J.V. Tryout Question

I dont see where that would be a problem depending on how you word it.

Here's my approach.

Coach,

My 8th grade son is asking me if there is feedback available on his JV tryouts that he can use to focus his work this fall to prepare for the upcoming spring tryout?

Completely appropriate for a PLAYER to ask any coach what he needs to work on and what can be done to strive toward future success.

Completely inappropriate for a parent to do the same thing.

Since you mention "ask for feedback on your kids tryout", I assume you're the parent and advise that you work with your son to help coach him on a respectful way to approach and ask guidance from the coach on what the coach believes he can do going forward.

If possible, let the player ask - not the parent.  Let the coach see that he cares enough to want to improve.

If the question comes from the father, it looks like he is taking the initiative instead of the player.

Give the player the coach's contact info and have him ask. It's a little intimidating, but a good habit to get him into.

It's one of the best lessons my son learned at 13U.  His coach at the time was a real old school former college coach.  He wouldn't discuss "baseball" matters with parents, only with players.  He made it very clear that he expected the players to learn to be responsible for communicating issues with him.

Really good advice here and I love it. I would be afraid that maybe the coach would be aggravated about the kid approaching then remember the name and face.

My initial thought was just to ask the coach if they keep or maintain tryout results and if the kid could get them himself. The fact that he is probably fielding questions from who knows how many other parents makes me hesitant.

Son has already showed me that he is handling not making the team correctly. The night he found out he asked me to plan a workout for the next day.

Gmnk posted:

Really good advice here and I love it. I would be afraid that maybe the coach would be aggravated about the kid approaching then remember the name and face.

My initial thought was just to ask the coach if they keep or maintain tryout results and if the kid could get them himself. The fact that he is probably fielding questions from who knows how many other parents makes me hesitant.

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No.  This comes off as questioning the decisions the coach made.  The proper route is as stated by others.  The player should ask the coach what he needs to work on to have a better shot next time around.  Coaches sort of expect this from fringe players who were cut.  They shouldn't be aggravated by it.

If you have a space cadet son like some *coughMINEcough*  and you are worried things will get lost in the translation you may want to work with your son on an email from HIS email account asking what "I" need to work on for next years tryout.

So now I'm afraid if I have him send an email from his account maybe that just looks like its coming from me.

If you folks think scheduling a personal meeting is best and wouldn't reflect negatively....I would rather that take place. I feel confident with his timid and shy personality that he wont come off as confrontational or negative sour grapes about it. Now will he remember all that the coach may tell him and then relay that back to me......extremely unlikely....I can barely get three sentences strung straight together from him.

Do appreciate yr taking the time to help.

Nuke83 posted:

Completely appropriate for a PLAYER to ask any coach what he needs to work on and what can be done to strive toward future success.

Completely inappropriate for a parent to do the same thing.

Since you mention "ask for feedback on your kids tryout", I assume you're the parent and advise that you work with your son to help coach him on a respectful way to approach and ask guidance from the coach on what the coach believes he can do going forward.

I just reread this....nevermind my original failure to read correctly.

Whether a kid makes the team or not asking the coach how he can become a better player shows he's motivated. As a parent do not ask for any tryout scoring. The coach will question your motives. It could make you "that parent." When a kid becomes a teen player it's time for the parent to slip into the background. Now you start coaching him on how to deal with coaches himself. You only get involved if there's abuse.

Gmnk posted:

So now I'm afraid if I have him send an email from his account maybe that just looks like its coming from me.

If you folks think scheduling a personal meeting is best and wouldn't reflect negatively....I would rather that take place. I feel confident with his timid and shy personality that he wont come off as confrontational or negative sour grapes about it. Now will he remember all that the coach may tell him and then relay that back to me......extremely unlikely....I can barely get three sentences strung straight together from him.

Do appreciate yr taking the time to help.

 

  

Yes and it doesn't have to be too formal.  And still, son should handle it... he can say something like "Hi Coach, is there a time I could meet up with you for just a few minutes?  I want to get some advice."  Then, meeting can be something like "I really love playing and I want to give it another shot next year.  Can you tell me what you see that I need to work on most?"

Advise son to make sure he at least remembers the top two things the coach tells him and to put it in his phone notes (or write it down) so he can have it as reference.

Nuke83 posted:

Completely appropriate for a PLAYER to ask any coach what he needs to work on and what can be done to strive toward future success.

Completely inappropriate for a parent to do the same thing.

This is exactly true as pertains to my son's High School.  The coaches there cannot stand it when parents intervene in any way, even just asking questions.  My plan is to simply say a heartfelt "Thank you" after my son's Senior year.  It is part of the growing up process for the kid to advocate and communicate for themselves.

3and2Fastball posted:

Nuke83 posted:

Completely appropriate for a PLAYER to ask any coach what he needs to work on and what can be done to strive toward future success.

Completely inappropriate for a parent to do the same thing.

This is exactly true as pertains to my son's High School.  The coaches there cannot stand it when parents intervene in any way, even just asking questions.  My plan is to simply say a heartfelt "Thank you" after my son's Senior year.  It is part of the growing up process for the kid to advocate and communicate for themselves.

Same at son's school.  Kids come home freshman year, first day of practice, telling parents, "Don't call the coach for anything at all...  If you want to know something, ask me and I'll ask the coach.  He'll make us all run poles if any parents call."

Think there may be some room for variation depending on the coach.  Since they began HS, I have never initiated a conversation about either of my sons with any coach in any sport.  That's worked out fine.

OTOH, a friend of mine who is very gregarious is a JV coach at another school.  I've frequently seen him gab at great length with parents after practice about their sons.  Funny thing is the parents always seem to be younger moms.

JCG posted:

Think there may be some room for variation depending on the coach.  Since they began HS, I have never initiated a conversation about either of my sons with any coach in any sport.  That's worked out fine.

OTOH, a friend of mine who is very gregarious is a JV coach at another school.  I've frequently seen him gab at great length with parents after practice about their sons.  Funny thing is the parents always seem to be younger moms.

Around here we call that "hot mom ball", it's a variation of "daddy ball"  This occurs when a younger mom attempts to influence the playing time, position, or batting order spot of her son by "talking" with the coach. 

Sadly, I have seen it work often in travel ball.

CaCO3Girl posted:

JCG posted:

Think there may be some room for variation depending on the coach.  Since they began HS, I have never initiated a conversation about either of my sons with any coach in any sport.  That's worked out fine.

OTOH, a friend of mine who is very gregarious is a JV coach at another school.  I've frequently seen him gab at great length with parents after practice about their sons.  Funny thing is the parents always seem to be younger moms.

Around here we call that "hot mom ball", it's a variation of "daddy ball"  This occurs when a younger mom attempts to influence the playing time, position, or batting order spot of her son by "talking" with the coach. 

Sadly, I have seen it work often in travel ball.

Yea, it's always suspect when the team has you fill out a personal information form for tryouts, and then asks for a picture of the mom instead of the player.

Funny story.  I know a kid that was cut from his 8th grade MS team.  Solid program.  The kid was a decent player.  10-15 guy. The tryout was a week long with three cuts.  He was cut on the second round.  The kid showed up dressed the next day.   Coach called him out and the player told the coach he made a mistake and wants another day to prove himself.  The coach agreed and the kid ended up making the team.  I give the kid credit for having the guts to walk out there knowing the circumstances and than standing up for himself.  

CaCO3Girl posted:

JCG posted:

Think there may be some room for variation depending on the coach.  Since they began HS, I have never initiated a conversation about either of my sons with any coach in any sport.  That's worked out fine.

OTOH, a friend of mine who is very gregarious is a JV coach at another school.  I've frequently seen him gab at great length with parents after practice about their sons.  Funny thing is the parents always seem to be younger moms.

Around here we call that "hot mom ball", it's a variation of "daddy ball"  This occurs when a younger mom attempts to influence the playing time, position, or batting order spot of her son by "talking" with the coach. 

Sadly, I have seen it work often in travel ball.

That is a great 13th kid to have on the team...limited talent, hot mom who is willing to "talk" for playing time...LOL you couldn't make it up, sadly probably true!

The advice above is spot on.

Generally, parental involvement here is typically unwelcome, and could well tag your son as the guy who can't handle his own affairs.  It is of ultimate importance that any contact be strictly between player and coach, with no parents involved in the communications when they happen.

But it is OK for the parent to run through with the son how he will phrase his approach to the coach.  Teens are often intimidated by these situations, and that can lead them to say the wrong thing and end up in the doghouse. 

Emphasize to your son that it is important to maintain respect for the coach and his decisions at all times.  He is not to complain about getting cut, nor to say anything about others who did or didn't make it, etc.  He needs to be very careful to phrase things in terms of, "Can you tell me where I came up short, and what I can do to have a better chance next year?"  Make sure your son fully understands how some approaches can make the coach feel as if his authority or judgment are being questioned, and that path leads to disaster.  But this approach actually embraces the coach as an authority figure and presupposes that the coach has words of wisdom he could pass along.

In addition to leaving the coach with a positive impression of your son, it could well be that your son learns something constructive.

Just to finish this off. Unfortunately, the coach never responded to son's email. A week of waiting led to 2 and then more. Rather than risking being "that parent" and chancing him being a problem kid, just decided not to press any harder. Son is just working hard to come in stronger and faster to give a better look come spring.

thanks for help and advice.

Not so sure it wouldnt be worth it for you to reach out to coach at this point.  If he isn't on team, hard to be "That Parent".  I would consider just sending email asking if coach got son's email regarding the tryouts and reiterate he (your son) is just looking for feedback to get better and try out again next year.  Reality is that if he isn't working on "right" thing, may very well be back in same position next year with no chance of making team.  Just a thought... 

Does your son like basketball 

Gmnk posted:

Just to finish this off. Unfortunately, the coach never responded to son's email. A week of waiting led to 2 and then more. Rather than risking being "that parent" and chancing him being a problem kid, just decided not to press any harder. Son is just working hard to come in stronger and faster to give a better look come spring.

thanks for help and advice.

 

I happen to be a HS teacher and JV baseball coach.  I have to attend to my school email daily as a teaching professional to maintain communication with admin, colleagues, AD, etc.  If a parent or player/student emails me I reply promptly.  However, I am not the norm, nor the exception.  Many fellow coaches are often community professionals who graciously volunteer their time for a modest fee that might cover their gas money.  My varsity HC is a contractor.  Not sure if he has ever checked his "school supplied" email address?  As a coach he has one from the school.  Guy probably has unopened emails from parents from 8 years ago.  Not doing it on purpose, he is just a busy guy, who has his own business,  and doesn't get to it.

Moral of the story is, let your player speak with coach ALWAYS.  I had a roster of 18 boys last year.  Lost track of how many parents approached me for various things, most were positive and reasonable contacts for clarifications, payments, whatever.  But when it comes to someone inquiring about "what does player need to improve on to make team?" or, "What does player need to improve upon to be a starter?"  And even data numbers from a tryout.  Should always come from player, NOT parent.  I am always impressed when a player respectfully requests a few minutes of my time AFTER practice.  Happened one time last year.  Kid wanted to get more PT.  Told him he needed to be able to do more than play OF.  Can you pitch?  Can you catch?  etc. 

I was so impressed at the initiative and humility and maturity of the kid that I followed him to his dad's pickup truck, dad was waiting in truck to take his player home, and I commended Dad and son, for  son/player talking with me personally, not the parent.  That sadly, was not the norm.  Dad played dumb, like he had no idea son had approached me?  Maybe he had no idea?  But my gut told me dad had told son to "man-up" and "go talk to the coach yourself."  While dad waited in the truck in the parking lot. 

That impressed me.  Kid will be a big time starter for me this year as a sophomore on JV.  He showed me a lot of character in that one encounter.  Most 9th graders sadly won't do what he did,  and how he did it.  I'm sure his dad had a part in it too and is a good example of a baseball parent doing the right thing.  We complain too often about "those parents."  Just wanted to share a good story.