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Old Timers, Please Weigh In!

G gamedayrocks10+ posts
I need your advice!!!! And I'm probably not the only parent in this situation, so I dare say "we" need your advice!

The situation is this: My son has played baseball since he was 4 (he has a June 1 birthdate) and select ball since he was 8. He's a RHP/1B - but that's beside the point. Everything has come easily for him - he's never really had to work hard to "make the cut", get the out, whatever. The same is true academically. Texas has a TAKS test we take every year to determine how a student is progressing. He's scored 100 on several of those test and missed either one or two on the others. So, he is capable. Now he's a Freshman in High School and he's having a reality check. Even though he's 6'2" and 200 lbs, so are a lot of other high school boys. Things don't come so easily, and he's having to work (they way I see it.)

Last night, his dad and I sat him down to talk to him about his baseball future. I have read alot of your conversations on these forums, and I've printed out the the HSBBW Timeline and have made a plan for Jordan accordingly - a PG level summer team and a camp at UTA this summer to begin with. We told him that we were ready to invest in this summer's season, but wanted to make sure he was willing to make a commitment to be the best he can. He stated "I'm not sure anymore if this is what I want to do." This is a kid who has wanted to "live" at the baseball field since he first stepped foot on one. His dad thinks that if Jordan isn't committed, then we shouldn't spend the money -of which we don't have any to waste! I can understand this reasoning, but I'm wondering what the heck we're doing letting a 14 year old determine his future!

His brother's best friend is playing for a D1 school and he told Jordan a couple of weeks ago that it's HARD! He said he has to play ball 6 days a week, doesn't get to come home and see his friends, etc. Now Jordan isn't sure.

My question to you:

Do I let it go? According to the timeline, we have to make a decision quickly. He feels I'm pressuring him. Do I let off, or should he feel pressure? (Life's full of pressure.)

Your opinions, PLEASE!!!
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justbaseballjustbaseball10,000+ posts
All I will say (for the moment)...as the parent of 6 kids...this question (in various forms...i.e. not always baseball related) comes up over and over. I haven't figured out the "right" answer yet. Might depend on the kid him/herself.

This is one of THE toughest questions to answer in parenting..."Do I? Or don't I?...put pressure on my kid to do what I believe is in his/her best interests...that I don't believe they are seeing at this point in time?"
Last edited by justbaseball
ILVBBILVBB1,000+ posts
My kids are in college now; so what I am saying comes from what we say at that age.

It was not uncommon for kids that played ball to start falling by the wayside about age 14. The reasons varied; some it was a social thing, some it was girls, others picked up new sports.

At age 14 my son wanted to play on as many teams as possible. Yet that was my guy; each kiddo is different and you as his parents will know him best.

My one set of advice, is don't worry about the future and the level of play. At age 14 it should be fun; competition, skills and your son will dictate what his future holds for him in baseball.

As a good student; if he maintains his focus he will have all kinds of opportunities in college, with or without baseball. As for now; it should be fun, if that means staying close to home, playing with friends, that is OK. Listen to your son, you will know what he "really means" to say.
G gamedayrocks10+ posts
Originally posted by justbaseball:
All I will say (for the moment)...as the parent of 6 kids...this question (in various forms...i.e. not always baseball related) comes up over and over. I haven't figured out the "right" answer yet. Might depend on the kid him/herself.

quote:
This is one of THE toughest questions to answer in parenting..."Do I? Or don't I?...put pressure on my kid to do what I believe is in his/her best interests...that I don't believe they are seeing at this point in time?"


justbaseball,

You understand exactly where I'm coming from!
ClevelandDadClevelandDadHSBBWeb Administrator
IMHO, you force your will on him, you risk losing him forever with respect to baseball. Since he is only a freshman, it feels to me like you are over reacting (by a lot) regardless of what some timeline says. Each kid will have to develop his own timeline. IMHO, I would back off and forgo spending the big money for now. Let him know that and say that if he reaquires his desire, that the financial support will be there for him at that time. Re-approach this discussion in the spring of his junior year as it might be clear to him what his passions are.

The love for baseball has to come from within. The funnest part of the game is playing it. Working at things is not as fun for many players. That is his call however and cannot be forced on him "for his own good" or otherwise. Do not let what other people post here dictate what is best for your son. Each kid is unique and may require a different plan than what is posted here.
RJMRJMHSBaseballWeb member since 2007
My first advice is now that your son is in high school don't use this line anymore .... "My son has played baseball since he was 4 (he has a June 1 birthdate) and select ball since he was 8." ... It makes coaches and parents roll their eyes. Coaches only care about now. Most parents have kids who have played a long time. Preteen select ball isn't all that select.

I agree with dad if your son isn't committed you shouldn't waste the money. You're not falling behind in the recruiting process at fourteen years old. He's not going to be recruited off a team that's not a 17U/18U team.

Your son has to want baseball. You can't want it for him. My son went through some burnout last fall. I didn't see the effort. I cut him off. I told him if he wanted to do fall camps he needed to pay me $50 for each one. He had to get a job. I found out how committed he was by making him invest. He found out deep down how badly he wanted baseball when I pulled the rug out from under him rather than pushing him. He snapped out of his malaise quickly. He's back on track.

If we were talking about academics I'd say parents should hound their kids to their best effort. Sports are an extracurricular activity. The sports future is up to the kid. Never force a kid to play. He'll hate it. All I've asked of my kids in return for my financial investment in their sports is 100% effort. If not, the bank is closed.

If a kid isn't willing to do the hard work in high school ball, he won't have what it takes to survive college ball assuming he gets there. College ball isn't for everyone. There's nothing wrong with enjoying playing the game through high school.

(advice from dad of a college softball player and college baseball prospect)
G gamedayrocks10+ posts
Thank all of you so far for your input. I really am processing what you're telling me.

Jordan is the youngest of 4. The others had so much potential and the eldest (22) still hasn't determined what she wants to do. For now, she's a medic in the military, but can't decide if she wants to be a nurse or not, or what, so therefore only has 1 year of college behind her. Other's her age graduated college last year. We really didn't "push" any of the others, but Jordan seemed so passionate about the game. Now that he has opportunities, but is faced with hard work, it just seems he's taking the path of least resistance...

Ya'll keep talking to me - I'm listening!
floridafanfloridafan5,000+ posts
This is probably a result of "Burn Out". You state that he has been in "Select Travel Ball" since he was 8! This is a lot of pressure and concomitant (sorry) Along With that there is a very high level of expectation.

Fortunately for you and your son he is 14 and not 17. I would throttle way back this year until he chooses to ramp it up again. Play the HS season and let him enjoy it and have fun. Let him work through this with your love and support. If he continues, he continues. I would encourage him to keep playing with his HS. But anything else should be his decision alone.

He has plenty of time from a recruiting standpoint, let him take some pressure off.
Last edited by floridafan
D dominick100+ posts
People change.

Obviously a personal decision, but you asked. I would bag the idea of any travel team and maybe even summer team, unless coach requires it, or it is local, low key summer ball. I would also scrap any showcases. I would encourage him to keep playing HS ball to keep him in the game, and see what develops. If I read your post right, he is 14. The only critical year is junior year HS.

Good luck
bballmanbballman10,000+ posts
I am going through this now with my younger son and football. He is 14, in 8th grade. Played football since 5th grade. I have looked forward to him playing in HS. Well, the schedule came out for summer workouts and they are scheduled to work out Mon. - Thurs. from 5-7. When he saw that, he said forget it, I'm not going to play football.

He is way more social than my older son playing baseball. He has tournaments scheduled every weekend over the summer and is looking forward to it. My feeling is that I don't really want to push him to do it at this point. If he gets forced to do something he doesn't really want to do, he won't be happy and will wind up quitting at some point any way. For now I will let it go and let him decide if he wants to come back and do it.

I heard an interview with Jeff Franceour (of the Braves and now Mets) a little while back. I forget how old he was, but I think it was just before HS, he quit baseball for a year. Just got burned out on it. I am assuming his parents didn't like it, but let him do it. He came back after that with renewed interest and is playing in the MLB.

There is plenty of time for your son to make the showcase rounds. Doesn't sound like he wants to quit baseball, he just doesn't want to commit his life to it at this point. I personally wouldn't push it. Let him decide when he wants to pursue it. Let him play HS, but I wouldn't commit all your financial resources on it yet. When he is ready, let him go for it. JMHO.
rz1rz15,000+ posts
Dreams take a lifetime to build and reactions can happen at the blink of an eye. You never want to look back ten years from now and ask yourself "what happened?"

I would sit down with Jr and in the "dad/friend" mode and try to explain that above thought. Remember that he's probably never been in situation where a decision of this magnitude has come forward. Let him know that you will support this decision but will not be responsible for it.


As for the Brothers D1 friend.....Not only do teens have a penchant for over dramatization, an older kids idea of "hard" may look like an unclimbable peak to a 14 year old. If the same conversation was with Jr older brother, the D1 kid would probably say that its hard work but having the time of his life.
Last edited by rz1
G gamedayrocks10+ posts
This is EXCELLENT advice! I appreciate all of you so much!

It sounds like I need to back off and give him some breathing room. He is only 14. We'll just have fun this freshman season and see how he feels after that. We HAVE been going at baseball pretty heavily for the past few years...

You all have save a 14 year old from a lot of parental pressure.

Thank you!
P Prime91,000+ posts
The hardest thing a loving, baseball parent will ever have to do .. is what you NEED to do here! Be there to support him, make sure he understands both sides of this consideration ....... then tell him" that it's his decision and you will support him either way!"

If you push, he will likely stop for sure! It's kind of like telling your daughter you "can't stand her boyfriend." She's sure to hang on then. Stay NEUTRAL but supportive.

Good luck. I'm betting he will come around if he loves the game as much as you say. He just needs space. Looks as if he's getting pressure now (you just don't realize you are doing it).
TRhitTRhit10,000+ posts
I have been thru this even to the point that my youngest gave up sports at 16 years of age and he was excellent athlete---that was him---he went to college , got his degree and is now a teacher in Florida who is into fishing deep sea and HAPPY-----let the boy go--he is reaching the age where he can make his own decisions with some guidance
OnWabanaOnWabana100+ posts
Well, for the record, I am not a parent so my "2 cents worth" might only be worth one cent. But I would think that it's not a good thing if you let your kid quit something at the first sign of adversity. IMHO, I would think a parent would want to instill the work ethic and desire in their kid that makes them want to overcome adversity.

Just my one cent's worth Smile

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