Lives are forever changed @ Cape Cod

That's a tragic story. How horrible for the young man who was injured. And sadly, like the driver repeatedly stated at the police station, his baseball career (and life as he knows it) most likely is over....

I am not sure I understand who is really guilty here.
Both players obviously were drinking and did make a right choice by deciding to stay over night. The injured player jumped on the hood of the car?

The guilty party (parties) are the adults who allowed under aged drinking in their home. The Cape has very strict rules. My sons family told me that it was against league rules to offer or allow alcohol around players under 21.

Very sad for everyone.

I agree TPM.

Question:

Was the host family at home while the young men were supposed to be drinking?

Sounds like there plenty of blame to be spread all around.

As far as the host family being home, some host families take in a player (s) and the host family may not be present all summer. My son had a friend who lived on a houseboat and the host family never showed up, so, yes, you cannot assume they were home at the time.

Other teams make it mandatory to be a host family that you need to be present. I know that my son's housing committee made it their business to make sure that he was happy and things were the way they should be. The cape experience is wonderful, but all sides have to abide by the rules and shouldn't fall into a gray area.

I would never allow mine to live in the above situation (no adults present). It's not the same as living on your own away at college.
JMO.

Responsibilty,..lack of,...blame,..etc.
When its all thrown into the
whole-picture-pot,.....you are staring at nothing short of tragic.
Lives will be forever changed because of a single moment.
Very sad.

TPM,
Whether the host family was home, or not, these are adults aged 20 or so. Their baseball talents may or may not have been a reason for them to be "taken care of" or "protected" or given "preferential"treatment in many situations in the past.
But each of them is individually responsible for their actions on that day, including buying the beer, drinking it to the extent it appears they did and then operating a motor vehicle.
From the way the article describes the person who was injured, the idea he jumped on the hood and then fell off when the car braked suddenly does not make any sense. So, even now there does not seem to be accountability on the "what happened."
It is great the folks in the Cape set rules. But the players know and commit to following those rules. They did not it appears and for one the consequences are quite severe injuries. For the other, more is yet to come.
If the host family was home, condoned the drinking, etc, then they have some problems too.
But no one forced these players to drink all day. They are, legally, adults and chose to drink to significant excess. Whether the Cape league set any rules, there are still laws and these young men chose not to follow them.
The situation is tragic but, if we rely on the information in the article, the culpability rests squarely on the shoulders of the involved, adult players for buying and consuming the amounts of alcohol they did and then operating a vehicle when they could not.
TPM, this situation could well be the beginning of the end for "host families." Like it or not, there will be lawsuits and the big money is going to probably be in that "host family" homeowners insurance. If host families end up not only be a "host," but also being legally liable as babysitters, or quasi parents, what host family will open their doors to those exposures?

Terribly sad story but, in my view, these adult young men chose the conduct of drinking, which was unlawful based on the reported ages, then chose to drink far in excess of the legal limit, then chose to operate a vehicle. Each of them if fully responsible for the actions and it doesn't matter they were being hosted by a family.

infielddad,

Spot on! I seriously doubt that they were forced to drink. Life is about choices and in this case the wrong ones were made.

It is a tragedy that by all appearances could have been avoided.

My thoughts and prayers go out to all involved.

I agree, people make their own choices and have to take consequences and not forced to drink.

They were obviously drunk, until all the facts come about, it's hard to say who else could share the blame.

My son stayed with a family that was there and took really great care of him (not babysitters), so maybe I was assuming that was the case ( hosts being present).

I plan on having son ready article.

This may sound a little bit harsh and insensitive, but there have been way too many stories like this over the years. What a complete waste of baseball talent. These two players are part of two COLLEGE WORLD SERIES teams and were given the opportunity to play in the holy grail of collegiate summer leagues. Can you imagine how many D III guys or low end D I guys are working their tails off day after day to get to the level that those two players were, on the brink of professional baseball? It is a complete shame that kids like that **** away a fantastic chance, especially when there are tons of kids that would do anything to get the kind of opportunity that they had.

Previous amended herewith


There are reasons why these two young men are not on the rosters for their teams at the CWS

Those 2 screwed up and have no oone to blame but themselves. They got bigger issues to deal with than worrying about playing a baseball game. Don't feel sorry for them. They'll have to man up and face up to the choices they make. They may actually end up better people because the incident might knck some sense into them.

quote:

Originally posted by infielddad:
Terribly sad story but, in my view, these adult young men chose the conduct of drinking, which was unlawful based on the reported ages, then chose to drink far in excess of the legal limit, then chose to operate a vehicle. Each of them if fully responsible for the actions and it doesn't matter they were being hosted by a family.

Infielddad - Exactly! Unless the host family bought it for them or knowingly allowed the drinking in their home these 2 young men are the only ones to blame. They are the ones personally accountable for their actions and decisions - no one else. Everyone nowadays is so quick to try and place blame elsewhere rather on those that made the decision.

I do hope and pray that Dail does recover from his injuries quickly.

I pray for both of these young men, but agree with the comments that they are accountable, one unfortunately with his health, and the other will be likely have a criminal record. Let's hope Dail recovers from his injuries, and surely the last thing these two friends expected, whatever the facts really were, was a serious injury to either of them. They were hanging out, having fun, and alcohol took it all from fun to injury. We can only hope and pray he recovers.

It is purely a "head in the sand moment" to not know that many college athletes, in all sports, consume substantial amounts of alcohol anywhere from occasionally to frequently. Increased attention to wrecks and injuries has made these folks far more aware of the risks than was present perhaps in the "old days", and I do hear of frequent use of designated drivers, but from listening to conversations involving my two sons in college, the frequency of student drinking doesn't much seem to have changed through the years.

We talk, lecture, preach, threaten, cajole, and bribe, but in the end, there comes a time when they are on their own and make decisions, and we can only hope and pray we've instilled enough values to push their decisions to the side of safety and responsibility.

I do not see your statement as harsh, but as an unfortunate truth. A few years back I read an article in the sports pages about the illegal antics of pro athletes. Not just in baseball, but all sports. They were discussing how the pro coaches said the bad behaviour begins in college because the colleges treat them special and protect them, not making them accountable for their actions. The theory is if colleges crack down then the athletes will not go on to the life of a pro all screwed up. I was a high school jock and know first hand the preferential treatment athletes get in life. It doesn't begin in college. It begins as early as junior high. It is especially bad in high school. I look back now and can not believe the things I did and was allowed to get away with in high school. At the time I thought it was great to be treted better than the lowly non athletes. I look back now, and wish I'd had better guidance. What a future I could have had! Instead I had a holier than thou attitude and thought no one could touch me, or no one cared enough about the real ME to even try. I was one of those stupid kids looking for someone of authority to tell me where to stop but instead they looked the other way. I pulled a really stupid stunt my senior year and lost all hope of a future in the sport I loved. Now in my area every year I read a story about the high school super star who was killed while drinking and doing drugs, or is in trouble for rape, theft, or battery. One in particular who had already been suspended from one school for drug use, only to go to another top notch school as a starter while the parents and coaches looked the other way, then when he wound up dead they immortalized him. My point is, the crack down doesn't need to just begin in college. We need to begin letting our young athletes know at a very early age they can not get away with poor behaviour and still succeed. People always say they want their kid in sports to keep them out of trouble. I want my kid in sports because he loves it, but having been in sports too, I worry about him because I know the amount of partying and trouble that group gets into.

quote:

Originally posted by tcw_17:
This may sound a little bit harsh and insensitive, but there have been way too many stories like this over the years. What a complete waste of baseball talent. These two players are part of two COLLEGE WORLD SERIES teams and were given the opportunity to play in the holy grail of collegiate summer leagues. Can you imagine how many D III guys or low end D I guys are working their tails off day after day to get to the level that those two players were, on the brink of professional baseball? It is a complete shame that kids like that **** away a fantastic chance, especially when there are tons of kids that would do anything to get the kind of opportunity that they had.

I'd like to add that I have been a long time advocate of beginning drug and achohol testing on any high school student who participates in any extra curricular activities. Sports, arts, band, etc. A lot of kids succumb to peer pressure and try things they do not want to do because they have no support. This would help them have a reason to say NO!

That was a pretty revealing post and thanks for sharing.

We always treated our kids special just because they were our children and good kids, not because of any special gifts.

If anyone did treat son special because of his talent, it was always frowned upon by us, that is not how we wanted him to percieve himself when growing up.

I think a lot has to do with the individuals personality and how he wants and demands people to treat him. And parenting, there are too many parents who look the other way and it has nothing to do with whether your child is involved in sports or not.

When children leave your nest they are on their own to make their own choices. All you can do is try to point them in the right direction and try to make them understand that one slip up can mess up their future. Unfortunetly, young adults often see themselves as indestructible, nothing bad can happen, but so often it does, mostly lack of very poor judgement regardless of their upbringing. A lot of it is just growing up and some mature faster than others. Sending your kids off to college with all of it's temptations is very difficult. Add being an athlete and thinking you are above others can bring disaster. Many college coaches, who were once college players themselves, have rules, but very smart in knowing that they are also at college to experience many things, not just sports, and need to learn to become men. My son's coaches did a good job of letting son mature on his own with their guidance one of the reasons he went to college first.

Knowing what I do about the two coaches where the above players went to school and their reputations, this type of behavior would not be acceptable.


Never once have I heard son tell anyone he is a professional athlete and he prefers we don't tell anyone either. He knows if he does it brings certain special treatment and he doesn't want or need that. He defines himself as who he is, not by what he does.

JMO.

One interesting thing, I saw a program on CNN about young adults, supposedly there is a part of the brain that takes time to develop that controls behaviorial decisions and judgment. Where we may look at some behavior as "bad", it's not a perceived perception as bad by a young adult.
When not understanding this unique thing that occurs in each individual, we tend to overlook that the mental maturing process can take longer in some than others.

quote:

Originally posted by TPM:
One interesting thing, I saw a program on CNN about young adults, supposedly there is a part of the brain that takes time to develop that controls behaviorial decisions and judgment. Where we may look at some behavior as "bad", it's not a perceived perception as bad by a young adult.
When not understanding this unique thing that occurs in each individual, we tend to overlook that the mental maturing process can take longer in some than others.

This is just an excuse. A teen can determine inappropriate behavior by having it hammered home by his parents. Often when they are acting inappropriately they know it. They just figure they can get away with it.

Another poster mentioned the priviledges high school athletes often receive. He suggested the priviledges may start in middle school. I'll suggest it starts in kiddie ball anytime a little kid is fawned over and allowed to play after skipping practice.

quote:

Originally posted by TPM:
One interesting thing, I saw a program on CNN about young adults, supposedly there is a part of the brain that takes time to develop that controls behaviorial decisions and judgment. Where we may look at some behavior as "bad", it's not a perceived perception as bad by a young adult.
When not understanding this unique thing that occurs in each individual, we tend to overlook that the mental maturing process can take longer in some than others.

I'm sure there's something to that study but the problem with making studies like that gospel is that it takes the blame away from the individual and put it on some chemical imbalance in the brain or some development issue in young people an use it as an excuse on why young adults aren't directly accountable for their actions. Sure, young people think they're invincible and all but at some point, they have to learn to be accountable for their actions. Fortunately, these two young men didn't hurt anyone else but themselves in this incident.

[QUOTE]Originally posted by TPM:
Never once have I heard son tell anyone he is a professional athlete and he prefers we don't tell anyone either. He knows if he does it brings certain special treatment and he doesn't want or need that. He defines himself as who he is, not by what he does.

QUOTE]

So, does he use Dirk's line about being a janitor, too? (It's not the special treatment, it's the stories about blowing out your arm, the stupid coach, or the girl )

Neural connections in the frontal lobes don't fully mature until the early 20's. So young people do have a problem with "if I do this what will happen". That's not an excuse, it's an explanation; the majority of kids don't get themselves into life-changing situations primarily because the adults in their lives have hammered home what will happen even if their brain doesn't yet instinctively recognize it . However, parents understanding brain development can be, if not helpful, a solace

Differences in the adolescent brain

O,

i have been to many (talks, should be called listen's) about this brain development stuff. boy's between 17 and 22 live on risk. they love taking risk's. that is different with everyone i'm sure. but the speaker went on to say,the military targets that age group for that reason. not 30 yr olds.

but that doesn't take away being responsble for your actions.

rjm
kids that get in trouble don't have to have bad parents or had special privelege. sometimes they just do dumb things. but don't we all?

quote:

Originally posted by 20dad:

kids that get in trouble don't have to have bad parents or had special privelege. sometimes they just do dumb things. but don't we all?

I agree with that statement.

quote:

kids that get in trouble don't have to have bad parents or had special privelege. sometimes they just do dumb things. but don't we all?

"He who is without sin...."

quote:

Originally posted by 20dad:
i have been to many (talks, should be called listen's) about this brain development stuff. boy's between 17 and 22 live on risk. they love taking risk's. that is different with everyone i'm sure. but the speaker went on to say,the military targets that age group for that reason. not 30 yr olds.

but that doesn't take away being responsble for your actions.

rjm
kids that get in trouble don't have to have bad parents or had special privelege. sometimes they just do dumb things. but don't we all?

No they don't. But it changes the odds.

I am going to go out on a limb here and say that the incident that occured is not really all that unusual (under age drinking) some of you may just not know what really goes on in your kids lives or you just won't admit to it. Parents responsibility is explaining to your kids that some things, especially when alcohol is involved can get deadly. Don't ever state or think, "my kids would never do anything like that", it could make you a liar.

The parent who has discussions as to consequences of poor behavior is doing their job, punishes when rules are broken. If things go wrong, it doesn't make parents or kids "bad".

In HS one of son's best friends had too much to drink one night and got into the car, skidded on wet road and went into a light pole. If the pole had fallen on the car, he would have been dead. Car totaled, the parents ran out and got their son a new car. He should have been hauled away for DUI, but his folks pleaded not to do it.

Mine would have been walking and may have had the opportunity to view downtown from the jailhouse. And basically I am easy.

The kids decided to stay over, they must have been smart enough to know you don't drink and drive. Something went terribly wrong, most likely horseplay.

Forget all the scientific studies----it all begins at home ---17/20 year olds, if given the basis of good stuff at home will be smart enough to make a decision that is correct

This incident from what you can read sounds like horseplay and an accident---the kid jumpinmg on the hood of the car is more to blame than the you g man moving his car out of the driveway--- basically a very sad accident---nothing more nothing less

I have a little broader belief about behaviour.

Everybody screws up. If your kid didn't in HS or college then he/she never got caught or never did anything bad enough to need your help.

If they are perfect angels all the way through their 20's then they will be "middle age crazy" at some point in their life.

I am obviously not a Doctor, nor do I have a bunch of studies in front of me, but I have seen it acted out many times.

Everybody screws up. It is a matter of when, not if. It is the human condition. Perfection is NOT possible.

Looks like BJ is going to be ok. His stent was removed, and he is alert. I think his family will try to get him back to NC as soon as possible.

quote:

Originally posted by TPM:
One interesting thing, I saw a program on CNN about young adults, supposedly there is a part of the brain that takes time to develop that controls behaviorial decisions and judgment. Where we may look at some behavior as "bad", it's not a perceived perception as bad by a young adult.
When not understanding this unique thing that occurs in each individual, we tend to overlook that the mental maturing process can take longer in some than others.

Tragic story.

You must have stayed at the Holiday Inn

There are also reasons why these two young men are on their teams CWS roster