First time poster, long time lurker here.  Thanks in part to the advice offered here, my son recently committed.  Fortunate to have had many great options to choose from.  Had really narrowed it down to a top 2 and a last minute visit to campus sealed the deal.  After telling head coach that he wanted to accept his offer, head coach advised that he needed to call all of the other coaches he had been seriously talking to.  He gave him some advice on what to say, but basically said to keep it short and to the point with lots of gratitude for the opportunity.  Also warned him that some of the coaches might not be so nice to him.  After making those calls, he reported back to us.  I was kind of surprised to learn that the RC of the 2nd place school was the not nice one!  Told my son he didn't think it was a good fit and said some not great things about the coach.  I guess I am surprised, but not surprised all at the same time.  Looking at this as a reinforcement that he made the right decision.  All other coaches offered congratulations and that was that.  I guess I don't get what the point is in being a jerk about it.  Anyone else out there surprised at how the other coaches reacted to son committing elsewhere?

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I have heard that before from a few people.  One HC actually screamed at my son's friend and told him he was a loser!  I guess they put their heart and soul into the process as well and get a dream team set in their minds.  But, these are kids. I would hope they would be gracious, just like I would want my son to be gracious when telling them they committed elsewhere! Live and learn!

Kind of ironic, don’t ya think! Kids get their hearts broken on a daily basis in the recruiting process, and if you just look at NCAA affiliated school, about 94% of kids who want to play at them will never have the chance. Any coach who gets butt hurt in the process has a lot of growing up to do, and you probably made the right decision.

Again, I think of it as a dating relationship and when you break up with someone they get pissed and say things, sometimes they regret.  Some people are just not nice and don't take rejection well.  I think the HC's deal with it better than the RC's because the HC usually does not have the connection and is mature.  My son was blessed and several of them still talk to him 2 years later when they see him at events.  One actually congratulated him by text after being named player of the year.  I thought that was pretty cool.  You hope you can end every relationship on a good note and become friends/peers.  I think it is also a conversation point to make with your son on how to treat people by showing both the good and bad reactions.  BTW, congratulations. 

When 2019 called the other schools that had offered he let them know it had nothing to do with them as coaches and the decision went beyond baseball (location, campus, and tuition). He thanked them for the opportunity and they all understood, wished him luck, and told him if it didn't work out or he changed his mind to give them a call. 4 minute conversation. Except for one coach. He threw a fit, starting yelling and whining to the point where it ended up with him being hung up on. Never burn bridges, but at a certain point you have to. The other assistant coach called a few days later and apologized, he just wished they had an opportunity to increase their offer. But when tuition is 60k and the school is 900 miles away there isn't much a 5% boost is going to do. Ended on better terms at least. 

There are potentially so many reasons that a school ends up being chosen that I don't think a person can worry too much about how others react when their school is not the one that ends up being it. My son only had one experience with a coach that was remotely negative when he called to inform him of his decision and it was more of a "cold shoulder" type reaction. I think a lot of it was due, in part, to the timing of the call as he caught him on the team bus shortly after a loss. Worthy of note; it wasn't the coach or anything about the baseball program that swayed my son away from this particular school but other factors about the entire picture.

I tend to agree with your comment "Looking at this as a reinforcement that he made the right decision." Best of luck and congrats!

My son had not even made a final decision at this point, but did not commit after an overnight visit to a school. A few days later he received what we thought was a drunk text from the HC pulling the offer and really telling my son off.  That coach was fired within a year btw and I think also charged with drunk driving too.  Otherwise one of the hardest phone calls he had to make was to a coach whom he loved and had over a two year "relationship" with -- but the thing he liked best about that school was the coach (and his promises he would be a two way guy) and so my son opted to go elsewhere.  It was less than a minute and the disappointed HC said next to nothing as I think he was probably shocked.   

Should players always have these conversations via phone, rather than text or email?  I would think so.  But on the other hand, it seems odd to arrange a time to talk with a coach, or to play phone tag by trading voicemails, only in order to tell him "no."  A thoughtful email or text could say what needs to be said, and not put a coach in the position of having to make an immediate (and maybe emotional) response.

As I said, I would think these conversations need to be via phone.  On the other hand, schools have turned my son down via text and email.  (Expressions of serious interest usually are by phone, but not always.)

My son contacted them the way he had during the process.  Some he had only texted so he texted them.  The ones he had phone conversations were phone conversations.  Being careful of timing is also important.  Ours was in the end of summer/fall so easy.  If during season, be considerate as has been stated.

WBFLife posted:

...After telling head coach that he wanted to accept his offer, head coach advised that he needed to call all of the other coaches he had been seriously talking to.  He gave him some advice on what to say, but basically said to keep it short and to the point with lots of gratitude for the opportunity.  Also warned him that some of the coaches might not be so nice to him.  After making those calls, he reported back to us.  I was kind of surprised to learn that the RC of the 2nd place school was the not nice one!  Told my son he didn't think it was a good fit and said some not great things about the coach.  ...

Congratulations to your son!

Lots of possible explanations for this, not that any of them are acceptable excuses for the behavior.  Remember, most coaches got to where the are in part because they are very competitive.  Winning (or losing) the recruiting game can be just as important and just as competitive as the games on the field.  Sometimes, very competitive people don't handle losing well.  Also, I thought it was a bit odd the way you described the discussion with the HC of the school he committed to... almost too much detail about how some coaches won't take it well.  It is certainly not out of the question that maybe there is particular competition for recruits between him and the one that didn't handle it well.  It may also be possible that he told you to BE SURE to call the other coaches because he was kinda rubbing it in to that one in particular?   Just a thought.

Went through this myself back in my college days. Then of course, things were a bit different in the late 90's. After committing, I didn't have the other coaches phone numbers. They had always just called me each week to check in. So I had to wait for them to call. Like others have said, most were pleasant and congratulated me and wished me well. There was one coach who lectured me and bad mouthed my selection. Not really the program but about the location and state of the school. I just let him get it out and thanked him for his time during the process and wished him good luck on the upcoming season. A friend of mine actually went to that school to play. He transferred after his first year. So decision was correct in not choosing them.

Plenty of great advice/comments already but in my opinion, it is just another opportunity for parents to prepare their child for life. I think we all sometimes make the mistake of looking at high school athletics and all that goes along with it, including the recruiting process, thru a microscope. I work in education as well as coach and we talk all the time about not judging a student without fully understanding family dynamics, etc. Helps me look at everyone I interact with in a different light. 

If it were my son, I would talk about the many reasons why the RC could have been an ass, none of which have anything to do with my son personally. Maybe your son's call was not the first that the RC had received that day. Maybe his job is on the line this upcoming season and he has a family to support. Maybe the guy is just a bad apple. Again, none of those reasons have anything to do with your son.

fenwaysouth posted:

My son didn't have any issues telling coaches why he selected another school because he didn't focus on baseball in the conversation...he focused on his education.  Each coach was professional, and wished him well.  I think they understood his reasoning.

How does a coach argue against the top Ivy League engineering program? The only argument could come from Princeton and Columbia arguing their program is almost as good, the team is better and plays in better weather. 

coachld posted:

Plenty of great advice/comments already but in my opinion, it is just another opportunity for parents to prepare their child for life. I think we all sometimes make the mistake of looking at high school athletics and all that goes along with it, including the recruiting process, thru a microscope. I work in education as well as coach and we talk all the time about not judging a student without fully understanding family dynamics, etc. Helps me look at everyone I interact with in a different light. 

If it were my son, I would talk about the many reasons why the RC could have been an ass, none of which have anything to do with my son personally. Maybe your son's call was not the first that the RC had received that day. Maybe his job is on the line this upcoming season and he has a family to support. Maybe the guy is just a bad apple. Again, none of those reasons have anything to do with your son.

Amen.  I know my son is highly competitive and invests a lot of time into each player/family that he recruits.  But he is also a young man living life.  It hurts when he loses someone but last week he had three players tell him after they had committed that they were going somewhere else closer to home.  Not better programs or better coaches but because they wanted to be closer to home.  He was counting on all three and understood but it still hurt.  I'm not sure he was very happy about it and it probably showed in his voice and he was probably short with them.  Not always what he would want but it is life.  Thanks for the insight.

PO Jr was being courted by several schools but no formal offers mid August summer after junior year. Percentages, possible scenarios, visits from multiple staff on several occasions and one last visit to make official offer. Basically dragging their feet because obviously not their first choice.  Then a school that was on the radar, but had not given any indication that an offer was coming called. PC saw him at a tourney and said come pitch for the HC next week at a camp. Just needed him for an hour to get in front of HC. Threw 2 innings, HC watch from inside his office called him in and made an offer. Invited him for an official visit the following week and wanted a decision than. Son excepted. Called the RC at the school that wanted one additional visit and told him about his commitment and he was not happy. Said not so nice things and basically wrote him off as dead. Called second RC and had a totally different response. Wished him luck, praised the school he committed too, said he was excited to see his future.

Fast forward 2 years, son was released from the original school and the first call he received was from the second coach RC who just became the new HC at the school he ended up graduating from. My son was the first recruit he signed as the new HC. If at all possible, don't burn bridges.

By the way, the RC that was not so nice was let go 2 years later and he is out of college baseball at last look. 

Mine had a number of offers. At the last minute, a P5 school two hours from home entered the picture. We scheduled a last round of visits, with Iowa being the last one planned. One coach, who we really liked, said to son he needed to know one way or another within a week. Son told him he had a couple of visits scheduled and would not make a decision until after that. Coach said "I hope you understand that I have to do what's best for my school and that may mean offering your money to others. If someone takes it, it's gone. This is business."

Son replied — "i agree, it is business. I like you a lot, I like your school a lot. But I have to do the right thing for me and that means exploring all my options and keeping my promises to other schools."

It was the moment I saw him go from being a kid to being a mature adult.

 

baseballhs posted:

What is protocol on this?  Our travel coach said to call the coaches who had made offers, everyone else he was talking to would find out on twitter.  Is that everyone's understanding or is it protocol to call every coach you are currently talking to?

If he's had a texting relationship a quick text is fine just saying you appreciate the interest. The coaches will know the day he commits through other sources if it's someone they are really interested in.

baseballhs posted:

What is protocol on this?  Our travel coach said to call the coaches who had made offers, everyone else he was talking to would find out on twitter.  Is that everyone's understanding or is it protocol to call every coach you are currently talking to?

My son personally called the coaches who had offered and those who we knew were potentially close to offer (post camp/visit, etc.). Before posting on social media.

When my son committed he had one other offer on the table with interest from other schools. He called the other coach (before telling anyone else he committed) and told him he committed somewhere else. I advised that unless asked, he not go into thew whole "it's not you, it's me" dance. Keep it short, and to the point.

baseballhs posted:

What is protocol on this?  Our travel coach said to call the coaches who had made offers, everyone else he was talking to would find out on twitter.  Is that everyone's understanding or is it protocol to call every coach you are currently talking to?

Called the schools that had offered, the others found out thru the grapevine or when they texted next. But he also reached out to every school he was still interested in and basically let them know he was close to taking another offer and that it was time to pony up or call it quits. 

My 2019 had several offers during his senior year from Jucos, Naia, D3 and D2.   Most of them were not pressuring him, but one juco was pressuring him.   All stayed in contact with him after the offer either via twitter, phone or text.   After my 2019 made his decision, he either called or texted every school he did not choose BEFORE he made his decision public.   He called the coach if the communication had been mostly phone conversations and he texted if the communication had been mostly via texting.  Only one coach was pretty rude (the juco that was pressuring him) and the rest were very gracious.     Needless to say my 2021 plans to steer clear of that juco.

For my 2015, it was down to two schools who offered the same day: July after his junior year. Quite a difference: one a top 30 baseball school, the second one a top 5 university. When the first one offered, he asked son, what would make him not take his (top 30 baseball) offer. Son indicated if when he talked to school #2 again and they offered. Coach said, if it were his son he would totally be on board with that decision.  Son pretty much knew his decision (top 5 school) by next day, but didn't call coach back to notify for two days as a courtesy. Coach wished him well. We wanted son to give each some thought,(I tried not to influence) as the whole recruiting process was long, and this was "his moment." As parents we hope our son's make good decisions. For him it worked out both academically and baseball-experience wise.

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