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Looking for advice on 13U/14U incoming Freshman

B BleacherCreatureMember
I'm looking for some opinions or advice on my 13/14U 8th grader and hoping you guys can help.

A little background on my boy. He is a great kid and a good student..A's and B's, polite, smart, great kid. No complaints. Those are the important things in life so I wanted to start there...

As for baseball, he has been a good player since the beginning, was always one of the better kids on his team, even when playing with kids a year or so older...Started playing club at 11, and was asked to also play up on the 12's the same season.. He had a nice season at 12U, and this year at 13U has been asked to play on an all-star team of some of the best 13U players in the state, made the cut for a talented team competing in the USA Baseball 14U tourney, and his club team earned a birth to the 13U Elite 32 WS...He has also been succseful playing up against 14U teams, and has done well on the big field and also in some wood bat tourneys...Now I am not one who thinks my kid is great, honestly I'm probably a little too negative at times..But he does have some ability and he can play the game. Good size, strength, Is a middle of the order hitter, can run, plays C,P,SS,3B...etc..

He has a passion for baseball. Can't read enough books, or watch enough games...Will sit glued to any documentaries or MLBtv shows...He wants to do well and succeed. Hates losing. Is coachable. IMO, he has the potential to play this game for a while..He is going to a 5A HS school next year, and there is not a coach that I know who has seen him play that doesn't think he can be succesful.

But I have some issues that have been frustrating me and would love some thoughts...I played the game for a while, a little JUCO ball, and was recruited by some ACC/Big East schools...I got hurt and it never really happened for me. But I do understand the game and for the most part know what I see. I'm just having a real hard time figuring out my own kid..

He is not a consistant player. Sometimes he does things that make me believe there is no doubt he will be a player at every level... He can hit / run / throw, etc...But most of the time he is so wildly inconsistant I do not know if he'll ever figure it out..He tends to play up or down to the level of his team, and or the competition. He does not consistantly play only to his own ability...At this level, he is good enough to overcome that…I know that it will not be so next year..While he is very coachable, over the last year he has become very reluctant to accept any coaching from me. ( Not great since I am one of his coaches )...Insists that he is doing things I can clearly see he is not...Tells me that he just can't make adjustments...What I see is a kid who won't make adjustments becuase he thinks he's good enough, or just cant stay focused long enough to get it done... He will do something very well, and then within days or weeks goes right back to bad habits...And fights when I try to work with him...And I don't make mountains out of molehills, but even simple stuff like " you're not getting your front foot down", or, "you're flying open with your front shoulder" is reason for a blowup...I just dont know what to do anymore. I have never been one to harp on results. I have never been overly critical. I have told him many times that I think he is a good player and has potential...I celebrate his successes...But I do harp on mechanics, approach, playing the game the right way, and point out the mistakes as opportunities for improvement...Etc...He can go 0-4 everyday for a month and I have no issues with that, but would want to work on the mechanics, the approach, and make adjustments if necessary...But he is either just tuning me out or flat out fighting me to his own detriment.

He also ( for lack of a better term ) thinks his **** doesnt stink. He has no problems talking about himself, even though I have raised him to be humble and not inflated his sense of self. If he makes 1 great play and 3 errors he will talk about the great play. If he hits one out, but has 4 other miserable AB's, he thinks he's the man...I cant figure it out, maybe it just the age, because he hasn't gotten that from me or our coaching staff...Lots of excuses too for when things dont go well..The umps, the wind, teammates, whatever..Its driving me nuts.

And lastly, if things dont go well, he will fire the helmet, stomp around the dugout, wave the arms and typical types of hysterics...He gets pulled when he does this ****, and talked to by the other coaches as well as myself...But he's not changing the behavior. Now - I know it comes from a good place, he is passionate and wants to do well, but it is unnacceptable at every level and I wont tolerate it. But it isn't changing...Now for the part that maybe worries me the most...

As passionate as I see him be about this game, as hard as he plays, as much baseball as he watches, when it comes to "putting the work in" ( not official practices - he works his *** off )..But on your own type stuff, the work that gets you ahead...He's not interested...Very rarely do I get a "Hey Dad how about some soft toss".."Hey lets Long Toss"..Knocking out the situps / pushups / running – doesn’t happen....He's just not interested...Says he is, says he will, but it doesnt happen..he will sit on the couch and watch 4 hrs of baseball no problem, bust his butt in practices and games ( this is a kid who has never not run his balls off on a grounder to 2nd base down 10 runs in the 7th..),but doesnt take the initiative to actually go out and get after it on his own. And I have talked about it, I have showed him the way....But the light isn't coming on....If you are so ****ed about taking the collar you rifle the helmet, but didnt ask to get in any swings all week, and said no when I offered, what did you expect to happen?..I cant figure it out..Truth be told, if I wasn't a commited coach to the program, I would get myself off the staff, back off, keep telling him I love him, and let him figure it out or not on his own....But quitting as a coach is not an option, so I am in this till at least August ( when Freshman Football starts, and I am done coaching him in baseball for good ) There was a day that thought would have made me sad, now I cant stop looking forward to it..I think, for whatever reason I dont understand, that it will be better for both of us..

I'm going to end this becuase I just re-read it and should probably save it and just go see a therapist.lol....Sorry for writing a book....But I have lurked this board for a long time and respect alot of the opinions on here. This is also my first time through as he is my oldest son, and I know alot of you guys have been there and done that...So maybe you can relate...And give a frustrated Dad a little advice here.

Thx.
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T texdex10+ posts
Bleacher--I think our sons are twins. Mine is in the same age group and has had success at and above his age group. But I see many similarities in my son and the story you tell.

I chalk it up to age, that time of life, and beginning to feel his oats. One thing I did a couple of years ago was get him on a club team and end "daddy ball". No accusation there toward you, but I found it beneficial for him and me to no longer coach his team. I will still work with him some, but more to make observations as "this is what I see", and then ask "what type of correction can you make." That has worked well for us.

If you are committed as coach for the summer, then something else that worked for us was do no coaching of your son on the team--let the other coaches deal with him. I found it tough at the beginning, but as I got used to it, it actually began to work well for both of us as well.

As far as motivation for work, we agree on a schedule and I then help keep him to it. Also, whiffing a couple of times on an 82 mph fast ball helps his motivation level to get back to work. Bottom line there I am coming to grips that I can't do it for him, and he will either get the work in or his play will suffer.

Just some quick thoughts in response. I chalk it up to age--and am looking forward to the time he turns 25 or so and comments how much smarter I became in the past couple of years.

Good luck with it and keep us posted. And as many others on here will say, sit back and enjoy the ride.
ClevelandDadClevelandDadHSBBWeb Administrator
BleacherCreature - welcome to the hsbbweb!

Very nice post. It sounds like you have had this building in you for quite some time and just needed to release somewhere. You found the right place Big Grin You'll probably get some posts here criticising things but you seem sincere so I'll give my honest two cents.

I think your son is fairly normal. He just does not want things as badly as YOU do at this time. I believe the harder you push the MORE he'll push back to your disliking. I believe baseball is about the love of the game. All those extra things you are talking about comes out of that love. I believe the more you push him now the more he'll start disliking the game. I think the best thing would be to back off and make this all about having fun. Tell him ONCE how you feel and back off. Tell him you'll be there for him but it is ALL up to him. The great ones do not need to be motivated by their parents. I believe your son has that inside but let him realize it for himself. Trust him and it will be good.

Again, welcome to the hsbbweb Smile
Last edited by ClevelandDad
C cmoreballMember
My son is a 14 year old Freshman. Made Freshman team during 8th grade. Mainly DH, struggled in the field at 3rd somewhat. This year he is starting at 3rd, and batting 3rd on Freshman and JV team. A little growth, a little off season work on grounders, and a little maturity helped. Most of what you are dealing with is age/maturity. I agree with others though, quit coaching him asap. I quit after my son's 12 year old year. I absolutely do not say much anymore, as he does not hear you as a coach...you are his Dad, and he is probably tuning you out...you don't know anything in his mind. Typical teenager. My son's work ethic did improve in the off season between 13-14 year old year. I paid 300 bucks for off season strength and agility training, improved his quickness, etc. Could we lift weights, and do it at home...Yes, but sometimes they have to hear it from someone else. In summary, it will get better with age and maturity...and if it doesn't...just make sure he gets the education...most of our kids are going to have to work one day, and it probably won't be playing baseball. Good Luck.
Coach_MayCoach_May10,000+ posts
You need to back away from his baseball. He needs to get his coaching from his coaches. He has reached a point where you no longer can help him as far as coaching. Now, in the future you will come back into the picture. And that time will come when he realizes he needs you. This will happen when he is humbled by the game. And this time will come its only a matter of time. Right now he sees you in one light. In the future he will see you in another light.

Two things can happen when a young player gets humbled by the game. They find something else to do. Or they realize they needed to be humbled and are ready to do what it takes to succeed. My advice to you is back away from his baseball and allow him to grow. Allow his coaches to coach him and mentor him. He will come back. Good luck
RJMRJMHSBaseballWeb member since 2007
My son improved drastically when I stopped coaching him. I stopped coaching him when he stopped listening and started glaring back at me. I went as far as "Don't ask me. Ask someone you will listen to." When he started hearing everything I had been telling him he came around. Before that the more I pushed the more he pushed back. This happened at fifteen/sixteen. Some of the other issues with your son are maturity issues he should grow out of as long as you don't let it get out of control. As for behavior tell him he never knows who's watching. It could a coach who may become an important part of his future.
Last edited by RJM
fillsfanfillsfan1,000+ posts
BleacherCreature, you have gotten very good advice so far about backing off and how he has to want to do the work.

The only thing I will add is if he doesn't do the work in the off season and on his own he will quickly fall behind the other talented players who do. If he is serious about baseball he has to "put the work in" as you say, or he won't be playing much longer IMO.

Good luck.
C ctandc500+ posts
And I thought it was just me LOL

I figured my 13 year old out....as far as baseball that is...I don't even want to know what's going on in their heads when it comes to other stuff...

Simple...I coach everyone else and ignore him until he comes to me. Took a while but works. It's the age. I see a different kid every other day. All the parents come to me and tell me that their kid will only listen to me..and I can't help but laugh. I think every parents who hasn't already gone through this, thinks they are crazy or alone in this battle.

Ignore him...I don't mean ignore outbursts, or things you must discipline. If he is having a mechanics issue, or needs something fixed in his swing..just ignore it. Move him down in the order if that's what is deserved by his performance on the field. Make it a no comment, performance based decision. The more you try to help the more he will push. Ask me how I know.

Keep the faith.
bballmanbballman10,000+ posts
bleacher, I will say this. The attitude about getting help is normal. My son and I struggle with that when it comes to his hitting. He just doesn't want to hear it from me. It's always "I know Dad". Great advice here from that end.

As far as the tantrums go, that needs to stop and stop now. Sounds like he gets an immediate consequence for it. Maybe the problem is that while it is happening, he doesn't really care. He may be so angry, that he will just sit and stew and it doesn't bother him not being in the game. How about trying this. Bench him for that game and the next. By the time the next game rolls around, he will be cooled off about the incident and will probably care that he is not in the lineup. May even be embarrassed enough by not starting that he'll think twice about it. Obviously, just sitting him at the time he does it is not working. What ever you do, it is not an attractive attribute. We were at a showcase tournament last summer and one of the kids on the team threw his helmet after a bad at bat. Several scouts there immediately said the kid had no place in their program with an attitude like that. Like I said, that is my biggest concern with your son.

Another issue you mentioned is the workouts. If your kid is that good, he probably thinks he does not have to work that hard. I have that issue with my son. I will try to get him out sometimes and tell him if he wants to be really good, he is going to have to work at it. His response is "I'm already good". Maybe he needs to step up his competition. Get the team to play up or get him to a high profile showcase to see how the big boys play and he may not be so high and mighty and think he doesn't have to work. As time has gone on, my son has begun to work more and more. Still not what I would like him to do, but as he gets older and matures, he is getting better. Probably the same will happen with your son. I wouldn't push too hard or he may begin to resent it and not want to do it. Put in your reminders, offer to take him out, but let him progress at his own pace.

Like I said, I think the biggest issue is the temper tantrums. The other stuff is pretty normal for his age.
B BleacherCreatureMember
I agree that the best way to handle this is to step away completely and let him figure it out on his own, or more than likely just allow the game to teach him his lessons, which is does to all of us at some point.

Unfortunately stepping away completely is not possible. I am the Asst. Coach of his club team. We have a full slate of practices and tournaments through June. I will be handling the team throughout July while our head coach handles some previous commitments, and we are going to the Elite 32 in August. Additionally, he is a catcher, and one of my main responsibilities is to work with the catchers. Not coaching him is not an option in that area.

However, as suggested I think it's a great idea to let the other coaches coach him as much as possible..I can completely step away from his hitting and fielding/pitching and will make that adjustment immediately. I will also have the other coaches address any sportsmanship issues as well and I will just leave it alone...

I stopped pushing the issue at home, or discussing baseball at all a long time ago....Hopefully he will start to come around...If not - well, he's an A-B student and Student Council President so he has other interests..And I know there are more important things in life...



Thanks again for all the great feedback.
M MHC7710+ posts
Bleacher – I’m guessing from your post that your son is your oldest and you are new to the “terrible teens”. I have two boys, both bball players, and the oldest is a sophomore. I was where you are, but have learned a lot in the last two years!

First, though it has nothing to do with baseball, I’d suggest you read a book called “Yes, Your Teen is Crazy!” by Michael J. Bradley. It will help you keep your perspective as you go through this journey with your son. He sounds perfectly normal!

Second, by all means (no joke) see a therapist when it all gets to be too much. And if he plays sports for any length of time (especially baseball w/ all its inherent failure), it will get to be too much. We see potential in our kids that they don’t see, and it breaks our hearts when they throw it away or suffer from magical thinking (“What do I need to know chemistry for? I’m getting a big contract”). Our job is to stay sane as they go through this crazy process – not easy when we feel crazy ourselves w/ worry.

Third, make sure he understands that he is NOT playing baseball for you. When my sons (older one, especially) complain about politics or are struggling big time, I remind them that they can quit baseball as soon as their immediate team commitment is over. I don’t care how much money I’ve spent on lessons or equipment – nothing is worth that much misery. It’s amazing how quickly they look at me like I’m nuts and tell me they’re not quitting. By the next day, they’ve worked through their issues (especially if I let them vent -- even when they’re ranting about wanting to punch the coaches lights out which makes me want to start screaming at them), and are ready to head back out. Amazingly, the next practice is usually better and they’re happy again.

Fourth, keep in mind that your son may be having some body issues as he grows and that may be affecting his performance and attitude. My younger son grew 8” and 50 lbs in 20 months, and went from being one of the best in his grade to slow and average. He doesn’t like to let me know, but I see that he’s discouraged, especially since he’s naturally so competitive and was previously very confident. He’s working with a conditioning coach, but it’s not like the results show up overnight. I just keep telling him about all the research I’ve found that says he’ll be back to his old self some day if he keeps working! I’m praying it comes together before HS tryouts, but remember…most of this is out of our control. Hard to accept, but true.

It’s a fine balance between pushing and letting go, tolerating mistakes, not tolerating bad behavior etc. Your son will do fine because it sounds like you know what’s most important. Lead with your heart and know that what you’re going through is what we all are! Best of luck.
T twotex1,000+ posts
First, welcome to the club. You've gotten some great advice.

Second, consider buying a video camera. It was the best baseball investment I ever made. I don't tell my son what he did wrong. We watch a bit of game tape, and he sees it. He tells me what he did wrong. He now asks me to videotape him both in games and when he is working on correcting something.

Third, I constantly remind myself that this is his dream, and I have to let him decide how hard to work. Somedays I'm better at letting go than others. I still nudge. A lot.

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