Need advice. Rude Parents in stands

My advice is to ignore them. 

The typical high school baseball team has maybe 20 or so kids on it. That means more than half of the parents in the stands have kids on the bench.

Every single one of those parents believes their kid is better at something than someone on the field. Very often they are right, but don't realize the particular skills their sons have are not as important as the ones they lack. Other times they are wrong, taking false comfort in irrelevant stats, such as thinking that a higher batting average consisting of scratch hits against weak pitching  means their kid is a better hitter than a player who makes hard contact against better pitchers.

Either way, whenever a kid on the field makes an error or fails to execute a play they've seen their kid perform successfully at least once, their conviction grows that their kid should be on the field and would be on the field if not for the incompetence, favoritism, or political sensitivities of the coach.

Some of these parents will find kindred spirits who embolden them to voice their opinions. 

You can't change them. They will either grow past it or not. 

Give them plenty of space and no acknowledgement. 

Earbuds?  I’m serious. 

You could have a conversation with said parent about being positive and supporting the team but imo would be counter productive and a waste of oxygen that will only stoke that parent's fire.  Jerks are needed in this world to make you appreciate the many great folks I am sure that surrounds you in life and the game. I would ignore the toads and cheer for the team, your son will see the good example you are setting. The universe eventually balances itself out so I am sure that parent will be dealt with sooner or later.

At our MS game last year, one of the dads who is wired a bit tight was chirping on something that happened.

Further, HIS kid was a bench player who only saw time on the field in a blowout or if half the team was injured. And the play that happened involved a miscue by someone who was one of the three best players on the team.

Well, after a few seconds of everyone hearing his complaining, the dad of the good player yelled over to him "Worry about your own kid" in a tone that meant business.

That ended it, short and sweet.

BTW, this phenomenon may be one reason I enjoyed high school wrestling so much. Every parent knows the answer to the question, "Why isn't my son starting?" is, "Because the kid who is starting beat him in the wrestle-off." 

That pretty much eliminates the griping.

Take a roll of duct tape. on the piece over your mouth, write "Here, you need this!", then hand him a strip!     Take yours off & keep cheering the team on!

Just ignore them! Yes, jealousy & ignorance are rampant.  He's modeling this to his own kid... what a shame.

Actually solved this problem in tee ball by staking out spot down the outfield line about 30 beyond 1st or 3rd base.  With 40 people clustered behind backstops and food shack - had a ton of peaceful moments at the ballfield that way.

If someone started toward me I didn't care for - pull out a smoke and make sure to keep them on the home plate side and blow the smoke at them.  Stay focused on the game and respond with these words to anything said: 

1) Yep

2) Dunno

3) Maybe

4) We'll see

5) Son looks good out there.   

6) Thank you - on the off chance a compliment accidently falls out of their mouth.

I don't know if it's the case at your school but where my sons went there were usually teachers, as well as the athletic director or some other school official at games.  In fact that was mandatory for football and basketball.  If i was in your situation I might say something to the teachers or AD. Something as simple as "can you believe these guys?" would be enough to get their attention.

If their talking about your kid , confront them or the parent like i did , for us his kid was on the bench and a SR ,my son was on the field and a freshmen . His kid quit after the game ,mines didn’t . 

Another parent wouldnt stop , just a  professional jerk . So i told him maybe he can do better 🙈. By mid season they were cheering him on . And I tried not to sit or stand next to those kind of dads !! The worst on are the dads who use to be coaches or are coaches ,and their kids aren’t playing .  Just my 2 cents -

ear buds , blood pressure meds help too .

Agree with everything posted.   The best course of action is to ignore them.   Not much you can say that will ever silence them.  Don't feed the trolls.  Swampboy pretty much nailed it in his post.   Ignore them, cheer for the team and enjoy the game.

I make a career out of ignoring spectators. If it's not affecting your player, don't worry about it. If it is, then there are tools you can teach--if he keeps playing, there's always going to be voices against him that are full of it.

Sorry you're having to go through this.  My three sons went to two different high schools and I had to deal with this a few different ways.  All three sons were primarily pitchers (but also had field positions and DH'd) so I liked to sit somewhere close to home plate to see location and movement when they pitched.   I used to catch, so prefer that vantage point. 

All three of my kids never had a problem with what was being said in the stands or dugout when they were on the mound, so that was a good thing.  My wife and I are a different matter.   We would bring ear buds to every game as SmokemInside suggests...this was like a first go-to when it got annoying.  I was always coming from work to the game so a mobile phone and earbuds was the Easy Button.  

I recall one time when my oldest son was a sophomore pitching in a playoff game it got really bad and one of the team's Dads was being a total ass.  He may have been tailgating all-day.   We hadn't seen this Dad all season, so we wondered if he just got out of jail (not kidding given the local demographics).  My son pitched well into the 6th, and they got the "W".  But this guy wouldn't shut his mouth throughout the whole game.    After his last outburst in the 3rd inning, we immediately picked up our stuff and moved over to the opponents stands (there were people we knew over there)  in front of EVERYONE.  Let me tell you...EVERYBODY noticed what we did, and a very strong message was sent.   I was very pissed off and I didn't care what our teams parents thought, so I did it.   After we moved, I noticed a lot of other people moved as well.  That is not an approach I would recommend to everyone.  Of course, your other option is to move to the sideline or outfield.  I would do this when my son wasn't pitching. 

Good luck!

Lemme guess MAMABB0304.....your kid plays with 2022OFDad's kid?

Eventually this type of issue will take care of itself......... don't feed it.

Agree with above - a well timed move to a different spot at the park can send a loud message.

In part, I empathize with some of the vocal parents..some HS coaches can do a far better job in ensuring that some of the non starters get playing time...I never will understand why some coaches insist on riding their starters in blowout games..they are wound so tight and manage in a constant state of fear that a game will get away from them if the starters are given a breather..and they don't care about developing anyone other than the starters...that is what a lot of those parents are angry about..we went thru that last year in my son's junior year..so there is blame to go around on both sides.

@CatcherDadNY, the kids who are playing and the kids who are not playing do not decide who plays.  The parents of those kids do not decide (Or at least I don't) who plays. The "vocal" parents in our stands are unleashing their venom on the players. That is my issue. Have a concern with a coach, complain if you want to, yell if you want to, but players?

We had a couple of strategies.

Shut up suckers — this worked well if you have a relationship with the guys. We always had a brown paper bag of suckers. If someone got obnoxious they would be offered a "shut-up sucker." Had to laugh last night at a high school basketball game when one of my fellow baseball moms pulled out a brown bag and popped a sucker in her mouth while watching her youngest play.

Outfield — I did sit in the outfield along with a couple of other moms. We too had things to say, so we had a small group that sat way out in the outfield. We kept our comments quiet and between each other and didn't have listen to the idiots. And I'm sure anyone who heard us thought we were idiots too. :-)

Swamp's advice is probably best and I always thought Iowamom's shut-up suckers were brilliant.

Personally, I think everyone should be entitled to watching and enjoying their kids sporting events.  I think if you want to sit out somewhere in isolation because that is your preference, great.  But I sure as heck don't think you should feel like you have to sit out there because of a jerk or three in the main stands.

Spectating HS sports comes with a lot of interesting dynamics.  We are emotionally engaged with our kids and, at the same time, critiquing and cheering/booing a competitive (hopefully) sporting event as fans.  There has to be a reasonable allowance as to how different "fanatics" interact.  That said, there is a line (albeit murky) that shouldn't be crossed.  At some point, if someone is beyond rude with personally berating one of our sons, I am not opposed to letting them know that the line has been crossed.  In the many years of sporting events of my three now grown kids, I think I have maybe done it twice.  Once for offense toward my own kid and once toward another.  Unfortunately, some of the worst offenses I have witnessed were dads berating their own sons.  

Your question of how to deal with it, of course, is the tough part.  I actually think a few already mentioned here are powerful in different ways... the shut up sucker and moving to the opposing side of the stands in the middle of the tirade, even though the latter is somewhat contradicting to my belief that you shouldn't feel like you have to move.  I also think there are times when a direct "these are our kids you're talking about" is in order (think "Blindside" movie).  Another option is to make the AD aware of specific types of behavior that is occurring.  That is very much part of their job, to assure the players are playing in a reasonably healthy environment and that the parents are following the protocol put forth by most HS associations.

On a related note a few years ago some parents of our local HS football team got a little too vocal berating the HS football coach at an away game.  I think in part from their son(s) not getting any PT - heard this story second hand and did not personally witness the event.   Anyhew - the opposing schools AD contacted the local law enforcement and these parents were "escorted" from the grounds and told in no uncertain terms to never come back or charges would be forthcoming.

After that I noticed that at all school sporting events just prior to the event starting a statement is read regarding fan sportsmanship.   Pretty sad that people have to be reminded how to act in public.

Ignore the idiots. If you don’t want to hear it watch from out of earshot. When my son played high school ball there were four dads I called “The Jury.” They were  former kiddie ball coaches who thought they were the most knowledgeable coaches of all time. One was a Legion coach I joked with a friend had one year of experience twenty-five times. “Get that back elbow up!”

Our head coach played college ball in a successful program. He came from being an assistant at a top high school program. Yet these jokers openly criticized him for everyone to hear. They criticized the lineup. They criticized where kids played. They openly criticized players. The didn’t stop criticizing when the coach turned a loser (17 losing season in 20 years, no conference titles) into a team that was in first before injuries and won the conference the following two years. I just turned away and laughed at them. 

Shutup suckers! What a GREAT idea!

Like this?

https://youtu.be/Cn-wt8k9rb0

mamabb0304 posted:

@CatcherDadNY, the kids who are playing and the kids who are not playing do not decide who plays.  The parents of those kids do not decide (Or at least I don't) who plays. The "vocal" parents in our stands are unleashing their venom on the players. That is my issue. Have a concern with a coach, complain if you want to, yell if you want to, but players?

I don't excuse rude parents..but neither should anyone excuse coaches who have tunnel vision regarding participation...you want them to buy into your program and be a team player then you have to show the same in return..make an effort to involve everyone on your roster at some point..if you cant find innings for them then you have no business coaching..that's the art of managing.

I think innings/participation are for winter scrimmages or summer games. When it comes to the season:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5-iJUuPWis

57special posted:

Shutup suckers! What a GREAT idea!

It started in Ohio ten plus years ago when the state youth soccer association realized they had a parental behavior problem. Parents had to stay a distance from the field and suck on lollipops. 

CatcherDadNY posted:

mamabb0304 posted:

@CatcherDadNY, the kids who are playing and the kids who are not playing do not decide who plays.  The parents of those kids do not decide (Or at least I don't) who plays. The "vocal" parents in our stands are unleashing their venom on the players. That is my issue. Have a concern with a coach, complain if you want to, yell if you want to, but players?

I don't excuse rude parents..but neither should anyone excuse coaches who have tunnel vision regarding participation...you want them to buy into your program and be a team player then you have to show the same in return..make an effort to involve everyone on your roster at some point..if you cant find innings for them then you have no business coaching..that's the art of managing.

I'm confused.  So, are you suggesting that the appropriate course of action toward a head coach not finding innings for bench players is for the parents in the stands to yell stuff at him during games?  Interesting. 

OP was more concerned with parents in the stands being rude to players, so as Mamabb says, two different issues.  But still interesting.  Please let me know how well that works for the player in the long run .

I plan on being quiet. Although, last night I really considered standing up and going up to where they were sitting. It was very rude and made me very mad. I will be bringing earplugs, and lollipops, and may go to the outfield. I needed you all to tell me that was the right thing to do because I really wanted you all to say that I should absolutely tell them........something. HSBaseball Web for the win again. I am glad you all are here and willing to share!

2019Dad posted:

I think innings/participation are for winter scrimmages or summer games. When it comes to the season:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b5-iJUuPWis

Exactly. 

High school varsity is not recreational sport. It’s not about everyone getting playing time. I heard parents say the bench should start in non conference games. That would have been 8 of 22 games. Those eight games are included in determining post season seeding. A player is afforded the opportunity to win a position. Then they have to hold on to it. Nothing is ever guaranteed.

The biggest mistake I’ve seen some non starters make is not staying mentally ready for the one moment that could change their status on the team. They were too busy sulking and complaining. One at bat, one pinch run, one catch, one throw, facing one batter on the mound can change a season if the player is ready for the moment. 

If this was going on at my school myself (athletic director / head baseball coach), my assistant or my admin would say something really fast as soon as it's brought to our attention.  We talk about this exact behavior for all athletic teams at the start of their season.  We don't tolerate it - be positive and supportive or be quiet or don't come.

Wouldn't be the first time I've escorted out someone out of the venue

mamabb0304 posted:

Say something to these dads or not. 

Only if you want to star in a viral video.

I'm surprised it's the first tiume you're seeing these Dads.  They are groomed in T-Ball.  There's always one at every baseball game.

SultanofSwat posted:

mamabb0304 posted:

Say something to these dads or not. 

Only if you want to star in a viral video.

I'm surprised it's the first tiume you're seeing these Dads.  They are groomed in T-Ball.  There's always one at every baseball game.

I was the commissioner of our youth program’s 7/8 machine pitch league. There were 144 kids on 12 teams. As commissioner in the beginning of the season you hang out at the park a few nights to check the tone of the parents. 

One night I walked over to where most were sitting to clam them down. There were parents behaving over the top. I explained of all these kids only a handful will play high school ball. But there’s an opportunity to create 144 baseball fans. So let’s behave and make this a fun environment for the kids.

Anyone want to guess how this went over? A formed committee went to the board and complained I had a bad attitude. I was on the board. I had a one line defense ... “Look who’s on their little committee.”  

It’s the same parents in every sport. Case closed.

cabbagedad posted:

CatcherDadNY posted:

mamabb0304 posted:

@CatcherDadNY, the kids who are playing and the kids who are not playing do not decide who plays.  The parents of those kids do not decide (Or at least I don't) who plays. The "vocal" parents in our stands are unleashing their venom on the players. That is my issue. Have a concern with a coach, complain if you want to, yell if you want to, but players?

I don't excuse rude parents..but neither should anyone excuse coaches who have tunnel vision regarding participation...you want them to buy into your program and be a team player then you have to show the same in return..make an effort to involve everyone on your roster at some point..if you cant find innings for them then you have no business coaching..that's the art of managing.

I'm confused.  So, are you suggesting that the appropriate course of action toward a head coach not finding innings for bench players is for the parents in the stands to yell stuff at him during games?  Interesting. 

OP was more concerned with parents in the stands being rude to players, so as Mamabb says, two different issues.  But still interesting.  Please let me know how well that works for the player in the long run .

No, you need to reread my post..I said I don't excuse rude parents..but understand that some high school coaches need to do a better job in finding playing time for non starters..I see too many coaches that won't make any substitutions in games that are way lopsided and manage their squads with white knuckle fear... that contributes to parent frustrations..it's not an excuse for bad behavior but it's part of the overall problem..why does a coach have them on the squad if he has no intention of finding them some playing time...also, some coaches forbid contact with parents so there is no opportunity to discuss anything

mamabb0304 posted:

I plan on being quiet. Although, last night I really considered standing up and going up to where they were sitting. It was very rude and made me very mad. I will be bringing earplugs, and lollipops, and may go to the outfield. I needed you all to tell me that was the right thing to do because I really wanted you all to say that I should absolutely tell them........something. HSBaseball Web for the win again. I am glad you all are here and willing to share!

 

You did the right thing by not saying anything.    They wouldn't have listened anyway.

If anything, talk to the AD.   Let him witness it and take appropriate measures as he sees fit.   Our AD was at almost every home game.  He usually bounced from venue to venue as on a typical night there were usually soccer, softball and baseball games ongoing at about the same time.

CatcherDadNY posted:

cabbagedad posted:

CatcherDadNY posted:

mamabb0304 posted:

@CatcherDadNY, the kids who are playing and the kids who are not playing do not decide who plays.  The parents of those kids do not decide (Or at least I don't) who plays. The "vocal" parents in our stands are unleashing their venom on the players. That is my issue. Have a concern with a coach, complain if you want to, yell if you want to, but players?

I don't excuse rude parents..but neither should anyone excuse coaches who have tunnel vision regarding participation...you want them to buy into your program and be a team player then you have to show the same in return..make an effort to involve everyone on your roster at some point..if you cant find innings for them then you have no business coaching..that's the art of managing.

I'm confused.  So, are you suggesting that the appropriate course of action toward a head coach not finding innings for bench players is for the parents in the stands to yell stuff at him during games?  Interesting. 

OP was more concerned with parents in the stands being rude to players, so as Mamabb says, two different issues.  But still interesting.  Please let me know how well that works for the player in the long run .

No, you need to reread my post..I said I don't excuse rude parents..but understand that some high school coaches need to a better job in finding playing time for non starters..I see too many coaches that won't make any substitutions in games that are way lopsided and manage their squads with white knuckle fear... that contributes to parent frustrations..it's not an excuse for bad behavior but it's part of the overall problem..why does a coach have them on the squad if he has no intention of finding them some playing time...also, some coaches forbid contact with parents so there is no opportunity to discuss anything

OK, but you also said " I empathize with some of the vocal parents" so it's hard not to deduce but I'll take your word for it.

Empathize does not mean support..you infer what I did not imply..I stand by my comment.

Years ago I would have no problem confronting a jerk parent in the stands. But times have changed and you really don't know if someone is going to go ballistic and start a fight or pull out some sort of weapon.

You could ignore it or move to a different part of the field. Or, you could pull out your phone and video the jerk and post it on YouTube and social media.

I have tried to avoid responding to this thread but ...  First, the parents in the stands are adults and so are responsible for their own actions.  Their actions are not the fault of the coach.  

It is hard to give advice because none of us know the total situation.  If you are miserable, I understand.  Been there and done that.  I went face to face but don't know if that is right for everyone.  When my daughter was in college, she started as a freshman and some senior parents were upset and started their routine, I tried to avoid it but then came to the realization that I was not going to be miserable and so, turned around and in my not so nice way, told them that I understood that they were upset and maybe if their kid has busted a.s like mind then they would have kept their spots.  Well, I was not popular but they shut up.  It didn't hurt that my daughter was leading the team in just about every offensive category.  

Finally, I think you have great advice in this thread, don't listen to me, but I will make one more.  I don't like the idea of moving to the outfield.  Typically, there are places along the backstop that you can take a lawn chair to and sit out of the range of these jerks.  I recommend that.  Best wishes!