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I need your advice!!!! And I'm probably not the only parent in this situation, so I dare say "we" need your advice!

The situation is this: My son has played baseball since he was 4 (he has a June 1 birthdate) and select ball since he was 8. He's a RHP/1B - but that's beside the point. Everything has come easily for him - he's never really had to work hard to "make the cut", get the out, whatever. The same is true academically. Texas has a TAKS test we take every year to determine how a student is progressing. He's scored 100 on several of those test and missed either one or two on the others. So, he is capable. Now he's a Freshman in High School and he's having a reality check. Even though he's 6'2" and 200 lbs, so are a lot of other high school boys. Things don't come so easily, and he's having to work (they way I see it.)

Last night, his dad and I sat him down to talk to him about his baseball future. I have read alot of your conversations on these forums, and I've printed out the the HSBBW Timeline and have made a plan for Jordan accordingly - a PG level summer team and a camp at UTA this summer to begin with. We told him that we were ready to invest in this summer's season, but wanted to make sure he was willing to make a commitment to be the best he can. He stated "I'm not sure anymore if this is what I want to do." This is a kid who has wanted to "live" at the baseball field since he first stepped foot on one. His dad thinks that if Jordan isn't committed, then we shouldn't spend the money -of which we don't have any to waste! I can understand this reasoning, but I'm wondering what the heck we're doing letting a 14 year old determine his future!

His brother's best friend is playing for a D1 school and he told Jordan a couple of weeks ago that it's HARD! He said he has to play ball 6 days a week, doesn't get to come home and see his friends, etc. Now Jordan isn't sure.

My question to you:

Do I let it go? According to the timeline, we have to make a decision quickly. He feels I'm pressuring him. Do I let off, or should he feel pressure? (Life's full of pressure.)

Your opinions, PLEASE!!!
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All I will say (for the moment)...as the parent of 6 kids...this question (in various forms...i.e. not always baseball related) comes up over and over. I haven't figured out the "right" answer yet. Might depend on the kid him/herself.

This is one of THE toughest questions to answer in parenting..."Do I? Or don't I?...put pressure on my kid to do what I believe is in his/her best interests...that I don't believe they are seeing at this point in time?"
Last edited by justbaseball
My kids are in college now; so what I am saying comes from what we say at that age.

It was not uncommon for kids that played ball to start falling by the wayside about age 14. The reasons varied; some it was a social thing, some it was girls, others picked up new sports.

At age 14 my son wanted to play on as many teams as possible. Yet that was my guy; each kiddo is different and you as his parents will know him best.

My one set of advice, is don't worry about the future and the level of play. At age 14 it should be fun; competition, skills and your son will dictate what his future holds for him in baseball.

As a good student; if he maintains his focus he will have all kinds of opportunities in college, with or without baseball. As for now; it should be fun, if that means staying close to home, playing with friends, that is OK. Listen to your son, you will know what he "really means" to say.
Originally posted by justbaseball:
All I will say (for the moment)...as the parent of 6 kids...this question (in various forms...i.e. not always baseball related) comes up over and over. I haven't figured out the "right" answer yet. Might depend on the kid him/herself.

quote:
This is one of THE toughest questions to answer in parenting..."Do I? Or don't I?...put pressure on my kid to do what I believe is in his/her best interests...that I don't believe they are seeing at this point in time?"


justbaseball,

You understand exactly where I'm coming from!
IMHO, you force your will on him, you risk losing him forever with respect to baseball. Since he is only a freshman, it feels to me like you are over reacting (by a lot) regardless of what some timeline says. Each kid will have to develop his own timeline. IMHO, I would back off and forgo spending the big money for now. Let him know that and say that if he reaquires his desire, that the financial support will be there for him at that time. Re-approach this discussion in the spring of his junior year as it might be clear to him what his passions are.

The love for baseball has to come from within. The funnest part of the game is playing it. Working at things is not as fun for many players. That is his call however and cannot be forced on him "for his own good" or otherwise. Do not let what other people post here dictate what is best for your son. Each kid is unique and may require a different plan than what is posted here.
My first advice is now that your son is in high school don't use this line anymore .... "My son has played baseball since he was 4 (he has a June 1 birthdate) and select ball since he was 8." ... It makes coaches and parents roll their eyes. Coaches only care about now. Most parents have kids who have played a long time. Preteen select ball isn't all that select.

I agree with dad if your son isn't committed you shouldn't waste the money. You're not falling behind in the recruiting process at fourteen years old. He's not going to be recruited off a team that's not a 17U/18U team.

Your son has to want baseball. You can't want it for him. My son went through some burnout last fall. I didn't see the effort. I cut him off. I told him if he wanted to do fall camps he needed to pay me $50 for each one. He had to get a job. I found out how committed he was by making him invest. He found out deep down how badly he wanted baseball when I pulled the rug out from under him rather than pushing him. He snapped out of his malaise quickly. He's back on track.

If we were talking about academics I'd say parents should hound their kids to their best effort. Sports are an extracurricular activity. The sports future is up to the kid. Never force a kid to play. He'll hate it. All I've asked of my kids in return for my financial investment in their sports is 100% effort. If not, the bank is closed.

If a kid isn't willing to do the hard work in high school ball, he won't have what it takes to survive college ball assuming he gets there. College ball isn't for everyone. There's nothing wrong with enjoying playing the game through high school.

(advice from dad of a college softball player and college baseball prospect)
Thank all of you so far for your input. I really am processing what you're telling me.

Jordan is the youngest of 4. The others had so much potential and the eldest (22) still hasn't determined what she wants to do. For now, she's a medic in the military, but can't decide if she wants to be a nurse or not, or what, so therefore only has 1 year of college behind her. Other's her age graduated college last year. We really didn't "push" any of the others, but Jordan seemed so passionate about the game. Now that he has opportunities, but is faced with hard work, it just seems he's taking the path of least resistance...

Ya'll keep talking to me - I'm listening!
This is probably a result of "Burn Out". You state that he has been in "Select Travel Ball" since he was 8! This is a lot of pressure and concomitant (sorry) Along With that there is a very high level of expectation.

Fortunately for you and your son he is 14 and not 17. I would throttle way back this year until he chooses to ramp it up again. Play the HS season and let him enjoy it and have fun. Let him work through this with your love and support. If he continues, he continues. I would encourage him to keep playing with his HS. But anything else should be his decision alone.

He has plenty of time from a recruiting standpoint, let him take some pressure off.
Last edited by floridafan
People change.

Obviously a personal decision, but you asked. I would bag the idea of any travel team and maybe even summer team, unless coach requires it, or it is local, low key summer ball. I would also scrap any showcases. I would encourage him to keep playing HS ball to keep him in the game, and see what develops. If I read your post right, he is 14. The only critical year is junior year HS.

Good luck
I am going through this now with my younger son and football. He is 14, in 8th grade. Played football since 5th grade. I have looked forward to him playing in HS. Well, the schedule came out for summer workouts and they are scheduled to work out Mon. - Thurs. from 5-7. When he saw that, he said forget it, I'm not going to play football.

He is way more social than my older son playing baseball. He has tournaments scheduled every weekend over the summer and is looking forward to it. My feeling is that I don't really want to push him to do it at this point. If he gets forced to do something he doesn't really want to do, he won't be happy and will wind up quitting at some point any way. For now I will let it go and let him decide if he wants to come back and do it.

I heard an interview with Jeff Franceour (of the Braves and now Mets) a little while back. I forget how old he was, but I think it was just before HS, he quit baseball for a year. Just got burned out on it. I am assuming his parents didn't like it, but let him do it. He came back after that with renewed interest and is playing in the MLB.

There is plenty of time for your son to make the showcase rounds. Doesn't sound like he wants to quit baseball, he just doesn't want to commit his life to it at this point. I personally wouldn't push it. Let him decide when he wants to pursue it. Let him play HS, but I wouldn't commit all your financial resources on it yet. When he is ready, let him go for it. JMHO.
Dreams take a lifetime to build and reactions can happen at the blink of an eye. You never want to look back ten years from now and ask yourself "what happened?"

I would sit down with Jr and in the "dad/friend" mode and try to explain that above thought. Remember that he's probably never been in situation where a decision of this magnitude has come forward. Let him know that you will support this decision but will not be responsible for it.


As for the Brothers D1 friend.....Not only do teens have a penchant for over dramatization, an older kids idea of "hard" may look like an unclimbable peak to a 14 year old. If the same conversation was with Jr older brother, the D1 kid would probably say that its hard work but having the time of his life.
Last edited by rz1
This is EXCELLENT advice! I appreciate all of you so much!

It sounds like I need to back off and give him some breathing room. He is only 14. We'll just have fun this freshman season and see how he feels after that. We HAVE been going at baseball pretty heavily for the past few years...

You all have save a 14 year old from a lot of parental pressure.

Thank you!
The hardest thing a loving, baseball parent will ever have to do .. is what you NEED to do here! Be there to support him, make sure he understands both sides of this consideration ....... then tell him" that it's his decision and you will support him either way!"

If you push, he will likely stop for sure! It's kind of like telling your daughter you "can't stand her boyfriend." She's sure to hang on then. Stay NEUTRAL but supportive.

Good luck. I'm betting he will come around if he loves the game as much as you say. He just needs space. Looks as if he's getting pressure now (you just don't realize you are doing it).
I have been thru this even to the point that my youngest gave up sports at 16 years of age and he was excellent athlete---that was him---he went to college , got his degree and is now a teacher in Florida who is into fishing deep sea and HAPPY-----let the boy go--he is reaching the age where he can make his own decisions with some guidance
Well, for the record, I am not a parent so my "2 cents worth" might only be worth one cent. But I would think that it's not a good thing if you let your kid quit something at the first sign of adversity. IMHO, I would think a parent would want to instill the work ethic and desire in their kid that makes them want to overcome adversity.

Just my one cent's worth Smile

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Having calmed down, my instinct tells me that this probably isn't the crisis I originally thought. Like Prime9 said, I've probably been applying pressure and not even realizing it. I'm not going to let him have a slackard's attitued, but maybe a little less pressure from Mom would be appropriate...

We just want our kids to be as successful as they can be. And to appreciate what they've been given; their talents, their intelligence, their physical mobility, and just the fact that they aren't living in a 3rd world country under the dictatorship of some crazy person. I want to see that appreciation from my kids!!!!!
quote:
We just want our kids to be as successful as they can be. And to appreciate what they've been given; their talents, their intelligence, their physical mobility, and just the fact that they aren't living in a 3rd world country under the dictatorship of some crazy person. I want to see that appreciation from my kids!!!!!


I wish more adults would do that as well!!! Smile

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Last edited by OnWabana
gamedayrocks - justbaseball has 6 kids, and I appreciate his perspective as this is a tough topic. I'm not an Old Timer, but I have 3 baseball boys. Each one is distinctively different in the context of baseball. They enjoy the game for different reasons, and play the game at different levels. My oldest takes it very seriously, and he will play D1 next year. My middle is a 9th grader who is very good and wants to keep playing HS baseball. I have no idea if he'll want to play in college. We're going to play that "by ear". My youngest plays rec ball because he loves to pitch and be with his friends. I don't think your situation is unique. I can relate to many of your statements with regards to my 9th grader too. He seems to be interested in baseball, however not as interested as when he was younger. The truth is my 9th grader has developed new interests. It has taken me a while to get used to that. He loves playing baseball but I don't know if he has true passion for it. I have accepted that, and the more I keep "it" (his passion or my passion) at arms length the better off he seems to be. Best of luck to you.
This isn't an either or, crossroads of decision making, point in his life.

My advice is, forget the recruiting timeline. It sounds like he's doing so well academically, that that's his best option to pursue scholarship opportunities. There's a lot more academic aid available over baseball aid.

Let him play HS ball. I didn't ask my son what his goals were until he made varsity his junior year. If he really wants to play further, at some point a light bulb will go on...but in its own time.
IMO, we have all been down this road with our players. The hardest thing to do is let your son make his choice which may differ from you. I have always had to remind myself that I have played and this is his turn and choice. We always sat down and talked before he started playing any sport and talked out the good and bad, what he might miss, both from the sport and social life. The only rule was if he started, he could not quit, whether he was the best on the team or the worst, but had to stay with his commitment.
Your son is young enough that if he wants a break he may soon realize that it is something he misses and go right back to playing.
First of all, I do not believe in "burnout." I do not believe that a significant number of kids give up baseball because they just have too much of it.

I do believe that as kids mature, they can develop other interests. They can also get to a point where they realize they enjoy the game recreationally but not competitively. Maybe he wants to continue playing 2-3 times/week but not every day of his life. That's not burnout. That someone maturing enough to realize what he wants out of life, and that to get what he wants most, some other things may have to be let go.

Ultimately if that's where your son is, you should respect his decision.

But I would encourage him not to make this decision rashly. At his age things get very competitive and once he steps off the path it'll be darned near impossible to get back on it. I would suggest he could try a year of freshman or JV ball and see how he likes it at the end of 3 months.

Maybe it's just anxiety talking. Maybe he's nervous about tryouts. If so, then a successful season might cure that and let him discover he still enjoys playing, even every day.

But talk it through. If he thinks he's done, or if he just wants to play teenage rec ball or some such, in the end you have to respect that decision. Just make sure he doesn't put himself in the position where, two years from now, he's asking himself "what if?"
On Yahoo News today:

Want Passionate Kids? Leave Them Alone

Parents who want their children to discover a passion for music, sports, or other hobbies should follow a simple plan: Don't pressure them.

By allowing kids to explore activities on their own, parents not only help children pinpoint the pursuit that fits them best, but they can also prevent young minds from obsessing over an activity, a new study finds.

"Passion comes from a special fit between an activity and a person," said Geneviève Mageau, a psychology professor at the University of Montreal. "You can't force that fit; it has to be found."

full story
Last edited by RJM
There is an interesting book called Talent Is Overrated. In one section, the author (Geoff Colvin) goes into the concept of Intrinsic vs Extrinsic motivation. Although we frequently hear that you should not push your kid into various activities, the concept is that it can be very effective if you push them the right way so that you help them realize and enhance their internal motivation. There are many ways to encourage and motivate. However, ultimately a kid must tap into that internal motivation if he truly wants to reach his potential.
quote:
Do I let it go? According to the timeline, we have to make a decision quickly.

Others have pointed this out but I'll reiterate - you DON'T have to make any decision quickly.

Give both yourself and your son the grace of some breathing room here. The higher the level of play, the harder it is to keep the joy in the game, because so much of what it takes to compete at higher levels is just not all that much fun.

So take the pressure off, let him play and find his joy in the game.
quote:
Originally posted by gamedayrocks:
I need your advice!!!!

He stated "I'm not sure anymore if this is what I want to do." My question to you:

Do I let it go? According to the timeline, we have to make a decision quickly. He feels I'm pressuring him. Do I let off, or should he feel pressure? (Life's full of pressure.)

Your opinions, PLEASE!!!


Sometimes the answer is plain....and right there.....if he isnt sure, then its time for you to support him in his decision...and not pressure him to do one thing or another....

I would discuss further what his thoughts are...if he is just worried that the easy times are over and he will have to work for that next level, then you can assure him that you will do what it takes for him to succeed...(training)

If he isnt having any fun, then this is a year for you to let him have it....he is still young and a year of playing at his level, without pressure and with his friends may rekindle that fire.....

The danger here is that with pressure, you can force him away from the sport forever...or for a few years which in the future actual "developmental" years will be hard to overcome....I have seen players who followed the path your son is on, leave the sport only to try and come back to it late in the HS years and regret it...

So my hope would be that you could find a middle ground this year...and make a reasoned decision next year....

The word your son has heard about college baseball is true....and its worth hearing and deciding if that is for you.....It is a JOB....a year round committment...My son put 5 years in NCAA baseball, 4 as a player and 1 as an assistant coach....he never went to daytona on spring break, he never did much of what a non athlete envisions college life....and he would not have had it any other way....it did have some positive effects on my son....the structure of team/school and the desire/need to remain eligible worked in his favor as he obtained his degree that will be with him for life.....

HOWEVER, many players who were recruited stopped playing when the level of baseball committment and college life conflicted....

As a parent, I sympathize with you and hope you can assist him to work out his decisions with you and that you can support him regardless of what he chooses....

as an "OLD-TIMER" I have seen many parents come and go over the years.....In the reality of baseball, all players stop playing...and its hard to see some posters saying they insist that "the bopper" hit 100 balls a day and attend this select camp or that travel team, only to see them drift away when "the bopper" decides that girls, or music or football is his true passion.......

There is a fine line between supporting and pressuring....I was lucky that my son at 12 told me my pressuring "wasnt helping".........

My last advice comes under the heading of measuring what success is.....If your son never plays another inning of baseball beyond HS and has enjoyed it.. that is success....

If only making it to Pro ball or D1 is the measure of success then the vast majority of parents will be disapointed....

For most players, HS will be the last organized baseball they will ever play........a much smaller group will go on and play college ball and and even smaller group will have a go at professional baseball, a even smaller group will play Major League baseball....and on and on to the steps of Cooperstown....

There are levels of success along the way....

best wishes!
The approach has always been the same. If you don't want to play baseball, pick something else. another sport, learn to play an instrument, challenge yourself in the classroom with an additional honors or AP class or two. Volunteer your time to a non-profit or get a job. It's great that you'll have extra time to pursue another passion or learn something new.

It never went further than that.
Last edited by dswann
This is an interesting topic. I remember my son approaching me just before the beginning of basketball season his sophomore year stating that he wanted to concentrate on baseball only. He had led the team in scoring the prior year, and seemed to enjoy being a two sport athlete. I was disappointed, I enjoyed watching him compete on the hardwood, but his mom and I supported him...besides my daughter was still playing basketball!

Now, fastforward a year later and my sophomore daughter (also, a good player/starter) wants to hang up her B-Ball shoes after this season...two more games remaining! She wants to pursue Sports Medicine in college, and the high school has a program for the students with that goal in mind.

We will support her, and help her attain her goals, hopefully she changes her mind, but in the end she has to want it! I'm sure Gamedayrocks is going through something quite similar...good luck to your Frosh son, I'm sure he'll be successful at whatever he decides to do.
We had four kids. I had always thought I'd be the worlds best parent before they were born. Thankfully all four grew up to be decent people, and I grew up to realize I, still to this day, don't know very much about being a parent.

But seeing that you asked and me being an oldtimer... I think you should just go with what feels right, knowing you will make some mistakes.

Now, in this situation I would try to persuade the boy to play this year and watch him closely. If he's serious about hanging it up it should become obvious. Sometimes kids like things, then they get tired of it, only to end up liking it again.

Maybe tell him to just go out and have a lot of fun playing ball and lets all quit taking it so seriously. Save that money you were going to spend on showcases and camps for when he decides what he wants for sure.

Or maybe you should do something else or maybe you should do nothing. I bet you will figure it out. Let us know how it all ends up. Good luck!
quote:
Originally posted by PGStaff:
We had four kids. I had always thought I'd be the worlds best parent before they were born. Thankfully all four grew up to be decent people, and I grew up to realize I, still to this day, don't know very much about being a parent.


PG,

Your 4 grew up to be decent people - then you were successful and must have done most things right. And that really is what matters. And I need to get a grip!
I'm going to take all this advice with me to the field. We have our first scrimmage in 30 minutes. I haven't spoken to J. since our discussion last night as I went to bed in tears and his dad drove him to school this morning.

In reading back over this discussion, I think my goodness - what drama! When did I become that parent I saw and couldn't stand when my husband coached little league? Actually, I sound more like one of those T-Ball parents who's expecting little Johnny to impress the League Director his first time "at tee."

Wish us luck...it's sunny but COLD here - and we're a 2A scrimmaging a 4A.

Thanks, again, I appreciate everyone's input! I'll let you know how things progress.
Piaa, that really is a nice post. Success is truly what you define it to be, not how others define it for you. It's not always about being a part of the biggest and the best. It's about your kids finding the level that's right for them and achieving realistic goals along the way. I've got one son playing college sports and a younger one with no interest in competing past the high school level. He thinks his brother is crazy for devoting so much of his life to playing a sport.

Parents tend to believe they always know what's best for their kids, but the kids, especially once they get to high school, are pretty smart about what's important to them. And they can develop passions about a wide variety of things, from sports to the arts to their studies. One of the best things about being a parent is letting them figure it out for themselves and seeing where it takes them in life.

I'm quite sure everyone on this site would love to raise a big-league son (and some have), but I'm also quite sure that most everyone here is proud of their sons no matter when their playing careers came to an end. I guess that I would say don't sweat it too much for your 14-year-old. By the time he's 17 or 20 or 25, you'll look back and see how unimportant that timeline was. There are too many twists in the road to worry about following what you think is going to be a straight line.
I agree with the rest, it is his life, but I also understand your desire to want great things for your kids! But, your son has to decide what that is. And... not just with baseball. You did a great job to prepare him for the academic part, continue to love and support him on the field. He'll get it figured out soon enough. NO need to rush, he has plenty of time to decide what is the best thing to do. I also think this may be a coping mechanism as the rules have changed as far as baseball is concerned. This is a tricky age, be flexible and don't wear your feelings on your sleeve.

Hope the scrimmage was good! GED10DaD
quote:
Originally posted by gamedayrocks:
I'm going to take all this advice with me to the field. We have our first scrimmage in 30 minutes. I haven't spoken to J. since our discussion last night as I went to bed in tears and his dad drove him to school this morning.

In reading back over this discussion, I think my goodness - what drama! When did I become that parent I saw and couldn't stand when my husband coached little league? Actually, I sound more like one of those T-Ball parents who's expecting little Johnny to impress the League Director his first time "at tee."

Wish us luck...it's sunny but COLD here - and we're a 2A scrimmaging a 4A.

Thanks, again, I appreciate everyone's input! I'll let you know how things progress.


We tend to view the journey with our sons as a personal one, we do a lot of planning and spend money, so "we" often times is used, but I agree, this should be about what he wants to do, not what "we" want to do, with your help and guidance of course.
When son was a freshman we began getting invites to camps, showcases, to play on good travel teams in tournaments, but mine wasn't really interested, he said he had plenty of time. So we threw out the timeline and let him do what he wanted.
Without getting into details of what he did and didn't do, he managed to play D1 ball and get drafted, so it's not so much where you begin but where you end up.
Follow his lead, it's normal for young HS players to feel this way, either way things will work out, he just may need some time off right now. And if he decides to end it, that is something that you will have to accept.
Good luck.
quote:
Originally posted by gamedayrocks:
I'm going to take all this advice with me to the field. We have our first scrimmage in 30 minutes. I haven't spoken to J. since our discussion last night as I went to bed in tears and his dad drove him to school this morning.

In reading back over this discussion, I think my goodness - what drama! When did I become that parent I saw and couldn't stand when my husband coached little league? Actually, I sound more like one of those T-Ball parents who's expecting little Johnny to impress the League Director his first time "at tee."

Wish us luck...it's sunny but COLD here - and we're a 2A scrimmaging a 4A.

Thanks, again, I appreciate everyone's input! I'll let you know how things progress.


gamedayrocks: Don't be so hard on yourself. From your original post, it was pretty obvious to me that it isn't that you want your son to become a college ball player...it is that you want him to achieve all that he can. That is what we all want for our children. We've been there done that with regard to being in the middle of pushing and letting go. At one point our son told us he wished we had pushed him harder as a freshman to get better grades. ???? If we had, he would have been equally upset with us. He was getting A's and B's so we didn't feel the need to address it. Nowadays when he seems less than motivated to reach a goal of his, we gently remind him that he's writing his own story and he needs to take into consideration how he'll feel looking back ten years from now, knowing that he could have done more.

It's a fine line between pushing a kid to achieve a dream and helping him to avoid future regrets. Especially if you have some regrets yourself.
Last edited by sandlotmom
My son was only a part-time player on a 15 year old travel team. That fall, he tried out and made the same organization's 16 year old team. He decided that he did not want to invest so much time into it because he was also playing basketball and football in high school.

He instead signed up and played on the park district team. He was clearly the best player on the team and he had fun having a bigger role. He was their main pitcher and hit third in the order. For the next two years (17 and 18), he played on the local American Legion team, which wasn't very good but he kept playing. In high school, he sat on the bench his junior year and started his senior year.

He started as a freshman on his juco team and made all conference and is greatly looking forward to the coming season. Over the summer, he played on a collegiate team that won their region's World Series. Currently, he has received five D2 scholarship offers and the best part is that they are all asking him to be a two way player.

I guess the point I am making is when my son was 16, he stepped back and made baseball fun again. Right now, at the age of 20, I've never seen enjoy baseball as much as he does right now. That includes all of the practicing, weight lifting and conditioning. It used to be drudgery to him, but not anymore.
quote:
Originally posted by Brickhouse:
My son was only a part-time player on a 15 year old travel team. That fall, he tried out and made the same organization's 16 year old team. He decided that he did not want to invest so much time into it because he was also playing basketball and football in high school.

He instead signed up and played on the park district team. He was clearly the best player on the team and he had fun having a bigger role. He was their main pitcher and hit third in the order. For the next two years (17 and 18), he played on the local American Legion team, which wasn't very good but he kept playing. In high school, he sat on the bench his junior year and started his senior year.

He started as a freshman on his juco team and made all conference and is greatly looking forward to the coming season. Over the summer, he played on a collegiate team that won their region's World Series. Currently, he has received five D2 scholarship offers and the best part is that they are all asking him to be a two way player.

I guess the point I am making is when my son was 16, he stepped back and made baseball fun again. Right now, at the age of 20, I've never seen enjoy baseball as much as he does right now. That includes all of the practicing, weight lifting and conditioning. It used to be drudgery to him, but not anymore.

No doubt in my mind that that was the best post in this thread. I frankly don't see how any amount of pushing could have achieved a better outcome.
Gameday,

With a 6-1 birthday, has he played down gradewise? If so he was probably mostly playing down with most of the team being a grade lower hence part of the dominance. Now that he is in high school he finally has to play with his classmates the majority of whom played a year older so now he is not the big dog anymore. Could this be part of the issue?
gamedayrocks -

We're another family that has been in your shoes and understand your concern. You've received some very good advice. I'll just add that the "do you still love it" was the baseball question my husband and I constantly asked our son after the age of 12. The game gets tougher as they grow and it hits kids especially hard who's baseball talent came "easy" at an early age. Others around them are now catching up, school gets tougher, baseball is now more of a job, and distractions (girls Roll Eyes) are many. My advice is to focus on the "are you having fun" in regard to baseball and are the grades good! Kids change their mind a lot at this age. So, I suggest you back off a bit on pressure to decide now about his future in baseball. Just keep checking in with him often on how he's enjoying (or not) playing and let it be fun for now. There is no downside to waiting to see where he's passions lie. Baseball is a game of passion and the player really needs to love it a lot to counter the work involved and the sacrifices they will make to be successful at the next level.

Welcome to the HSBBW! Smile
Gameday,
I'm kind of an oldtimer in age and I have in common with you the fact that my boys play and played for a 2A school in TX also with the oldest even having the same name as yours but none of thats really relevent to what you are asking about. Kids just have a hard time making "life" decisions at 14.
My youngest sounds just like yours and now that he is 16 he has decided he wants to try to play college ball after all. He too has heard the horror stories from his college-ball playing older brother and sometimes at 14 it is scary. 14 year olds are afraid of failure and sometimes ease off when faced with unforeseen difficulty. At about 16 they start realizing the worth of a challenge and look at things a little differently. Please don't follow a rigid timeline as all cases aren't the same.
You have a good outlook and are willing to listen, just relax and enjoy the ride. I know I had some things I learned with the older son and it's not life and death to me anymore because I finally realized it's their life not mine!
You watch, things will work out. Good to hear from another small town TX member.
One thing I notice is the different approaches by different parents. Makes sense since all kids and parents are different. I was a hands on parent. I used the "we" approach because "we" were both involved in his baseball. He was the player and I was the support person. He wanted to quit a number of times. Most of the time it was when the challenges seemed unconquerable to HIM. I stepped in and explained how things really were and "asked" him to reevaluate and to give it another shot. If it didn't workout for him he knew he would still have my support. I felt it was in his best interest to continue baseball and he did continue each time (maybe because of me). I feel sure if I had not discussed these challenges with him he wouldn't have played high school or college ball. To me the line between "helping" your kids achieve something and "forcing" to do something is miles apart. HELP is good ----
gamedayrocks

Please do not interpret this as advice. It isnt meant to be.

Instead - it is just my personal opinion.

I cannot imagine ever having to push either of my sons to play a game - any game. Baseball - football - whatever - all just games.

I will push them to get good grades - and be decent and honest human beings. But I never pushed them to play any game.

Its a game.

Either you love it - or you dont. And no amount of pushing in the world will change that.

Again - just my opinion.
Originally posted by Three Bagger:
quote:
14 year olds are afraid of failure and sometimes ease off when faced with unforeseen difficulty. At about 16 they start realizing the worth of a challenge and look at things a little differently. Please don't follow a rigid timeline as all cases aren't the same.


I think you're right. He's beginning to realize he's growing up and the "unforeseen" is scary. The timeline is great - I'm certainly NOT saying anything negative about it - but maybe it's not HIS timeline...

Thanks Three Bagger, and great to hear from you too!
Gamedayrocks,

You've gotten many great perspectives here. I just wanted to add that we have five children - a son (21) playing Division 1 baseball, a daughter (19) playing Division 1 softball, a son (16) who is a Division 1 baseball recruit and a son (12) who is playing competitive travel baseball. Our other son plays the guitar, loves to read and attacks his homework as aggressively as the others attack fast balls down the middle. We love him and encourage him as much as the other four. You guys will figure it out. Good luck.
Maybe he is not ready for it to be a grind? Maybe he is not ready to start worrying about timelines , recruiting , showcaseing , etc etc? Maybe he is moving into a new phase in his life and he wants to experience some other things? Maybe he is feeling pressure or has felt pressure to do certain things and he just wants to be a hs student and play some ball without all the extras?

I would back off and just let him be a 14 year old kid. Let him find his own way right now. Let it just be a game right now. As he gets older and he sees the end of the hs years approaching if he wants to move on in the game he will figure it all out. Every kid is not wired the same. If you back off and let him sort things out he will. And if he is a good kid who is doing good in school your very lucky. He will be fine. Some kids are just not ready to start preparing for college baseball when they are 14 years old. Let him enjoy hs and hs baseball without all the other stuff loaded on his back. JMHO
quote:
Originally posted by Mark B:
Gameday,

With a 6-1 birthday, has he played down gradewise? If so he was probably mostly playing down with most of the team being a grade lower hence part of the dominance. Now that he is in high school he finally has to play with his classmates the majority of whom played a year older so now he is not the big dog anymore. Could this be part of the issue?


He only played his age division one year. The rest of the time he's played up because of his size. HOWEVER, just because he's bigger doesn't mean his matured. He's still a 14 year old, and all that implies.

But, his performance really isn't the issue. He's still playing well, his interest just isn't there. I don't want to use the word "burnout", but maybe that's what it is...
Just FYI: The scrimmage went well. We weren't keeping books, of course, but our pitching looked good and we had very few errors. Our batting was a little better than average. We have a lot of freshmen, some of whom have never played organized ball.. We scored in the lower 20's, however very few were earned runs. They scored 1, but in their defense they have a new coach and have lost several seniors.

...and brother was it was COLD!!!!!!
quote:
Originally posted by gamedayrocks:
Originally posted by Three Bagger:
quote:
14 year olds are afraid of failure and sometimes ease off when faced with unforeseen difficulty. At about 16 they start realizing the worth of a challenge and look at things a little differently. Please don't follow a rigid timeline as all cases aren't the same.


I think you're right. He's beginning to realize he's growing up and the "unforeseen" is scary. The timeline is great - I'm certainly NOT saying anything negative about it - but maybe it's not HIS timeline...

Thanks Three Bagger, and great to hear from you too!


I agree, the timeline is only a suggestion, not many may be ready, especially at 14.
What he's heard is right, college baseball, no matter what division is TOUGH. But IMO, he really doesn't have to think about that right now.
quote:
Originally posted by Coach_May:
Maybe he is not ready for it to be a grind? Maybe he is not ready to start worrying about timelines , recruiting , showcaseing , etc etc? Maybe he is moving into a new phase in his life and he wants to experience some other things? Maybe he is feeling pressure or has felt pressure to do certain things and he just wants to be a hs student and play some ball without all the extras?

I would back off and just let him be a 14 year old kid. Let him find his own way right now. Let it just be a game right now. As he gets older and he sees the end of the hs years approaching if he wants to move on in the game he will figure it all out. Every kid is not wired the same. If you back off and let him sort things out he will. And if he is a good kid who is doing good in school your very lucky. He will be fine. Some kids are just not ready to start preparing for college baseball when they are 14 years old. Let him enjoy hs and hs baseball without all the other stuff loaded on his back. JMHO


This rings true.
quote:
Originally posted by TPM:

When son was a freshman we began getting invites to camps, showcases, to play on good travel teams in tournaments, but mine wasn't really interested, he said he had plenty of time. So we threw out the timeline and let him do what he wanted.
Without getting into details of what he did and didn't do, he managed to play D1 ball and get drafted, so it's not so much where you begin but where you end up.
Follow his lead, it's normal for young HS players to feel this way, either way things will work out, he just may need some time off right now. And if he decides to end it, that is something that you will have to accept.
Good luck.


It's good to hear from folks who have been there - and back. You obviously made the right decision. J. doesn't want to quit the hs team, he just wants time off from the summer thing. He pitched well tonight and you could tell he enjoyed it. He was fist bumping the other players on the field, smiling between batters, etc. I think I was just pushing too hard for the freshman year summer thing. Too much, too hard - a little overwhelming. OVERWHELMED - I think that's exactly where he is!!!
Gameday - I'm not an oldtimer but I have three sons that play baseball. You've received some great advise. I'll share a little from my personal experience that might be helpful.

You and your spouse know your kid better than anyone. Like clockwork, each of my kids, at age 14, began to question how much they wanted to put into baseball. Hormones and everything else about being 14 was a part of how they were looking at it. For two of them we felt it was more the anxiety of suddenly competing against kids 3 and 4 years older.

We supported each one differently. For one, we made him go to a tryout for an elite team. He complained and complained but on Saturday morning he had on his uniform before I even got out of bed. He continued to complained on the drive there that we 'made him go to the tryouts'. We knew he just needed a push. He is now playing D1 ball and he will tell now that he is glad we pushed him. He really enjoyed playing with those elite teams.

My middle son was different. Nothing about his daily routine indicated he wanted to work at baseball much, and we had no indications it was anxiety. So, we let him drop back on the intensity.

My youngest son is just a few years away from that phase. We pushed a little because we felt he just needed a little help getting over the nervousness and anxiety of try-outs. Up until 14 he never had to go to a real try-out. Coaches were always lining up to get him on their team. So, we put him in a few try-out/showcase situations and he quickly got over that phase once he saw how much fun it could be to play with a group of kids as good or better than he was.

Good luck in whatever you decide to do. Supporting your son doesn't always mean that you let them make the decision.
gamedayrocks,

You seem to be a lot like many other parents who care deeply about their children. Only you appear to be much smarter and have a much better attitude than most.

It's kind of neat following this thread and seeing the way you have responded to some good suggestions from others. My guess is that you will find your own answers. In the meantime I think you have earned the respect of those around here.

Best of luck to you and your family. Your son is very lucky to have a mom like you!
quote:
Originally posted by PGStaff:
gamedayrocks,

You seem to be a lot like many other parents who care deeply about their children. Only you appear to be much smarter and have a much better attitude than most.

It's kind of neat following this thread and seeing the way you have responded to some good suggestions from others. My guess is that you will find your own answers. In the meantime I think you have earned the respect of those around here.

Best of luck to you and your family. Your son is very lucky to have a mom like you!


Wow. Thank you so much, that means a lot to me! - I doubt my parenting skills OFTEN. But I do have faith...
quote:
Originally posted by Prime9:
The hardest thing a loving, baseball parent will ever have to do .. is what you NEED to do here! Be there to support him, make sure he understands both sides of this consideration ....... then tell him" that it's his decision and you will support him either way!"


Listen to Prime9 and many of the others...

I know that he has plenty of time to "be seen". Being seen does not matter if he doesn't want to be.

We have a 2011 that has always had talent where he never really had to work at it...over the course of the last year, he decided where his ultimate goal was and got QUITE serious about achieving it. He has already started getting the recognition and I'm sure he'll have a place somewhere...that's the journey over the next year or so...

We have a 14 year old (8th grade) too and he has as much or more talent as his older brother...He also had the fall season from h***...coaches played favorites and basically only cared about kids who's future was at a specific HS.

Same team with a number of player changes (for the better) and new coaches, but he's still not enjoying it and told us he wants to quit to try another sport. We discussed and he kept working inside during the winter, but a week or two ago, he told us he wants to quit to try another sport this spring. We supported his decision - definitely wasn't easy for us, but HE e-mailed the coach about his decision and thanked him for the opportunity. Coach sent him back a wonderful e-mail welcoming him back to any team he coached in the future.

Both my wife and I are hopeful that he'll decide to go back into baseball before his freshman year, but it is HIS path and not ours...Our job is to help and guide him, but not to decide...

The way I look at it, I want him to be successful in his life - I may want him to be a pro baseball or football player, a doctor or a lawyer or a "whatever", but that really doesn't matter if it isn't what he wants. He MIGHT be successful doing it, but would he be happy? The reality is it doesn't matter (within reason) what he does as long as he finds what works for him...
I AM an old-timer! But, I will NOT weigh in!
Not unless your scale stops at 225?

Seriously, you have gotten some fantastic advice!

First of all, is it possible that he has been playing for YOUR approval?
Maybe he needs to play for HIS approval?

He's at an age where he wants to be somebody! On his own!
He's also going through some stage of puberty and his brain is mush! Confused I'll bet he sleeps more lately, too!

My 2 boys both started showing a lot more independence at about the same age. Mom and Dad were the "establishment" as we used to call it in the 60's.
Anything that is the Parents idea must be a control thing?

He needs to see the benefit for HIM!

Help him find it!

If that doesn't happen, let him find the thing that WILL benefit him and his goals.

Find out who he really admires. Who is his role-model?

He is lucky to have 2 caring parents.

Trust me, it will work out.

Regarding timelines: Don't worry about it. There is no timeline that's right for every kid!
Last edited by gitnby
quote:
gamedayrocks,

You seem to be a lot like many other parents who care deeply about their children. Only you appear to be much smarter and have a much better attitude than most.

It's kind of neat following this thread and seeing the way you have responded to some good suggestions from others. My guess is that you will find your own answers. In the meantime I think you have earned the respect of those around here.





I have said it once and I am saying it again, you come on here and ask for advice, you listen and you dont defend yourself all the time.Your willing to look at the situation and see how YOU might improve it.As I said to you once before I like your posts.

You sound like a mom, just like me and others.It is hard when you see potential,its normal for us moms to want our sons to be the best they can be.

But the comment about D1 being hard is true.It is a lot of work.My son is a soph. in his first year at a 4 year school playing baseball.It is not an exaggeration.You have to love it.

I remember Coach may saying you better love it on a thread one time.It is true. Let him have his space this summer.We just did local tourneys on the weekends after frosh year.Dont push the whole showcase stuff yet.Absolutely not neccessary. Good luck your doing great.

If you ever need to cry send me a PM.
Everyone is different in the way they parent and every players is different in the way they respond to parenting so there is no cookie cutter approach to this.
I was faced with the same situation as you (more than once).Here's OUR situation and the way he and I "worked this out":

My son was a KID and I was an ADULT -- to me that alone established much of the ground rules we played under. Understand too that as he matured over the years things did change from him being a kid as he grew into a man.

He was a very good baseball player and enjoyed the game but as challenges increased with the advent of a higher level of play there was a hesitation on his part to accept those challenges. The old fight or flight biological response to challenges affects us all. This primarily factored in during his 8-13 age span. I had to reassure him that he was more than capable of holding his own as he moved up in competition. I was his confidence builder and explained the rewards if he accepted the new challenge. He fit in at all levels and his confidence grew as a baseball player. Those "confidence concerned" he had waned about the time he established himself as a good high school player....BUT... As he became a teenager, options surfaced that didn't "mix" real well with his competitive baseball. Football, cars, girls, job, active social life all require a lot of time --- and most require money. I supported those things financially that I felt were in his best interest and resisted supporting those things that weren't. Wink
I come from the school that if you give your children a free line and an adequate "allowance" they will quickly run out of line and money going in the wrong direction.
Anyway it all worked out for my son with a very rewarding college baseball experience, a few years bouncing around coast to coast playing pro ball, graduating from college and getting married. Yes, there were times we disagreed over the years but could always find common ground. Today he thanks me for my support and guidance during those uncertain times. Two major things that motivated me to do what I did.
#1. I saw it as my responsibility as a parent.
#2. I knew it was in his best interest.
Fungo
I forgot that I had responded earlier to this post ---- sorry, comes with being a real OLD timer. Big Grin
Last edited by Fungo
Fungo,
Great post. We've followed your son's career since we first started reading about him in high school. Sounds like he has had the best of both worlds. It's probably every little leaguer's(that spelling doesn't look right) dream to play pro ball as your son did.
Our son's HS career is just about finished. He is set to continue playing in college so I've really been reading posts like yours with an eye to get all the insight I can into how to best encourage him without making it all about what we want and being sure to keep it all about him. Thanks for helping.
quote:
Originally posted by Fungo:
The old fight or flight biological response to challenges affects us all...#1. I saw it as my responsibility as a parent.
#2. I knew it was in his best interest.
Fungo


Fungo,

That's hitting the nail on the head! "Fight or flight," - a decision we all have to make many times throughout life. I hope that we as parents handle this well enough that J. comes away with a presidence (sp?) for handling these "F or F" situations in the future!

Thank you!
quote:


I have said it once and I am saying it again, you come on here and ask for advice, you listen and you dont defend yourself all the time.Your willing to look at the situation and see how YOU might improve it.As I said to you once before I like your posts.

If you ever need to cry send me a PM.


The advice on this site is pretty much priceless. Anyone with any desire to learn more about the game and the process of being successful in the game should appreciate this website. I'm just thankful I discovered it!

Thanks for the PM offer - I may take you up on that!!
quote:
Originally posted by PGStaff:
gamedayrocks,

You seem to be a lot like many other parents who care deeply about their children. Only you appear to be much smarter and have a much better attitude than most.

It's kind of neat following this thread and seeing the way you have responded to some good suggestions from others. My guess is that you will find your own answers. In the meantime I think you have earned the respect of those around here.

Best of luck to you and your family. Your son is very lucky to have a mom like you!


I agree with PG. IMO, it's refreshing to have a parent come here with a dilemma and not get into their players skill level, or how the parent thinks their player is deserving of opportunities because of what they did previously to HS, or stats as a LL player, etc. It's not too often that parents will admit that they are pushing too many buttons too quickly either and they have to take a step back. Anyway, you get the picture.

Every kid needs motivation, every kid needs a push, but the important thing is to realize when to do that and when to step back. That's the key.

There is nothing wrong with a player entering HS and just interested, for that moment, of what is directly in front of him, not what he should or should not do 6 months from now or two years from now. Like someone suggested, you know your son better than anyone and let that be your guide as to handle the situation, as he grows and matures you might even find things that motivate him that you might not think will. If some of you knew my player in HS, you would think that the last thing he cared about was his bb future, though all the while he carried that dream to himself and found his own motivation as he grew up.
Enjoy the upcoming HS baseball season, that most important, before you know it, it will be over. Everything will fall into place, you'll see, he's young, he doesn't HAVE to do all those things until he wants to. Smile
...just an update

Thanks to all the advice I've received on this forum, I have SINCERELY made an effort to change my outlook and approach with son. We had a "sit down" and I told him I was sorry if I'd been pushing too hard and that I was going to back off and let him enjoy his freshman year and that when HE is ready to press on to the next level, I'd be there to help in any way I could.

I've not been attending practices like I used to. I've not been questioning him after every bullpen session. I've not been offering my "suggestions" about improving his swing. This is VERY DIFFICULT for me, but I have honestly had to let go!

And it's AMAZING what is happening! Last night Coach called and said son had made varsity as a pitcher. In a previous discussion with Coach, Dad and I had expressed our very humble opinion that for son to be on JV and maybe get a little more time on the mound might be just the thing he needs. However, Coach's decision is final and the fact that he has the team's best interest at heart, not just one player, is something to be expected. But he did tell us last night that son will play both ways. For instance, his first game he will suit on on JV, play, then change and suit up for varsity.

Coach says son is working hard, looks at ease on the mound and has a great attitude. All that, and I didn't have to say or do A THING! Except change my "nagging" habits.

Lessoned learned, gentlemen. You were right - again.
quote:
Lessoned learned, gentlemen. You were right - again.


Just wanted to make the point that I believe I may have learned from you, in the way you have so graciously and humbly addressed this situation. That we "old dogs" can learn new tricks, we don't always do what is right, and MOST IMPORTANTLY, we should all learn how to admit when we may have mishandled something and say " I was wrong."


Your are a very in-tune MOM!
Last edited by Prime9
originally posted by prime9

Your are a very in-tune MOM!

_______________
The sad fact is I haven't always been. I failed my older son in this area. In the back of my mind, I knew I was pushing him too hard but I just wouldn't face it. I kid you not, and I've said it more than once, but this website is an eye-opener. Why re-invent the wheel? Just read through these threads and grasp what's going on and learn from it! Players, scouts, coaches and parents have been through all kinds of situations (some I hope I never experience!) and they're all valuable lessons a person can learn, right here.

I also like reading how some folks "vent." I get a good chuckle sometimes. In a lot of instances I can relate because I have SO BEEN THERE!

And thank you, Prime9, for the compliment!!
Last edited by gamedayrocks

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