ball bucket older than your youngest kid

  77. you start saying "ain't" and "he did real good"...

  78. you can find a rule in the book BEFORE the umpire can ...but it's the WRONG rule !

  79. You ask for a fungo bat for Christmas

  80. You know someone nicknamed "PEANUT".

  81. You yell the phrase "That's what I'm talkin about!" even you don't know the origin of the term....

  82. You live for the freebie drinks and burgers as an ump

  83. You actually think the nickname "grumpy" is kinda cool

  84. Watching the very worst hitter on your team get his first hit is more meaningful than your own son going 4 for 4

  85. Despite the fact that there have been 80+ previous listings, you can still come up with more

  86. You size up every kid you meet as whether he plays baseball. The big kids get a thought,"man if he only played baseball

  87. Half the ladies on your team are divorced, single or separated and you suddenly find yourself being asked to be the coach/daddy for these kids when they're playing baseball

  88. Since some of them are GLM's, you are happy to oblige!

  89. you carry field maintenance tools in the car... in case the shed or box is locked at the field.

  90. you go to a particular pizza place with your team ...because they always have the game on, and you can continue to coach while the team stuffs itself with slices.

  91. the only time you use a broom is... dust off home plate

  92. Your pants are always dirty at the cuffs

  93. You can't sleep the night before opening day

  94. You can't sleep the night after a close game because of "the call" that lost it.

  95. You can't sleep the night after a close game that your team won in the last inning

  96. 3 Day weekend? No we're not going out of town, that's 3 days we can practice!"

  97. You are the most disorganized *** on the planet. But, the evening before tryouts you have the car loaded with your chair, cooler, umbrella, 2 clipboards, extra evaluation sheets, a stopwatch. Extra credit if you include your laptop with extra long-life batteries

  98. You like to drink (hard) every evening after work. Yet you've never had a drink before a practice or a game

  99. You have a batting cage in your yard, and it did NOT come with the house

  100. You TIVO the LL world series games, including the regionals

  101. You do cartwheels inside when the fatest kid on the team shows up for the first practice with his own catcher's gear.

  102. You provide your lineup to the other coach in spreadsheet form. You also have extra copies for all your parents! (BTW, I do this and parents love it)

  103. Kids come up to you on the street or in the ice cream parlor or the store and say "Hi, coach" and you can't remember their name

  104. A kid on the opposing team you had when he was 9 says "Hi, coach" before the game. Sure makes his current coach happy

  105. You seriously think about acquiring your own left-handed catcher's mitt just in case, even though all your kids are righties

  106. You know the location of every store with bottled water and packaged ice within a 30-mile radius of your home (which isn't where you sleep, it's the league's home field !)

  107. Your kid is the one who gets to bat last in the first game to send a message, even if he's the best hitter on your team

  108. You feel weird standing on grass or dirt without wearing cleats

  109. You live for that look on a kid's face when he finally gets that first hit or pitches his first game

  110. You know exactly where to park to avoid foul balls

  111. You have two sets of catcher's gear of different sizes...just to be sure

  112. You are a packing master. You can fit any equipment (including your son) into any size vehicle!

  113. You offer unsolicited tips to other kids (not on your team) when you take your kid to the batting cage

  114. You'll stay "just one more inning" watching a game that is not your own, even though you know you're going to hear it for being late

  115. You sigh every time you drive by an unused baseball field on a summer day and remember when.

  116. You hang here making these posts because "what work could you get done?" in the next twenty minutes before leaving for the field

  117. You butt in and make sure the dad buys the right bat and/or glove for his kid and the store

  118. You're not worried about your car being stolen, you worry about replacing all of the equipment in the back of it being lost

  119. You explain to your players that their gloves and equipment are more valuable than the Mona Lisa

  120. Your night to cook" = corn dogs, french fries, onion rings and popcorn chicken

  121. Everytime you hear someone yell "Coach" your head rotates to the voice

  122. You can tell every player on your roster a Hall of Famer who wore the same number and why wearing "7" is better than wearing the #12 he wanted to wea

  123. Looking at the favorite places stored on your computer, there is nothing but baseball sites, message boards and rules boards

  124. You offer to coach your FRIEND's team as well as your own, at least during practices, because you KNOW he doesn't know the first thing about batting

  125. You offer to run the scoreboard for the next game so you can watch, but you tell your wife there was absolutely no-one to do it and it ABSOLUTELY had to be done!

  126. Same as above, except you offer to umpire the next game when the blues don't show up

  127. The bed of your pickup truck makes all kinds of banging noises every time you make a turn - baseballs rolling into the side walls

  128. You open the door to your truck, somebody sees two bats in the front seat, and exclaim "you are either a baseball coach or you are going to a melee" (actually happnened once - told the lady I was just "prepared" lol)

  129. Your co-workers can't figure you out because you never want to talk about ANYTHING they want to talk about, only how your team did last night and how excited you are that so and so finally made it on base

  130. Your dog likes to chew up baseballs more than chew toys

  131. Your back yard looks like a practice field for an MLB team with the nets, baseball, bats, equipment, pitching machine and other baseball contraptions you have laying around back there

  132. Your wife plans her own personal vacations between February and June

  133. When you use the word "jugs" in conversation you aren't talking about a GLM

  134. Your wife has a party of her friends and you realize that your 9-year-old daughter (who has grown up at the ball field) knows more about baseball than all the guests combined. You spend the rest of the night going over your all-star picks with her

  135. Your wife asks every year when you want to go on vacation. With spring, fall and winter ball you always answer December or August. Then you start hedging on August because this might be the year the kids go all the way. So just December if you want to be safe

  136. You can't stand not looking at the posts just before you leave for the baseball field! (leaving in 15 minutes to ump an LL majors game)

  137. You sow up the league title the game before you play the second place team and you still practice because you got some payback to deliver to avenge that one loss your team suffered

  138. The only reason you know what date it is is because today you have a game (today is Wednesday, May 26, 2004, our game starts at 6:00 pm) Oops, take that back, there is a makeup game after today's game for two other teams so the game is starting at 5:30 pm instead!

  139. tens of hundreds of soiled hats just waiting to be in someone's collection

  140. All your players call you "coach". Even the neighbor kid across the street who've you know since he was in diapers and now plays on your team

  141. Your son has more baseball pants in his closet than shorts for the summer

  142. You "trail" your son the all the summer camps so you can see if there is something you can pick up from the college coaches
  143. Even the college camp coaches know your name...see #34 above...and they all call you coach

  144. Farmer's Tan!!!!

  145. 103-degree fever, but, you gotta game....

  146. Not only do your players and neighborhood kids call you coach, the other managers in the league call you coach even when you're umpiring their games

  147. YOUR parents send YOU gift certificates to sporting good stores for YOUR birthday (as opposed to giving them to your kids)

  148. You've been around the sport so long, you forget to call them baseballs and refer to them as balls in situations where that may be interpreted as something else......

  149. You have a Wisdom tooth removed earlier in the day so you won't miss you son's 7:45pm minor league playoff game. And further more, you tough out 6 innings at coaching 1b, and still have enough energy left to console you little ones after the tough loss........

  150. You have intricate knee surgery to fix a ligament early in the day, you have to be knocked out, put in a non-movement cast. You wake up, go home, get prepared, and go out to the field to "side manage" your team from your wheelchair! (This actually happened with one of our managers this year, I was pretty amazed at this guy).

  151. You know you've coached a long time when a "kid" with gray hair calls you Coach and his kids are in a league the same age as when you coached him

  152. You start recruiting players for a fall ball team in March when fall ball doesn't start until September

  153. If games are being played at the field, you route all your trips to stores and services so that you eventually drive by the fields - and of course stop

  154. Once at the field, you get so involved in a "deep" conversation about playing philosophies or whatever, that you totally forget that you were supposed to go buy milk - and the wife calls and finds out where you're at

  155. and you have a pre-made excuse to tell your wife

  156. When you go into the sporting goods store for something you ALWAYS wander over to the baseball section and look at all the equipment and think..."Well, I might one day need that, you never know."

  157. In # above you always leave the store with something baseball

  158. The only thing your wife hates more than you going to the sporting goods store is taking your son with you

  159. Your 4-year old son meets you at the door when he hears you get home from work and asks "Are you ready to go to the ballpark? (He knows that even though you don't have a game, that you will be going anyway to scout other teams.)

  160. When you do have a game, your same 4-year old, stands beside the dugout fence the whole game yelling such phrases as "down and ready infield" and "come on guys, let's see some hustle out there".

  161. You go into the Post Office or Grocery Store and someone says "Hey Coach" and you wonder, "who was that"?

  162. Unless it's straight from the laundry, there are more sunflower seeds than coins in your pocket

  163. A survivalist could make it a week without coming out of your car living off spilled sunflower seeds, half full boxes of Chewy bars
  164. Same survivalist could clean your car interior using the empty Burger King bags as trash bags

  165. You decide not to trade in/sell the SUV because

    • it has no value with all the miles and
    • it's good for sports

Last edited by cong
Great list cong! A few more for you:

You know you’ve been coaching baseball too long when:

1. A kid throws a rock at your car, you screech to a stop & say “Nice arm, kid! Are you playing ball this spring?”

2. When you visit your son’s school, you find yourself wondering if that tall lefty wouldn’t make a great first baseman.

3. While watching news reports of Indonesian riots you catch yourself thinking, “if that policeman would get better front arm extension on his baton swing...”

4. You roll down your window when driving by the batting cages, hoping to hear a good crack of the bat. And are ready to swerve in if you do.

5. Before the draft, you spend less time evaluating the kids than you do evaluating their parents.

6. The local sporting goods store sends you a turkey at Thanksgiving & ham at Christmas.

7. Half the kids in town think your first name is “Coach”.

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